I M Perfect lady

I completed "The Choice" by Dr. Edith Eva Egers.  I loved how she was able to understand, that once you see the choice, you are no longer a victim.

Here are some parts that I love.

"Forgiveness isn't you forgiving your molester for what he did to you," I told her.  "It's you forgiving the part of yourself that was victimized and letting go of all blame."

This is another new way to look at forgiveness.  It isn't about the other person at all, which is huge.  Our lives, our journeys, and our wellness isn't about what the other person does or doesn't do.  It is about how we see and accept ourselves.

Period.

"A good definition of being a victim is when you keep the focus outside yourself for someone to blame for your present circumstances, or to determine your purpose, fate or worth."

While this may be hard to turn away from the other, it is key in finding your freedom. They are allowed to do what they do, and the karma or whatever will take care of them. But, what is most important in your life, is what you are doing OR not doing.

The only real thing holding you back is yourself.

No one is controlling you without your consent.

The more you focus on what you are doing, the less you see how others see you, AND the less it matters what they are thinking.

"Our painful experiences aren't a liability – they're a gift. They give us perspective and meaning and opportunity to find our unique purpose and strength. There is no one-size fits all template for healing, but there are steps that can be learned and practiced, steps that each individual can weave together in his or her own way, steps in the dance of freedom."

"My first step in the dance of freedom was to take responsibility for my feelings. To stop repressing and avoiding them, and to stop blaming them on Bela or other people, to accept them as my own…"

She truly gets how important it is to bring in your painful experiences as if they were gifts. To hold on to the wounded little girl and hear and see her wisdom.  To accept and embrace all of who you are.  Not just the easy things. We learn so much more from our painful times.

And the ability to take responsibility for our feelings.

My feelings are very important to me. They guide me on my journey.  I appreciate the way the body tells me about reality; with emotions.

And, I also love how our feelings travel with us until we feel them.

"Feel this", is what I say now.  I stop and pay attention. I want to know how I feel and will investigate the source of these feelings and their truth of being.

"To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough."

I love how she explains this.  I never understood the visual of passiveness.  That you are allowing others to decide for you. I can now see how I may appear aggressive, but I am actually assertive in my own life. I am not interested in controlling anyone or making decisions for anyone. I love that each of us will become free, the moment we decide to  decide for ourselves!

And, the idea that we of our own are not enough. This is a huge stumbling block for so many, to understand and feel their worth.

I can't articulate how it was that at the moment my life appeared to be in the lowest of places, I was able to see my true worth.

It seems like it would be the opposite.  

But, when I sat down in the middle of the sea of abuse that was my childhood, I saw me as innocent. And that sense of innocence bloomed bigger than the sum total of the abuse.

From that moment on, I felt valuable to Me. 

My feelings about me overshadows what others may or may not think.

They can't matter more.

We meet and engage with many people in our life times. We all have painful experiences and relationships that have ended, and at the end of the day, how we see ourselves has to matter more, than all the broken painful relationships.

In her interview with Oprah, she mentioned, that the fact that she survived a death camp, makes others feel that their abuse experiences are less than. What she said, was that she knew who her enemy was.  This is powerful.  Often in abusive situations, it is family and ones we love who are hurting us. We can't see the enemy for we call them family/friend etc.  

When victims speak out about their pain and healing, it allows us to embrace all parts of our being.

Thank you Dr. Edith Eger for sitting down at 90 years of age, to write this wonderful book about freedom!!