Alone at last!

We are on a teeter-totter, when someone’s up the other is down.  Up and down, down and up!

Is it a fallacy that parents and children can be on the same page, to think alike and move alike and be one?  Where did I get that from and is it even possible?

Just the mechanics of getting along in the space is a task that requires skills in people and attitudes, knowing when to say when and when to remain silent, to forgo present moment happiness and instead focus on a long-term goal. 

I wonder in the ‘old days’ how this worked with many generations all living in one house?  Who was the master of that house?  The oldest?  How did it work or was there so much work, they all were too busy working to sit and wonder!

The home is the woman’s domain it is her castle, the place where she defines her space by who she is.  How am I defining my space, what is the energy of my castle?

What is the ultimate goal that I have?

A mother’s work is done when the space is empty.  It is my goal to get them all to leave!  Some how in my mind that made me a bad mother to want them all to leave, like a reluctant hostess eager for the last parting guest to clear the door!

It is not because I do not like them, I do, it is not because I do not love them, I do, it is because this is the job of a woman who has to complete her job of being a mom.

No wonder they feel that I am pressuring them, I am.  No wonder they feel that I will only be happy when they are all gone, and I will.  That segment of mothering 101 will be done.   My responsibility is over when they are on their own and living a separate life. No wonder there is separation anxiety, there should be.  I will be their mom but we have separate houses!

It can twist you up inside.  When a huge part of you is pushing while another part is pulling.  It seems that I cannot relax and make this space comfortable for them for then I fail as a mom, and they will take over my nest!

No wonder I am in such a state of flux, I either lose my nest or my kids.  And it seems so heartless to want the nest over the kid’s happiness, their peace and their joy.  Ultimately at the end my life’s mission is to have them in a nest of their own.

My love will follow them wherever it is they go, it is because I love them so, I make them go, not because I don’t.

With love in my heart, the long-term goal in my sights, I see once again a clear road ahead.

The empty nest, an empty nest but for the couple who started this all, my husband and I, alone at last!