I M Perfect lady

In Sarah Ban Breathnach's book, "Simple Abundance" she writes about the daily practice of writing, to take the thoughts in your head and put them on paper, daily. To get rid of the continual repetitive chatter that goes around and around in your head…kicking up a mental storm of things that distract us.

And, to put that information down on paper, to empty out our heads….daily.

What I find, is that when a troubling idea comes in, it seems like it attracts a million other thoughts, shooting into my head like arrows, piercing my inner psyche.

By writing, I am able to place them in a spot that doesn't inflict others.

However, there are times I live first and write later.  There are times I write in live time and repent later.  And often, here on the blog, I am sorting out my life in writing.

Writing to me has many applications, and I do believe, the more I write, the less my mind has to play with…for it is taken out of my head and scribbled down and oddly contained in the paper.

It may be wiser, as a mother, to write for a few days, before reacting.  To just write my fears, my worries, my wondering, my frets down…and let them stew and steep together, letting wisdom rise to the top…and then speak from there.

Sarah writes, "Stressed souls reassuring rhythm of self-nurturing rituals. Sometimes, when I have a particularly thorny issue to resolve, I'll write two pages in the morning and come back in the evening to see if there isn't an answer that's forthcoming. Very frequently there is.  And until there is, at least there is relief and release."

I didn't see or take the time to notice, that this is actually true. That if you write, live the day and write again later on, you are much more rational and reasonable, and at the very least feel lighter for having gotten rid of the stressful thoughts.

They seem to be legitimized and organized, even if they fall out of you in a jumbled mess, they are at least laying down word for word…and not on an endless loop swirling in your brain.

My saving grace has been writing…my stumbling block, at least with my kids is that I write later, talk, holler, speak loudly, give them  a piece of my messy mind, and then write.  I will practice living life in reverse.  To try and not share the mess in my head, until the mess is filtered out and all that remains is wisdom.

I can see how my children have been able to witness this process…and perhaps will use it in reverse.  For, usually we learn what not to do.

I also believe, the more heightened and excited I am, the more troubling the situation appears to me, the more constraint I will need to exercise…for it is then that my arrows are laced with PTSD.  It is then, that more writing will be required to lessen and release and figure out a reasonable way forth.

I see how often my unsteady insides, expand or contract things unreasonably.  That if I write long enough, the truth will rise to the top. The words may change, the defenses may be the same, but beneath it all there is a constant steady stream of what is.

And, usually, I will know what is mine to change and what is not….what is mine to accept and surrender to it.  Often, what is the biggest problem is the ride from event into surrender…and to be released from responsibility and take with me, only what is mine to carry…the rest get left in the paper.