I M Perfect lady

I'm perfect – it's impossible not to be.

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about – A Fiber Artist -passionate about women empowering.

  • Uncomfortable.

    I am sitting with the feelings of strength after sending the letter to my mother.  It is never easy to write what you know they don't want to hear.  Nor is it easy to be brutally honest with your self and say what you feel.  And yet, it is by doing just that, that my life returns to calm.

    It was helpful to get it down on paper, to sort out the whys and the why nots, to sift through the past and envision the future with two distinctly different sides in abuse and say what I needed to say.

    I can feel the unease or the disease of being silent and 'hoping' and 'wishing' for the other side to come to reason on their own. 

    I know that in the past I never clearly stated what I needed…and how I felt, without regard to how it would impact the person's feelings before my own.

    I felt strong standing up for me.  

    I felt empowered and grown up.  

    I felt that I wasn't being a bully, but rather stating to me, the obvious…to someone who would try and slip back into my world, caring less about my feelings…and believing I would have no outright objection.

    While it gave me moments of fright, it honestly gave me much strength and determination that I have the right to ask for space, for consideration, to be honored as the estranged.

    I can't know how it was received, but have to believe that there is no way she can not know how I feel.  

    And oddly, my actions in the past 8 years are a clear indication of how I feel.  I want space.  I have kept space…removing myself from relationships that I felt were blind to my feelings…or what I felt would be inconsiderate to a victim of sexual abuse.

    I can see how the old silence self would have been….just hoping and waiting for my mother to finally see, to change, to do different, while I did nothing overt to stop her current behavior. 

    We somehow want the other person to change, so we don't have to.

    So we don't have to speak up and say what it is we feel, to express and object to their behaviors, we expect them to suddenly be hit with a streak of kindness and finally see us.

    See our needs.

    See our feelings.

    See our hearts and souls.

    When, it is up to us to show people how to treat us.

    Isn't that what Dr. Phil says, "We show people how to treat us." 

    That means we speak up when we are mistreated. We set boundaries. We say how something feels to us. We don't just bare the pain and wish for them to change.

    Will my letter asking for space and continual separation be enough to keep my mother away from me…or will she come in boldly, arrogantly righteously right and once again wreck havoc in my world?

    I feel I have a better chance of her staying away by sending the letter, than I do by being silent.

    I just didn't know that silence and staying away wasn't a clear signal, that I would have to put it in writing.  That some would still press forward into my world.  Perhaps feeling that time heals all wounds….and that I may have changed my mind.

    What I felt yesterday was that the boundary keeping will be a life long event.  It isn't to just step out once, but to do so repeatedly with each new event.

    There is no returning to life as normal…where I will not be put into the same position again and again.  That my family of origin will not be asking to join or be part of my life and my family events.  

    I guess I never dreamed it would never end.  That unlike a death, it is to be a living ghost, and to have past dead relationships surface time and time again.


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    It is to be comfortable sitting relaxed amidst the evil and swirling energies of abuse….is to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.

     

  • Having Boundaries.

    Putting up boundaries against family, is not an easy task, and yet, with the statistics as they are, boundaries against abuse, WILL be against someone you know, most often a family member.  This is how abuse ends, not with kindness and understanding, those are NOT boundaries, nor a deterrent for abusive behaviors, but an open door.

    Having boundaries, is a fuzzy concept and one that needs to be clarified…it can blend into the background of life.

    A boundary is to stop or change behavior…to respond differently, and it is more often seen as 'not kind'.  Kindness is very allowing and accepting, no matter what. Boundaries are much more selective and rejecting.

    Somehow, we as a society, see people who have healthy boundaries as being 'unkind' and those without them kind, christian like and forgiving.  There is a totaly dysfunctional viewing upon how we respond to evil and what we call it.

    When I wrote a very clear and concise letter to my mother, requesting space and for continual silence and separation, and for her to remain absent in my life, it may be seen as "unkind".

    And, what many will focus on is my behavior and not hers.  

    Not the fact that she had no boundaries against evil…or the fact that her actions were to ad and abet my father's deviancy. She isn't untainted or less guilty than he, her lack of boundaries allowed his evil to permeate her…she joined what she did not stand against.  

    What I have come to know, is if the parent doesn't use boundaries against evil within the home, the children will erect boundaries against the parent.  IF, they choose to change the pattern of abuse.  Otherwise, they too will join the evil side, simply by their lack of boundaries; they become colored by the same brush as evil, they don't stand out.

    I am okay with others seeing me as bad, wrong and heartless…for I know different. 

    I know how it feels to reject a parent, to set up a boundary, to become an orphan by choice.  I know the backlash I am opening myself up to…and I am okay.

    I would rather stand against evil, than be washed in its bloody tones.

    There is no way you can be kind to evil and not be stained by what you are allowing.

    I cannot see how you can remain in relationships with folks who are hurtful and not be colored by their behavior.  

    The only way, I can show my boundaries is to walk them out.

    You can't say you are against what someone is doing while standing with them when they are doing it, doing nothing to show your objections.

    What does 'objection' mean?

    "An expression or feeling of disapproval or opposition; a reason for disagreeing."

    How can you show your disapproval when you are silent and not acting different?

    What I feel so strongly about, is that if you are not the one doing the evil, but the one who is unmoved by evil, you are contributing to it.  

    You are either with it or are standing free of it.  

    What I am still amazed by are the sheer numbers of folks who are standing with evil and calling it loving kindness.

    And, even more floored at how I am seen as unkind, for having boundaries.

     

     

     

     

  • The Helpers and the Help.

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    Yesterday was the first time I had walked into Copper Country Mental Health…after spending a half an hour I left with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.  I felt the sincerity and kindness…helpfulness and understanding a safe haven for those needing guidance.

    Gulping down an unexpected wave of emotion….I drove away.

    I had even said, "I should have probably used this place during my crisis…" and yet I had not.  I don't know exactly why, but it never crossed my mind.  

    I am not sure of their policies or services or pay schedules, but the feelings I had when I met with a few of the employees was kindness and caring….sincerely. A place for the troubled mind to find compassion.

    I truly have not given this place a thought, not a conscious literal mindful, or even inquiring thought, it has been a known place, but one I drive by unnoticing.

    Having been approached to exhibit My Story Line Quilts, I was invited in.  I went.

    My Story Line Quilts will shine there, be welcomed and appreciated, just like the rest of their consumers, clients, patients…etc.

    It is more special than an Art Gallery, for the eyes that gaze upon them will know my journey well….from both sides…the helpers and the helped.

    (I will take pictures of the exhibit in September…until then, I will get my quilts and their words together.)

  • On Display Again!

    Today I am meeting with a gentleman at Copper Country Mental Health.  He was the high bidder on my Lady quilt that I donated to the Dial Help Gala. He not only loves my Ladies, but he gets the recovery they represent and my journey in fabric.  He had asked if I would hang my quilts for the month of September, Recovery Month and I said yes.  And so I have to come up with a short blurb about the quilts and I and my journey of recovery.

    First I wondered, what is the definition of recovery and found this.

    "A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength."

    Now the words "Normal State" needs to be defined….I looked up "normal".

    "Conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected. The usual or average, typical state or condition."

    When I look upon my recovery, I see a woman who went all the way back to her childhood and began looking at her life from how sexual abused changed who the little girl was and into the girl she had to be, in order to survive.

    In surviving she lived in denial.  

    I believe that my recovery was to break down the denial and begin living in reality. Which was not a typical state in my family of origin.  I did not conform to their standards of what was 'normal'.

    I wonder if we all 'recover' back to where we feel most comfortable or most normal?

    My old set of comfort, was no longer comfortable for me to live in.  I was awake, aware and I now knew what I had so long denied.  

    I did not find a resting place in my old normal, I had to keep going until I did. Meaning, the way I was in old relationships were no longer comfortable for me.  I had to redefine me.  I did find a new normal…but most often it was to exit old relationships that did not honor and respect me…that were not an equal balance of truth and reality.

    I would say I recovered a self I had lost, but didn't know was missing.  

    My Story Line Quilts represent this journey of how I seen myself against the world, how little I thought of my self and how much I thought and served the outside voices, against the good of me.

    The quilts show, and are a gauge, on how I felt about me.  How little self esteem was present and how as I recovered my voice and my truth, how my Lady grew more animated and more defined.

    Her stiffness represented my inability to be an individual; my self frozen while dancing to please others.

    I am so grateful that I was able to recover beyond my usual normal, but to go back so far as to feel that I am connected to the little girl inside of me.  The one who I put aside and hid due to her abuse.  

    Given no alternatives, I lived so to keep peace in the family…or perhaps food in my belly and a roof over my head.  I stuffed the abuse so far back in my mind….in order to survive.

    When I fully embraced my 'secret' I was meeting my real self…the innocent girl, the wounded one, and the survival self.  I am a composite of all of my experiences. There is no part that is not me.

    My recovery is to embrace my whole journey…keeping no secrets from me.

    Childhood sexual abuse ends the natural creation of who you would grow to be.  It interferes with our trust and faith and our innocence, we become old before our time and liars about reality.  We contort our selves and our lives to fit what isn't there.

    My recovery was to recover reality…to recover the little wounded girl that I lost.

    I looked up "recover".  "1. To get back; regain. 2. To restore ( oneself) to a normal state.

    Little children who are abused so young, don't even have a full grasp of who they are, what is their set point, what do they love, their passion and soul's essesence and it is eclipsed by the ugly hand of abuse. 

    Regaining the self is to feel like a child again, to restart growing as a person.  To begin with a child inside an adult body.

    To me, recovery is about getting back to the little child and innocence. To feel love, peace and joy inside about you.  To reconnect with love.

    It seems to me the ultimate victory over abuse…to leave abuse with the abusers, to let it be their problem, not yours.  To put it in its rightful place and to restore and recover your inner spirit.

    I will never not be abused, but I was able to recover my self and walk with all aspects of me.


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    It is time for my quilts to go on display again!

     

  • Making my Day.

    A beautiful Sunday to be inside creating…and I loved that it allowed me to be excused from mowing the grass.

    I bought this white/red/black border fabric, loving it for a border, but then had the challenge of making something inside.  It was harder than I expected and I am not totally okay with the way it is.  Perhaps adding something else will complete it.


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    Although I love my Lady on the Bench….

    I also finished this one…she has great energy in person.  I love the colors and wondered about adding a few leaves to the tree….and maybe others on the ground and in the wind.  


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    Thank you Rain for making my day!

  • Keeps it going.

    There is a false belief, that we are responsible for the behaviors of others, that kindness and love is the cure all for all. That we, the hurt, or we the abused, or we the victims, need to respond in kindness and love AND like magic the hurt will heal. The burden lies with us for stopping the evil of the world, and the evil await our kindness….

    IF, this was so, then the evil of the world would no longer exist.  

    Families of abuse have been doing this for generation upon generation…serving kindness after abuse, keeping silent after abuse, continuing to love after hurt. Victims never fighting fire with fire, but lobbing love, peace and joy….back to the abusers, in hopes IF enough love and kindness make it over, IT will change the abuser into a loving person.

    Really?

    Doesn't this also make it our fault that they abused, we were not loving enough, kind enough…that we somehow ignited the anger/rage and sexual desire for a child?

    Until we separate the actions of the abusers and the response back…as the independent actions and responsibility of each person, we will not end sexual abuse/physical abuse and end the insane blaming of the victim.

    And, the victims themselves have to stop believing they can make a nice man out of one who rapes children, by loving him and forgiving his sins.

    As, I sit and try to find kind words, a softer message to my mother, it struck me as I was confused and trying to 'nicely' tell her she isn't welcome.

    Is that possible?

    I have to wonder, how many rapes are stopped by kindness?

    How many people were saved due the sheer kindness of others?

    Somehow we have this so backwards.

    I don't have to be cruel, but I have to forceful.

    And, it almost seems fight fire with fire.

    However, isn't there a difference in fighting and standing up and not being a kind victim….compared to overpowering the weak?

    Most crimes of sexual abuse and physical abuse are delivered by the stronger party upon a weaker person.  

    Is it truly wrong or bad to stand up and fight back.  Fight with words and empowerment, putting up the boundaries and saying no.  I am not looking to hurt her like I was hurt, but I am looking to stop her from being in my world.  Isn't that what most victims want, to end the relationship and the interactions with their abusers.

    How else do you make abuse stop if not by ending the relationship.

    Divorce is honored in our society and estrangement between families due to abuse is catching on.  

    Children didn't choose to marrying into a family and they have no paperwork to make null and void. Which I think is too bad…there isn't a system in place that supports the child leaving the family by choice.

    As a child who has left her family, I am seen as a home wrecker, the one who is tearing up our family, not as someone who has left to be in peace, love and joy.  If those ingredients were found in my family of origin, there would not have been a reason to leave. 

    Very few couples divorce due to too much love, peace and joy.

    The relationship needs to end, when abuse enters in…you can't just bring in more love and expect the abuse to end.  That to me is insanity.

    For generations upon generations in my family, abuse has been met with love and forgiveness, forgetting and moving on….keeping the family unit no matter what….putting the burden upon those who have been abused to love the abusers no matter what hurt they caused. 

    IF this worked, abuse would not bleed from generation to generation….

    Love will not stop abuse.

    Kindness is not a deterrent…

    Praying for things to change isn't enough.

    We have to become stronger than our abusers.

    Perhaps the burden of ending abuse does start with the victims…our responses and actions have to be for us, not them.

    When I left, I decided to go towards LOVE, PEACE and JOY…and to steer away from all that wasn't. And, I did.  

    Abuse doesn't carry love, peace and joy…and no matter how much kindness you pour upon abuse, it will not change its content.  When we can fully accept abuse and its toxic energy, and respond by moving away from it, we will begin changing the planet.

    Abuse needs kindness to continue…it needs us to believe, If we loved more, it will end. 

    How many bullies have been stopped by love and kindness?

    I feel in my heart of hearts, that my kindness and love and acceptance would have kept abuse alive and that I would have been an accessory to the crime by my allowance.

    We fail to acknowledge the criminal aspect of abuse and our kindness being a key component that keeps it going.


  • The Process of Becoming You.

    It came to me yesterday, that setting up boundaries is a fuzzy idea, but not one we take and pick apart.  It seems to be a phrase that sounds good, but what does it mean?  What is a boundary and how do you establish one?  How visible are these so called boundaries or the lack of them?

    As I have been composing a letter of NO to my mother about her attendance at my daughter's wedding, it came to me, that is a boundary.  Saying no is building a boundary. Stating a choice is also a boundary.  Speaking your preference is establishing borders and fences, defining who you are.

    And, I have also noticed that most people have very few boundaries, or ones that are weak and easily gotten over.  To me, it is the after affect of being abused; we lose the right to protect ourselves.  We may even have never been taught how to by the lack of seeing it in action via our parents.

    My father had zero regard to the word no…as he sexually absused each little girl, whose whole demeanor screamed NO.  

    My mother stood on the other side of no, she didn't believe she had the right to say no.

     To me, the most valuable boundary is the ability to say yes and the option to say no.

    And, anyone who doesn't hear your no, isn't capable of loving you. And, there can't be a solid trusting relationship, if you are not allowed to say no.

    Our most intense empowerment word is NO.

    A boundary that allows us to protect our self…from being hurt.

    Children whose ability for choice is removed, are more in danger of being abused. Children who are born into these cult like religions of the FALC, OALC etc.  Where you are not allowed the freedom to choose.

    Predators naturally gravitate to the ones who are too kind to say no.

    And, conversely, our society feels that kindness is a virtue. 

    The word that I have the most respect for is No.

    For, if you can't say No, I do not trust your yes…..as Byron Katie says.

    Your yes, could be a pretend yes….while your inner feelings are NO.

    I no longer pretend to pretend, to pretend…when I see the two options…I love my ability to speak No as easily now as I used to say yes.

    In each of our lives, our pathway is continually being crossed with other folks who will be asking us to say yes or to say no.  The more truthful you can be with your yes and your no, the more authentic your journey will be and the more I can trust you.

    I also recall that the elders in my world as a child got to say No, but I didn't.  It was something that only adults had the rights to.

    Giving our children the right to say No, is for them to hold on to their sense of self and self worth; putting a boundary that will define what their preferences are.

    To me, a person without boundaries blends into the background…lost in the sea of many; undefined.

    Blending harmoniously into whatever surrounds them, camouflaged to fit the surroundings, losing the characteristic of self…wanting to fit in and not stand out.

    Boundaries will make you stand out…defining you.

    Setting up boundaries, is to begin the process of becoming you.

     

  • A Hurt Child

    It was late last night as I composed a letter to my mother, and I felt I had hit the high points, but yet….I wondered.  So, as I lay down to sleep, I asked for clarity in my dreams, to show me the true overview between, my mother, my daughter and me.

    In my dream I was holding my daughter, she was a young girl.  I was carrying her around…and out of nowhere a figure appeared.  Eyes hidden by heavy scarred lids and hands reaching to hurt us.  

    The feeling of the dream was my daughter's preciousness and me holding her and harm trying to do what harm does….harm.  I did not feel safe in this presence.  I felt stalked and pursued.

    Waking in the middle of the night from this dream, it affirmed my intentions and my subconscious knowing; that my mother's energy and reckless regard for my boundaries is hurtful…with abuse as its flavor.

    The key points I was trying to articulate in a letter…the draft letter, was that I had set up boundaries between us, that I have created a life where I have zero interaction and if she chooses to attend, she is deliberately abusing and overlooking my boundaries.

    That the boundaries I was setting up, were boundaries that I needed as a child, that I am doing for my child, what she was unable to do for hers.  

    It isn't a popularity contest, but rather healthy life choices, to remove and eliminate interactions with people who blindly harm. (hence the hooded eyes in the dream)

    She appears unaware of how painful it will be for me, for her to walk over my 8 years of silence…OR that once again my feelings and my pain are not part of the equation as she makes her choice.

    I also feel deeply, that her rights to attend, are the consequence for participating and being an accomplice to the sexual abuse in my childhood home.

    She at those moments gave up her motherly and grandmotherly rights…with me.

    She doesn't appear to know that her presence is hurtful…and yet she has never been aware of the pain that her children were in…lacking compassion.

    It isn't me who has landed her into this spot….it was HER choices that got her there, and now she wants to go on like 'normal'.  And, may do so. 

    I will fine tune the letter and send it.  

    How she responds will be her choice.

    I have very little confidence she will gracefully bow out, knowing it wasn't her right to attend anymore.  She may choose to stay away, but she will blame it on her daughter and my words.  Not seeing that I had no choice….that all my actions in the past 8 years are actions a mother does to keep abusive people out.

    Many may feel that I have no right to say what I have to say to her, to even send her a letter, to even 'cheat' her of being at her granddaughter's wedding…they will see and feel her 'rights' being neglected.  They are incapable of standing on the victims side.

    Another side will see how insane it is to even have to tell her to stay away. That she should surely know she is not welcome, that she will be intruding and breaking down the barriers to get in.  An unwelcome guest…due to our dysfunctional past and broken relationship.

    I have been silent, after our one encounter, our one day of expressing my feelings and emotions, I have let her live her life in peace. I have not interjected what she can and cannot do.  I have allowed her access to my children.  I have given them space to be.  But this event is My family event. This is not her daughter, but mine. And, I feel that I have earned the right to be there.  I do not feel the same can be said for her.

    The intricacies of estrangement and children who chose to erect boundaries against their parents due to abuse, is that there will be occasions where these lines will be crossed or challenged.  It requires us to once again state our desires and our needs. 

     If she, after getting the letter, that will clearly state my feelings, chooses to attend, she will be knowingly abusing me again.

    What is abuse, if not taking actions without caring how it hurts another being.

    What most fail to remember is she started this abusive relationship.  I did not abuse her first, but as a child, she abused me.  

    I am not being a hurtful child, but a hurt child.


     



     

  • Stay away.

    Long ago, my mother insinuated that there were two teams, mine and hers. And, she put herself and I in the captain positions.  Like we were long time competitors…and perhaps we were.  I had the attention of her husband in a sick sick way.  And to be honest, I have always felt the strain of this competition, one that seemed to be against my will.   Somehow I was the other woman.

    I am sure this is correct in a twisted way.

     This competition just doesn't seem to go away. We seem to be team captains each time her and I have the chance to appear on the same stage.  

    For the most part, with my family, I have chosen NOT to appear, which leaves her winning by forfeit.  I have left the competition…and wasn't interested in attending the same events she would be at.

    The two 'captains' or teams have not been at the same event in over 8 years…

    I eliminated the competition by not competing…but the two sides did not disappear, but rather they waited for a chance to compete.

    Due to our 8 year estrangement and my lack of entering into her life, I felt that perhaps she would not enter into mine…that she would mirror back my desire to not be in her presence again.

    That we could, without direct confrontation, again…stay separated.  That the kindest thing of all would be to honor each other by keeping our distance. But, she has been asking about the upcoming wedding…seeking to attend, instead of bowing out.

     This is one event I will attend…so, it feels like a forced competition to me…which at moments, eclipses the fun of planning a wedding.

     It is to have the accomplice of sexual abuse hold an honorary post called Grandma.

    Two women both wanting their 'rightful' spot.

    To me, I see it clear cut and dried. She, when assisting my father, LOST ALL RIGHTS to being the honorary grandmother at any event.

    I had hoped she would knowingly stay away…feeling that my daughter's wedding isn't the time or the place for her to be using the grandma card.  

     Can I stop her from coming?  Is it my place to request it?  Is this making my daughters wedding be more about me than her?  What are my rights? Where is it okay to vote NO on the guest list?  If I had only one thing to vote on, it would be this. And, actually it is the only thing I have objected to.  

    This is my second request in 8 years. The first one was to not put my daughter in the middle…to be the go between her and I.  It is like a competition by proxy.

    And, this is how it feels again.

    That my daughter is between her and I.

    That she was supposed to chose between the two of us, who could/should/would attend her wedding day.

    It is not my daughter's fight.

    This is between two adult women whose relationship was boiled in abuse.

    So, I will do my best to not have our toxic mess mix with my daughter's wedding.

    And, I feel that the only way is for one of us not to attend.

    I just can't see it any other way. There is no way you can put two opposing sides of abuse in the same room and not have drama.

    It would be to pretend nothing happened.  

    I am to pretend the abuse didn't happen, that she is a loving grandmother, that we have not been estranged for 8 years, etc….that we are thankful for all that we have and that we are all together…the prayer she uttered at each Sunday Dinner, where my father abused little girls.

    The dinner she supported, knowing what was going on.

    Now, she wants to attend a wedding, like nothing ever happened.

    Really?

    The clashing of our two teams is the reality that something did.  My team is the team of reality and which doesn't forget…her team is one that wants it all to just go away and for us to be a normal family.  

    It is impossible. It left normal when she assisted my father and his pedophile ways.

    Yep, 8 years later I am still singing the same ole tune…it doesn't matter to me if it is a wedding, in fact it makes it more so.  I wouldn't invite my rapist, so I certainly wouldn't invite the one who knew and did nothing.

    To honor our estrangement, she would stay away.

    PS….while taking a shower, it occurred to me, that the above conflict is the tone of what all children of abuse are battling with. That the parents (abusers) want to keep it normal and be a family, while the child (adult child) feels the incongruous sides…of how abuse and love can't mix. How hurt/pain and utter forceful abuse doesn't match the role of mother/father/grandparent.  It is like trying to blend oil and water.

    The underlining struggle is thinking you can make harmony and normal with abuse.


     

     





  • Self Love

    Art is an interesting journey and the one of the Artist even more so.  I wonder at its definition or its truest meaning…

    Artist – "A person who produces paintings or drawings as a profession or hobby."

    Art – "The expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture. Works produced by such skill and imagination."

    The above definitions don't begin to tell the whole story of art and the artist…

    I even wonder if Artist have a choice…for it is an inner passion that has to be expressed, like we are just along for the ride.

    What I find very intriguing is the fear factor that comes with Art.  The fear of exposing yourself and rejection…how the art and self become one.

    My journey into Art was an unconscious journey exposing my subconsciousness.

    It reflected a self that I was unaware of, and perhaps still does…or does.

    In the beginning, I was more concerned of how others saw my art and their subsequent approval…I needed their blessing to be okay.  So, even in my Art Relationship, it was very co-dependent.

    As I unhinged myself from the outside and understood that my sense of self and self-worth was about me and me alone…my Art Relationship changed, as well as my Art, and even who I was concerned about while doing my art.

    In quilting they have the Quilt Police, an imaginary group that hovers near your sewing maching keeping a critical eye, taunting you with your lack of perfection.

    In Art, a similar aura walks with you, but its content mirrors your own self esteem.

    I can see that Art and being an Artist, is an intimate relationship with your self witnessed by others. 

    In the beginning, my Art was held up by the good opinion of others…as was I.

    Now, I feel that my Art and I are way okay if no one loves us, for we are fully content and in love.

    Certainly I love when others love my Ladies, but I am also way okay if they do not. Where in the past, their lack of agreement would have challenged my self worth.

    How I feel about myself has a direct response within all relationships, especially in Art. 

    Art that we make with our imagination and feelings, seems to then take on the personna of special friend, a love….and it is like we are dancing with our self.

    I am not sure if all can follow this weird thrilling and terrifying journey of Art…being one of walking inside your self, but it is.

    I would not have believed it, until I had seen my story line quilts all expressing the different levels of awakening…or self expressions I had of my self.

    And, it stands to reason why some stop doing art, for it gets to be too intimate and so telling….and why others don't share or feel they are compensated enough or good enough etc.

    It is like showing the world your soul.

    Or even more, our relationship with our souls.  The inner speaking and feelings about how we feel about who we are.  A relationship between me and me.

    Art is showing everyone how you feel about you…the relationship that steers all other relationships.  How well do you know you…how honest are you with your self, how deeply connected are you with your authentic self.

    Doing Art is a visual documented picture composition, of the relationship inside of you. Your self worth and value and love Of you.

    It is not about how others see and love you/Art….it is more about self love.

     

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