I am Able to Respond.

In understanding another persons walk in life and having compassion for it, doesn’t mean they are allowed to walk all over you, due to their lack of growth if you will.

Just because my father was abused and went on to abuse, and I know this, doesn’t mean I have to have a relationship with him or allow him into my life.

In honoring who he is I am completely, 100% in agreement that he is not in his right mind, nor has he ever been healed from his own abuse.

Honoring his path and allowing him to continue to hurt me are two drastically different things.

Even in accepting who he is doesn’t mean that I accept bad behavior in my life.  Instead it means I accept who he is and that his CPU about love is completely messed up and that it would be harmful for me and others to be near him.

I accept that he hurts people.

I accept it and have put up healthy boundaries.

He is not allowed in my life.

I am honoring and completely understanding that he is out of control, so I need to be more in control of my home, my life and me, where he is concerned.

He has never, not once tried to contract me.  It hasn’t been a tough thing to do.  If there were to be a relationship, it would have had to been me making the effort.  I did not.

So, as my last post was recognizing the folks who are unable to stand out in the light of day as I am with not only my abuse but with my views on my old religion, I am honoring who they are. 

I am accepting that it is uncomfortable for them to be out.

In accepting that, I no longer have this driving desire to yank them out.

I accept that they want to talk anonymously.

And on my blog, if they want to comment, it is up to me to control the tone.  I get to have boundaries for folks who speak from the dark or not. 

They are free to hide and I am free to hide their comments. 

I sometimes fall back into my old habits of not allowing others to be themselves.  I forget to remember that free will runs both ways.  Sometimes I forget that giving them free will gives me free will.

My father is being himself, his best representation of a boy who was abuse and went on untreated.  In the dance of life, I would much rather be a victim than an abuser.

However, if I was an abuser, I would pray that someone would shut me down keep putting up hard boundaries to make it so difficult for me to reach the children.

We all have responsibilities for our human beings.

If I am harming others I need to know.

If others want to harm me, I need to know. 

I honor who you are and will act appropriately…that is being response able.

I am able to respond.