I M Perfect lady

Category: Another’s view

Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted…

Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted.

by Brene Brown

There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics

and fearmongers

Than those of us who are willing to fall

Because we have learned how to rise

With skinned knees and bruised hearts;

We chose owning our stories of struggle,

Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.

When we deny our stories, they define us.

When we run from struggle, we are never free.

So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.

We will not be characters in our stories.

Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.

We are the authors of our lives.

We write our own darling endings.

We craft love from heartbreak,

Compassion from shame,

Grace from disappointment,

Courage from failure.

Showing up is our power.

Story is our way home.

Truth is our song.

We are the brave and brokenhearted.

We are rising strong.

From Brene Brown's book "Rising Strong- The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution.

I just received it, but hear Oprah read the Manifesto….and looked it up.

I agree with it.

October 13, 2015
What Is and What Was.

"In order to forgive, something has to die"…Brene Brown, speaking with Oprah.

I agree with this.

The forgiveness I was taught, was that IF you forgave someone, then nothing changed. It kept reality the same. Like, the Sin never happened; it was washed away.

When forgiveness has a loss attached, a death of what was…it isn't wiping away anything, but bringing in a new truth that changes everything.

It dovetails with "Forgiveness is accepting that the past can be no different."

You have to accept it and in doing so something will die. A relationship, a dream, a future…

Forgiving them for changing your life.

One thing Brene talked about was regrets. She made it sound negative IF you had none. I don't.

But, I don't consider it a negative in my world.

The reason I have no regrets, is that I did the best I could with the understanding and awareness I had at the time. I didn't act less than I could, out of choice. It was the highest I could respond given where I was at the time.

Making people feel that regrets are a positive thing; equals to believing things could be different. The opposite of the forgiveness message that Oprah speaks of.

How can you forgive yourself, IF you have regrets?

Or, how can you fully love yourself if there are parts of you, you can't accept?

It is to look at your past and wish you were different.

I believe, in order to fully accept yourself, you have to fully acknowledge all the things you did and why.

I acted perfectly perfect, coming from whence I came.

I was displaying my awareness or the lack thereof. I was acting completely as someone who lived in denial would act. There is nothing I would change….IF I could.

It was reality unfolding as it would given the circumstances of my childhood, my teachings, my religion, my abuse…I acted completely normal coming from abnormal.

I just don't believe it is helpful to wish things were different….that is the road out of reality. And, you can't learn about yourself unless and until you walk hand and hand with reality of what is and what was.

There is much I do agree with in this interview….

October 6, 2015
Peace with What Is.

I thought more on the word "Non-Judgment" and, looked up a few definitions.

For at first, it seems fairly passive.

"tending not to judge other people harshly or unfairly : not too critical of other people."

"avoiding judgments based on one's personal and especially moral standards."

"not making or expressing an opinion regarding a person or thing; impartial avoiding or tending to avoid making value judgments; tolerant, liberal, etc.

That being said, there seems to be another more spiritual or conscious meaning to the word, non-judgement.

"In its simplest form, non-judgment is acceptance."

And, I looked up Acceptance.

"the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered."

"the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group.

Is it possible, that if you don't accept a truth, fact or behavior…you are judging – If non-judgment is acceptance?

That those who feel it is kinder or more christian-like to not judge are actually judging when they don't consent to receive this new information?

Could it be possible that the very act of not changing their minds is judging reality based on their personal values and believes.

What they feel is non-judging, is really judging; due to their non-acceptance.

How I felt about non-judgment, when viewing it from the meaning of acceptance, was to accept all things.

There was nothing I was unwilling to accept. And, in the act of receiving all manner of truths; I responded in-kind.

It is to be, as Byron Katie says, a Lover of Reality.

I had to school myself to LOVE what is, and not hate and reject certain parts of life that are hard to take in.

In fact, the harder it is to accept something, the further you are from reality.

It amazes me that we will argue with reality. And, again Byron Katie says, "Reality wins only 100% of the time.

When you don't accept reality, all of it, you are believing in something that isn't real.

The non-acceptance has you building another reality.

What is most astounding, are the sheer numbers that don't reside in reality.

In their minds.

And, what I have found, is that dialoguing with these folks is a useless exercise.

For, in their minds – their minds are made up.

There is a payoff for not changing their minds to see reality.

Often it is to keep a husband, to be accepted by a group…to live their dream life.

The body is in reality, and mind has not followed. So, they live more in their minds than with what Is.

And, we call this 'normal'.

When I was struck dumb by how much my mind had created, compared to reality. I vowed to follow the truth…and find normal. What I soon discovered was that I wasn't the only one who lived a few steps from reality. It seemed most did. Normal wasn't living with the truth. Normal as we call it, was to be selective with accepting reality.

This selective acceptance IS what creates havoc in our worlds.

As Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor says, "Our left mind takes the least amount of information and weaves the most plausible story."

Isn't it also very telling, when you can see the slip in other people's worlds, where they are not embracing all of life. That you can see where their minds are deluded; but not yours.

What does it take to be non-judgmental, to be fully accepting of all things?

Why is this mere act so hard for people to live?

Why does it appear that living a deluded life is better than one of loving reality in all forms?

And, if you live with a deluded mind, is it easier to navigate the world?

To me, coming from the land of delusion, I am determined to see all. And, to not have my mind contort reality.

I looked up Contort. "Twist or bend out of its normal shape."

Not accepting what is, you then have to bend or twist and struggle to make it work in reality.

And, I often find myself belittled or called mental, because I won't distort reality.

My left mind doesn't work anymore. I can't weave the most plausible story. I can only work with what is.

Oddly, it makes my life easier and I have a harder time with the people whose minds love to contort reality.

Our language doesn't communicate with each other.

I can't see their contorted reality, and they can't see mine.

I love what is….not what isn't.

Once you get used to the brilliance of reality in its raw form; its impossible to live outside of it.

Often it is just me and reality….but, what a great companion!

My mind is at peace with What Is.

August 12, 2015
Hide from your life.

While listening to a fictional book, a person was given a chance to change their name, face and location…disappearing from their old life into a brand new one.

It was to change all outward appearances or name recognition; yet the person remained on the inside, but hidden from view.

What struck me was how we tend to change some of the same things, hoping for a better life. When the real core of who you are isn't where you live, the features on your face, the size of your body or what you do for a living.

And, on Facebook yesterday someone asked the question, "What are your five values?" and I asked, "How many live their values?"

Is it possible that your values and your life don't match and is that even possible?

How you spend your time every day, who you are with and how you act ARE your values.

And, is there a difference between your values and your character OR are they one and the same?

I listed mine…."Authenticity, Integrity, trustworthy, individual, spirited".

Freedom would be another, as well as passion…and acceptance of what is.

I believe our actions are our values.

How we spend our time, and who we spend it with, is what gives our life worth.

And what kind of energy do we bring to these encounters, is our contribution to these engagements.

Is it possible as well, that many can't name their values and that what they do each day isn't what they want their values to be?

I am much more in sync with my values. My inner world is happy with what I do and with whom. I am more in tune.

In the past, there was a fight and struggle, where my values and ideas wrestled with what I was taught. Now, there is no inner fight going on.

I have learned to tune out the voices outside of me, and listen to my inner callings. And in doing so my self value has risen.

I would bet, that the biggest cause of distress and stress for that matter, is doing the opposite of what you know are your values. Doing this to get along, to keep the peace etc…while a war is raging inside of you.

List your values, give them a ranking of importance and then see how close you are living in comparison to the list. If it is off, you know where you need to start spend more of your time and energy.

Don't let your inner self hide from your life.

Thanks Brian Rendel for this exercise.

July 31, 2015
Janet Mock

I watched Janet Mock on Soul Series and understand that we all have a truth inside of us that we hide OR, that Society expects us to hide. I love the words she uses to articulate her journey.

How society expected her to present one way and would rebuff her truth.

I understand this the most.

How when I was unable to keep my truth hidden; others have rebuffed it once it has been what I present to the world.

Thanks Janet for teaching us about the journey of authenticity!

This is a great video that we can all learn from.

May 4, 2015
Christiane Northrup

If you haven't watched this video, you may want to. She is speaking about so many things that we are looking at with the wrong perspective.

Daring to break old teachings, we too can grow older in our own way.

And, I love her view on forgiveness and shame.

April 29, 2015
Note by Note

While reading the ending of the book "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" by David Hawkins, it finally occurred to me what he is letting go of; everything that stands in the way of reality…or this moment in time.

"Eventually, everything is surrendered that stands in the way of the Presence. The Presence is so obvious, so startling, so overwhelming, that there's no question about it. It is profound, total, all-encompassing, absolutely over-whelming, totally transforming, and completely unmistakeable. When everything is surrendered that stands in the way, It is there, shining brilliantly forth."

"Instead of viewing this as something in the future, own it now. Enlightenment is not something that occurs in the future, after 50 years of sitting cross-legged and saying "OM." It is right here, in this instant. The reason you're not experiencing this state of total peace and timelessness is because it is being resisted. It is being resisted because you are trying to control the moment. If you let go of trying to control your experience of moment, and if you constantly surrender it like a tone of music, then you live on the crest of this exact alwaysness. Experience arises like a note of music, its already passing away. The instant you heard it its already dissolving. So every single moment is dissolving as it arises. Let go of anticipating the next moment, trying to control it, trying to hang on to the moment that has just passed. Let go clinging to what has just occurred. Let go trying to control what you think is about to occur. Then live in an infinite space of non-time and non-event. there is an infinite peace beyond description. And you are home." David Hawkins.

If you can see that time unfolds like music notes, you can see how if you are holding on to the last note, you will miss the one that followed it. And, if you are waiting for a certain note in the future, again you miss the one playing right now.

I bet many things that require your utmost attention keep you on the present note.

Present notes such as art, music, babies, nature, love…to name a few.

To be able to stay with the notes of life, your life will be totally expanded; for you are literally living in the notes. Living at one…going with the flow, in the mystery as to what will come up next and you don't wait or hang on….but live with it.

Life is a musical…note by note.

April 19, 2015
In answering the question, "What do you think happens when we die?", Jon Kabat-Zinn replied…that he was more concerned about what happened Before we die.

His speciality is awareness – Mindful awareness.

Is it possible that you can miss most of your life?

And, if you are not aware of yourself are you actually alive?

What is the difference between sleep and death to your awareness?

He says, that the only moment we are alive is in this moment.

The past is a memory and the future an idea.

We live in this moment. But, if you are fighting it and disagreeing with it, are you actually fighting being fully alive.

I don't believe you can make yourself unaware, but you can help with being more aware.

Watch this video and see how you can live before you die.

April 13, 2015
A Voice for the Voiceless

I was interviewed last week by a young student at Michigan Tech for an article she would write for the Lode. For those who don't get the student newspaper, here is what she wrote after speaking with me for an hour.

"A Voice for the Voiceless" By Sarah Harttung

"A large fire can burn down an entire forrest, but within a few weeks, life reemerges. When children are victims of abuse, their lives are burned, their views of the world are distorted, and their trust is shattered. The narrative doesn't have to stop there: Beth Jukuri says that healing can come not only through traditional therapy, but through art."

"Jukuri is a U.P. native currently residing in Chassell. She has been making quilts since the late 1990's, but in 2004, she realized something that would change her life forever: she had been abused by her father. Finding these lost experiences broke her."

"Instead of foregoing everything she enjoyed, Jukuri began using quilting as an outlet for her emotions. These quilts became evidence of the "growth of (her) inner self-esteem through fabric." She wanted to be the "voice for the voiceless," empowering others who feel powerless."

"Women In New Directions, or WIND a social group organized by Jukuri, gathers adult women twice a month to do something creative.This Thursday April 9th, she is hosting an event for women on campus."

"Come to the MUB Ballroom B from 6 to 7:30 to make weather grams, free of charge. These crafts have a verse written on them about a sudden personal insight and then are hung outside throughout an entire season so they can "weather." The members of the Women's Programming Committee planned the evening."

"Beth Jukuri encourages people to take up art because it "allows you to own your individuality" instead of running away from it. Her website, http://www.imperfectlady.typepad.com contains pictures of some of her quilts and links to helpful websites for the abused." Sarah

I like how she use the analogy of a fire and how the forrest does regrow. And, I would also note, that so can we.

In fact, it is the first step in growing; when we acknowledge our abuse.

I think, many people think, that keeping silent and staying within families of abuse is the grownup thing to do.

I just watched a short video on staying in marriage "for the kids" and how parents think that doing this will be less painful and easier on the kids and more beneficial.

The speaker goes on to say, that what it is really teaching is how to live betraying yourself. How to put your authentic life, if you will on hold, until the children become 18.

I see the correlation with abuse. Most will 'stay silent' for the good of the family….until. Believing that living inauthentic will make a good family.

My speaking up and out loud about my abuse, isn't fully embraced with many. For, I am divorcing myself from them instead of betraying who I am.

I feel that my message to my own children is that I will not betray myself and my feelings in order to 'save' a family. I am showing them how to be authentic even when doing the right thing is the hardest thing.

Here is where I watched the video

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/05/staying-in-a-dead-marriage-for-the-kids/

Our lives boil down to truly just two ways of being in the world….betraying yourself or being authentically you. What is worth betraying yourself for and what does it teach those around? Are you truly teaching a better lesson by betraying your truth and rejoining something you no longer believe in…or love?

What I have learned is that the very thing you silent about is what you teach. You teach by what you are not saying, not doing…believing you are teaching something different.

To be bold and stand up authentically is a beautiful lesson to teach.

April 10, 2015
Reflection of Me.

"Religion is not simply a collection of beliefs, but a way of seeing the world." William James

I heard this sentence and know its completely true.

Religion is a lens in which we are taught How to see the world.

Who is right….and who is wrong.

What is right and what is wrong.

And, this dictates how they treat other people.

This makes more sense to me than the collection of beliefs a certain group of people believe in….it is by far more the way that they have all been trained to SEE the world.

I know that I am seen in a variety of ways; depending on the religion of the person seeing me.

It has nothing or very little to do with me…but their religious lenses.

How I see me and how other religions see me rarely match…and who then is correct?

Just a very thought provoking way to look upon religions…as religions look back at us.

What they see is what their religion has taught them to see; but not what is.

I know that in nature I am clearly seen.

A perfect reflection of me.

April 9, 2015