I M Perfect lady

Lost the Consequences.

Written by

bjukuri

in

The hardest part of being a mom for me is to be the consequence lady, to remember that I am in control, that I do have the ability to pull things away; instead of being the fish on the line, I can be the one holding the line.  When I lose control, I LOSE control of me.  

I am a slow learner, I will wiggle angrily on the line, feeling that I am being jerked and toyed with, before asking how I got here and when did I let go of the pole?

How did I allow my child to be in charge of me?  

When I feel out of control inside, most likely I have given up control of me.  I have slipped beneath the surface and am hanging on the line…wishing and hoping things would be different…a victim snagged.

Mothering has taught me to control myself, rather than try to control my kids. As soon as I believe that my child controls my temper, we are both lost. 

First I wrestled with reality and then I turned inside and tried to settle my anger, and then I realized, I can make a difference in my son's life by eliminating the perks he enjoys…making a consequence for his actions. 

As soon as I did this the world balanced out.

He is in charge of how he acts.

I am in charge of the consequence.

Empowerment replaced helplessness…by taking control of me…and releasing his behavior to him.

I knew as I rode around and around on the lawn mower, that I was the one who cared more.  And, the one who cares the least, has the most power.  First I tried not caring that he wasn't doing his work. That didn't work.

Then, I tried not caring about doing the mom thing, that didn't work.

Then it dawned on me to not care if he had privileges..that worked.

I can't care more about his life then him.

And I learned when I am out of control… I have lost the consequences.

Comments

2 responses to “Lost the Consequences.”

  1. Ann Sandberg Avatar
    Ann Sandberg

    Have you thought about writing a parenting book? What a great insight.
    I’m sure Eli wishes you had not had this jolt of insight!
    My brother-in-law just returned from Kenya and filming schools there and the transfer of old equipment from the U.S. (an ambulance and a fire truck) to villages so poor they were delighted to have our cast offs. Then, he returned to the land of his lady friend and her senior in high school twins. She asked Lee if he thought dropping her twins into one of the villages for just a month would make a difference in their outlook on life (they are being quite self-centered right now.) Lee did not think so but I think it would make a huge difference because a month is a long time when you are being quickly and seriously re-educated!

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  2. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Thanks Ann. I love it when I am able to solve problems by changing me. Totally easy compared to changing someone else. Well, perhaps not easy, but it can be done. Now, changing someone else, not possible.
    I agree, dropping the boys off in the middle of Africa would change them completely. My son would love it, for he has always been interested in animals…the ones they have there would grab his attention.

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