I M Perfect lady

Category: Books

  • Being on a Leash.

    As I listened to the rest of the book, ""Sway" The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior…by Ori Brafman, I learned more about the nature of being human and the irrational reasons we do that which we do.

    What I love is that all humans respond similarly; that no one is immune, that our bodies and brains are all equal…and we all fall victim to the irresistible pull of irrational behavior…it is in our nature.

    Our brains work the same way when prompted and can be fooled and are tricked more often than not.

    The example of a world renowned Violin Player playing his violin in the Subway…on his 3 million dollar violin, will go unnoticed, for he is out of place.  Our minds will not consider the inconsiderable, unless we challenge it or perhaps force it to go against the irresistible pull to go against what it 'knows'.  And it knows that famous Violin Players are in concert halls not in subways.

    In this case the violin player is out of its normal environment…so we fail to see him.

    I was also enthralled with the dynamics of groups and how we fail to act as an individual within them…unless one Individual stands up…we will move as a group, swayed in the same direction.

    I know this works in a cult.  And any dissenters are quickly shunned into silence…for in order for a cult to work, there can be only one leader and one view point…a cult is not a free society…you are ALL to move as ONE.

    When raised in a cult, you use the same model for your family; the parents are the leaders and there can be no dissenters present…ever.  Those who dare speak against the parent are quickly removed from having any relationship with those inside.

    For you are a threat to the force of One.  ONE family…not one individual within the family….the family comes first before your individual needs.  You are not allowed to do for Self.

    A dissenter isn't allowed to come in whether as a voice of a child within the family or an outsider.

    A dissenter brings gifts of discord and discord brings disagreement and disagreement opens the door that weakens the group and will lead to the empowerment of the individual.

    And dysfunctional families and cults are NOT interested in the power of the individual…keeping the Group together is the pull which leads to incredible irrational behavior. 

    The very thing that an abused child needs is kept from them…empowerment, being an individual, owner of her feelings…etc.

    An empowered child will not allow further abuse.  

    An empowered individual will not stay within a cult.

    Only victims are not empowered.

    This fear based irrational behavior of parents clinging tightly to the family group, lead to children having to push back in order to heal…or remain powerless inside.

    What my mother said she wanted was for me to heal, but she wanted me to do that within the structure of an abusive family.  It is like being a free spirit within a cult.

    The dynamics of a dysfunctional family is that there is but one leader, one voice and one choice and there is no room for a second opinion or feeling or expression or an equal power.  The very structure is based on Victim and Abuser.  

    This structure will not stand if there is empowerment or a dissenting vote.

    What most dysfunctional families want is to remain the same while allowing the adult children to heal.

    Each time I have written HEAL, what flashes through my mind is a dog heeling….keeping him on a loose leash…walking beside you.

    This is what freedom looks like to a dysfunctional family…they still want you to remain on a family leash, obediently walking while the parent holds the leash.

     

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    Life just isn't the same being on a leash…

     

  • Nothing Can Sway Them…

    Today as I rode along in the mail jeep, I listened to "Sway" The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior…by Ori Brafman.

    A very interesting look at what is behind the irrational behavior. 

    In the beginning of the book, he speaks of two very compelling reasons why people don't change their minds or the direction of their lives.  

    One is the "Aversion to Loss"…where they will hold on to a sinking ship, rather than lose it.  It isn't even about what they are holding on to, it is that they just are simply repulsed by the thought of Loss. They live life from the NOT losing perspective and fail to see life from a view point of gaining something new. They literally are not even able to see a new way, for their sole focus is on NOT LOSING what they have.  This one factor will lead to all kinds of irrational behavior.

    Now couple it with an added vice, "commitment"…and you have the makings of insane behavior. 

    They made a commitment and that commitment overshadows any facts that fly in the face of that.  Their commitment binds the NOT Losing sentiment into a circle that they can't escape from.  No rational directives can penetrate the tightly woven Beliefs they hold.

    I highly recommend reading this book, if you have irrational folks in your world and you simply can't figure them out.  The experiments alone are very interesting to see how the human rationality works.

    What this has helped me see is that if your mind set is on NOT LOSING, you will not be able to see a new way.  For you are holding tight to the thought that you can't lose what you have…it isn't what you have, but losing.

    This of course brings me to my siblings and how they don't want to lose the family and even how they are committed to the roles of brother/sister/son/daughter, they acted irrationally from my point of view, because they couldn't lose.

    Loss becomes the larger meaning…than what you holding on to.

    This is why I couldn't understand why they were so dead set against letting go…they didn't want to lose…and their commitment to that family stood higher than the family they were committed to.

    I don't know if I can adequately explain this, but if you read the book, you will see how we give up being rational in irrational ways due to holding on to a secondary meaning.

    Oh, and there is one about "Value"…where if your first impression is that person or thing is valuable, you will not change your mind easily…and in fact, you will disregard information that tries to lessen the value.

    The first impression of valuable stands against all facts to the contrary.

    These three different examples dove tail in nicely to abuse and it explains how folks refuse to budge in a new direction.

    Lots of the abuse is happening in families whose 'reputations' proceed them, and it is extremely difficult to change the minds from the first impression of valuable…our minds can't be swayed.

    It works in the opposite direction too.  If you are labeled as less or worthless, you can't get people to believe otherwise. And it even works if people label you worthless, you begin to believe them EVEN if you have facts that dispute it.

    We simply can't be swayed by facts, for in front of the facts, stands our first impressions…or fears of loss…or our ironclad promise of commitment.

    Losing family….failing to honor your commitment to the family and changing your Values of them stand in the way of navigating rationally in the face of abuse.

    In my experience, this explains the behaviors of my family…they are a strong bunch; nothing can sway them.

     

  • Parents Call Family.

    I came across this paragraph in "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatte. 

    "Codependents are indirect. We don't say what mean, we don't mean what we say.  We don't do this on purpose. We do it because we've learned to communicate this way. At some point, either in our childhood or adult family, we learned it was wrong to talk about problems, express feelings, and express opinions. We've learned it was wrong to directly state what we want and need. It was certainly wrong to say no, and stand for ourselves. An alcoholic (abusive) parent or spouse will be glad to teach these rules; we have been too willing to learn and accept them." MB

    Communicating poorly was taught to us.

    To NOT communicate how we felt was demanded of us, expected of us.  This was dictated by the abusive parent who needed us to not mention how their behavior felt to us.  Or god forbid, speak of it to another person, share our experience, express our feelings… and communicate about abuse.  

    Even the spouse of the abuser will follow the rules.  They too will not talk about the 'problems' and the child then has no adult to which he/she can communicate directly.  

    Direct communication becomes extinct.

    If you communicate directly to these such folks, (abusers and their partners) you will be snuffed out, silenced, tossed to the curb, annihilated from their lives.  They will easily get rid of you so as not to hear a direct communication about a 'problem'.

    Their problem, their abusive behavior, their cover up, their lack of paying attention, their lack of doing nothing, their lacks in allowing abuse to continue on.  They certainly don't want to hear about it OR how it has affected the lives of so many and how it is now trickling down into the next generation. 

    Abuse has its own island, and while we were born upon that island, we can't tell anyone what happened there, how we lived, who was there and what happened…it is like we fell from the sky, but not raised in abuse. 

    Yet we spent the first 18 years of our lives there…and it is as if 'nothing' happened.  As if our early years are meaningless.  Our parents don't want to know that they indeed left a permanent scar

    Our battle scars are wounds that go unhealed, for the very thing we need to heal is forbidden.  We are not allowed treatment.

    Imagine, one parent wounds you and the other refuses to treat you…a child is left on the island unable to communicate, or it will be tossed out to sea, the sea of estrangement.

    And guess what, it matters not how many years pass on, whether you are now married with children, IF you ever dare speak of your life on the Island of Abuse, you will be banished…

    Many feel it is better to live among those on the Island and speak indirectly and without meaning, than to speak their truth and fall into the sea.

    Those are our two damn choices. 

    Pick one.

    The sea of estrangement brought me back to me.

    I still see the Island and hear about the Islanders, their parties and their lives…and in the early days of swimming alone, I longed to go back, but each and every time I considered it, I knew that I would have to leave the new me behind.

    The rules on the Island forbade the use of direct communication or expression of ones feelings or to discuss problems.  If I were to go back, I go back as a voiceless, choiceless, indirect and meaning not what I say girl.  I can't.

    Once you get used to swimming in the sea of freedom and truth, it is impossible to be happy on the Island of Abuse.  

    Which I know is why many parents are scared spit-less for their children to speak up and be direct, for it means they are heading to the open sea…and when they get a taste of being free, they will never return to the dark Island of Abuse. 

    One that the parents call family.

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  • The Grieving Process

    I am rereading Melody Beatte's book, "Codependent No More," and I am very surprised to see how she spends a lot of time on the grieving process.

    She writes,

    ‎"A codependent person or a chemically dependent person may be in many stages of the grief process for several losses, all during the same time. Denial, depression, bargaining, and anger may all come rushing in. We may not know what we're trying to accept. We may not even know we're struggling to accept a situation. We may simply feel like we've gone crazy"

    ‎"We may travel back and forth; from anger to denial, from denial to bargaining, from bargaining back to denial. Regardless of the speed and route we travel through these stages, we must travel through them. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross says it is not only a Normal Process, it is a necessary process, and each stage is necessary. We must ward off the blows of life until we are better prepared to deal with them. We must feel anger and pain and blame until we have gotten them out of our system…" 

     ‎"Grief, like any genuine emotion, is accompanied by certain physical changes and the release of a form of psychic energy. If that energy is not expended in the normal process of grieving, it becomes destructive within a person. Even physical illness can be a penalty for unresolved grief…" Melody

    ‎"Learn the Art of Acceptance. It's a lot of grief"  Melody

    This section in the book has opened my eyes to many things.  First that the five stages of grief don't run in a straight line, nor do they wait their turn, you can actually be flung from one to another in rapid succession AND, we can be processing many losses at one time.

    I can see the road I traveled and why. And I love that she (Elisabeth and Melody) allow us to be in our stages of grief for as long as it takes, that there are no rules, that we will PROCESS that which we need to process in our own time.

    I knew I was grieving, what I failed to appreciate was how many feelings I had repressed that had to be felt, as well as brand new ones that came in.

    Not only did I have to grieve the loss of a father and mother in my past, but had to do so in the present moment as well when they failed to act parental in this moment in time.  AND, to say nothing of processing my loss childhood and me…siblings, religion and all the trappings that go with.

    What I also wasn't truly understanding while I was living it, was that my feelings my feelings were the key to healing.

    She writes,

    "Another problem with repressed feelings is they don't go away. They linger, sometimes growing stronger and causing us to do many peculiar things. We have to stay one step ahead of the feelings, we have to stay busy, we have to do something. We don't dare get quiet and peaceful because we might then feel these emotions. And the feeling might squeak out anyway, causing us to do something we never intended to do; scream at the kids, kick the cat, spill on our favorite dress, or cry at the party. We get stuck in feelings because we are trying to repress them, and like a persistent neighbor, they will not go away until we acknowledge their presence."

    "The big reason for NOT repressing feelings is that emotional withdrawal causes us to lose our positive feelings. We lose the ability to feel.  Sometimes, this may be a welcome relief if the pain becomes too great or too constant, but this in not a good plan for living. We may shut down our deep needs – our need to love and be loved – when we shut down our emotions. We may lose our ability to enjoy sex, the human touch. We may lose the ability to feel close to people, otherwise known as intimacy.  We lose our capacity to enjoy the pleasant things of life."

    "We lose touch with ourselves and our environment. We are no longer in touch with our instincts. We become unaware of what our feelings are telling us and any problems in our environment. We lose the motivating power of feelings.  If we aren't feeling we're probably not examining the thinking that goes with it, and we don't know what our selves are telling us. And if we don't deal with feelings we don't change and we don't grow. We stay stuck."  

    "Feelings may not always be a barrel of gladness, but repressing them can be downright miserable…" Melody

    When I let the gate open to ALL feelings, I was overwhelmed and flooded, lost in the sea of emotions.  I sat for days (really years) and just felt. I wrote and felt, and walked and felt and expressed and swore and hollered and vented. I cried and cried and sorrow poured from me…

    When I finally sat down to feel, I had 40 years worth of feeling to do.

    The past emotions clashed with my present day ones to be felt, and the volume was scary and volatile, I literally thought I was losing my mind, but what I was really doing was coming alive.

    I not only was feeling feelings on the darkest end of the spectrum, but I was at the same time feeling the most exquisite feelings of warmth, joy, peace, love.

    I was moved to tears by beauty.

    While it may be the scariest of rides, this ride through the grieving process, to accept the horrors of life, it also is the gateway into living an authentic feeling life.

    My feelings now are welcome, for I know the cost of repression AND how it really is an act that is futile; for unexpressed emotions never leave you….time travelers they have been called.  

    All you are doing is blocking ALL feelings. If you can't feel the sorrow, you will not be able to feel the love, the peace and the joy.

    I lived blocked, like a block of wood for way too long.  I now celebrate feeling!  It matters not to me what the feelings, are I accept them all.

    This book also offers to me and explanation for so many who are unable to walk in their truth…and feel.  It explains how they are not skipping around the mountain, but trying to hold it back…they can until they can't.  For now, they are not willing to leave that stage of the grieving process.

     

     

  • Authoritarian Lifestyle.

    ‎‎"Since authoritarian parents are always right, there is no need for their children to rack their brains in each case to determine whether what is demanded of them is right or not. And how is this to be judged? Where are the standards supposed to come from if someone has always been told what was right and what was wrong and if he never had an opportunity to become familiar with his own feelings and if, beyond that, attempts at criticism were unacceptable to the parents and thus were too threatening for the child? If an adult has not developed a mind of his own, then he will find himself at the mercy of the authorities for better or worse, just as an infant finds itself at the mercy of its parents. Saying no to those more powerful will always seem to threatening to him". Alice Miller ~ For Your Own GoodSince authoritarian parents are always right, there is no need for their children to rack their brains in each case to determine whether what is demanded of them is right or not. And how is this to be judged? Where are the standards supposed to come from if someone has always been told what was right and what was wrong and if he never had an opportunity to become familiar with his own feelings and if, beyond that, attempts at criticism were unacceptable to the parents and thus were too threatening for the child? If an adult has not developed a mind of his own, then he will find himself at the mercy of the authorities for better or worse, just as an infant finds itself at the mercy of its parents. Saying no to those more powerful will always seem to threatening to him". Alice Miller ~ For Your Own Good

    "Since authoritarian parents are always right, there is no need for their children to rack their brains in each case to determine whether what is demanded of them is right or not…is the sentence that struck me.  So, in homes like these the children are ALWAYS wrong.

    Imagine what this does to the self-esteem of the child and how voiceless they are. And if they always succumb to the power of authority, they will never get the chance to be on their own.

    And this is another way we lose our connections to our feelings, IF they are always 'wrong' we no longer trust them.  Instead we trust what the authoritarians are saying….and God Forbid we dare criticise…for we have been taught IT is not acceptable.

    The children of the FALC are mostly raised this way…in fact the parents of the church bow down to the power of authority (Ministers) and the rules of the church. And they then power over their children expecting them to act like they do….

    Being without connections to their feelings…and instead do as the authoritarians tell them to do.  A cycle of no one daring to criticize, for Only the ones in power are right.

    And within this system child abuse occurrs and it is so easy, for the children have been primed to do so…by simply being born into this authoritarian lifestyle.

     

  • Face they fear.

    Power vs Force  by David Hawkins.

    "To explain that which is "simple" can sometimes be almost impossible; yet if we can understand even one simple thing in depth, we'll have greatly expanded our capacity for comprehending the nature of the Universe and Life itself." 

    "Much of this book is devoted to the process of making the simple obvious. But because the subject matter presented here is, in fact, extraordinarily simple, it's difficult to present in a world enamored of complexity. Despite our mistrust of ease and clarity, we may see two general classes of people in the world: Believers and Nonbelievers. to the Nonbelievers, everything is false until proven true; to the Believers, everything said in good faith is probably true unless it's proven otherwise."  David Hawkins.

    What I have been writing about for 7 years is abuse.  It seems so blatantly simple and obvious and easy to discern and yet the truth of abuse slips through the minds of many…flipping it into love and family loyalty.

    It seems that this is my one simple thing, that I have delved deeply into, trying to explain and understand it, I have discovered the nature of the Universe and Life itself.

    While I may not have enlighten one other being, I have greatly raised my level of awareness and consciousness by trying to explain the simplicity between love and abuse.

    It has been a journey into the confused mind…looking into the layers of beliefs that covered up the truth, it didn't want to see, while sitting the smack dab in the simple truth of it.

    Reality/truth isn't hiding at all, it doesn't need to be found, or sought after; the mind needs to be broken apart and examined.

    Abuse is living in plain view…but the mind weaves stories to cover it up.

    While I am trying to explain abuse, perhaps what is more crucial is to explain the woven story that shields the abuse.

    The pretty family picture that is placed on top of the one that is filled with abuse.

    It is the fake one that needs to be torn apart.

    They are believing in parents that don't exist…feeling love where abuse lay…holding close to the story, while overlooking the truth underneath.

    It isn't the simple truth they are incapable of seeing, but the flimsy cloth that isn't real.

    It is like they have fallen in love with a paper doll…a mask and refuse to let it die…for I believe they know if they let it die, all they will be left with is the simple truth.

    And the simple truth is too painful to see.

    The wide difference between the paper doll and the real thing is so huge, and they have put their love on the doll…while the real thing is flooded with fear.

    So, they cling to the love EVEN if it is attached to that which isn't real.

    We on the outside can see the paper doll they are clinging to which stands awkwardly in reality; where it can't act the act of love, it can't speak the words of love, it can't show love, Yet with force, they hold on tight, to the false image…for when they let go all is left is the ugly face they fear.

     

     

     

  • Make Things Disappear.

    "It seemed that the great tragedy of human life had always been that the psyche is so easily deceived; discord and strife have been the inevitable consequences of mankinds inability to distinguish the false from the true."  David Hawkins

    It is the greatest tragedy of all that our psyche is so easily deceived, and that we put stock in our psyche instead of the signals within our own bodies…we fail to appreciate the incredible living organism of truth we reside in.

    The fundamentals of the FALC's doctrine to Bless away actions and BELIEVE it to have disappeared, is this tragedy at work.  It is preached and demonstrated time and time again…literally leading folks to deceive their psyche, which leaves the child living in a land of discord and strife.

    You truly are left with a totally screwed up psyche, and this messed up psyche is where you base your truths…Not in Reality.

    What just leaves me breathless, is that the children's psyche is easily deceived, and they are born into a system that relies on this, and they never can bow out gracefully into reality.

    Within the confines of the church and its pews, having a totally messed up psyche is seen as being a 'good' christian…but when it bumps into the law of the land or outside of the bricks and mortar, it is seen as crazy, nuts, certifiably insane.

    If our psyche wasn't so easily deceived, there would be no religion.

    What is so tragic to me in religious dysfunctional families is that God is portrayed as one of the psyche ruining machines. That he too wants us to erase actions and then in doing so you get the front seat on the bus to Heaven.

    God wants us to erase reality, to unslap a slap, to unrape a rape. Really?

    God is pictured or depicted as a very dysfunctional elder of the church and parent.  That His Heaven is filled with people whose psyche is easily deceived…or actually, that it is filled with 'good' kids who don't tell and continue to play the game called abuse.

    The God in the church I feared…but had to love.  Same as my father.

    In order to have a 'good' after life or future, I had to bless away reality…same as being in my parents home.  In order to get along, I had to overlook their actions in reality.

    What I see are the similarities between a dysfunctional home and religion.

    God is the abusive parent who we are expected to "Fear and Love God"

    I truly did have the fear and love combined in all my loves…

    Seven years ago my psyche broke, it had enough.  I felt like I had a stroke in my thinking, and some may say, I went nuts, crazy and out of my mind, that I am certifiably insane.  But here is what I know for sure, is that I stopped believing in my psyche and began paying deep attention to my body and reality.

    I refused to play the deception game…with my mind.

    I refused to not see, that which was clearly present.

    My mother literally visited my father in jail, seen the orange jumpsuit and could not see a criminal, instead she seen a husband.  Her disappointment was in that he wasn't a good husband. She failed to appreciate the actions of rape and molestation.  Her psyche continued to be deceived.

    My brother wasn't able to sentence a father, his psyche failed to see a criminal.

    Once you are onto your failing psyche it is an incredible ride into reality, where you now get to see all which your psyche changed.

    Masks fall off, actions are bold and in your face, life's raw nature lies fully exposed.  

    I no longer use my psyche to switch reality, but instead honor it in all its glory.

    The only place that falsehood lives is in the psyche; the only place a loving father resides after rape…is in your head.

    Isn't it incredibly tragic that the mind can play such games and even more tragic that religion has used the psyche to manipulate bodies?

    The deceived psyche moves the body into an alternate reality.

    This alternate reality may be called 'A loving family' or the one true path to heaven.

    Deception is the only way to get to heaven or to have a loving family.

    Deception is the common denominator that ran through my church and family; if only I would believe and make things disappear.

     

  • Impeccable Word

    Not grasping what is meant by the term Truth, is the key to all of life.

    What does it mean if you can't grasp or know truth?  How are you taught this or perhaps not taught this?  Is there a class where you can understand the terminology of truth?

    There seems to be a fluidity with words when there is no body of truth behind them…words are meaningless unless you attach Truth Feelings.

    The only power words have are the truth feelings that ride along with them, if there is no power of truth, then they just are letters arranged and sounds being spoken.

    What I am not certain of is how you teach truth feelings…and how to utter them instead of words with the opposite feeling attached.

    Or, perhaps this is just the wiring defect with those of us who have been abused, where we are not able to speak what we feel or feel what is the truth.

    A Lie Detector doesn't detect wrong words, but actually how we are feeling when we utter the words…it is monitoring the body.  So what the lie detector really detects are feelings that don't match the sentence being spoken.

    Somehow when we are abused, we have to begin Pretending how we feel, instead of how we actually feel.  This could be due to threats of violence or shame in speaking out, we hide the FEELINGS of abuse.

    I believe we learn that hiding our TRUE FEELINGS is what is needed in order for many things to continue on as 'normal'….and so we do.

    We now have learned to say things we don't mean or feel….we have separated our body of feelings from the words we speak.

    So then our words do not have the support of our true feelings.

    "Being Impeccable with your Words" as Don Miguel Ruiz says, means that our words match what we feel.  I had to look up the word Impeccable….

     "In accordance with the highest standards of propriety; faultless."

    This may be the greatest tragedy of abuse, where we learn to separate what we feel and what we say…we lose our grasp on expressing our feelings truthfully and hold on to the illusion of what is not.

    Our power isn't lost in the act of abuse, our power is lost when we can't speak of how it made us feel…When we can't be truthful with our feelings after, when we have to go back and now pretend nothing happened or to make nice.

    The disconnection between what we feel and what we say is when we start abusing ourselves…

    We disregard how we feel in order to keep the relationship, the family, the 'love' of thy father and thy mother, we fail to grasp and hang on to our feelings of what is true for us…and instead make sure they get what they want and what feels good for them.

    The dance of the offender/victim fails to operate when the victim finally stands up and demands that their feelings be considered.

    While many want to put full blame on the Offenders, there is a second party involved who agrees with this dance, and the game ends when the victim decides that she/he is allowed to bring forth her true feelings.

    While many think this is a battle of words or powerful actions, it is actually a game of whose feelings will be honored…whose feelings are of greater value?

    What I have come to know, is that abusive parents, believe that their feelings matter more, have a higher slot on the scale of life, and that their children must submit and acquiesce their feelings. 

    It is the acquiescing of their truth and feelings…Accept something reluctantly but without protest…that makes them the perfect victim.

    And in doing so, learn to live without grasping the meaning of truthfulness…for to be truthful is to be without a family.

    They willingly give up their truth feelings to save a family…yet all they are really doing is allowing the Offender to go on.

    If only, all my 46 years of living without adhering to my feelings bought to bear a loving father and a supportive mother, then it wouldn't have been all for naught, but it was.

    No matter how much I suppressed my feelings, it didn't magically create them differently.  All that happened is that I suppressed what I felt. That is all.

    Even when I unleashed all that I felt, nothing really changed.  They didn't suddenly SEE what they had done and then changed.  Nope, all that happened is I began to walk impecably with how I felt.

    I no longer suppressed and hid what I felt.

    I took grasp once again of my feelings and held on…for it was clear to me, I was holding on to truth…

    Suppressing the truth doesn't change anything, it only prolongs the inevitable.  I had to look up SUPPRESSING…

    To Prevent the Development, action or expression of a feeling, impulse, idea…restrain.

    So, instead of holding firmly on to family, We are holding back the feelings of fear, loss, betrayal, hurt, sorrow…

    We don't want to feel those feelings attached to our parents.

    And in not owning or being truthful with the negative feelings, we betray all our feelings…we loose our impeccable word.

     

     

     


  • What the truth Feels like.

    David Hawkins writes in his book, "Discovery of the Presence of God"…in a discussion about truth or falsehood and Kinesiology…and who is capable of doing the test etc.

    Calibration of Specific Levels

    "The critical point between positive and negative, between true and false, or between that which constructive or destructive, is the calibrated level of 200. Anything above 200, or true, makes the subject go strong; anything below 200, or false allows the arm to go weak."

    "Anything past or present, including images or statements, historical events, or personages, can be tested.  They need not be verbalized."

    "The Kinesiological test cannot be used to foretell the future; otherwise, there are no limits as to what can be asked. Consciousness has no limits on time or space; however, permission may be denied. All current or historical events are available for questioning. The answers are impersonal and do not depend on the belief system of either the tester or the test subject. For example, protoplasm recoils to noxious stimuli and flesh bleeds. Those are the qualities of these test materials and are impersonal.  Consciousness actually knows only truth because only truth has actual existence.  It does not respond to falsehood because falsehood does not have existence in Reality.  It will also not respond accurately to nonintegrous or egotistic questions, such as should one buy a certain stock."

    "Accurately speaking, the kinesiological response is either an "On" response or it is merely "NOT ON".  Like the electrical switch, we say the electricity is "ON" and when we use the term "OFF," we just mean that it is not there.  In reality, there is no such thing as "Off-ness." This is a subtle statement but crucial to the understanding of consciousness." 

    "Consciousness is capable of recognizing only Truth.  It merely falls to respond to falsehood. Similarly, a mirror reflects an image only if there is an object to reflect.  If no object is present to the mirror, there is no reflected image."

    Here is another section that I found extremely interesting….

    "Below consciousness level 200, comprehension is limited by the dominance of Lower Mind, which is capable of recognizing facts but not yet able to  grasp what is meant by the term 'truth' (it confuses res interna with res externa) and that truth has physiological accompaniments which are different from falsehood.  Additionally, truth is intuited as evidence by the use of voice analysis, the study of body language, papillary-responses EEG changes in the brain, fluctuations in breathing, blood pressure, galvanic skin responses, dowsing, and even Huna technique of measuring distance that the aura radiates from the body.  Some people have a very simple technique that utilizes the standing body like a pendulum (fall forward with truth and backward with falsehood)."

    "From a more advanced contextualization, the principles that prevail are that Truth cannot be disproved by falsehood any more than light can be disproved by darkness. The nonlinear is not subject to limitations of the linear.  Truth is of a different paradigm from logic and thus is not 'provable', as that which is provable calibrates only in the 400's.  Consciousness research kinesiology operates at level 600, which is at the interface of the linear and the nonlinear dimensions." David Hawkins

    While these words may be hard to follow and even discern what he has found to be true, we are all walking around with these great kinesiology meters.

    And here is the deal, if you can't discern truth from falsehood, your awareness or consciousness level isn't high enough to do so….you are not able to see what is truth and what is fiction.

    While I have been writing about the differences between what is abuse and then a response that is conducive to healing, what I failed to consider is the facts that a person whose level of consciousness is below 200 isn't even able to see the difference between truth and falsehood, he can see facts, but can't interpret what the facts mean.

    If you sit with this you will understand the space where offenders live…which is they are capable of recognizing facts but not yet able to  grasp what is meant by the term 'truth'.

    It has led to much frustration on my part, that there are folks who are not yet able to grasp what is meant by the term truth.

    It is in this darkness that abuse is perpetrated…and they don't even know it. What good are facts if you can't tell if they are true or not?

    This is the crux of all abusive families.  They don't know what facts are real and what facts arefiction….

    How can you live life if you can't tell which facts are true or not?

    This explains beautifully and tragically the perils of abusive families. It makes total sense…living in a world where you can't tell which facts are real or not, you believe in the wrong thing.

    Not only believe, but trust, love and obey….things that are not even real or have a seed of truth.  I lived in that space for 46 years going against my own kinesiology meter….until I realized that it, my body, knew the truth. It responded by pushing me back from my 'father'.

    Once I saw that truth…that one grain of truth, I continued to ask my body and listen.  I used my body, the truth meter, to then sort through the facts and keep only the ones that were true.

    Who knew that the greatest tool that abuse has is that folks are not able to grasp the meaning of the term TRUTH.

    What I didn't know, is that the truth is not a word or a fact, It is the feelings behind the words….We keep getting hung up on using better words to explain, when in fact some people don't know what the truth feels like.

     

  • Repeat that action

    Reconcilation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh

    Walking with Our Ancestors

    "When we were only four years old, we probaby thought; I'm only a four year old child, a son or daughter, a little brother or sister.  But in fact, we were already a mother, already a father. All past and future generations were there in our body.  When we take a step on the green grass of spring, we walk in such a way that allows all our ancestors to take a step with us.  The peace, joy and freedom in each step will penetrate each generation of our ancestors and descendants.  We walk with the energy of mindfulness, and with each step we see countless generations of ancestors and descendants walking with us."

    "When we take a breath, we are light, calm, at ease. We breathe in such a way that all generations of ancestors and descendants are breathing with us.  Only then are we breathing according to the highest teachings. We just need a little mindfulness, a little concentration, and then we can look deeply and see. At first we can use the method of visualization to see all our ancestors making a step with us. Gradually we don't need to visualize any more. With each step we take, we see it is the step of all people in the past and future."

    "When we are cooking a dish that we learne to make from our mother or father, a dish that has been handed down through generations of our family, we should look at our hands and smile because these hands are the hands of our grandmother. Those who have made this dish are making this dish now. When we're in the kitchen cooking we can be completely mindful; we don't have to go into a meditation hall to practice this."

    "In the past, did your grandfather play volleyball?  Did your grandmother go jogging every day?  Did she have the opportunity to practice dwelling in the present moment while she was walking or running?  When we are running we should allow our grandmother to run in us.  Your grandmother is in each cell of your body. You carry your ancestors in you when you're jogging, when you're doing walking meditation and when you're realizing the practice of dwelling happily in the present moment.  Maybe previous generations didn't ahve the opportunity to practice like this.  Now, whether we're practicing walking, running, or breathing mindfullly, we have the opportunity to bring happiness and joy to countless generations of ancestors."

    "When we agonize over questions like, Who am I? Where do I come from? Was I wanted? What is the meaning of Life? we suffer because we're caught in the idea of a separate self.  But if we look deeply, we can practice no-self. This is the realizationt that we're not a separate self, we're connected to our ancestors and to all living and non living beings."

    "Western psychotherapy aims at helping create a self that is stable and wholesome. But because psychotherapy in the West is still caught in the idea of self, it can bring about only a little transformation and a little healing; it can't go very far.  As long as we are caught in the idea of a separate self, ignorance is still in us. When we see the intimate relationship between what is self and what is not self, ignorance is healed and suffering, anger, jealousy and fear disappear.  If we can practice no-self, we'll be able to go beyond the questions that make people suffer so much."

    "We are a continuation of the stream of life. Maybe our parents weren't able to appreciate us but our grandparents and our ancestors wanted us to come to life. The truth is that our grandparents, our ancestors always wanted us to be their continuation.  If we can know this, we will not suffer so much because of our parent's behavior.  Sometimes our parents are full of love and sometimes they are full of anger. This love and anger comes not only from them, but from all previous generations. When we can see this we no longer blame our parents for our suffering."

    Habit Energy

    The purpose of meditation is to look at something deeply and see its roots. Whatever kind of action we take, if we look deeply into it we'll be able to recognize the seed of that action. That seed may come from our ancestors. Whatever action we take, our ancestors are taking it at the same time with us.  So father, grandfather, and great-grandfather are doing it with you; mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother are doing it with you.  Our ancestors are there in every cell of our body.  There are seeds that are planted during your lifetime but there are also seeds that were planted before you manifested as this body."

    "Sometimes we act without intention, but that is also action.  "Habit Energy" is pushing us; it pushes us to do things without our being aware. Sometimes we do something without knowing we're doing it. Even when we don't want to do something, we still do it.  Sometimes we say, "I didn't want to do it, but it's stronger than me, it pushed me." So that is a seed, a habit energy that may have come from many generations in the past."

    "We have inherited a lot.  With mindfulness, we can become aware of the habit energy that has been passed down to us. We might see that our parents or grandparents wer also very weak in ways similar to us.  We can be aware without judgment that our negative habits come from these ancestral roots.  We can smile at our shortcomings at our habit energy. With awareness, we have a choice; we can act another way. We can end the cycle of suffering right now."

    "Perhaps in the past when we've noticed ourselves doing something unintentional, something we may have inherited and we've blamed ourselves.  We saw ourselves as an individual isolated self, full of shortcomings. But with awareness, we can begin to transform and let go of these habit energies."

    "With the practice of mindfulness, we recognize that a habitual action has taken place. This is the first awareness that mindfulness brings.  Then, if we're interested mindfulness and concentration help us look and find the root of our action.  That action may have been inspired by something that happened yesterday, or it may be three hundred years old and have roots in one of our ancestors.  Once we become aware of our actions, we can decide whether or not it's beneficial and, if it's not we can decide not to repeat that action. If we're aware of the habit energies in us and can become more intentional in our thoughts, speech, and actions, then we can transform not only ourselves, but also our ancestors who planted the seeds. We are practicing for all our ancestors and descendants not just for ourselves; we're practicing for the whole world."

    "When we're able to smile at a provocation, we can be aware of our ability, appreciate it and continue in this way.  If we're able to do that, it means our ancestors are also able to smile at what is provoking them.  If one person keeps calm and smiles at a provocation, the whole world will have a better chance for peace.  The key is to be aware of what our actions are. Our mindfulness will help us understand where our actions are coming from."  Thich Nhat Hanh

    I truly felt the energies of my sisters of many generations back as well as the future sisters….as I changed my habit energies.  They are with us and are cheering us on as we try to achieve what their generatons were not able to do.  

    You never walk alone…for in your cells is the history of habits and if you are aware, than you will intentionally pass on habits. 

    Awareness brings intentions.  

    Awareness also carries the responsibility to respond with mindfulness.

    Some of us carry the seeds of being aware…it seems to me, you either know or you don't know.

    And once you know, you can't not know.

    Once you can see the root system and how it grows, you then have the choice to continue to plant what is growing in your family or not.

    In my family, I was able to clearly see the root system of abuse, of how it came to be, and what continued it to flourish.  What habit energies watered it.

    I then had the opportunity to act with intention…I had a choice to either continue knowingly with abuse or decide not to repeat that action.