I M Perfect lady

Worthy or Worthless, who gets to decide our worth? 

How do you tell if you are worthy or worthless, will people tell you the truth and if so which people?

 

Which truth matters more, that of the folks outside interacting with you or your sense of self?  What is a sense of self and where is this determined?

 

Is it our thoughts, our actions, our words, our feelings, just where is the value held?  Is there a value system in place where you get so many points for doing this good thing and then so many minuses for doing that?

 

What makes a ‘bad mark’ and then what constitutes a good one.  What has value and what is worthless, what was a lesson and for our wisdom and then what was just junk?

 

What in my life was all for naught and added up to zero on the worth scale?  Which part could I take out and call worthless?

 

Which part of me is no good?  Is there a portion that I could live without?

 

Who decides all of this?  Is there that ‘final judgment day?’

Is there a final report card where we will fall short of the mark and then what?  What happens if our value didn’t hold up?

 

The phrase, “two wrongs don’t make a right” so how do we right a wrong or do we live with wrongs forever?

 

Do many wrongs pile up and make us a worthless person?

If so, how do we then do ‘right’ to tear down the pile?

What is right and what is wrong?

 

I recall reading a while ago, that sin was when you missed the Mark. 

 

I was raised in a religion that really kept score, they had a worthy or a non-worthy scale and put the fear of God in you.

 

That religion told us there was this very judgmental God sitting up there calculating just how good you were and just how bad.  And they even had scales to weigh you and rules that would make you worthless.  In fact if you were human in a human body and living, you were pretty much doomed.

 

This religion along with the abuse of my father kept me in a state of worthlessness.

 

I feared God, for so much about me was wrong, I didn’t measure up to his wholeness that he needed and wanted of me.

 

As I sit here today I view myself with much different eyes.

I see my life experiences especially in the formative years and see how it was I grew.  There is no judgment there, just a knowing.

 

I see myself as “forgive her she knew not what she did.”

 

Einstein was right, “you can’t solve the problem at the same level it was created.”

 

I couldn’t solve my problems within that religion for that religion created many of them. 

 

I couldn’t solve my abuse staying with my father I had to leave. 

 

Learning to love had to be found away from those who loved me wrong.

 

I see now where I missed the mark many times, but I can also see why. 

 

Maybe worthiness comes with understanding or with empathy towards yourself, and when you can see clearly that you did the best you could given what you knew, you will find yourself worthy.

 

I see myself, as a work in progress, a life being experienced moment by moment, and the final project will be complete upon my death and not a moment before.

 

I get excited when I get to try and do something differently than I did before, when I get to try and be a different me.

 

Not a better me or not so good me, but a different me.

 

I am and will always be just me. 

 

So, is there such a thing as a worthless Me? 

 

Maybe we should throw away the words worthy or worthless along with that religion.

 

The me I am is because the road I traveled, not in spite of it.

 

I am worthy because I am me!

 

My body is worthy, it is a fabulous vehicle, my brain is worthy for it can rewire itself, my feelings are worthy for they show me reality, my eyes are worthy for they see all things, my ears are worthy in all they hear, my worthiness goes on and on, in fact I dare you to find one part of me that isn’t worthy of being me!

 

I am worthy of being Me!