I M Perfect lady

Author: bjukuri

  • Out of Your Mind.

    When we as a society look for equality or that we are all the same, we are actually missing something.  

    We are all human beings for sure; but our life experience and the way the world has seen us is completely different.  Different in how we were raised to see the world and others and even ourself. 

    Many of us were taught how to define ourselves by how we define "other".

    We are made more by someone being less.

    Or, less by someone being more.

    We were taught what was right by who was wrong.

    Can we as a society work to get legal rights when the minds, thoughts and beliefs are not changed?

    We often believe we are fighting against color, sexual orientation, gender etc, when in fact, our own minds are the enemy.

    What have we all been taught to believe.

    We are not born with inequality, we are taught it. 

    How can we all challenge our minds on what we have been taught to believe?

    Even the simple, yet challenging idea that some of us will go to heaven when we die and others will burn in hell.  And, usually that means your church is right and the rest of us are wrong. Less than, not equal to you.

    How many other ideas in your head are the seeds of inequality?

    How many other beliefs condemn another individual?

    Who is the one who needs to change; those who happen to been born different than your thoughts OR your thoughts?

    I believe we are at a critical time where reality is here to challenge our minds/thoughts and beliefs.

    We can easily blame others and want them to stay out of our country and world; but what we seldom do is look closely at why.

    What would happen if you lost your beliefs and ideas of the world?

    Whose lives would be so deeply affected?

    What would happen to your life, IF your religion was wrong?

    Where would your center be, if the center moved drastically to the left?

    Or right?

    We judge reality but never our own minds.

    I think the political climate we are currently in is here to challenge our minds.  

    Forcing us to see the reality of what a mind looks like in real life; a mind in action.

    What does your mind look like in action?

    Who do you condemn and reduce to less than you?

    I know, that my unaware mind was mad.

    It was only when I could see the insanity of what it thought, did I then see a peaceful reality.

    People are people, until we make them less.

    Until we create an idea of who is better than.

    What is more right and way more wrong.

    We are not lovers of reality; but ones who fight against it to save our thoughts and beliefs.

    The greatest enemy of humanity is our mind.

    Or perhaps the unchallenged mind.

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    Changing your mind is the heroes journey.

    It is to realize you are in prison and you have always held the key.

    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

    Enlightenment happens when you go out of your mind.

     

     

  • My Forgiveness

     "Yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that.  You cannot hold onto the old all the while declaring you want something new. The old will defy the new. The old deny the new. The old will decry the new. There is only one way to bring in the new.  You must make room for it."  Neale Donald Walsh

     

    Yesterday I heard a definition or action of forgiveness – Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't seek justice.  But mostly that you don't continue the cycle of harm.

    This type of forgiveness is very empowering, for it has nothing to do with the person who hurt you.  It doesn't matter if they are remorseful or taking responsibility for their actions.  It is all about your response.

     

    This type of forgiveness would change the world.

    For, it would change the individual who was hurt.  The old adage, "Hurt people hurt people" would be no more.

    If, the old way of forgiveness that is taught in most churches worked, I would have no problem with it. But, what it usually entails is that the victim forgive the poor behavior of the perpetrator and it then has to be forgotten. 

    The victim is left in a cycle of harm.  

    I love the idea that forgiveness is to end the cycle of harm.

    It doesn't mean that we are to cozy up to those who hurt us, and 'love' unconditionally.

    But rather that we take personal responsibility in ending the cycle.

    This means that we are not to live lives that inflict harm upon another.

    Being sensitive to each step we take and how it will either continue the old cycle or end it.

    I also love the quote about yearning for a new way will NOT produce it.

    You must make room for a new way.

    I have seen so many wanting something new; but too afraid to leave the old ways behind.

    Or not letting go; but expecting a new outcome.

    What I have mistakenly believed, is that all who were abused, wanted a new way.  Or, wanted the new meaning of forgiveness; to end the cycle of harm.

    So, they would then be more non-forgiving, than those trying to end the cycle of harm.

    Many want what the old ways…and are not seeking a new way.

    I also listened to Steven Hassan talk about cults and getting out of them.  And, how you have to approach those who are still under the spell of one.  That you are to remain curious and non-judgmental.  I have failed at this big time.

    One thing he did talk about is critical thinking.  And how the common denominator in cults are the enforcing tools. Fear and guilt, and shunning to name a few. And, the binary way that cults operate, with one side being right and the other being wrong.  And, that you are special and 'saved' within the group and going to hell on the outside.

    This is another hole I fall into time and time again. A throw back from my past.

    I can get lost in what is a healthy boundary and what is binary thinking.

    I forget to remember that if I am basing my decisions on what is healthy and good for me, I am not thinking they are wrong; but what is healthy and empowering for me.

    So forgiveness in this new sense is leaving the cult intrenched behaviors behind.

    What else was really interesting, was that it isn't the weak that are easily cast under the spell; but rather anyone is susceptible. 

    Those in the cult know the lure.

    Interesting enough, the lure for the religious equals that of sex trades and extreme terrorist groups. 

    What is key to deflect cults is to be curious, to ask questions and to remain critical in your thinking, to ask about the power structure and how it is arranged.

    I was even surprised to learn that tiered marketing or pyramid selling is a cult.

    But, it makes sense. All the power is on the top. 

    Forgiveness and cults came up on my podcasts as I was wondering how to neutralize my emotions towards my mother.

    Meaning to not rise when I see her words upon my Facebook feed.

    To let her be.

    What came to me, is the struggle we all have in being free.

    We want others to do this or that to give us peace.

    but, we have to instead, let go of some thought or belief that is keeping us engaged.

    I think, I thought, that IF I called her by her given name, she would cease to be mother.

    In her world, She will be mother until she is dead. 

    She will act as mother for that is her role towards me in life. 

    She hasn't changed it, nor does she feel the need or desire to not be my mother.

    No matter, IF I have estranged myself from her.

    She gets to pop in unannounced and unwanted.

    I have to accept this.

    If I had control, I would silence her.

    I do not control her world.

    She has free will and uses it.

    She doesn't see the harm she wields.

    By entering into my life.

    My control is my response.

    Giving her freedom, ends the cycle of abuse.

    Abuse is about control.

    My job is to welcome her words to appear.

    Breath in… by accepting her boldness and her lack of regard for boundaries.

    That is who she is.

    My focus has to be on who I am.  My greatest tests in this life was to become different than she.

    What I don't continue, is my forgiveness.

     

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  • Act of protesting!

     

    While listening to Dr. Peter Holmes, this came up in a discussion about losing weight or exercising more.

    "The first thing is to not do anything, do not diet"

    "The first thing to do is to maybe sit down and ask yourself, What eating that food  symbolizes for you? If you find yourself eating a lot or eating unhealthy food, is that a way for you to cover over anxiety or depression or loneliness.  Begin to ask if there is some meaning to that activity."

    "So, you don't try to fix it, don't try to do anything with it, you just listen to it."

    "What might happen.  Let's take a fictional example. Somebody feels they are eating unhealthy and they are not exercising. And by thinking about it, they realize actually that's something they were taught when they were kids. When they were really young, their mother or father, or their school, they had this idea that they had to look a certain way, and they had to be thin or whatever. And, then they realize that voice isn't my voice. I have internalized an external voice. That is step one, they realize Oh, that's not me that wants to get fit and go on a diet, that is an internal voice of some other."

    "But, then the second step, is they realize actually they are protesting against the voice unconsciously. So the fact they are eating a lot of unhealthy stuff and not looking after their bodies is actually a protest against that voice.  They are actually protesting legitimately against something that is bad. Which is this voice trying force them to do something good."

    "So, then what you do in the third stage is to exorcise the voice. Get rid of it.  Try to get rid of that voice. Now here is the really interesting bit. If you are able to get rid of that internal voice that's telling you to exercise more and be healthier and not eat bad stuff. You also get rid of the protest, that fights against that voice, that stops you from eating healthfully and stops you from exercising."

    "So actually you find that you are much more able to eat better and to exercise. So you get rid of the very voice that is telling you to exercise and eat well, and actually that helps you exercise and eat well. And that is what is called grace by the way. Grace is where you realize you do not have to do anything. And in not having to do anything, you exorcise the voice, that tells you have to do it and therefore you are able to change." Peter Holmes

     

    I found this idea extremely insightful and helpful.  For it appears that we as adults should know better, in what is best for our bodies, but it does seem like we are in active protest against ourselves. But, what if, we are actually in legitimate protest against our early teachers?

    What if, it isn't about us at all?

    But, we are just protesting unaware.

    What I love more is that if you can get rid of that old belief or voice, your protest will die as well. There will be nothing to rise against if the voice is gone.

    So, it isn't about exercising or dieting but about exorcising a voice that isn't ours.  One that we rail against.

    The voices in our minds, that want us to move and eat better, is more the problem.

    My life has been built upon protest much more than what I personally want for myself.

    I have spent more time in protest than I have in doing what my own voice wants for me.

    Who is my other internal voice that I am protesting and what is it saying?

    Is it a society voice and expectation that cute girls are skinny.

    That you are bad if you don't eat well.

    How very interesting to see the thing we actively protest against.

    And, how we are legit protestors!

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    So, then…when I do get out, is there a deeper part of me that feels I have joined the team of the internal 'other voice'? A betrayal against Me the Protestor?

    I truly love, that it isn't about the food or the activity; but rather about the dual between two inner voices.  Mine and the external voices of culture and rearing.

    It will take the untwisting or releasing of the other voice…and the protest dies.

    This makes most sense in the battle of diets and lazy being.

    It has nothing to do with taste, control, or how we move in life.

    Instead it is our very valiant effort to protest!  

    What a good protestor I have been!

    I will now be asking who am I protesting against and then release that voice into the ethers! 

    If I no longer believe that voice, there is nothing to protest over.

    I love that there was actually a legitimate reason for what I was doing. 
    A protest seems better than just being out of control.

    I am going to rid the voices and free myself from the act of protesting.

     

     

     

  • Active Lifestyle

    It has been a little over a year since I added physical activity to my life.  The seasons have been greatly improved.  Winter is now a open landscape to either snowshoe or ski upon. I have just begun the exploration of all the different trails in our area.  I am falling deeper in love with nature and its beauty, in all seasons.

    While skiing on Sunday, I encountered a few hills.  Hills, that were intimidating and had my heart racing.  I made it up the hills.  I fell twice.  I still traversed them!  Success.

    Perfect skiing is completing the trail.  

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    As this year is just beginning, I am now looking at exploring my eating habits.  

    Adding more vegetables and fruits.  

    Eating for fuel instead of 'comfort'.

    My eating habits are not for my body; but mind.

    I have been looking at the way I eat mindlessly repeating what I have done for years.

    It occurred to me, eating is a lot like beliefs or thoughts.  Rarely challenged, just mindless followed.  Eating as we were raised.

    And, it is easier to just make what you have always made, instead of learning something new.  

    Challenging our eating habits, or our thinking habits, takes a space before we respond.  

    Really looking at what we are putting into our bodies, as much as what our minds are saying is self-exploration.

    Going off of cruise control and taking over the controls.

    I am not sure if my body loves sugar or my mind is using it to control me.

    But, there is trepidation of giving it up.

    Fear almost.

    So, I am going to instead try feeding it more healthy stuff and reducing the empty foods that zap my energy.

    It is mind twisting to have a feeling of fear when getting rid of something that is bad for you.

    This has echoes of letting go of relationships that no longer serve you.  It was scary to do and it took awhile to live at peace without them.

    It is just so interesting to me, how our thoughts and habits are often just accepted and rarely challenged to see what their contents are, how do they serve us or jail us and then our willingness to change.

    The contents of my life has been so richly enhanced with trails, hikes, bikes, ski and snowshoes – and so bland to recall it without it.

    I am hoping that the wonderful new eating habits will be the same.  That my food will look so different one year from now.  That I will be adding great new food sources to my life.

    Instead of looking at what I have to lose – sugar and processed foods – I look forward to learning new ways of eating.  

    I going to take is slow; as I did with my activities.  

    Adding new items and find new recipes that I love.

    Food for my body and my new healthy active lifestyle!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Artist and her Art

    I had the opportunity to stand with my art in public.  

    This time however, it wasn't connected with my story in speaking out about abuse.  It was just my art and me.

    The background story wasn't the focus, nor was the revealing therapy exposed. 

    Just surface level artistry, or it seemed,  the 5% of me showing.

    The pretty part.

    And, I was judged in a way that I hadn't been before.

    By my art. Period.

    No past.

    No Me.

    Just fabric and design was to be the judge of who I was.

    Those who came didn't mean to appraise me this way, but my art this time was the subject, not abuse or art therapy or women empowerment.  

    And, I was just the lady who sewed.

    My life, it seemed didn't go beyond the sewing machine.

    Artist.

    "Are you the artist"…."Where is the Artist"…."You are the real deal"

    My art and I, were seen so differently.  

    I felt weird to be the 'artist'. To be accepted or rejected by what I did, or more, by how they liked or didn't like my art.  Or, even if it passed the test of being art.  

    With each individual, I had the opportunity to pass or fail, depending upon their experiences of Art.

    When my Art came before Me and my story, I felt that I personally, was not in control of it being art.  They were.

    I and my efforts, were secondary to the outcome.

    I am not sure if I can articulate this correctly.

    But, my art mostly has been shown along with the deeper story and my journey of healing from sexual abuse and my art has been my companion in a very loving way.

    It has been with me in the dark times, the times when I didn't know who I was or how my story would end.  

    Art showed me, I would be okay, long before I knew.  It expressed the most beautiful parts of me, even in our first attempts to dance together.  The small, frozen shadow of a woman, drew from me – excitement.

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    (Art created between 2005 – 2008)

    My art drew me out.

    The me, that was barely visible beneath the life of denial.

    Our intimate journey, has been one where I followed my art.  Figuratively and emotionally.

    My art was my guide.  

    It wasn't art, in its usual sense. It was the vehicle I used to express and find myself.  

    I was almost forced to art, by how I wasn't able not to do it.  

    It was my peaceful place to reside when my world was upside down.

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    These early Ladies were my becoming.

    The dialogue between Me and Me.

    To now place the Art as a flat image seems so surreal, when it has been a soul in fabric.

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    An earlier piece, with great energy, movement and aliveness.  Is this art?  Who cares, to me it gave me more than I could ever give back.

    Me, the artist?

    No, me the receiver of inspiration and esteem.

    It dared me forward.

    With colors, design and challenges.

    It has been the backdrop of my journey.

    The heartbeat and knowing.

    And, yet not the story.

    It held the story.

    and, me.

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    Art has been my nonjudgemental friend. Always succinctly meeting me exactly where I was.  I couldn't fool art and be more than I was.  It pulled from my subconscious my value and emotions and self-expression.

    Is this true in all artists?

    I can't know.

    Art for me, hasn't been art, but the leader out of darkness or into it.

    It has been the explorer and the explored.

    The greatest value that it holds is me.

    My wellness is stitched in so many seams.

    My thirst for hope, peace, love and joy… shout from the colors and designs.

    See Me.

    I see Me.

    Coming from denial of self, art was the mirror of my soul.

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    Who are we, my art and I?  

    Artist and art?

    We are so much more than that and then just that.

    My journey in fabric, the artist and her Art.

     

     

  • Loved and Equal

    I think the more you see insanity, the more you are required to act sane.  When the outside changes, the more you are asked to look deep within. Look upon your own insane thoughts and beliefs.  What part of reality are your refusing to accept?  And, what was your part in the creation of this insane world?

    It is easy to expect others to do things differently, IT is much harder to ask yourself to change.  Not only ask, but literally do it!

    While it seems that the whole world is in a tailspin, it actually could just be the natural evolution towards personal revolution.

    We all need to be nudged to grow.  Some of us need a harder shove than others.

    Regardless, the more you are excited and agitated by the news and its implications, the only place you can create change is within your personal life.

    When my father's abusive nature came to light.  I wasn't able to do a darn thing with anything about that.  Not him, the courts, the family and its legacy.  But, I could be the one small kernel of change.

    While it was a tiny piece in the big machine of abuse, it was very impacting on me and those around me.

    If we can all stop the outward agitation and outcry and do something empowering within our own lives, it will eventually change our planet.

    I became a spokesperson for speaking out, for women in new directions.  I would not have done this if there hadn't been an interruption in my comfortable denial.  If, I had not been forced to look at what I had contributed to promoting of dysfunction.

    I was not innocent.

    When we look at the imbalance, we all are part of this big equation.

    If we are not upset by the new rules, we are the ones who are used to privilege. And with that specialness, we have allowed others to suffer due to their lack of specialness.

    My father was an abuser.  I was in denial of it.  I played a part in letting the illusion of family continue.  

    If we don't stay with reality and our place in it, we will be promoting fake realities.

    Perhaps our president, is only showing us the dark side within all of us.

    The power we wish we had to push our own agenda.

    Making other people change in order for us to be less fearful.

    To me, the more insane it appears, the more real it actually is.

    I think, we are all half asleep to the realities that surround us.

    We are all guilty of not wanting to know the realness of many.

    It would be shockingly horrific to know, that what we see on the news IS the belief of many.

    What I know for sure, is that the insanity that I witnessed within my own family and their beliefs and denial was being played out in a million other places.

    When reality isn't accepted, we are all part of the insanity making.

    We need most, to look deep within our own lives to see what we don't want to see.

    To feel, to express and to act our own truths and to be with our deepest fears.

    And, walk with them.

    Fear, literally is courage walking. 

    It is easy to push hard for others to behave, so you don't have to change your world.

    If only others would do this and that, so your fears would die down.

    What about you?

    What are you willing to do to have peace in your own world.

    What fears are you willing to sit with and explore?

    What are you willing to change?

    What beliefs that you hold dear, that leave others powerless?

    This is a wonderful opportunity to explore our own beliefs and how we are who we are.

    What makes you you?

    In order for you to go to heaven, who gets sentenced to hell?

    How are you different from the power we see today?  His agenda, may not be yours, but does yours allow for free will and self empowerment?  

    What changes do I need to still make so that others are allowed to be free, loved and equal?

     

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  • What you believe?

     

    Can a narrow minded person see their own narrow mind?  I just don't think you can see that which your mind has been trained not to see.  The beliefs of the mind are stronger than reality.

    We often think we have to change reality; when in fact, we need to open and broaden the mind.

    I am not so sure an outside force can alter the inner beliefs and thoughts of a person.

    I know, that a person is 100% caught up in what their mind believes, and in some cases will kill you for that thought.

    As I watch the exchanges from both sides of an issue, it is to see a closed mind doing battle with an open one.

    There, is very little common ground, for the closed mind is rarely standing on reality.

    How can you fight illusion?

    I come from narrow mindedness. I used to believe that which I was taught to believe, not what I was taught to experience.  My center of the universe was in my mind; not on the ground.

    I had irrational thoughts about rational things.

    I would get nervous, anxious and afraid when the facade was rattled by common sense. I could feel, even if I didn't know it, that my center piece was in danger of falling.

    What I am always surprised is how often we try and justify realty and rarely challenge the beliefs of a narrow mind.

    Trying to prove the innocent, more innocent.

    Rarely going after the beliefs of the narrow road.

    We look deeply and long at the immigrants; not the ones who are building the walls.

    What are their beliefs about humanity at large?

    Can a person have open boundaries with a narrow mind?

    I don't believe so.

    My narrow mindedness could only see so far and made up stories about the rest.

    Fear of my beliefs falling, kept me from exploring beyond where my mind feared to go.

    To even look at my own narrow mind, was an impossibility.

    I was the narrow mind.

    I had no other self beyond that.

    We are challenging the small self that lives in non-reality.

    Reality will destroy it.

    It needs enemies and wrong folk to thrive.

    I don't know how we can undo the mental narrow mind.  All I know, is that one day, I found myself outside of it. All the false centers of mine crashed.

    I was left at ground zero.

    No me.

    But, no narrow mind to block reality for me either.

    A huge open space of awareness, consciousness and the brilliantly tragic reality.

    The flow of the universe was open at last to me.

    Nature at its best and I then could see where I had been.

    Although I saw myself more clearly as I continued to dialogue with those still under the rule of that narrow mind.

    So, as we discuss and toss around what is good for America, remember you are most likely dancing with a mind who has very little touch with reality.  They live, as my brother use to say, "In the smallest darkest parts of their mind."

    Can you see what you believe?

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  • The Evolution of Being a Badass!

    "Emotional Agility" Susan David

    "Walking Your Values"

    "Of course, determining what you truly care about is only half the process of walking your why.  Once you've identified your values, you then have to take them out for a spin.  This requires a certain amount of courage, but you can't aim to be fearless.  Instead, you should aim to walk directly into your fears, with your values as your guide, toward what matters to you. Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking."

    I love the visual of Fear Walking.

    In my experience, fear walking is the courage to do that which you think you can't do.  

    It is in the little steps that courage blooms!

    Here is another part that I love.

    "Tweaking little things can have a powerful impact when doing so allows us to align our behavior more closely with what really matters to us."

    "Nature favors evolution, not revolution. Studies from many different fields have demonstrated that small shifts over time can dramatically enhance our ability to thrive. The most effective way to transform your life, therefor, is not by quitting your job and moving to an ashram, but to paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, by doing what you can, with what you have, where you are. Each little tweak may not look like much on its own, but think of them as frames in a movie. If you alter each frame, one at a time, and put them all together, you'll end up with a totally different film, and one that tells a totally different story."

    "Or, (to continue with the boat metaphor used earlier) if you've ever sailed, you know that a shift of a degree or two can dramatically change where you wind up across the bay. Imagine how much greater the effect would be if you were sailing across the ocean."

    "When our approach to problems is too grand ("I need a new career!"), we invite frustration. But when we aim for tiny tweaks ("I'm going to have one discussion a week with someone outside my field."), the cost of failure is pretty small.  When we know we have little to lose, our stress levels drop, and our confidence increases.  We get the feeling "I can handle this," which helps us become more committed and creative. Equally importantly, we tap into the fundamental human need to make progress toward meaningful goals."

    "In looking for the right places to make these tiny changes, there are three broad areas of opportunity.  You can tweak your beliefs – or what psychologists call your mindset; you can tweak you motivations; and you can tweak your habits. When we learn how to make small changes in each of these areas, we set ourselves up to make profound, and lasting change o er the course of our lives."  Susan

    Okay, I love that nature favors evolution not revolution. That we can, like nature slowly evolve toward our goals.

    I also love that all we need to do are small changes, little tweaks that add up to great change.

    It is in the little moments of life, where you decide to change a response.  One response at a time, literally will change the trajectory of your life.  

    Often, we can't know the impact of these tiny tweaks until you look back from where you once began.

    In just over a year, I have begun to be more active; hiking, biking, skiing, and snowshoeing.  Each small tweak has given my life an overall view that is wildly more exciting.  The places I have been, the people I have met, the trails still to travel, and the new strengths I have found…are huge in the totality of each tweak.

    One small trail I conquered added to the overall picture.

    The evolution of being a Badass!

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  • Movie of You

    More from "Emotional Agility" by Susan David

    "Identifying Your Values"

    "The word "values" can have a scolding, Sunday-school connotation that's pretty unappealing.  It feels restrictive, or punishing, or, worse, judgmental. We hear a lot about having the "right" values (or the wrong ones), but what does that really mean? And who decides what values are worth having?"

    "First off, I don't think that inflexible notions of right and wrong help us much. And they certainly don't belong in a book about emotional agility!  Instead, I see values not as rules that are supposed to govern us, but as qualities of purposeful action that we can bring to many aspects of life. Values aren't universal; what's "right" for one person may well not be for someone else.  But identifying what matters to you, whether that's career success, creativity, close relationships, honesty, altruism – there is an almost infinite list to choose from – gives you a priceless source of continuity  Values serve as a kind of physiological keel to keep you steady."

    "And you don't have to settle on just one. A colleague of mine describes values as "facets on a diamond." Sometimes, he says, when you turn one to face squarely, another may have to move away – but it is still there, part of the whole, and visible through the prism."

    "Here are some other characteristics of values."

    They are freely chosen and have not been imposed on you.

    They are not goals; that is, they are ongoing rather than fixed.

    They guide you rather than restrain you.

    They are active, not static.

    They allow you to get closer to the way you want to Iive your life.

    They bring you freedom from social comparisons.

    They foster self-acceptance, which is crucial to mental health.

    "Above all, a value is something you can use. It helps you to place your feet in the right direction as you journey through life, no matter what life leads you."  Susan

     

    I love this part in the book.  I love how values are used to guide you, to move you and to define how you chose choices in life.  

    I love how they are not imposed upon you, but come from within. 

    I would say, they are the markers of our character.

    I also love how values are not right or wrong – they are free and active and will not bind you- but give you wings.

    Values certainly will color who you are; but you are the one holding the paint brush.

    Your values are always showing, by the choices you make.

    I love how values are not to be imposed.

    My old church is a great example of how imposing values fail the whole community in which it rules.

    It didn't allow for personal freedom to chose – shutting down the individual self.

    The 'faith' and its rules were always seen first.

    I recall living life with it as my ruler and value maker.

    I didn't have a personal voice.  Or, if I did, it was to go against the church and its values and be a 'sinner'.

    How would it ever be possible to have emotional agility while under the influence of a religion whose rules supersede your own?

    You know how some people feel that being part of something makes them better or less than.  

    I believe that when you are raised to value the values of the religion, over your own personal emotions/body and soul, you will always seek to find yourself in a group you join.

    What I also recall, is when my family and religion collapsed, due to the lack values I thought it held, I was left without a self.

    My self was in the values of what I belonged to.

    I was nothing without them.

    It took a long time to define my own values and to change my life in a new direction.

    My new values were felt and consciously selected.

    Once in place, my life was simplified and easily followed.

    They have guided me and helped me live very authentically for me.

    I love the freedom and how unrestrained I am.  How I am able to do my life as Me. 

    My most defining value is to see reality.

    Freedom

    Love

    Art

    Originality

    to name a few.

    Value – what is important to me.

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    What is important to you are your values and are seen by what you do.  Your values are wordless; the silent movie of you!

     

     

     

  • Emotionally Agile

    My first introduction to Susan David was here.  I know she is right and in my experience, emotional agility is the key to a life of peace, love and joy; which includes, heartache, sorrow and grief!

    I then went and purchased her book.

    Here is what I read today.

    "Choosing Willingness"

    "We want life to be as dazzling and painless as possible.  Life,on the other hand, has a way of humbling us, and heartbreaks built into its agreement with the world. We're young, until we are not. We're healthy, until we're not. We're with those we love, until we're not. Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility."

    "One of the greatest human triumphs is to choose to make room in our hearts for both the joy and the pain, and to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This means seeing feelings, not as being "good" or "bad" but as just "being". Yes, there is a relentless assumption in our culture that we need to do something when we have inner turmoil. We must struggle with it, fix it, control it, exert brute force willpower over it, remain positive. What we really need to do , though, is also what is most simple and obvious: nothing. that is, to just welcome these inner experiences, breath into them, and learn their contours without racing for the exits."  Susan

    What I love about this is that our whole emotional body is welcome and accepted.  We are not trying to override our emotions with positive platitudes and put sunny faces upon tragedy.  We get to allow all our deep brilliant raw emotions of sorrow to be just that.

    We don't camp there; but we learn from what our emotions are telling us.  I learned so many incredible things about myself, and life, in the years of my darkest days.

    Imagine art with just one tone; where there is no contrast or wild surprises, no dark and light to help express life's beauty?

    She goes on to say:

    "A good question to ask yourself when you're trying to learn from your emotion is, "What the func?"

    "No, that's not a typo for a more explicit question.  "Func" is short for "function," so "What the func" is shorthand for "What is the purpose of this emotion?" What is it telling you? What does it get you? What is buried beneath that sadness, frustration or joy?"

    "Once you stop struggling to eliminate distressing feelings or to smother them with positive affirmations or rationalizations, they can teach us valuable lessons. Self-doubt and self-criticism, even anger and regret, shine light into those dark, murky sometimes demon-haunted places that you most want to ignore, which are places of vulnerability or weakness.  Showing up to these feelings can help you anticipate pitfalls and prepare more effective ways of coping during critical moments."

    "If you confront both your internal feelings and external options – while maintaining the distinction between the two- you will have a much better chance having a good day, not to mention a meaningful life.  You'll make important decisions in light of the broadest possible context. This requires honesty and integrity to incorporate our experiences into a narrative that is uniquely our own, as well as one that will serve us, helping us understand where we've been so that we can better see where we want to go."  Susan

    If we allow our emotions to steer us, I believe, we will live a life that is completely authentic to who we are. 

    When I began listening to my body and its emotions, I was overwhelmed by them.  However, there was a huge backup of negative emotions that I had not felt.  They were all eager to be heard, expressed and then released.  

    Now, my body knows, there is nothing I will not feel. My emotions are greatly valued and honored by me.  I follow where they lead. 

    The term "emotional agility" portrays a person who is nimble and flowing with life.

    Can there be personal integrity IF you never show the full range of emotion?

    What I know about myself, was when I was unable to show my real feelings and follow them, I had rage at things that were innocent; like my children.

    Meaning, I needed to first and foremost, express my feelings of being abused by my parents.  I had to go deeply into this in order to come out to peace.

    Peace isn't to be loving and kind to those who hurt you.

    That is a false peace.

    A peace sign laid a top of wound.

    It doesn't make the wound heal.

    By following my emotions, I was then able to steer myself free from those who don't value me.

    What the func, is a great ask.

    What is this emotion saying?

    I followed my body…and still do.  

    Most children of abuse, are abused as children by someone they know and love.  This adds to the unwillingness to believe our bodies over our hearts and beliefs.

    This sets us up to be inauthentic in order to be safe.

    To leave the wisdom of our bodies and try harder in order to be loved without pain, for we are incapable of leaving and taking care of ourselves. We then, in our minds, try to create a world that discounts our emotions completely.

    We are not born separated from our emotional body.

    Abuse and not having anyone who will listen to our truths, makes it the only thing to do.

    Leave those feelings buried, unheard and unseen, to live removed from our body.

    Being a whole being, is when we can go back and rescue all of our emotions, so we have the ability to steer our lives in all directions, not just to happy or positive or joy!

    I followed the dark shadows and became emotionally agile!

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