I M Perfect lady

As I witness a mother try to exit an abusive marriage, keep her children from her abusive husband, the general theme seems to be, Prove It. Show us beyond a reasonable doubt that things are not pleasant. 

The burden of proving is hers.  The abuser doesn't have to lift a finger in his defense for the laws of the land and the agency policies are there to protect his innocence, repeatedly.

Not only is it her burden, she has to follow the guidelines already in place…she has to match this unmarked path perfectly and no one tells her what she needs to do, BUT are Crystal CLEAR about what SHE is doing wrong.  

She is not meeting the standards that the prosecution finds comfort in…the three victims to step forth did not do their job 'good enough' so…Nope, he will not bring this man into his courtroom.  Not good enough.

The Child Protective Services are not quite sure all the evidence of abuse IS A CLEAR picture of an abusive father….you need to bring more clearer evidence.

Do they not see what they are asking and what it means to be told repeatedly that what you see, what you hear and what you your self have experienced is not being accepted? 

They will not take a chance stepping on the toes, 'innocent toes' of the abuser, while they have no troubles what so ever to trample on the painful experiences of abuse when they say, "not good enough".  

It almost seems that they need to have a movie of the actual abuse taking place…and then, they would find a rule that would eliminate that as not being admissible for evidence.

It is like the mother is in this insane game….where she is unable to connect her voice, her evidence to the right agency or lawyer or law department that will then MOVE on this abuse.

What I see is her trying extremely hard going against the odds that are stacked in her abusive husbands favor…and no one will intervene.

No one will take the rope from her hands.  No one will step forth and say…"You have done your due diligence, we believe that he is the monster he is, we will make sure he never touches another soul."

This is what we all believe that the Law and Child PROTECTIVE Service agencies will do. But, they don't.

They don't move a muscle.  They just keep gathering more infor and then they say, nope not good enough.  We need this and we need that.

Do you know what the this and that is?

They need more evidence.  How do you get more evidence???

Oh yeah, that is right.  YOU LET the abuser have more visitation rights.  You wait for him to break into your home again.  You wait and you gather more evidence BY being a victim yet again.

Would one of the police officers, one of the 'child protective service' people and the prosecutor do what they are asking her to do?  Have any of them actually walked this steep mountain out of abuse?  Have any of them felt the powerlessness of abuse, ONLY to be powerless again to stop it?  Is it their child who has to return yet again to 'visit' his abuser. 

When abuse happens in the home, I am not sure what it will take to stop it.

Getting out means nothing.  Getting out means you now have the Law, Child Protective Services and the Court ALL WATCHING the abuse continue.

Who can stop this?

What is the answer?

If the mother refuses to 'let' her child go, she stands in contempt of the court. 

Imagine ALLOWING your child to be abused IS being in contempt of the court.

You would think that NOT ALLOWING your child to be abused is what a good mother would do….but, all the 'help' agencies, law and courts make you send your child back to your abusive husband.  They make you.

I am not certain if pockets of communities work this way, but it sure seems that our town does.  We have evidence of it doing just that.

When a nonabusive parent is not able to stop her child from being in the presence of his abuser…we cannot call our selves a civilized society.

We are a society that is not protecting the children.

We are a society that has made the climb out of abuse so steep and littered with red tape that it is not possible to exit.

Our society matches the insanity of the abuser…and what makes it worse, is that heads nod in agreement, but then they check their paperwork and shake their heads and drop their hands…muttering, "There is nothing we can do."

What I had thought was that the FALC was a huge hurdle, but it is only one of many.

What we need to find out is what is the perfect thing abused women NEED in order to climb the mountain in the shortest amount of time and that will enable her to keep her children safe….and then we need to share this information. We need to arm ourselves with what is needed to successfully exit abuse.

For now as it stands.  The abused are being kept in the dark. And it seems that most agencies are protecting the 'innocence' of the abuser and not the innocent child.

It weighs heavy upon me to see the lack of care, concern and movement to save a child.