I M Perfect lady

"Life batters us whether we are rich or poor, public or private. The wound we suffer may be an open cut or a slow, silent hemorrhage of the soul."Sarah Ban Breathnach

I love the "silent hemorrhage of the soul"…it is how we all die while alive, where the essence of who we are slowly fades, by all the little choices we make that don't reflect our true feelings; each false action we part-take in, is letting of the soul.

It isn't that we sell our whole self all at once, but fragments of who we are slowly drain each time we keep silent our true feelings; we sell our souls lie by lie.

Usually, to spare the feelings of others.  We don't want to make them feel bad, but are way okay destroying our own inner peace…and by silencing our soul's truth, we talk and act in discord of how we feel.

"I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water."  Amy Tan

In the past few days, I have been in the presence of women from various walks of life and was struck by the jostling of inner voices and outer voices…

How snatches of soul speaking, mingling with old patterns jostle to be heard and expressed. I can sense confusion or the pulling and tugging of the tug-o-war between wanting to fit in and wanting to be free; and its cost.

There is a cost to the soul to follow and a greater cost to leave…and lead.

There is wanting to fit in and the need to stand out.

To be accepted for who you are while being different.

Ladies who are wanting to define themselves, while at the same time repeating patterns long set in place…due to not wanting to disappoint or step out of bounds of what is acceptable.

Living a life without a pattern is scary and free.

It is to be unchained, but undefined…to be in a spacious place of no rules, but without the comfort of numbers of like minded souls.  

It seems there are some differents that are unique and valued, while others are rejected and cast out.  

Why is that?  What makes it acceptable different and rejectable different?

Each segment of the population has its unwritten rules that will accept or reject others, depending upon their life choices…

Categories are usually classified of how many things you have in common, not in the things you are opposed to.

We continually pair off into likeness.

How will we stand out if we gravitate to the sameness?

How will stretch and grow if we continually stay safe in the environments and patterns of our parents?

I was pleased with myself to be myself with ladies whose patterns were so different than mine.  And I loved seeing and hearing their self expressions.

Our Self comes when we can be at peace with who we are, when we stop the bleeding of our souls to fit in, but rather bring our full self to all encounters, unabashedly…to stop dressing ourselves in order to fit in.

There is such peace in me to arrive as me…to not try to match who they are or to quiet my truth in their presence…instead feel completely at ease as me.

Not only at ease but happy, content, satisfied…whole.