I M Perfect lady

Category: Examples of an Imperfect woman

  • Flow Aimlessly

    If you broke your life down into categories, what would they be? 

    Sheri Salata spoke about the Pillars of her life. The categories of how she wants to live her life. What the important things were and then how to make sure she is serving them.

    Her categories included, happiness, spirituality, adventure, creativity etc.

    It has me looking at my life differently.

    Instead of one big lump, there really are segments to our life. Things I plan on doing and then, a bunch of space that idles along without direction. I am going to try and incorporate her pillar idea into my life.

    I have already carved out space for doing Art and moving outdoors. I listen to inspiring podcasts and books while I traverse my mail route.  But, there are moments that are undirected.

    When I look upon my life and how I envision it being, there are many places that I fail to work on.

    If I sorted out my life in increments, I would see where I spend my time and why and then the places that are pretty neglected and not part of my life.

    A whole life to me, would include – (a rough draft)

    Mindfulness/yoga

    New adventures 

    Creativity 

    Movement outdoors 

    Writing 

    Healthy eating 

    Women groups 

    Relationships

    Friendships

    Learning – teaching

     

    As I look upon these categories, there are a few that I am pretty consistent in and then some that could use much more of my focus.

    I don't think we plan with intent our days and lives. We seldom see what we are doing and how it fits into the life we want.  

    How many stressful things do we do, that perhaps we can let go of?

    How many more fun things can we incorporate into our days?

    What places will help us grow and learn and expand?

    As I walk through my day, I will have to see if what I am doing and what I am wanting to be, match.

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    Am I being who I want to be or am I just idling along and letting my life flow aimlessly?

  • Speak the words of your truth.

    When I see a victim of sexual abuse break their silence, I see a person who is breaking down the wall of disempowerment. I see them as taking back their life, and saying I will not be complacent in your crime.

    I see a woman (man) who is now willing to own their truth, no matter how popular it is with those around them. 

    I see them as someone who is willing to add their truth to reality and let it change.

    I see someone who knows they will not be believed and speak anyway.

    I see them disrobing the 'good facade' and displaying the monster she was traumatized by.

    I see them as beginning a chapter in their lives that will redefine them.

    One that will build upon the courage it took to speak.

     

    What I want them to know, is that there will be doubters, but never doubt yourself, your body and mind.  You standing by your truth will create a world that is beyond what your mind can visualize.

    There will be those who distance themselves from you and it is okay.

    Those who do, want to remain in a reality where your truth is not honored.

    Becoming a whole you, with your truth, will draw to you, new strong, empowered women.

    You are not only changing yourself, but you will change the legacy of you.

    Speaking of abuse, setting boundaries, are all part of a new life skill set you are learning.

    It is scary and thrilling at the same time.

    The frightened child within you is cheering you on and the new empowered woman is being born.

     

    For those who can't see the shackles falling off of you and the freedom of speaking out loud against the crimes done to you, as being a beautiful thing, are not worthy of your time or consideration.

    Everyone will have an opinion, based upon the bravery of their own lives.

    Those who fear change and the truth will not seek to believe you.

     

    Each time a victim dares to beat on the wall of disempowerment to break it down, allows another to dare. 

    It isn't the ones who clamor to defend your abuser you need to listen to; but the cheers of those who believe you.

     

    Our voices may start out shaky and weak, but once we taste the freedom of the truth and feel empowered, we feel the new strong woman being born.

     

    It is easy in this life to be a victim, to play it small. To live in the smallest darkest part of your mind.

    It is much harder to come out and show your wounds to the world.

    To stand besides your broken self and make choices to become a new self-loving empowered self.

     

    I honor you. 

    Your words and your bravery to speak up.

    Knowing full and well, the consequences of your choice.

    You most often than not, will lose the life you have and enter into a new reality.

    One where your abuser is no longer the person the world thinks them to be.

    And, you, the one who breaks this truth, will be judged and tried by many among you.

    It will be you, who is shown in the brightest of lights, and the monster stays silent in the dark.

    He will not collaborate you truth, until it serves him.

     

    Those who are wondering why we don't speak up earlier, to share our truth of sexual crimes against us, are the same ones often defending the abuser.

    We know, that our truths will not be celebrated, let alone often believed.

    We will be colored with the truth of the crimes against us.

    We will be seen as the ones who wrecked a reputation, a family, a coach, a teacher etc.

    We are not seen as heroes.

     

    And, yet we are.

    We are breaking our silence knowing we will be the ones made to feel the blame and shame for doing so.

    I know our society is so maladjusted to reality, because this is so.

     

    How is it possible that it takes hundreds of thousands of victims of sexual assault for the Catholic church to even begin to talk about it?

    How is it possible that a University and Gymnastic Association allow volumes of little girls to be abused?  And, even when it comes to light, it doesn't stand by the girls and grown woman?

     

    Seeing all of this, it is no wonder victims of child abuse remain silent.

    It isn't why we didn't tell, but why would we?

    What is the cost of breaking the silence.

    Our worlds change, but more often than not, the rest stays the same.

    Institutions and reputations of so many are defended and life goes on unchanged.

    Why then do we speak.

    We speak because we can no longer live with the lie inside of us.

    The lie that we were not abused.

    We were.

    And, the cost of this silence has been to kill our true self.

     

    We speak to become whole and truthful and to embrace the reality of the crimes committed against us.

    More often than not, we know that the rest of the world will not change, that he will be prosecuted by the laws of the land.  We change because we need to embrace our truth and to stand with our wounded child.

    We cannot be a whole person while living a lie.

    I applaud the power it takes to speak up, no matter when it happens.

    Speak the words of your truth!

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  • I have listened to a few priests, and catholic leaders speak about the sexual abuse within the church. 

     Mostly, what I find is that they are dancing with words and shining lights in all directions and somehow dodging the full impact of the crime.

    I get it.

    Certainly they don't want to completely and utterly bring into their lives the complete package of sexual abuse by the elders of the church. It could, or would, destroy the integrity and piety of their church.

    They want to acknowledge it, but not fully embrace it.

    To see it, sorta and then get back to the business they are in.

     

    It has the same imprint of how families deal with sexual abuse within their ranks.

     

    One tactic, was to shine the light upon ALL of our imperfections, stating that none of us are free of sin.  This waters down the evil and brings us closer to them.  Deflating the charge and placing doubt and fear of judgement upon US.

    A subtle or not so subtle change in the direction and making us somehow feel less worthy and making the abusers seem more like us.

     

    Would the church ever acknowledge that God can be found elsewhere, that you will not lose your connection to God IF you were to leave.  

    One spoke about a victim being unable to have a God to pray to. 

     

    I am not even certain those who have led the church understand the gravity of how they speak about sexual abuse by their contemporaries.  How they are swaying the minds and confusing the messages.  How they are continuing on, unchanged, although speaking words about it.

    Words.

    Words.

    What good will they do?

    I want to see a priest drop his robes.

    Walk away from his pulpit, in complete and utter disdain for how it has been used.

    To walk outside and to embrace God on a one to one basis.

    As they stand there in their robes of finery, in the image of power, on the higher plane than their members, they are still using their power to sway and manipulate how to see and deal with sexual abuse.

    Only one priest said, If you feel called upon to leave, leave.

    To go, and he wasn't going to blame them.

    But, he – the leader of the church was going to stay and Lead.

    Lead where, I am unsure.

    Lead the same as always???

    Teaching sins are to be forgiven.

    We are all imperfect.

    ya da ya da ya da.

     

    What I ask, is so completely wrong about leaving?

    Where is your God located?

    Can you save the sanctity of your relationship with God, when leaving?

    Will your spirituality come with you?

     

    When I left my family and religion, I was seen as leaving all the good behind.

    I left the love of family or my love of family and its traditions.

    When I left the church, my spirituality and God, was left behind.

     

    However, the complete opposite was true.

    I took my love and my integrity about family and its values with me.

    I brought them into my family world of my husband and children.

    Family mattered more.

    I valued and loved deeper.

    I created a family environment that was intolerable about sexual abuse, abuse, etc.

    I brought in equality. I became less and others became more.  I allowed each of us to be a whole human being.

    I didn't leave behind family.

    I left behind a family, I left a family that didn't protect children.  I left behind a system that didn't allow children the same vote or  to be seen as equal.

     

    Same goes for the church I left.

    I didn't leave God behind or my spirituality.

    I left behind a religion that too left children unprotected.

    I left behind a religion who blessed abusers, and watered down the rest of us so the distance between good and evil met.

    I left behind a system that held men higher than women and children.

     

     I too used to think that God was only found in a religion, that family meant staying no matter what, that it was always wrong or sinful to leave. That walking out meant giving up. 

     

    Yet, all I gave up was being part of a community that didn't protect its children.

    I gave up being part of family who allowed evil to flourish.

     

    And, I walked towards a whole new life where I had the empowerment for boundaries.

    I walked towards a self that was beneath no one…and yet above no one either.

     

    I have even thought, that this sexual abuse scandal within the catholic church will empower many to own their own spirituality, to embrace their own connection with God.  It may be the impetus for change into a more empowered world.

    It will take away the hierarchy of power and the imbalance many were raised into.

    Where we don't need an institution to tell us what is right and wrong. 

    We need the space so individuals will find a more intimate connection with their soul.

     

    I wonder what the victims feel as they see the church leaders leading in their usual way, where nothing really has changed.  Where the sheer numbers didn't make a difference. The church will go on as usual. 

    Words are spoken from the pulpit.

    Sure, there are new rules. But, for the most part, the ones with the power are wearing the robes.

    Until there is complete equality in power, things will remain sideways.

    It is the landscape of imbalance, where abuse happens most often.

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     When institutions and societies seek equal balance and empowerment, we will begin to carve inroads into the places where abuse flourishes.

    Sexual Abuse is about power.

    When we give equal power, the abuse numbers will start to drop.

     

     

  • Un-naturally Oppress

    I am listening to a Memoir "Educated" by Tara Westover. In it she mentioned the side of the oppressor, when someone is looking for equality.

    Now, as unreal as this may seem, the way she said it had me looking more at the oppressors than at those seeking equality.

    The oppressors ARE the ones who have reduced the equality in the lives of those seeking it. 

    Whether it be disabilities, color, gender, sexual orientation, the oppressors ARE the ones who are withholding equality.

    This changes the way I see the world.

    And, who most often are the oppressors? 

    The majority.

    Tara was raised in a very strict mormon fundamentalist family. Where her education was to be the oppressor.

    I would have to say that I too was raised to oppress.

    Raised that we were the right ones.

    The subtle,or not so subtle, way I was raised to feel that white was better or that heterosexual was the only 'normal' and that christians were going to heaven etc, schooled me to be the oppressor.

    Being raised this way, you can't see the oppressor, because it is you. 

    You only see those who are trying to make you wrong.

    The reason we don't want equality, is more about making us wrong than the equality of others.

    Each time we give up parts of our education in rightness, the less we know who we are.

    It is humbling to realize I am the oppressor.

    That some of my old beliefs held equality from others.

    Here is the definition of Oppressor – "oppressor meaning: someone who treats people in an unfair and cruel way and prevents them from having opportunities and freedom."

    I know I have touched on this before, but it was in but one way I was raised to oppress and I didn't see the broader education that I was raised in.  How it has inadvertently made me a champion of inequality.

    I didn't feel the depth of equality.

    The steep hill some are made to climb, is due to how the majority has schooled its children. The legacy of this is handed down generation upon generation. And, in my case, the church is still going strong. There are huge families still passing on the blueprint of oppression.

    I am not sure those who have been relegated to the lower level of equality can ever work hard enough to change this.  What has to happen, which is highly unlikely, is for the majority to see their own wrongness.

    To give up being right, the only church, the only race, the right sexual orientation and to adapt the inclusive mindset.

    It goes against the whole teachings of the church. 

    What would happen if they were not the only ones going to heaven, or maybe if there was not a hell? What would happen if they were to include all manner of loving, and if humanity was one?

    What would there be to protest IF the oppressors were not standing there blocking the way?

    Get rid of the oppressors and peace happens.

    I know many feel that they are blocking and defending something pure and whole. They believe they are the peace keepers, the ones who are protecting the land from ruin.

    Instead they are actually the cause of discord.

    Who would Martin Luther King have to march against if there were not Oppressors?

    He had to march, for the oppressors blocked his equality.

    I have not a clue how to change the oppressor's minds.

    How many marches must there be?

    Can enough victims come forth and break their silences?

    How many laws have to be written in order for equality to win?

    If you can't see the oppressor, you may be it.

    If you are not marching, you may be the oppressor.

    If you have no rights to fight for, you may be the oppressor.

    Interesting to sit with.

    And, I am sorry for my education, for it taught me to un-naturally oppress.

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  • This thought came to me today.

     

    "We people please to be liked, loved etc – because we don't know who we are and if we even really like ourselves."

     

    For me, this is true.

    Before I really knew myself – I needed others to define me…and kindly.

    I needed others to be the love I didn't have for myself. I had to people please, for I needed them to color me nicely.

    There was no part of me, literally, that was formed by me.

    I was drawn by how the outside world saw me. They held my identity.

    To be without an inner anchor is okay, as long as you stay in the good graces of the people who color you.

    However, once you step out of line, ugly lines are drawn upon your character.

    It is hard to go back and see me – in denial of myself.

    To see the empty lump of darkness where I lived.

    When I awoke to find the truths I lived without, I also found Me.

    Perhaps buried beneath years of behaviors, habits and co-dependent relationships, but I was there.

    I had no clue how to be Me.

    Alone.

    Against the voices I now disagreed with.

    I could no longer please them and define me, in ways that I respected.

    Outside of denial there were two roads, two choices, and only one to choose.

    To love me or be drawn by them.

     

    As I look upon the 13 year separation from my family it often boggles my mind.

    And yet, it doesn't.

    I have grown stronger during this time.  

    The art of defining me is more filled in, more complete and fully present.

    Just as my art has evolved, so have I.

    Details are added, fine tuned and adjusted.

    My clarity gets clearer, my voice stronger, my peace deeper.

    I have drawn a woman that I love, honor and respect. 

    Her actions I am proud of.

    She doesn't need others to fill in the blank spaces or shore up the sagging lines.

    I like and love this woman who is only 13 years old.

    The decisions she has had to make in order to become her – leave me breathless at times and in tears.

    The becoming of her, gave me many losses.  My voice often rang in truths that others couldn't bear to hear. Silences, and anger came my way.

    And, yet I stood – as Me – unwavering. 

    I wasn't able to go back to the lump of denial. 

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    My Lady Quilts on display at the Gala that honored Me.

    I had a brother for most of the years that shaped me into who I am today. I thought recently, of how he kept me walking my truth. I was laying a path for him to follow.  

    How to be You.

    How to love you.

    How to like you.

    How to become the you we didn't have the chance to be before abuse messed with our young lives and sense of self, the outer world and family and love, and awareness…

    How to find a way to thrive and be whole and undivided inside.

    How to let go of the fear of not being like, loved or accepted.

    How to parent ourselves into being who we were born to be.

     

    This brother was here for two weeks and we were silent to each other.

    What would I say or could say, now?

     

    I have almost three years of words to share, of growth, defining moments, places where I learned to love deeper, see broader, and becoming fuller.

    His leaving me alone helped me grow more defined.

    I heard recently on a podcast about having someone witness your life.

    How family members keep your image through all the stages of your life.

    It is this witnessing that allows you to feel the continuity of self.

    My brother was my witness on so many levels. My brokenness and my struggle to redefine me and then now a vacuum of silence – blocked.

    He helped me by being a witness of my past and allowing me to become a new Me.

    I am not sure for sure why we no longer walk together witnessing each other's lives. The closure was never that clear. Perhaps our witnessing days for each other came to the natural end that was destined.

    I can stand strong and empowered outside of the family because I am whole. A person whose legacy I am proud to hand down to the generations below me.

    I am not saying to follow my path and become Me.

    I am saying follow the path to be You.

    Free of the good opinions of others.

    So in love with who you are, you can afford to make the world angry - 

    I don't need you to like Me.

    I like Me.

     

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  • Lie together.

    Edge States – from "A View From the Edge" by Joan Halifax

     

    "Over the years, I slowly became aware of five internal and interpersonal qualities that are keys to a compassionate and courageous life, and without which we cannot serve , nor can we survive. Yet if these precious resources deteriorate, they can manifest as dangerous landscapes that cause harm. I call these bivalent qualities Edge States."

    "The Edge States are altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement, assets of mind and heart that exemplify caring, connection, virtue and strength. Yet we can also lose our firm footing on the high edge of any of these qualities and slide into a mire of suffering where we find ourselves caught in the toxic and chaotic waters of the harmful aspects of an Edge State."

    "Altruism can turn into pathological altruism. Selfless actions is service to others are essential to the well-being of society and the natural world. But sometimes, our seemingly altruistic acts harm us, harm those whom we are trying to serve, or harm the institutions we serve in."

    "Empathy can slide into empathic distress. When we are able to sense into the suffering of another person, empathy brings us closer to one another, can inspire us to serve, and expands our understanding of the world. But if we take on too much of the suffering of another, and identify too intensely with it, we may become damaged and unable to act."

    "Integrity points to having strong moral principles. But when we engage in or witness acts that violate our sense of integrity, justice, or beneficence, moral suffering can be the outcome."

    "Respect is a way we hold beings and things with high regard. Respect can disappear into the swamp of toxic disrespect, the we go against the grain of values and principles of civility, and disparage others or ourselves."

    "Engagement in our work can give a sense of purpose and meaning to our lives, particularly if our work serves others. But overwork, a poisonous work place, and the experience of the lack of efficacy can lead to burnout,which can cause physical and psychological collapse."

    "Like a doctor who diagnoses and illness before recommending a treatment, I felt compelled to explore the destructive side of these five virtuous human qualities. Along the way, I was surprised to learn that even in their degraded forms, Edge State can teach and strengthen us, just as bone and muscle are strengthened when exposed to stress, or if broken or torn, can heal in the right circumstances and become stronger for having been injured."

    "In other words, losing our footing and sliding down the slope of harm need not be a terminal catastrophe. there is humility, perspective, and wisdom that can be gained from our greatest difficulties. In her book "The Sovereignty of Good (1970), Iris Murdoch defined humility as a "selfless respect for reality." She writes that "our picture of ourselves has become too grand." This I discovered from sitting at the bedside of dying people and being with caregivers. Doing this close work with those who were dying and this who were giving care showed me how serious the costs of suffering can be for the patient as well as the caregiver. Since that time, I have learned from teachers, lawyers, CEOs, human rights workers, and parents that they can experience the same. I was then reminded of something profoundly important and yet completely obvious: that the way out of the storm and mud of suffering, the way back to freedom on the high edge of strength and courage is through the power of compassion. This is why I took a deep dive into trying to understand what Edge States are and how they can shape our lives and the life of the world." Joan Halifax

     

    Okay, this is on page 4, so I have lots to read.

    However, what I love so far is that she is sharing the dark side of what we believe are good states.

    I have intuitively known this -first by my own experiences, and then, by watching others become harmed.

     

    There is a dark side to handling suffering.

    It isn't as simple as I have been led to believe.

    This dark side, I believe is very much alive in dysfunctional homes and cult-like religions.

    The debate I had with myself over and over again, about my own sense of empath or integrity, now makes sense.

    The real debate was more about entering into the dark side.

    Often it literally felt like I was on the edge, and the fine line was hard to stand on.

    Too much feeling wasn't better.

    And, just because I sensed their pain, it didn't mean I had to enter into it and lose myself.

    What I know to be true to me, if the actions of empathy or respect, is harmful to me, it isn't a good action.

    And, I have often been ridiculed for my lack of actions.

    This book, so far explains why much better than I could have articulated with words.

    I knew this; but it certainly helps to have someone else write about it.

    Edge States – the good and the bad lie together.

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  • Peace inside of Me!

    I am thinking, that I am now shopping by feel.  It is the feel of the fabric itself and then the way it feels on me, and not so much about how it looks.

    I am no longer able to handle clothes that hurt me.

    And, I believe if I feel comfortable, I look comfortable in my own skin.

    This may be what "old" feels like.  Doing what you love, instead of what is in fashion1

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    I think Sylvi and I shop the same way, we are delighted when we find something that makes us smile inside!  I hope that I wear it the same way, with complete blissful abandon, which is what it feels like.  

    How nice to either be so young and innocent to not care or even know about fashion rules  OR to be too old to care!

    I do my art by feelings.  I shop for fabrics and beads by feelings. They have to stir something inside of me.  I am now doing the same for my clothes.  I am no longer drawn to the fads or fashions, but shopping from the inside out!

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    I mean, look at her wearing her Cat Hat, does she care if others like it? No, the best thing is that she LOVES it!

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    I am not sure who is following who, but we agree – do what you love and it will shine outward into your life!

    Live by how it feels inside.

    I am so grateful to be living a life that is completely at peace inside of me!

     

  • Endless without Pain

    Today marks six weeks since surgery and I feel at least 10 years younger!

    It is quite remarkable how pain is so dense, and quite heavy to carry.

    Like a negative friend who tries to drag you down with magnetic pull into a small life.

    I didn't realize just how much of my energy was used up dealing with the pain, until it is more or less gone. Now all my energies are spent living.

    I feel like I have been given a new lease on life.  

    The adventures that now seem possible, has opened up my horizon!

    I am so grateful that my pain was removable, that surgery deleted it from my life.

    I also recognize, not all pain disappears so easily.

    And, wonder more about the emotional pain we carry.

    What does this do to a life?

    How many negative magnetic pulls are stealing your life energies?

    While removing people and situations that are negative isn't as easy as surgery, it is most necessary.

    I feel the quiet calm of peace inside my life now. 

    It was up to me to remove the parts of my life that were causing me pain and sucking the life blood out of me.

    I do not believe we are meant to live a life full of pain and suffering.

    Especially, when there are things we can do to remove the pain.

    I understand, that there are some pains that will challenge you to live above them. To carry them along; but not let them define you. 

    I was dragging a bad hip around with me, like a grumpy friend. I tried really hard to not let it drive my life; but instead to be in the passenger seat or even in the way back of the jeep.

    Physical pain and emotional pain are different and will require different responses from us.

    I guess, what I will take away from my hip surgery, is that we need to pay attention to pain of any kind and remove it when we can.

    Living with chronic pain isn't something I have experience with. I would love to know how others live above it.

    As for living with chronic dysfunction – I have some experience with that and chronic denial, and I work to set up boundaries against it.

    Now I know it is to protect my good energies!

    What I know for sure today, is life is so much brighter, broader and endless without pain!

     

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  • Women are Rising!

    What I love about writing on this blog are the answers and understanding I get, that I didn't have previously. 

    Yesterday, I believed that we had to change MSU, and found out the bigger and most important change will happen with the Sister Survivors.

    Somehow we often believe our happiness and well being lies outside of who we are.

    That we need changes to happen in order for our worlds to be better. And, this change is often see "out there".  

    They need to….

    Fill in the blank.

    However, if you instead turn your eyes inward and see if you can indeed be the change you want to see in the world, life becomes real.

    You then have to do what you wish others would do.

    It will not be as easy as you picture, but way more enthralling to be part of.

    When victims become empowered, they change the legacy of abuse on their limb of the family tree.

    They end the cycle by showing how to live an empowered life.

    This I believe is the most beautiful thing to witness and be part of.

    The difference between the woman I was at 46 and who I am today, is not even recognizable.

    All the systems that failed me, empowered me to become a stronger me. And, actually defined me.  I had to become a full and acting member of my life.

    I wasn't able to just be a bystander wishing, hoping and waiting for others to change.

    I changed, and it made all the difference in my life.

    I found my own self worth and that is much more worthy, if you will, than if another raised me up.

    I learned to use my voice, regardless of how it sounded to others, it was important for me to speak up. To show the world how I felt, what I thought, and what I stood for.

    So now I see that 200 plus women who spoke up to Judge Aquilina, are women who are well on their journey to becoming empowered!

    What is more exciting than that?

    My mind has a default setting that spins around and around trying to get others to do this or that.  Yet, if challenged, the greater solution always lies within.

    There is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing someone become empowered to be who they were born to be. To rise up and take ownership of their worlds. 

    Dropping the chains and letting go of waiting for things to change, and fearlessly step into their worlds.

    I have more character and knowing of who I am, because I challenged myself to be the woman, I wanted my mother to be.

    I feel my value and understand my morals, I have earned them through facing my fears and doing what I felt was right for me.

    I love the Me Too movement even more, for it is showing the world women becoming empowered. Taking back their power and standing up for themselves.

    Our world is changing, each time a woman finds her voice and becomes her authentic self!

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    Empowered women are rising!

  • Place to Focus

    I have tried blogging about the MSU case and the Sister Survivors and my experiences, trying to show how upside down and backwards it all is.

    I feel like typing this is banging my head against the wall, that there are no words to make sense of the insensible.

    And, at the same time it brings me comfort to know I am not the only one who feels the struggle for change.

    Who will be the leaders of this change?

    Can it be driven by the victims?

    Will 200 plus women be enough to swing the power into their favor?

    How many victims will it take?

    I know for my case, that there is not enough public sharing of abuse from those within the church, and I am very doubtful that I will see it in my lifetime.

    There is a deeper desire for the validity of their faith.  Their faith matters much more than what a child is worth.

    I have seen it over and over.

    When I have a dialogue about abuse within families within the church, I am accused of wanting them to give up their faith.

    They truly can't see how they can hold on to their faith and save a child from abuse.

    To me, this is a horrible tangle to be stuck in.

    It isn't about the dialogue about abuse at all; but of faith.

    And, same goes for when abuse happens within family, it isn't about abuse but it becomes about the value of family. And, the value of family so far has trumped the worth of a child.

    A relationship with a sister is more valuable.

    Same goes for mother etc.

    The smallest most silent among us are the most vulnerable and unprotected due simply to our allegiances.

    What will it take to make us value a child over our long term relationship with family and religion?

    Is it even possible to get in between those ironclad feelings and thoughts?

    What I know, is that there has been nothing I have written about or said that has changed anyone's mind. 

    A child will not be able to make itself worth more than a parent…let alone equal.

    I was able to give myself worth.

    But, that doesn't make others see me as worthy.

    Although, I do feel that the numbers of victims coming forth is very helpful in making it more the norm and empowering to speak up. And, if we can't change the organizations, we can become worthy victims.

    We can take back our power.

    I exited the places that did not value me.

    They were not worthy of my presence.

    Maybe the world will change by making the victims feel their worth.

    Which, I believe is what Judge Aquilina did. She believes that the women who came into her courtroom carrying their pain, would be able to go out and do magnificent things. She believed in their ability to go beyond their wounds and find their worth.

    Perhaps the greatest thing that can come from all of this is for the victims to find their power.

    To become empowered to live their truths and rise above them.

    All else seems like madness.  How can we change the very place where the crimes took place?

    Our best bet is to go on and truly do magnificent things!

    Thanks Judge Aquilina, it is the best place to focus.

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