I M Perfect lady

I am reading, "Seeking Peace" by Mary Pipher…here is a section that I understood very well….

"I made another important decision: I was finished with the self-improvement projects I had launched my whole life. All of my goals to better myself had become gaols, prisons that kept me from accepting myself. My constant efforts to improve had been a form of self-aggression. Now I wanted to accept myself as I was. Psychologist Carl Rogers formulated what he called “the paradox of change,” which is that people can change only in an environment of utter acceptance and regard. I wanted to create a mental environment in which I viewed myself as someone who deserved to be understood and cherished, rather than criticized and improved. My goal was healing and self-reclamation."

"I spent hours petting my old Siamese cat, Woody. I bought myself fresh flowers and herbal teas. I made pozole and chicken curry. To cool down my agitated brain, I played solitaire and listened to classical music. Dressed in sweat pants, T-shirts and thick warm socks, I watched the snowfall and the winter birds."

"As weeks passed with this regimen of seclusion and self-care, I felt a small sense of relief. I was doing what my body and spirit wanted me to do. I had arrested the process of depletion, and slowly, very slowly, I was replenishing myself. I had always been a person who lived in my head and who viewed my body as a container for my busy mind. Now I had no choice but to pay attention to my body. My muscles were sore from stress. My heart raced and skipped beats. My adrenaline system  was pumping toxic chemicals into my system. I was as stricken with remorse and wound up as a trauma victim. The long-neglected territory of my body called out for kindness."

"For the first time in my life, I signed up for a yoga class at a nearby church. I approached my first session fearfully. I felt self-conscious about my body, and I was sure that I couldn’t do the exercises. I experienced the same kind of anxiety approaching yoga as I had on the playground in elementary school."

"However, yoga class was the opposite of the schoolyard in Beaver City. Quiet, gentle women welcomed me into a peaceful, highceilinged room. A wonderful teacher named Margaret reassured me that whatever I did would be fine. Slowly and carefully, she guided our group through relaxing movements. Thanks to her, I learned to notice where I was tense. She taught me to stretch and loosen muscles and to attend to my breathing and my posture, and she helped me make connections between a relaxed body and a relaxed mind."  Mary Pipher

I am enjoying this book, for in it she writes about a childhood, her adulthood and how she was the way she was, until she could no longer be that way…

I see how we as humans learn and grow from the home we were raised in and how its affect lead us into a life that may or may not be what our inner soul needs.

I too am no longer looking for self- improvement, but rather self acceptance. I am not running from my past, but learning from it.  There is a big difference…failing to learn from our past choices, leads us to repeat them.

Using nature to replenish or balance our inner energies, gives us space to look at our life for things that cause us stress and remove them.

I love these few sentences….for they resonate and reflect my path.

"As weeks passed with this regimen of seclusion and self-care, I felt a small sense of relief. I was doing what my body and spirit wanted me to do. I had arrested the process of depletion, and slowly, very slowly, I was replenishing myself!"  Mary Pipher

I had emptied myself by being a great co-dependent, and it took many years to replenish myself.