I M Perfect lady

The hardest part of living with the affects of childhood abuse, is that you have lived with a damaged mind, and have very little if any recollection of the Mind Before the Abuse.

For how can you know your mind isn't functioning properly…especially when the brain was damaged in your early childhood?

The very tool you have to use to see that which is broken, IS Broken.

I am not sure if this concept and how it complicates the healing process can be fully appreciated…for we are asking the sick of mind to use the sick mind in order to correct the problem…in the mind.

I would have thought that the biggest problem was to deal with my father and his sickness…what I had never considered was my own mind and then the minds of the rest of the family.

It wasn't as if only one sick man lived in our home, but we were all touched by this same affliction in our minds.

In fact, the hardest thing to deal with are the sick minds of family members who don't know they are sick in their minds.

This is the crux of the dysfunctional family…is that they are unaware of just how damaged their brains are.

And, the only way you can stop the damage from spreading is to work on correcting the damaged mind.  

But the damaged mind makes this very difficult…for it can't know it isn't normal or what normal is.

There is no way you can stop the spreading of abuse in homes, until your correct the brain.

A mother or father who doesn't get this concept; will spread their dysfunctional mind to their children affecting them like a computer virus.

The words she speaks, the way she interacts all come from the brain…and she is seeing the world through a broken and distorted mind.

There is no other explanation as to how a woman could continue to live with a man who abused her children, unless she was doing so with a broken mind.

The phrase, "who in their right mind, would do such a thing…" is often spoken, and little do you know how true this is.

For someone with a functional mind would not.

What I don't know is how you can inject a dose of clarity or truth into this confused mind, to make it see itself as so horribly confused.

They keep seeing themselves as being whole, healed and loving, while they are moving around broken.

This is the biggest hurdle in stopping abuse…to have the mind see that it is broken.

And it is one of the most horrifying and terrifying to acknowledge; that you and your mind are totally fucked up.  (excuse my French, but that is the only word that works)

The incident of the actual act of abuse is miniscule compared to the knowledge of how completely snowed your mind is. How there is very little right in your head.

How your interpetation of reality is completely wrong as well as who you are, where you came from and even where you are going.

It is to one day stand up in your life recognizing the enormity of what happens when your mind changes everything that is wrong to right and right to wrong.

I think we are all beginning to recognize that childhood abuse isn't about an event in the past, but it is about the state of your mind today.

How can you know if you are running with a broken mind?

I am not certain when you will discover this…for me, it took an event that totally flipped my world. It was to see in reality what my mind hadn't seen before.

A father turned into a pedophile…40 years after the actual event.  My mind hadn't recorded this…

However, once you see what your mind can hide and misconstrue, you will no longer have faith in your head…and begin to question everything it thought it knew.

It is to find out one day that the person you thought you were didn't exist at all, it was a figment of your imagination.

Hence the phrase I wrote…"I was lost and I was going to go and find myself, but I didn't know who I was or even that I was missing."

I had to right my messed up mind…and the process continues.

The only way this legacy and cycle of abuse can have such a long run, is that the mind which is damaged, goes along unknowingly.  Like a deaf and dumb passenger on the road to hell….believing it is love.