I M Perfect lady

What I have noticed about me, is that when a good-bye happens, I no longer fight or want the other person to stay or change to suit my needs.  My mind is at peace with the separation.

In the past, my mind wasn't happy if things didn't stay the same.  My mind wanted to control all things at the cost of my peace, love and joy.

It was a long process to accept the losses and to withstand the urge to either change myself so change didn't happen OR try and change another.

What I believe is a sign of a healthy inner world is the ability to not feel devastated when a friendship ends. 

I acknowledge the fork in the road where our mutual truths no longer align.

In the past, I would have rated my friendship by the depth of the pain I felt as it ended.

What I didn't know, is that it equals the amount of self wrapped up in the other person or co-dependency.

Certainly, there are times I wished the communication line was still open to share either triumphs or heartbreak.  However, I have also found that I bring in the event even more fully when I am not sharing it immediately with someone.  I am learning to assimilate life's moments by myself.

And, that has also had its own rewards.

It has reduce the highs and lows to mediums.

I am no longer making such a big deal of either of them.

Bumping into an estranged family member is a rouge wave and is gone.

Highlights a falling star, and life is back to normal.

It is as if my life itself isn't so bi-polar with dramas swinging high and low…that would occupy hours of thoughts.

I truly do feel like a sovereign person.

People don't bleed into me, nor do their actions directly affect my state of being.

I feel so grown up in my ability to manage change.

This gives the power back to reality and the freedom back to the people and it leaves my mind without a job; except to be used to live in the here and now.

I think, I thought, that a good life would be one without changes.  When in fact, the best like is to fully accept and appreciate the aliveness of life.  The seasons of sorrow and the moments of joy…and the beauty that is everywhere.  Knowing they are all part of the human experience.

To live rigid expecting no changes is an awful place to be.  You are trying and failing, to control the uncontrollable.

The grown-up me is free to be…whatever I am doing.

From mail lady, to hiker girl, to creative artist….to separated friend to close friendship, wife to mom, to grandma…from laughter, to tears onto pure joy. Flowing like a river through my life.

Our very nature is fluid motion.

And, our soul knows its truth and where it needs to be or how it wants to respond.  Follow it and you will be free!