I M Perfect lady

More from Mary Pipher's book, "Seeking Peace"

"With crises, some people dig deeper into their entrenched identities and hide in the pup tent of their old beliefs. Many people simply numb themselves with television or self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. Some people blame all their pain on others and never examine their own role in creating problems. Other sufferers shrink their worlds into something small and manageable but actually quite false. People with eating disorders are an example of this narrowing of scope. The questions of the day boil down to simply “Have I gained weight?”

"For all people, regardless of the crisis, the cure is always growth.Looking back from the vantage point of five years, I understand that my winter of sorrow was a gift. As Parker Palmer said in an interview, “To move closer to God is to move closer to everything, both joy and sorrow, light and darkness.” We may experience post-traumatic stress reactions, but we are beginning a process of post-traumatic growth syndrome. Darkness and loss signal to us more clearly than anything else that it is time to expand our point of view."  

What I love was the grouping of words, "Post Traumatic Growth Syndrome". We often hear about PTSD, but now how it can be the catalyst for growing up, if you are willing to face the pain…to sit with the emotions and feelings.

And she further writes, "

"I was captivated by the concept of mindfulness, which is described as a bird whose wings are compassion and awareness. I realized that my tendency to avoid confronting unpleasant reality had to do with my lack of compassion for myself. I couldn’t afford to look too closely at events or I might see my own imperfections. When I did that, I punished myself mercilessly. Then again, if I could learn to accept myself in all situations, I could afford to see clearly. I could learn to be honest and gentle."

It is true, that when you can see the messy reality and not be afraid to see yourself as a mess and as dysfunctional as the dysfunction, you then can accept everything. I have found most people don't want to explore and examine the mess for they will see them selves in a light that is unattractive and very much imperfect.

But, you can't expect to look at a dysfunctional past and only see the positive aspects of yourself.  IT is in seeing where you lacked awareness, reason and clear insight, that you find the answers. 

She also wrote this…

"One of the saddest things about despair is our attempt to deny it. To move toward our pain requires us to buck a well-tuned system of defenses. We repress, somatize, rationalize and avoid our own despair. Too often we give our deepest pain orders to march off a cliff, forgetting that this pain is our psyche’s way of encouraging us to take it easy and offer ourselves some compassion." Mary

This I find is the first step….going toward the pain and letting our defenses down…and perhaps learning how to become compassionate to our wounds…instead of moving away, seeking 'only positive' aspects.

To accomplish running from the past and all your inherited dyfunctional traits will not lead to a positive life.  You simply can't just think away the past…you have to literally go down to the depths and not hide in the pup tents of your beliefs.  

It is the opposite of what your mind tells you.  It tells you that if you want a positive life, you have to steer wide and clear of all things negative and painful.  And, the opposite is true…you are just shrinking your world into something you can manage and calling it a 'positive life'.

Oddly, the more you explore and examine you and your heritage and experiences, the more your world expands and the more aware you are and a bigger vantage point are you looking upon your world.

Going into the pain is the doorway to a life filled with joy.