I M Perfect lady

I think there is a part of us, who thinks we can distance ourself from our self; our past and our experiences AND that we can do this and do that to 'be healed'…which is another word 'to separate from the pain'.

I also think, this striving to separate from our darkness creates dis ease or disharmony inside of us.  And the longer and harder we work to get away from ourselves, the more ourself, screams to heard…if that makes sense.

As I continue to bring forth all the aspects of me that I have denied, the one piece I discovered is the one curled up in a self protective mode. 

The one on guard. Clenched and ready to defend.

Not willing to relax, breathe…or simply trust, for in this state I was abused.

My last moment of pure relaxation and trusting was right before abuse happened.

Once you know, you can't not know….nor will you ever be returned to the state of natural softness.

And, it is by bringing in the wounded self and completely welcoming her and her wariness, can we both work together to be in the world.

In striving to 'heal' we often falsely believe that we will get back to our original self, that we can somehow eradicate the affects of abuse…or even the abuse itself.

Like cutting off the 'ugly' parts…

But, I would appear to be very odd and none of my life would make sense IF I were to separate me from my past and move on with only the positive.

Those negative experiences have emotions that are needing expression.

My responses to life are based upon what I have experienced.

I would be seen as acting really strange if you separated (erased, deleted, blessed away) all that I have encountered in this life that hurt me.

I also believe that by embracing my pain, I am reclaiming Me.

As I rub my painful parts during yoga, tears flow.

Tears of being accepted and loved just as I am.

That I create a place within me that holds me.

I love all my brokenness.

It is there as I bring her close inside that she heals and I become more whole.

I hear her cries, I feel her pain…I don't turn her away.