I M Perfect lady

What I didn't know was that I was unraveling as a narcissistic.  I was undoing all that wasn't real or the truth of who I was…I am so surprised I didn't know that I was a narcissistic person…when I was a narcisstic person.

I didn't know this, for the reflection never told me so.

No one ever told me who I was or how I was behaving, instead they told me what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to hear.

And actually, I was in a tribe of people all doing the same.  No one ever said the real truth to me, instead behind my back the spoke differently. 

As a person who relies on the reflection (people's opinions) it isn't helpful if the reflection says one thing to my face and another behind my back.

What some call kindness or keeping family together is really keeping the narcissistic cycle going. No one speaks the truth to each other, instead they groom and clean the reflection.

I have heard from various people the truth being spoken, but they also tell me that they will not say it to the person's face.  It is so interesting to see this now.

How, in an abusive…dysfunctional family, we all are cleaning each other's reflections with lies and omissions….to keep each other 'looking good'.

Families of Narcissistic doings.  

What is so odd or not so odd, is that all know the real truth of who each other is, but will not tell the person to their face.  Instead they will polish up the reflection so the person feels good about themselves.

I stopped wiping the looking glass….and said out loud, what other's whispered about.

I will no longer pander to their needs of looking a certain way or being someone….

I had to look up the word pander to see if I had that word right.  

Pander – "A pander is someone who provides what is required to meet the ambitions or vices of another."

Yes, I will no longer provide what is required to the reflection they want…and rather show them what is real.

I am continually shocked by how much pandering is going on to keep images alive…and how I thought it was because they didn't know the truth.  No, they know the truth, but they also know in order to be with that person they need to keep their image sparkling clean.

What also amazes me is EVEN IF THE TRUTH comes in, they will continue to shine the mirror…neglecting this new incoming information.

It seems that the more of a narcissistic you are, the more you indulge others and keep their mirrors clean with lies….and lies of omission.  And some call this relating or being in a relationship.  

Really?  A relationship with a false reflection.

It was horrifying and liberating to lose my self image as well as the false reflections I called mom and dad.  

Unraveling the narcissistic…was to uncover all the lies…about me and my relationships.

I guess the reason you need to be a narcissistic is that you are wanting to be someone different or to hide the truth about someone.  It is the life of believing in reflections…in words that don't reflect the truth.