"Rape culture is a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality."
What many fail to recognize is how their own upbringing is a contributing factor in how they perceive victims. And, worse how they view rapists.
How they have been taught to look at the woman.
What was she wearing, what was she doing, what was her state of mind, is she promiscuous, etc.
The women are the first to go on trial in a rape case.
And, sadly even children victims are doubted in child sexual assault cases.
So many folks are unaware of their own direction of questioning in how it creates the landscape making it easy for rapist to move around, appearing 'normal' – rape culture.
If you can muddy up and messy up the woman's character, you can make her appear worse than the rapist.
You can make her appear mental, slutty, and discount the concepts of repressed memories, or trauma induced amnesia. You can focus on her drunkenness and dress and make it appear that any man would be UNABLE to resist rape.
Really?
Part of the rape culture, is believing that men have no control over their own bodies, that women control their sexual urges.
Period.
That there are no men with common sense, and real character and morals and values. Men who find no pleasure in overpowering or even having relations with a woman who is unconscious, drunk etc.
There are many facets to how each of us contribute to the culture of rape, by how we respond.
In what direction do our thoughts and feelings flow.
My experience in talking about sexual abuse, is that it is quite rare for an abuser to admit it and very rare for the abuser to go unsupported.
For him to be cast out of the circle of his influence.
Instead, he has many making excuses, forgiving and forgetting, and rebuilding his character up around his crime.
Or, simply many who will not end their relationship with him, being a good friend, good son and daughter or a forgiving wife etc.
It is rare that anyone holds him accountable.
The focus is misdirected to the victim and they will show evidence in how she carries the blame. Victim blaming is distorting the crime.
As a victim, I can see the culture more clearly based upon my own experience. Based upon who stood up for whom and how I was treated.
What is also hard to find is the piece of ground for commonality.
There truly are two sides. One victim blaming and shaming and the other holding the abuser/rapist accountable.
Can there be even a tiny place where we can all agree?
Perhaps that a crime was done.
But, until and unless you place the blame where the blame lies, you will not see a criminal.
You will see a friend, a cousin, a brother, a dad, a husband or wife.
My other thought is, is it kinder to overlook and look around the flaws in someone's character that is capable of raping women?
Is it kinder and more conducive to a family to overlook and forgive abuse?
Why is there a rape culture?
How did it ever make sense to support the man, no matter what?
Why was it easier to throw the woman under the bus, in order to keep the system going?
Here is another thought.
What is the cost of recognizing that your friend, father, or brother or husband IS a rapist.
What will it mean in to your world. To fully bring it in.
To drop all manner of pretense and just sit with the reality of his actions?
How much of what you have built up in life will now have to be re-examined.
How much of you would have to change to bring this in?
How many relationships would you lose if you supported victims?
What so many fail to realize is that each latest victim, just doesn't appear to be the one to support, perhaps next time. Perhaps she will be of great value, more valuable than the friendship or relationship or Faith.
Will there really ever be a time where the victim's life will mean more than yours?
Ever?
What I came to learn, was that until I was able to see and empathize with a victim, I too was unable to grant the rapist his true responsibility.
I didn't see me first as a victim.
I instead saw a child.
Then, I saw myself as a child.
And, then I saw victims.
And, with more horror, the Rape Culture.
Of the many who unwittingly are playing into the hands of rapists everywhere.
If this blog, could open one eye to see what they are doing, it would be worth it all.
My crying appeal, once I saw was " I See too Much".
Yet, reality and I were one.
I no longer will pretend to pretend to pretend.
For it isn't kinder.
It is to be part of the rape culture.
Part of the criminal circle of abuse.
Here is the link, that restarted the conversation about Ben Johnson – Convicted Rapist- registered sex offender.
I M Perfect lady 