I M Perfect lady

I had the opportunity to visit a woman who could easily be me…and I recalled Tom Rosemurgy's question about what anyone outside of my religion could have said or done to make me awaken or to realize how blind I was…how brainwashed.  I too wonder what it would take to make this women see life without the curtain of her religion.

I wondered IF there was anything I could have said to release her grip of fear about anything not sanctioned by her church.

It was so vastly interesting to hear her speak and how her language was defined by the churches beliefs and even more shocking to see the hide and seek between awareness and blindness.

How she would willingly show me her life, but then her awkward response to it…all heavy with the ropes of her faith.

The paradox between what would literally make a difference and what her faith dictates is so completely insane and yet she justifies it through the eyes of her church.

I am not certain I can even paint the picture of this but it showed me, me. 

How it literally is to know, but not know.

To fully believe in the power of forgiveness of sins, how reality comes in second each and every time, how self is held its prisoner under their free will. The subtle switching between fully being in reality and then quickly hiding behind the curtains of forgiveness of sins.

She showed me her abuser, and then showed me how the church addressed him and his deeds and how the victims were made to not only bless him, but ask him to bless them.  He and his actions were brought into the light from the shadows of secret silences of many, and then it was not to be spoke of.

It is this insidious now you see it and now you don't distortion of reality that slowly drives you insane, where your grip on reality is very weak…and your strength is with what is not even possible.

This is the first victim I have spoken to from the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church…and I left feeling overwhelmed by the information.  Not only the sheer numbers affected, but the way the church handles the pedophiles in their mix, and even more heavy the way good law abiding church members go along.

Without outside intervention this cloistered sexual abuse nest continues to infect themselves, generation by generation…held captive by the churches staunch belief that you can stop, eradicate or end behaviors that are immune to the forgiveness of sins.

While I can fully appreciate that this woman did her best, she failed remarkably…in exposing this man to the law of the land…instead they deal only with God's law…believing that they must forgive him and his actions…or they will go to Hell.

They fear hell while living in it.

It showed me the lack of progress within the church, the lack of safety for the children who live within the families of their members, inasmuch as I feel for those from the church I exited…

But, I can totally understand how the brainwashed are doing the best they can with the brains they live with.

You truly can't expect them to be clear minded.

Coming from whence she came, her past sexual abuse and her indoctrination into this religion, you simply can't expect anything more.

And that is the most frightening….they are inbreeding more and more blindness and more and more abuse.

Its cycle is unbroken due to lack of outside intervention.

Abuse thrives due to the blindness…the blindness continues due to the abuse.

I left asking myself what will it take to show them how insane their behavior is…when it is all they have ever known.

And to fear hell while living in hell, is actuall to fear Heaven while in Hell.

I mean how much more hellish can life get where you are within a community that does nothing to the men who have a long reign of abuse, where there are generations of children they have access to, and all you can do is bless them, that is your only option.

You are not allowed to venture to the police or go for help.

And, you are afraid of Hell???

That seems like a foreign land to me, thankfully so.  It seems like a completely insane Faith and a extremely hard lifestyle to live.

What will shatter their blindness, what will it take to arouse them out of their deep sleep, if little children being raped and fondled….is not enough. 

Honest, it blows my mind.  THEY know….but then cover it up….keep it within the confines of the church. Their preachers believe that they will go to jail if they don't deal with it….via the forgiveness of sins, of making it right. Little do they know, they all should be in jail for knowing and not bringing the man to the law.

And, to get the Hell Fearing folks to step out of their religion to help with this…well it seems completely impossible. For they fear hell awaits outside of their faith.

What is this Faith I want to scream. Faith in What?  Faith in believing you can flip reality? That you can make a pedophile not be one, by using words?  

I caught of glimpse of the insane landscape of brainwashed religion….a place I used to call home.