I M Perfect lady

What many of us fail to appreciate, is where do we fall into the patterns of creating false scenarios when we get stressed out? Why is it that some of us are good make believers? When in our lives was it crucial to paint a better picture?

What I know from reading about child abuse, is that our minds need to create a safe place for us, when our worlds are so uncertain. We do this to NOT see the reality that is being played out in front of us, when our parents are acting in ways that are harmful.

It isn't what a child who is raised in a loving home does. 

We create a land of make belief, where evil becomes loving and loving becomes evil.

And, when I am tired, run down and stressed out, I un-naturally, but naturally for me, go back to the old system.

I can easily believe the opposite of what reality is showing me.  It is a natural feeling place.

However, now that the real truth of my childhood has been exposed to my mind, I am a bit suspicious of my thoughts.

Knowing that I have a tendency to create false narratives in my mind, I need to be ever so alert to reality.

Byron Katie, the author of "Loving What is" writes about this phenomena of believing our stressful thoughts.

Most of them start with "Would, should or could".

And, most of them leave us removed from our own reality, and trying to direct someone else's business.

Bringing your awareness back to your own life, your own choices, and your own voice, empowers you to make changes that you need.  It leaves the rest at peace to do what they want to do.

Just knowing that stressful situations will require me to be on guard for false narratives from my mind, is huge.  

There is a space between stimulus and response. And, in those of us who have been abused, the space is very small. The more you can think before you respond, the bigger the space grows.  I believe the book "The 8th Habit" speaks of this, by Stephen Covey.

What I most want others to know, is that we are not our thoughts, but rather the one who witnesses the thoughts.

Even to know, that we have crazy thoughts, and it was a coping mechanism of our childhood, releases us from feeling insane.

Instead, I see it as the natural outcome of living through an abusive childhood.

Our minds did an amazing job, and we survived.

But, that tool is no longer useful IF we are now living in a safe environment. 

My world now has love, and it isn't kind to me to change it into evil.

I will never underestimate the power of the mind.

Especially one whose wires were connected in abuse.

And, what is so extremely exciting and brilliantly engineered, is that we have the power to re-wire our brains.

We can undo old wiring.

We can open the space between stimulus and response. 

When in doubt, write it out.

Write out what the thoughts in your head are saying, and then find a few examples where they are untrue in your experience.

Experience and reality are my guides.