At any Time!

I am hearing two different modes of "Moving On".  One is to move with the relationship and the other is to move on, by moving away from the relationship.

Both are moving on…yet one is to move on like nothing happened and the other is to move away because something did happen.

My mother told my brother that I was still mad about something that happened 8 years ago….indicating to him "Old News".  She has told me repeatedly to move on, to get over it and rally forth.  Like it is nothing.  Well, nothing to her. She is not on the receiving end of her bad behavior….which in my book makes all the difference in the world.

I did move on.  I moved away.

She would like me to move on within the relationship.  To slide over the lump of what she calls old news, to forge into a new and bright future. What she fails to realize, is that I have no desire to be with folks who want me to continually slide over their negative behaviors…and move on while not taking notice of their actions…to continue forward, like nothing happened.

Am I the only one who sees this 'moving on' as only beneficial to the abuser to the one doing the negative actions within the relationship?

Why am I seen as the one with the problem due to my not moving on like nothing happened, when it did?

My mother would tell you it is over.  It was over 8 years ago. He died a few months ago, it is over, it is old news….get over it and move on.  

It begs me to ask what would make her stop? What action would it take to get her out of a relationship?  

I believe she feels she is stronger for withstanding the blows that rained upon her while married to my father. Whether it was his infidelities or his abusing her daughters…what action would make her move out of a relationship.  And, I am the one with problems?

Old news…she sees my abuse, my sisters abuse, her granddaughters abuse as "old news".  Just move on.  

Really?

How?

And in what condition?

How do you forge ahead in a relationship with her knowing all it is to her is 'old news'?

I am amazed and affirmed by her quick brush aside of such a wide scope of abuse…in how it would be impossible to relate to her.

I see abuse as being very life changing, very soul shattering, not an easy wipe away and to move on from.

And, for the record…I have moved on.  

 I have moved away from people who so easily disregard the severity of abuse.  

I moved on from folks who continually support and be in relations with folks who do not take it seriously the affects of abuse.

It isn't so much their abilitiy to move on, but the fact that what they are sliding over are lives that have been sorely affected by abuse. That they are slipping aside actions of huge proportions.  

They see it as Moving On….and focusing on the good times and saving the happy memories and not 'wasting' today mired in yesterdays 'old news'.

What they fail to see is what they are not taking into account.  They over look the 'bad seed' like it is a blemish on the face, and not that it has the capabilities to continue to hurt others.

My mother overlooked and moved on each time my father 'sinned'.  And it didn't make him brighter, nicer or kinder, nor did it make her stronger or have more self value.  So, why in the world do so many follow her lead?

To me, there are two distinct moving on models…one will lead towards healing and wholeness and one will lead to further self abuse.

One is to remain in a relationship and one is to move out of the relationship.

Which one do you believe would have stopped my father from abusing her girls?

Which one would have led to a life filled with empowerment and self love?

All I can say, is my mother is a great teacher. She is teaching what happens when you move on within the relationship, overlooking the evil acts that pop up.  

I am teaching the other moving on.

You get to pick one, and you can change your mind at any time.