On the First Date.

Thirty years ago I went on a date with a man I had been talking to on the phone for about 6 months.  We came from two different lives and I was unsure yet very attracted.  It was going against all I believed towards all that was unknown.

He and I both knew we were an unlikely match.  My strict religion and very conforming lifestyle…didn't allow for most of the things he enjoyed.   

Early on, we both put aside our differences and found what connected us was our differences…The differences made us look deeply at who we were and why.

I was on the extreme end of the cult religion and he on the wild free side of being his own man; no keeper stood between him and life.

He was and is, extremely allowing of others to be themselves.  He has never tried to make me do anything I didn't feel comfortable with and oftentimes, I had to dig deep to find a personal belief beneath the teachings of the church and it was there I was able to meet him.

In the past 7 years our relationship withstood a life change within me and it was his example that led me forward.  When my cult and family lay in ruins, I was then asked to define a self free of them…and I did.  He allowed these changes to happen even while afraid for what it would eventually mean for our relationship.

What I believe made all the difference in the world, is that we have been and are still today, two separate individuals…who stand alone. Even when I stood alone as part of a cult, he honored what I honored.  And I never, not once, tried to convince him to come my way…to believe like me.

This freedom and unbound space we relate in is the free space called love.

We didn't know if my life changes would completely wreck our relationship and we were both willing to see how it would end. We both had to be willing to let our relationship die, in order for it to live.

My life changes took me out of my religion, out of most of my relationships with family…as I changed the pattern I was raised in.  I had a wide berth of freedom to transform.  Neither of us knew the outcome, but we both put my wellness above the relationship.

My total life went under a complete make over and in the end, our relationship is still standing strong.  It is different.  I am different.  We are both still two individuals doing what we love and where our passion lies. Neither of us are interested in changing the other.

But, to be honest, a time or two I believed he would have to change OR we would have to get a divorce. Only to find out, it was my mind, my list of things he needed to do for my peace.  Once I understood that my peace and my joy and my love was my business, not his.  I was able to become a whole being on my own.

The greatest gift our relationship has given me is the freedom to be me.

I love my husband more today, than I did 30 years ago…on the first date!