I M Perfect lady

"The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary is a 100% turnaround from what most parents have been doing.  It is a much needed change to bring resolution to the dysfunction that is bringing such pain to our children.

She writes.

"To shift to a more effective way of relating to our children, we must be willing to face and resolve issues in ourselves that stem from the way we were parented. Unless we invite such transformation, we will likely parent with a certain irreverence, unheeding of the cry of our children's spirit and blind to their wisdom.  Only to the degree we as parents are attuned to our own being will we know how to help our children attune themselves to their unique essence."

"For this reason, to parent consciously requires us to undergo personal transformation.  In fact, it's my experience that the relationship between parent and child exists for the primary purpose of the parent's transformation and only secondarily for the raising of the child."

"When I point out to parents the ways in which they need to undergo transformation, I frequently meet with resistance. "Why us?" they retort, puzzled that I would suggest they need to change. When I explain that the only way their children will alter their behavior is if they as parents become more conscious, they tend to be dissappointed, unable to accept that the focus needs to be on changing their own mindset rather than on their children.  I find that many parents are afraid of opening themselves to the unknown in the way that shifting from unconscious to conscious requires. This path isn't for the faint-hearted, but for those courageous souls who wish to experience kinship with their children.  Our children come to us so we may recognize our psychic wounds and call up the courage to transcend the limitations these wounds placed upon us. As we uncover the ways in which our past drives us, we gradually become capable of parenting consciously. Until then, try as we may to bring awareness to the way we parent, unconsciousness seeps into our interactions with our children at the least provocation."

"I want to stress that there's no point wishing your unconsciousness didn't exist. Rather, understanding the ramifications of unconsciousness and become aware of its consequences can motivate a person to embark on the penetrating self-examination that's required to become an effective parent."

"In this your children are your allies, as they repeatedly mirror aspects of your unconsciousness, affording you the opportunity after opportunity to awaken from slumber. Because children deserve parents who are conscious, don't we owe it to them to allow ourselves to be transformed by them at least as much as we seek to transform them?"

"While the precise details of the transformation we must each undergo are unique to us as individuals, the nature of this transformation is in many ways universal.  Hence a conscious approach to parenting urges parents to address issues that are the hallmarks of consciousness, such as:

"Am I allowing myself to be led toward greater spiritual awakening through my relationship with my children?"

"How can I parent my children with an awareness of what they truly need from me, and thus become the parent they deserve to have?"

"How can I rise above my own fear of change and transform myself to meet the requirement of my child's spirit?"

"Dare I go against the stream and parent from a place where the inner life is valued more than the external?" 

"Do I recognize every aspect of my parenting as a call to my higher evolution?"

"Am I able to perceive my relationship with my children as a sacred relationship?"

                                    Dr. Shefali

What I know now, that I didn't know when I became a mother, is that our children are indeed here to transform us.  And, each time I felt out of control with my children, it was the whirlwind of my transformation blowing.

It was a moment, that I knew I was going to have some intense soul searching to do.

Once you encounter, or come face to face with your own lack in the midst of a confrontation, it is brilliant in its design.

It literally can change you into knowing the trouble lies with you. 

I so hope that many parents will embrace this concept and see how incredible it is to  'fix' yourself in the midst of great angst with your children.  

The power of control is then grasped, for it is only you that you have to change…you are free from having to change your child.

There are so many gifts in parenting this way.  The first being you can see the innocence of your children and how precious they are.  If you are trying to 'fix' them, you are not accepting them as they are.

To me, my inner transformation was to love… by letting my children be free. To be free to be who they are. Nothing needed to be fixed or changed.  And, as soon as I thought there was, it was a change that I needed to make about me.

All the fixing and transforming was done in me.

My children were spot on in knowing where I was off.

Always.

I would not be the person I am today, had my children not pushed all my buttons.

They literally went into every place I was broken or wounded or in pain or insecure.

Pointing out to me where I was off.

If parents could get this…our world would be completely healed.  Fix the parents and leave the innocent children in peace!