I M Perfect lady

Author: bjukuri

  • Expectations of the Artist.

    When I arrived at my latest Quilt Meeting, I brought my most recent work of art and across the table from where I was sitting, on a shelf, was my book.  (We meet in the Library in town.)

    Looking at my earliest Ladies compared to my last, there is a striking difference; a body has emerged.

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    I love my first ladies, even if they were mostly clothes.

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    The discussion was interesting, when a women spoke of a theater production she had attended, of a war.  On stage there was one side of actual people and the other side was just clothing.  The clothing was empty and when struck by the real people would sway, move and become animated.

    This brought the discussion to how much more we expect when there is more form, if you will, to art.

    When I was creating with ribbon and yarn for arms and legs, I was much freer and a lot less critical.

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    I didn't expect much from the yarn.  And, in the beginning, I actually let the yarn flow as it would, when I laid it down.  I wasn't even trying to mimic the actual effect of a leg.

    And, the viewer filled in what was missing.  

    We were co-creators.

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    Now, when I have a full body, I am expecting much more real looking ladies.

    The first ladies were whimsical, and could be art without reality.

    As my lady started to become more active or have more adventures, I began to add more and more to her form, besides the clothing.

     

    And, I also believed or made a rule up, that my ladies had to keep going in one direction – fuller.

    More real.

    More life like.

    And, I have enjoyed having faceless ladies and even felt a slight panic, once I made a neck, that soon, I would have to try and make faces.

    I didn't feel like I had the option of going back to the yarn arms, it felt like I was cheating somehow, or backsliding.

    I am pretty sure art has no rules.

    I am eager to now play with my ladies and let them be.  

    Somedays, it does feel too heavy to create lifelike features; it is so much easier to be whimsical and free spirited!

    I think the rules of life were getting in front of my Art.

    Making me believe that there are certain criteria the longer I am an artist.

    Instead, I forgot to remember, that as the artist, I have the license to free expression.

    The spirit of my lady is to be empowered, free and full of free expression and now so too will my art be.

    I feel like a narrow passage has now been open to flow going in all directions.

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    Free will in my art will be a game changer.  

    I am no longer bound by made up rules that my mind thought of.

    My art is now freer from my mind.

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     I must remember to question my mind, always.

    Especially in Art.

    Art – "the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form."

    My Lady, is the expression of empowerment, self-expression, free, joy, adventure, a life evolving and I now have access to all her many facets!  

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    Moksha – Being released from the  cycle of rebirth!

    Art moves as it wants – without the expectations of the artist.

     

  • "The only necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke

    I wrote a scathing post and just "saved" it.  Perhaps it is my trauma reacting to the Catholic church, the years, those who knew and did nothing, the sheer numbers of pedophiles, the small sampling, and the thousands of children who have suffered, but it is hard to write in a calm manner.  Before I know it my hands are flying my mind is seething, my emotions are high, the outrage, the helplessness, the faithful remaining faithful, the children speaking, no one listening, the powerful documenting and transferring or just allowing…all of it has my mind screaming and my heart full of sorrow, and there seems to be so much to do and yet nothing.

    I am not even sure I can articulate the sideways feeling it leaves me in.

    Religion and sexual abuse are not harmonious and yet they continue to be partners, ensconced in a dance where the children, and who they were born to be, are destroyed.

    Sexual abuse laced with faith?

    Or is it faith laced with sexual abuse?

    The juxtaposition between faith and sexual abuse are images that can't be held in the same breath, and yet they are.

    They are conjoined oddities that leave the 'good' people frozen.

    I understand this quandary.

    I lived it.

    How can the mind hold the image of a father and a pedophile, a priest and a pedophile, it is a twisted mind f__k.

    I get it.

    It truly doesn't make sense.

    What is this distorted religious image asking of you?

    As this mad dance is being played out, can you untangle the core value of its religion from the depravity of child rape and sexual abuse by adult men?

    Can a pedophile wearing a religious robe NOT reflect poorly upon the religion?

    Just as can the pedophile in the pulpit at any church NOT reflect poorly upon its religion.

    Can a poor leader be separated from the value of the company?

    Are we not as good as our weakest link?

    Can you have a group of people who are faithful and good mixed in with sexual predators and not have the sum total be less, due to the crimes that are committed?

    Is there any other organization that has such faithful support no matter what?

    Religious families and families seem to be places where pedophiles are protected. A place where they know, they will not be exposed or turned out.

    Even that is a mind f__k.

    Surely, those two places are where a child should feel the safest.

    And yet, in my experience, they are the places where I child has NO protection.

    Zero.

    None.

    Who is protecting the children in the Catholic and First Apostolic Lutheran Religions?

    No one wants to 'wreck' or boycott a family or religion.

    No one.

    And, those that do become ostracized.

    Shunned.

    Called mental.

     

    We often look upon the predators and ask, "What are they thinking", and rarely do we ask the same of ourselves.

    What are the faithful catholics thinking when they continue to be part of a religious circle of child abusers?

    What is a mother thinking, when she forgives the 'sins' Crimes of her husband?

    What are those who know, but do nothing, thinking.

    For 300 priests in one small state to have decades of freedom to sexually abuse children, it takes a village.

    There are many who can change the playing field.

    It will take a village to turn this huge mess around.

    Incarcerating the pedophiles is only half of the problem.

    How do you change the minds of the good people who have done nothing?

    How do you make them have boundaries, boycott, strike, march and scream in outrage.

    I am not a news junkie, but so far I have not seen the outrage and folks running for the exits.

    The Pope has not dropped is robe, saying I will not be a leader of this.

    Many people will say to me, that I can't know of the changes that are being wrought inside of the church.

    Just as many people told me, that I can't know how the individuals within my family changed. And, I couldn't know how the First Apostolic Lutheran Church made changes within.

    Yet, can't we all.

    Can't we all know when nothing changes.

    When Masses continue and people attend.

    What about the other 49 states and other countries etc. Remember, 300 is from one small state. Are these other states offering their notes and contacting Attorney Generals? Are there hotlines in each state and country?

    Oh, and they said about 1,000 children, when there are statistics that suggest a pedophile will abuse 260 children in his life.  Let's just error on the low side and say 200 for these priests. That is 60,000 kids, not 1,000. And, from one small state.  And, we all also know, that for each child (adult child) who speaks out, there are many more who are silent.  Who are compliant and who are faithful and who don't want to smear the church or hurt their parents.

    What I also know, is that unlike natural disasters that we all speak about, this we hope will go away. Less said, less real.

    When I think about the magnitude of pain and suffering the little children have suffered in the hands of religion, I want to scream and awaken the minds of those who remain blindly faithful.

    You are the good people doing nothing.

    And, as long as you continue on as if nothing happened, another child will be abused, and another and another.

    You good people are the ones who will stop this, not the pedophiles and not the children.

    It is on the backs of you to say enough is enough.

    Do you not think the church would be affected if you all pulled out?

    If you all said, I am not attending, until the structure changes. Show me proof that you have cleaned house, when there are lines of priests being handed off to the law of the land.

    Just as in the First Apostolic Lutheran Churches, are there news stories of the faithful turning in the sins of their fellow church members? Is there an inside cleaning up of the pedophiles? Where are the faithful members of the church when it comes to crimes within the church?

    If we don't get the good people to act, then there will never be any change.

    I am not shocked by the number of priests, nor really even by how many knew and did nothing. I am shocked and, I guess not really, by how many will remain faithful.

    It is insanely frustrating as a victim of sexual abuse, when the non-abusing folks continue on in their lives as if nothing has changed.  

    Perhaps this is why so few tell.

    They know it will be for naught.

    Who will walk away from their religion or shun a priest or father?

    Second to the actual abuse, THIS is most hurtful.

    Your actions are showing us where you stand and by whom.

    We got it.

    My heart bleeds for all the victims when the rest of the church continues on.

    Shouldn't there be a mass exodus to the doors?

    Shouldn't the outrage be so intense we all fear riots?

    Instead what do you believe these children see?

    Do they see what I saw?

    A family continuing on.  A church that claims, their business isn't sexual assault, but faith.

    Who will clearly show a child within the family and church, that they will not be part of a criminal circle against children?

    Many times more maddening to me, is the non-action of so many.

    If the number of 300 priests in one state isn't enough, what number is?

    How many children will it take?

    This shows me the wall I was up against within the First Apostolic Lutheran Church.

    What is the number of pedophiles within your religion that will make you leave?

    What is stopping you?

    What is keeping you there?

    I truly want to know.

    This has baffled me from the beginning.  How people stay and for those who go back.

    What is the magnetic pull?

    What part of you is unable to leave and to seek a higher standard?

    I would love a real dialogue with answers.

    And, are there answers that can satisfy staying?

    "The only necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke

    If you hear nothing else bring that in.

     

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  • I LIVE

    I heard a question being asked on a podcast – "When does your body feel the most beautiful?" Which was answered by Mirna Valerio with, "When I am running, I feel powerful and that makes me feel beautiful." 

     

    I love this new way of feeling beautiful.

    When does your body feel the most beautiful is so different than when does it look the most beautiful.

    The feelings of empowerment, confidence and peace.

    My body feels the most beautiful when I can just be Me.

    It does feel beautiful paddling along in a kayak, or pedaling a bike, or hiking in the woods, or walking along the water. 

    It feels beautiful when its in loving relationships.

    It feels beautiful swimming, and even when I am struggling to learn new things.

    I love how the body can adapt to new activities.

     

    Beauty is much more about just being real.

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    It feels beautiful to be relaxed and content after a long day of activities.

    In yoga, when you finish and are relaxing on the floor all stretched and limber – that feels gorgeous!

    And, when you are on adventures, you feel beautiful and curious to the new wonders you are exploring.

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    When my granddaughter snuggles with me and says, "you are so squishy" I feel perfectly beautiful.

    Being around little ones, allows us to forget ourselves and just be!  

    Be Beautifully Ourselves!

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    Being beautiful has way more to do about how you feel about who you are, than what you appear like.

    Beauty will now earn its definition by how I feel and not my appearance.

    I feel beautiful when I am in sorrow even, for that is pure truth.

    I feel beautiful when I am done creating a quilt that brings me Joy.

    I will now look for feelings of beauty in each day!

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     Feeling beautiful is feeling we are free to just be who we are. I am able to feel beautiful when I am in sync with my soul, when I am tune with the truth around me.  

    Feeling the most beautiful comes from the inside, much more than the outside opinions or social standards.

    Beautiful is being joyfully your self, in all its honesty.

    In accepting the wounds and the triumphs of life.

    Embracing the sorrows is beautiful too.  It shows the capacity of the body to bear pain and continue to seek joy.

    My body feels most beautiful when I am at peace inside of me.

    My body feels most beautiful when I LIVE as close to reality as I can be.

    When I am aware and a few steps away from denial.

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     I am beautiful and I LIVE!

     

  • "After doing what is right, life is still complicated"  Ghosted, by Rosie Walsh

     

    It seems my life is littered with a thousand of "right" choices, all of which put me on the path to an even more complicated life.

    The more choices that I made that were dissimilar to others, the more complicated it can get.

    Each new boundary sets me aside.

    I become even more different, weird, unique and an anomaly.

    Perhaps not so much in the world, but within the group you were raised in.

    And, among some of your peers.

     

    What is "doing what is right"?

    How do we define making the right choice?

    Is there a hard and fast rule?

    Is right equal to truth?

    Can we clearly see the two choices, Wrong and Right?

    Who gets to decide what is right or wrong?

    And, isn't life complicated depending upon which choice you make.

    Doing the wrong thing, often makes life more messy and hard to handle, but so does making the right one?  At least for awhile.

     

    The saying "Doing right by her/him", what does that mean?

    I have continually made different choices than my family and often wonder at how they see their choices. 

    Certainly we both see our choices as being right.

    Is there a right path and a wrong path?

    Are they clearly marked?

    Do they lead in a direction that will end up right or wrong?

    How clear is it doing what is right?

     

    Is it possible that inside of each of us is a place where we can know for certain, what is a right choice for us?

    It feels completely right.

    Are there motivators for doing what is right?

    Is fear involved or love?

    Do consequences matter and they must be different depending upon what we chose?

     

    Is the right choice for fear different than the right choice for love?

    Will the right way be different depending upon how much fear you feel or how desperate you want love?

    Can it be that we create what is the right choice for us?

    Do right choices come from religion or the laws of the land?

    Do they come from our childhood teachings?

     

    In the land of a billion choices, how will we know that we are doing the right thing?

     

    I feel, that my choices were made for me. The Me that woke up inside of me, saw the world completely different than the self minus the Me.

    If I can make this make sense.

    I began to live from the inside out.

    The decisions were made by going deep within. 

    I didn't look at what would be 'kinder' for others.

    I didn't research what the religion would have me do.

    I didn't ask others for their opinions, or suggestions of what would be right.

    I operated from instinct, feeling, heart and soul.

    Something was now alive in me, and it was more important than the outside.

    More important than the religious teachings of my childhood and what would please my mother or family.

    It was small and had just appeared. Fragile and deathly strong.

    I also knew, it would disappear, if I made a choice different than it.

     

    This self that would disappear, would have been the end of Me and the continuation of the programmed mind.

    I would have lived; but lived differently.

    I would have remained in the group.

     

    So, in my world I did the right thing.

    My right thing.

    The right thing as a victim of sexual abuse by my father.

    And, it changed my world.

    I didn't do the right thing as a daughter or sister.

    I did it as Me.

     

    I can't know how others made their choices and how they are now enjoying the life it has created.

    I can only know mine.

     

    My choice to see, hear and accept the truths of a dysfunctional family brought me to Me.

    My first glance was to see me broken, wounded, and my life shattered into a million pieces.  And, at the same time I was born onto a Self that I never met.

    One that was separated from the group.

    It had no religion.

    No agenda.

    It only sought the truth for Me.

     

    I wrote many journals full of deciphering doing what is right and even the consequences of both.

    Very little of my choices were made light heartedly or without knowing the grave consequences they would bring into my life.

    I knew that by following this new Me, I was going against much of what I was taught and the family's unspoken rules.

    And, yet I did the next right thing. Again, and again. Further complicating my life upon the already shattered landscape. Adding it seemed insult to injury. And, yet I did.

    It perhaps complicated my life, but it defined me.

    Refined Me even.

    From the ashes of the rubble rose a Me that I am proud of.

    Even if, I am standing alone separated from all my family.

    I am Me.

     

    Rest in Peace is for the living and for those doing what is right.

    For you.

    I am sure those who chose differently have a different peace.

    A peace of being part of group.

    Of being in a family.

    Going with the flow.

    Where is your flow going?

     

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  • The clearness of the Lake Superior; offers no surprises. We can see clear through, and know its bottom and the lack of weeds. We know what lays beneath – for we can see it.

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    This clarity gives us confidence; not in ourselves so much, but in the outside. We can rely on its purity and lack of surprises. 

    On this Lake, you do have to watch for changing conditions, for it can quickly go from flat to choppy.  

    But, even when you capsize, you will be in clear water. The 'danger' seems less ominous.


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    When kayaking on smaller inland lakes, and near streams, the water itself is dark and murky and you can see evidence of the weeds and mud. This alone will stop many from kayaking in these waters.  Just the slim possibility of having to touch and enter into the unknown.IMG_9869

    This was me.

    I would have made my choice based on the worst case scenario.

    It would have stopped me from going.

    The minuscule chance, was proof that IT COULD HAPPEN, and maybe even would happen to me, IF I dared paddle over murky waters.

    So, I said no.

     

    What I have come to figure out over the past many years, is that by facing my darkest places within me, (the affects of abuse,) I am braver in other areas.

    Or maybe, I am more confident in me.  

    Or maybe still, less likely to base my decisions on the worst case scenario.

    And perhaps more, recognizing the slim possibility doesn't mean it will happen.

     

    I have been able to live differently having faced my worst fears.

    Even lived my worst fears ever.

    The reality of abuse.

    And, the cost of accepting it – the loss of family.

     

    What accepting abuse does is give you back your own sense of self esteem and confidence in you. It returns your power.

    Often I have read that we are afraid, when our worst fears have already happened. 

    However, if you don't go in and explore the worst fears that already happened, it leaves you afraid.

    This may not make sense, but until you actually go and dive deeply into the facts of your abuse, and sit with the unexpressed emotions, you are left acting like it didn't happen. 

    Yet afraid.

    You haven't lived the fears through expressing them. 

    You are afraid of what has already happened, but acting like you fear what will happen.

    Crazy making for sure.

     

    And, without digging deeply, you are left with low self awareness and confidence and will be afraid.

    You have zero confidence in yourself to either keep your kayak afloat or to survive weeds and the unknown.  The worst case possibilities blocks out any other outcome.

     

    Like floating into neat little coves and seeing the water flowers.

    Of paddling and feeling muscles growing.

    Of being with friends making new memories.

     

    When I was out on the water this past week, it came to me that the murky bottom isn't where my focus went. I wasn't worried out there. I was totally enjoying the paddle. When we went over the weeds, I did acknowledge, I would not like to walk or swim in them. But, they held but 1% of my attention. The other 99% was fully aware of all the sights we saw along the way.

    The eagle, blue heron, clouds, waves, etc.

    There is a flip once you accept.  You are then able to give your whole attention to the rest of the world, instead to the one percent.

    Which is the worst case scenario – 1% or less of it happening.

    A once in a million. 

    You instead get to experience the balance of the million wonderful views and experiences.

    Being fearless doesn't mean you don't know fear. It actually means you know it, respect it, have felt its terrifying emotions, and have understood how we give it the most power.

    When you come face to face with your worst fears and feel it all, you are then able to make choices holding fears hand.

    The worst case scenario is there, but so is the balance of the rest.  

    You hold the whole spectrum of fear.

    I learned deep fear, when I went to see my mother for the first time after learning about my father's abuse. What I feared most, was that she would be unable to see me. To hear my words, and would instead defend my father.

    My worst fear happened.  She only saw her own needs and my father.

    And, I lived.

    I survived.

    I had to get up and walk away from my mother.

    I did.

    Feel this! Is what I said often.  Not wanting to miss a fraction of how abuse feels. How betrayal, neglect, and being in relationships that are one sided. Feel the fear of being alone. And, feel the strength that grows each time you do.

    Feel the power of a mind who lives in denial. Feel their blindness. And, not allow it to define you.  Stand up bolder and brighter to be seen by you.

    For, I know denial.

    I lived there too.

    I get it.

    I want to live the rest of my life seeing life in all its multifaceted brilliance.

    The bright blue skies and fluffy clouds over the dark murkiness.

    The positive and the negative.

    Life in complete balance is allowing them all to exist in your world.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Happening Right Now

    Life happens in micro seconds, it is constantly flowing and becoming – as they say, "the only thing constant is change".

    When I experienced an out of control vehicle tumbling down the road towards us, I was watching reality unfold.

    In micro seconds, flip, flip flip, would we be caught up with this rolling vehicle?

    How would this end?

    I could feel how out of control we really are in life.

    How it changes in seconds.

    And, how it doesn't stop to ask our permission.

    Instead it comes speeding towards you.

    Often change is like this, a fast rolling car out of control.

    Other times, there are subtle changes, things that happen slowly over time.

    Regardless, change is always happening.

    Life is moving.

    Onward.

    Forward.

    No repeating and going back.

    No do overs.

    I love the dance and the aliveness of it all.

    Leaving nothing for tomorrow.

    Or next hour.

    It is here.

    Alive.

    And, so are we.

    We greet life as it arrives.

    Not as our minds create it.

    Life is ever present.

    It doesn't wait for the mind's dialogue or permission.

    Forever moving regardless of how you engage.

    I am delighted by its reckless abandon to our plans.

    Our dreams and hopes.

    Its powerfulness leaves me with nothing to control.

    I love that most.

    I am not in control of how things go, who lives and who dies.

    No amount of worry or angst will stop the flow of life.

    We are here today, in this moment in time.

    This moment is given and the next is unsure and without guarantee.

    Living in this second, engaged with what is happening, IS where life is.

    No matter where our minds want to take us, life is here. 

    I spent so much of my life in my head, in the believe-a-head world, where I thought, my thoughts mattered more than life. Where the church spoke about 'forgiveness of sins' as if it could change life. As if it could change what had happened. As if the mind had more power than life itself.

    What I know now, is that the mind while being powerful, it doesn't trump life.

    It can have you sitting on the sidelines, but it will not control the flow of life.

    Mind has the ability to make you believe it can change perceptions; It can only lay words upon reality. The mind's ability is to deny reality, but it cannot build it.

    The mind can block you from reality.

    But, reality rolls on.

    There truly feels like there are only two forces at play, the mind and then reality.

    Life happens.

    If we are aware and accept it, we are with it.

    If we fight what is, we are at war with reality and reality wins only but 100% of the time.

    A rolling vehicle is reality, until it stops.

    We drive on.

    Unhurt.

    Not our time to suffer.

    The sun shines, birds sing, clouds drift, cars move, people walk, we love.

    My mind is a peace with the changing flowing life.

    I have lived blind to reality.

    In denial.

    I now see.

    Whether it is a magnificent sunset or an accident.

    The good, the horrible, the tragic and the delightful, the joy, and love…I see and feel this.

    What ever this is.

    Life is alive calling us to dance its tune.

    The happy dance or the waltz of suffering.

    Each of us will know its moves.

    Today, the birds sing, the fan blows, the tea is warm, the child sleeps…

    I awoke to life in progress.

    I move and join its dance.

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    Our dance partner is what is happening right now!

  • Alone, but free of the web

    I finished "Educated" by Tara Westover. What an interesting read about being raised by parents whose view on the world changes yours; and then how to see life differently when leaving the family.

    She takes us on the journey of seeing how she was raised and how it impacted her view on the world. How she believed the lies her father told her as the truth. How completely it bled into her DNA.  How hard it is to wrestle free of the conditioning of our parents. And, the cost you will pay when you change your mind.

    The insanity that we feel when undoing our minds, feels more insane, than when we were brainwashed.

    The pull of family and our allegiance to them and the truths of the real world are hard to wrestle with, while unraveling the mind.  

    She depicts it so well.

    How there are two of you.

    The old one, who believes.

    And, the new one who can't anymore.

    How children (Adult Children) are still under the influence of parents; for love.

    Or, to belong.

    While we are on different paths, Tara and I have some commonalities. 

    The journey of finding the truths in the world and within ourselves.

    How we change more than our family can handle.

    Her story shows the elasticity of the mind. And, how fear can lock it into a thought pattern.

    I have such reverence for the mind's ability to hold lies as truths. Its power can ruin lives.

    "A mind convinced against its will, is of the same opinion still."

    You simply cannot change someone's mind.

    It is an inside job.

    A completely badass job, to take what you were raised upon and see life differently.

     

    Tara also shows how the non-abusive parent has a role to play as well. 

    If they choose not to side with the child, they have double teamed the child.

    Her mother saw the abuse, but wouldn't stand with her when she needed her to.

    So, what good is it.

     

    And, some siblings peeked at the truth; but then towed the company line.

    Others, like her, had to move away to live a life free of her father's influence.

     

    This book shows that there are many kinds of childhood trauma's that will impact the child's life. Some children are strong enough, or have something inside of them, that leads them out.

    I am one of the lucky ones.

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    Alone, but free of the web.

     

  • Learning how to manage life, often means juggling between reality and our preconceived idea of how our day will go.

    The best laid plans often get put aside in order for life to move forward.

    Perhaps it is best to lead from this moment in time, and do the next thing that pops up.

    I am getting better with life's sudden turns. 

    From an open night of bike riding, to instead running errands so my husband can fix my breaks. The breaks began grinding on my route. They can't wait.  But the bike ride can.

    Sometimes I plan a yoga class in the morning.

    In the morning, I love the sunrise tea and silence.

    I feel the need to hand stitch on a quilt.

    Yoga is set aside.

    I am at peace in a different way.

    The week seems wide open and then opportunities arise.

    An old friend wants to meet for a walk and talk. I say yes.

    More often than not my head wants to plan, when actually life flows naturally.

    I know when to do what brings me the most contentment or peace.

    I lean towards things that fill me and add great context and color to my life.

    And, I know when I need space.

    Silence.

    Broken by morning song birds.

    Warm tea.

    And fabric.

    Yoga is there.  I will know when its time to go.

    The bike rides will happen.

    Life flows with what we love to do.

    And, having a life of peace, means doing the next thing in reality.  You will know, when you have the space, the effort and the desire.

    Life in reality is so incredibly alive.

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  • Un-naturally Oppress

    I am listening to a Memoir "Educated" by Tara Westover. In it she mentioned the side of the oppressor, when someone is looking for equality.

    Now, as unreal as this may seem, the way she said it had me looking more at the oppressors than at those seeking equality.

    The oppressors ARE the ones who have reduced the equality in the lives of those seeking it. 

    Whether it be disabilities, color, gender, sexual orientation, the oppressors ARE the ones who are withholding equality.

    This changes the way I see the world.

    And, who most often are the oppressors? 

    The majority.

    Tara was raised in a very strict mormon fundamentalist family. Where her education was to be the oppressor.

    I would have to say that I too was raised to oppress.

    Raised that we were the right ones.

    The subtle,or not so subtle, way I was raised to feel that white was better or that heterosexual was the only 'normal' and that christians were going to heaven etc, schooled me to be the oppressor.

    Being raised this way, you can't see the oppressor, because it is you. 

    You only see those who are trying to make you wrong.

    The reason we don't want equality, is more about making us wrong than the equality of others.

    Each time we give up parts of our education in rightness, the less we know who we are.

    It is humbling to realize I am the oppressor.

    That some of my old beliefs held equality from others.

    Here is the definition of Oppressor – "oppressor meaning: someone who treats people in an unfair and cruel way and prevents them from having opportunities and freedom."

    I know I have touched on this before, but it was in but one way I was raised to oppress and I didn't see the broader education that I was raised in.  How it has inadvertently made me a champion of inequality.

    I didn't feel the depth of equality.

    The steep hill some are made to climb, is due to how the majority has schooled its children. The legacy of this is handed down generation upon generation. And, in my case, the church is still going strong. There are huge families still passing on the blueprint of oppression.

    I am not sure those who have been relegated to the lower level of equality can ever work hard enough to change this.  What has to happen, which is highly unlikely, is for the majority to see their own wrongness.

    To give up being right, the only church, the only race, the right sexual orientation and to adapt the inclusive mindset.

    It goes against the whole teachings of the church. 

    What would happen if they were not the only ones going to heaven, or maybe if there was not a hell? What would happen if they were to include all manner of loving, and if humanity was one?

    What would there be to protest IF the oppressors were not standing there blocking the way?

    Get rid of the oppressors and peace happens.

    I know many feel that they are blocking and defending something pure and whole. They believe they are the peace keepers, the ones who are protecting the land from ruin.

    Instead they are actually the cause of discord.

    Who would Martin Luther King have to march against if there were not Oppressors?

    He had to march, for the oppressors blocked his equality.

    I have not a clue how to change the oppressor's minds.

    How many marches must there be?

    Can enough victims come forth and break their silences?

    How many laws have to be written in order for equality to win?

    If you can't see the oppressor, you may be it.

    If you are not marching, you may be the oppressor.

    If you have no rights to fight for, you may be the oppressor.

    Interesting to sit with.

    And, I am sorry for my education, for it taught me to un-naturally oppress.

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  • Remember Tomorrow!

    "We look for happiness – but, we don't look for things that make us unhappy, and work to get rid of them." 

    I heard this on a podcast. And, now I can't find the source of who actually said it. I believe it was Jesse Itzler – being interviewed for his book "Living with the Monks."

    But, I love this idea.

    Often we are focused on things that we feel will make us happy, overlooking the stresses in our lives, the things and relationships that affect how we feel.

    The ones who break our peacefulness and cause us to feel "Unhappy", not realizing if we cut out the things that bring us unhappiness, we would be happy!

    Say our total happiness scale is at 60, and you want to get happier, you have to look around for the 40% that is irritating and not making you happy!

    We often tolerate things that are actually reducing the happiness of life.

    They don't have to big and drama filled, they can be simple things that each day zap just a bit of happiness. If we work to eliminate the things that are taking a piece of the happiness pie away, we will be just a bit more happy.

    So, I am going to watch for the things that grab me and pull me away from being happy and see how I can reduce or eliminate them.

    For, I am one of the very lucky ones, there is nothing huge in front of me that is making me unhappy.  However, if there are little unhappiness things floating around in my life, I need to find ways to reduce them. 

    Stop looking and dreaming of becoming happier, instead locate the unhappy things and deal with them.

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    Another cool thing that Jesse did say, was "Remember Tomorrow". 

    So, when you are thinking about quitting, that you have given it your all, and you want to quit, think about how you will feel about this choice tomorrow? Will you have regrets?

    As we were hiking on the Pinkerton Creek trail on Saturday, we were almost to the end, and I realized my new hip wasn't feeling so good. And, we still had to walk out as far as we had walked in. We were close to the end, but I said, "We better turn around," and we did.  After hiking a few minutes, heading back to the jeep, I then thought of "Remember Tomorrow."  And, changed my mind and direction. We finished the trail to the lake.

    And, what a gorgeous sight awaited us, and cooler temps and no bugs and a wonderful place to rest a bit before we headed out. The little rest helped my hip recover for the hike out.  

    This technique works for other things too, like when you are going to break a vow you have with yourself, or when you are hedging from making a decision about whether to go or join etc.  What we do today, will affect how we feel about ourselves tomorrow.

    I love this.

    I will "Remember Tomorrow" when making decisions.


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    We can also remember tomorrow, when we make the decisions that are hard for the moment.  We can do what is hard to day, to make a happier tomorrow!  

    Often the choices I have made, had a much bigger impact on tomorrow, and in that moment caused me pain.

    Remember Tomorrow!