More Worthy than me.

I noticed something about the "after the shopping trip" feeling that was different…especially a trip that was 80% purchases for me…and about 75% fluffy things, not necessities.

In the past, I typically had to 'have a reason' to buy what I buy or perhaps it is more like justification, making sure not to 'over indulge' myself…and this time, it carried a new energy.

My girls and I spent a day shopping.  I had a couple of things I needed, but mostly it was a girl get together day…us out with each other seeing new things and going to dinner…but, I kept tripping over great things for Me…and in the past, I would talk myself out of it and let them stay in the store. This time, if it was perfect for me, I bought it. 

I didn't go crazy, but I did indulge in things I LOVE…and I didn't have buyers remorse after.  I almost put a few items away for Christmas…."from Santa", but I couldn't decide what I didn't want now….so, I put them all into the 'for use now' flow of me.

I went into a store called "Teavana" for a cup of tea and came out with a cool tea steeper for loose tea and a canister of a great blend of tea. Who knew such a deal even existed. But, today I have had two great cups of that Tea and I Love my new loose tea maker!

I found wonderful leather gloves for delivering mail, expensive but wonderful smelling perfume, some lotions and potions for my face… a comfy robe for after work relaxing….a designer purse with butter soft leather….and things like that.

And, all I truly felt was delight for having them…for them being available for me…it was a mutal attraction…and I didn't resist.  Nothing inside of me was whispering "you don't need it" or stopping me from fully receiving.

I may have spent more than usual on me, but the bigger thing was I accepted and embraced fully my worthiness to receive.

The energy was about me loving the product…and the product didn't have a job to make me feel anything.  A secondary layer was missing.

Just me enjoying the new item.

There wasn't any pressure on the item from me…

The secondary energy feeling of needing it or needing the feeling of it….etc was not there.  What was there was pleasure in receiving….being able to fully appreciate ITS worth, not what it could do for me.

I am once again not sure If I can articulate the complete turn around feelings about a product, but the subtle energy was missing.

I just fully was able to own my purchases as gifts for me.

Even If I was the gift giver and the receiver.

There was a joy in finding the perfect gift to give myself.

I loved shopping for me, for I was such a good receiver.

When I read about the psychological meaning of blood clots, it said, "Closing down the flow of joy." 

I now know what it feels like to able to receive Joy…and own that I am worthy.

What else was unusual, is that a feeling of knowing would happen…a joy of seeing an item for me.  Where in the past I was seeking it, now it seemed the items were seeking me. Knowing I needed them before I did.

I was shopping all different.  I didn't have a direct route or a plan, but just a loose idea or was 'shopping'….too tired to plan or fight back….I just said yes.

I wasn't shopping out of need, but bring joy into me.

It wasn't about the item, but about the feelings of being worthy of saying yes…a slight variation in feelings, that changes the whole dynamic of shopping.

I think this will be my new way.  Go in and meander around waiting for the next perfect joy to find me.

When I watched the Ulta Sound machine as I breathed in or held my breath and how the blood flowed towards my heart or fell away.  I see this type of movement with joy.

This time shopping, joy reached my heart.

Joy being fully received.

Before the items were more worthy than me…