I M Perfect lady

I am calling my hungry child, "Lotta" and in doing so have created a space for me to see her wanting to have certain things.  In naming her, I am able to deal with her as you would a real child…and say no.

Not only that, once I understood that the cravings I had were not wants of my body, but that of a child's program, I had more control to supersede it.  She has wants that are childish and very surface.

In fact, knowing that I have this child-like appetite program wanting to take over my eating habits, allows me to recognize it as not being real.

Real meaning an actual body craving.  The cravings instead are from a program that has been running very long unchallenged.

Yesterday as food popped up, I challenged the request to eat and took the time to prepare foods as an adult would and not just grab and stuff in food as a child.

It is very interesting to me, that one part of me wants to eat poorly and another healthy…and by giving up to the impulses, I was feeding Lotta.

Feeding Lotta will have consequences I will have to pay attention to later…so I best pay attention the moment food is presented, by deciding who will be choosing the food that I will eat.

I am not sure how long this will go on and if this is the key I needed to get a better handle on my eating, but it seemed to work.  I eat less when Lotta doesn't eat…I eat with awareness, not just blindly and uncaring about the consequences.  

I now understand why the child doesn't care about the consequences, they disappear after being satiated…the child program's only purpose is to engorge itself.

Once I knew that the child's portion is only to come in and eat whatever it wants and then disappear, leaving me with the clean up or added pounds…it is in my best interest not to let it eat.

Starving Lotta is the way to shut down that long run program.

She may not go easily, but I am on to her and I know what she loves and how it leaves me feeling and the consequences to my body.

What was interesting in just that one day, is food lost its drama…excitement etc.  Instead it was a task…without the trappings of a party.  The party or exciting energy was all Lotta looking to have fun for a few moments in my life.

I can see food taking on a grown up energy.  Its hard to imagine letting a child run your nutrition program…but that is pretty much how its been.

It does seem insane to be taking back the food department from a child…that a child-like appetite and program has been feeding me.  And I wasn't able to wrestle it back from the child, for the child ate and disappeared.  You have to be aware prior to eating and eating…to keep the child at bay.

I am sure this scenario arises in any situation where we revert to child-like behaviors, where our adult self fails to arrive, to be responsible.

Perhaps this is what growing up is…to eliminate the programs we created as a child…or at least challenging them to see their consequences and how they fit into our intended future.

In order to stop the hungry child within me, I have to fill myself up…with love and awareness, for it is my gut instinct that says, "A child that is loved and seen will seek other means to fill themselves up."

My program began to keep me from feeling the feelings that were too big to feel, and it kept running unchecked.  I can now shut it down and by awareness and taking loving care of my body.