I M Perfect lady

Tag: abuse

  • Deviating from What is Standard.

    Our training last night was so revealing to me on so many levels.  

    We do role playing on the phones.  Meaning, a person is the caller and we are the liners (on the crisis line) and we then get a feel for the type of a calls and what is helpful and what is not.

    What came out last night was very interesting.  How as you sit listening, you yourself and your experience history can become a block for the person on the line. Unknowingly, you are not as free to explore their pain.  

    This unconscious belief is there, and it blocks you from moving, and you don't even know it…until it is pointed out.

    As one person is in the hot seat (being a liner) the rest of us are watching.  And being a witness to the call and not on it, you are so wise, for your unconscious issues are not threatened.  

    What I thought about as I was falling to sleep, is that we all can solve issues and problems in anothers life, especially just witnessing it and not being actively engaged in it.  However, become engaged, and your unconscious pain and wounds will not let you respond freely, you will hit a wall.

    You will only explore as far as you yourself have gone…you move up to the wall of uncomfortable, but not beyond it.  And, if you are watching the dialogue, BUT not in it, you are free to explore options, for your own unconsciousness is not engaged.

    But, put yourself into the scene, and you freeze.

    Wildly intriguing to see…and extremely telling in how we operate in life.  Very good at knowing what to do as long as we are not engaged in real life.  

    I can see as a therapist, that they will unknowingly have blocks that will block exits and pathways to healing, depending upon their own life experiences.  

    If you are seeing a therapist and it feels like you are making no progress, IT very well may be because, they can only take you so far.  

    And, it also came to me, that if your support system is all from the same stock, you may just stir the pot, but never find a solution or healing way out.

    I can see I missed my calling or perhaps I am just entering into it.  I thoroughly am engrossed in the how abuse is spoken of, not spoken of, how it manifests in lives, how it is treated, how abused individuals act and how it is best to respond, etc.  

    Widening the circle of understanding the human psyche and how abuse impacts your living and the unconscious beliefs that stunt your growth and turns your life into an anomaly.

    I looked up the word, Anomaly…making sure I had the correct meaning.

    "Something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected."

    This anomaly…my father deviating from what is normal, then created in me the same.  I became an anomaly when I didn't act as expected or what is normal or standard.  Meaning, I didn't run screaming and report it.

    However, I do have this one memory that I did tell…well, I showed, my private parts to my mother in severe pain…And she deviated from what was standard, normal or expected.  Nothing was done.  She didn't leave my father or bring him to the court of the land.  When they didn't act as expected, I learned that in our home, our normal was to act different from the standards or what is expected.

    It wasn't that the child didn't act normal, she did, but she witnessed how abuse was dealt with, how others responded.  They didn't act like she did…while her alarm screamed in pain, they were the opposite.  No reaction.

    It is this non-reaction that we notice.  That it is our three alarm fire, not theirs.  We are acting incorrectly. When my mother didn't respond in kind, I had to as a child read the message that all was okay.  No reason for panic.  Settle down, it is all right.

    Her deviation from a standard mother's response, is all it took for me to take cues in how to react to abusive behavior…calmly as if it is okay…no more than a scrapped knee.  

    Her reactions programmed mine.

    This anomaly is the set point for our family…deviating from what is standard.



  • My Art Shows my Inner Changes.

    I had put off pricing my quilts, for the task seemed overwhelming. Today I asked a special friend of mine to give me hand, to see if we could find a respectable price that our local market would hold, yet honor the energy and Art of each piece. 

    The pile of twenty was quickly moved into smaller categories of size and composition.  From that point, we appraised its energy, story and fabric content (hand-dyed vs store bought) and found a price. 

    Once the prices were in range, I then went to work on giving each a name and brief description.

    These quilts had been set aside as quilts I could sell, for they didn't seem to have what I called my story line or were part of my healing Art Therapy, or had a bit of me in them. Yet when I began to give them titles and sit and stare at each one, all are part of my journey and in fact they hold energies of joy, feelings of sorrow, weight of tangled confusion, brilliant wisdom, subtle nuances and wistful growth, sisterhood, sister friends, soul sisters, etc…all carry a part of my healing, the past and the future.

    I could also see how my lady started.

    She was small. 

    She lacked movement and energy.

    She was drowned out by the color and design upon which she stood.

    As the years went on, she grew animated with movement, even her sorrow was pronounced…and her self worth blatantly evident in her size.,

    What I didn't expect from this collection of quilts is to see so much of me…and to feel the small almost unrecognizable me and the how the background energy moved into the Lady.

    Below are some from what I call my personal story line, that will show you how I saw myself back in 2005.

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    She is one of the first ladies to emerge…Her size in comparison to the background really hit me.  How small I saw myself…insignificant almost. 

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    Actually this one came before the previous one, for she doesn't even have hair… The writing in the quilting says, "Freedom to be free".  At the time it was a dream, a thought…a someday desire.  An unknown feeling. And the freedom seemed to be around me and I was trying to catch it.

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    What struck me about these dancing ladies is the empty head…first I thought how sad, and then I thought, how delightful, to be empty of beliefs and thoughts, to be wide open. A clean slate…a new me. (this one was one of the first lady quilts to sell)

    In looking below at one of the latest quilts, one I pulled out of the pile going to Marquette, (I wasn't ready to let her go and she seems to be truly apart of my storyline) you can see how the lady and the background are equally as bright and infused with energy.  A balance…I am no longer smaller than my surroundings.

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    So, no matter which quilt I have done, there you will find me…a snippet of my journey, a bit of inner wisdom and knowing…without words, you see me in the shape, color and design.  Wow, Art really is revealing.

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    The description I wrote for this quilt, titled, "Comfortable Wisdom"…is, 

      "She rests easy in knowing who she is, where she has been…no regrets.  She  fully accepts the past and is at peace with the present…a lover of reality."  

    You simply can't hide in Art…it sneaks into every aspect of what you create.  

    As odd as it sounds, the more time I spend with my art, the more I understand it and the more in awe I become.  While playing with the fabrics and designs I am blind to the subtle blaring messages that are screaming at me in silence.  Just amazing to not see yourself…it is a slow progression.  I changed as my art changed…or my art shows my inner changes.


  • A Journal to take Home

    Last week when I sat by the Detective and asked him how things were going….he said, "I have two adolescent boys (who are talking to him about their sexual abuse) and I don't have nothing to give them….I am not sure about a journal, but I do wish I had something. And I surely can't give them the ones with the Lady on the front," he said with a smile and wistfulness. I said, "Let me ponder this and see what I can do."  

    I mentioned this conversation to my brother Carl (who was abused as a young boy) and he said he thought they would use a journal…he mainly didn't want them being overlooked.  He and I both felt it would be nice if Tom had a boy journal to offer.

    I found two smaller sketch journals as well as two black lined journals that I covered.  This was a stretch for me to make "boy" looking ones….or at least non feminine looking, yet still artful….a place to put such sacred truths.

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    Above are the four I made this morning.  I wrote "Me, Mine, Love Truth, and I M Perfect" in the quilting.  I wanted to impart ownership as well as words that will reflect the essence of them speaking out.  

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    I am in awe of such young brave boys…and even if they don't choose to take one, the idea will have been planted…to write.  It gives me hope that boys are now willing to speak up so they can be healed…to shatter the secret and open themselves up to living life in full disclosure.  Even if they never write, just having the ear of Tom Rosemurgy is huge.  He is such a kind soul.  And I want to help Tom as he helps them.

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    May these journals find the right hands to hold them…and be a place to store the tragic truths of abuse.  Writing it down on paper, released the overwhelming emotions that swirled inside.  It was a place to go and talk…and cry.  A tool I used to find a clear mind.  May the children who pass through Tom's office shorten their pathway to healing…just by finding such a caring man…and a journal to take home.

  • A spiritual experience for me.

    "We often underestimate the power of giving voice, but it is real and sustaining.  It is the basis of all song.  It is why prisoners break into song.  It is why the blues are sung, even when no one is listening.  It is at the heart of all hymns and mantras."

    "And it works its healing not so much by being heard as by the fact that in giving voice to what lives within, even through the softest whisper, we allow the world of spirit to soften our pain.  In this way, the smallest moan is in itself a lullaby. In giving voice to what we feel, the darkest cry uttered with honesty can arrive as the holiest of songs."  Mark Nepo

    I love, "the darkest cry uttered with honesty can arrive as the holiest of songs."  My honesty in writing about sexual abuse does feel very holy to me, even if the topic itself isn't.  And writing about my experiences with the FALC and how its applications kept dysfunction going, also feel more holy than anything I heard in church.

    It isn't the topic that is written about, but the energy of honesty and integrity.

    And to me, the greatest songs and words ever spoken are those whispered or cried in total honesty.  I felt at one with God the day I began walking my truth…giving voice to how I feel, even if what I had to say was not welcomed by many, it was a spiritual experience for me.

     

     

  • Unexpressed fear.

    Mothering for certain is where my greatest weaknesses lie, where all my scars seem to congregate and wait for one child to push a button, and all of the unexpressed emotions come charging forward, ready to spill from my mouth.

    A few sentences do, a few sharp tones and hitting remarks find their target…before I am able to gain control of myself.  Inside of me then echos and reverberates voices of fear and confusion, feelings of being put upon, used, etc.  My child self rallies forth, elbowing out of the way the mom.

    I have, and have had, a very hard time heading into conflict a mom first…leaving behind my scarred child self.  Which leaves me standing there a mom, spewing forth childish words of defense…forgetting I am supposed to be an adult.

    By the time I remember to be an adult, the child has made a mess…voiced promises she isn't going to keep, poured feelings of petty indignation and pretty much presented a 'mental' mom.

    My adult self then has to clean up and find a solution that restores us both.

    As long as my children live here and are under my care, I will have to be on guard.  Just as I don't want my child self creating my nutrition plan, I don't want my scarred child mothering.  

    She mothers out of fear, screams in fear of injustice, fails to see both sides is very much shallow and self absorbed…contents of an abusive mother.

    Knowing she exists inside of me, isn't enough to keep her silent…to keep her back and away from conflict.

    I wonder what triggers her most?  What are the tones that ring for her to enter into my world uninvited.

    They are feelings…feelings of being used.  Feelings of imbalance. Feelings that others should or should not be doing that which they are doing…so when I feel out of control, she rushes forth.

    Guess that is what they mean by Post Traumatic moments.

    Ugh.  I just get so drained being a mom sometimes.  Working to not become postal, and yet time and time I do.  Each time I climb to the upper rung by putting them down, I lose.

    Certainly, they are not the long raging moments of before, just small aftershock like spews.  Is it even possible for me to be in conflict while in control?  I get there, but not till after I have had my ugly say.

    Ugly say has to be like sweet treats, something that my scarred girl lives upon…being mute in the first few moments of any conflict will help and open up space for my adult self to arrive.

    Today, I quilted…lots.  Thankfully so.  Imagine if all I had to do was to monitor the folks who lived with me???  My child self would have a field day.

    Maybe one day I will match the lady of my quilts.  Be a lady at all times…in conflict and without.

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    Doing Bikram yoga in the Sunrise…. (perhaps doing more yoga will release the unexpressed emotions.)

    And this is my latest Kayak Lady…

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    Art Therapy…it allows me a place to escape from the trauma…a place to express beauty…instead of unexpressed fear.

     

  • In Control Within the Flow

    Today's reading, March 21,in the Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo "To Harbor and Release"  I love this one.

    "Often the pain of resisting makes us rust like iron, and in order to re-enter the flow of life, we need to be scraped back to our original surface.  Our feelings, if not released, bread the heart with their grit. Like windows filmed by weather, we wait on loving hands to be rubbed clear.  It is inevitable.  Experience covers us over, and the expressive journey lets us come clean to the table of light. Again."

    "All things in existence participate in this involuntary cycle.  For human beings, the process of living stains us repeatedly with the grit of being here, with heartache and disappointment and the pointedness of being human, which can sicken us if harbored or make us whole if released.  Again and again, we, more than any other life form, have this majestic and burdensome power to harbor or release the impact of our experience."

    "Humbly, we are asked to keep the flow real between what is taken in and what is let out.  We have only to breathe to remember our place as a living inlet.  Experience in, feelings out.  Surprise and challenge in, heartache and joy out.  In a constant tide, life rushes in, and in constant release, we must let it all run back off.  For this is how the earth was made magnificent by the sea and how mankind is carved upright, again and again, by the ocean of spirit that sets us free."  Mark Nepo

    What we have to remember, what we take in, we have to let out.  I love, "Experience in, Feelings out."  This one sentence alone says so much.

    I believe that children who were abused in childhood, learn to experience and not to let the feelings out. We instead try and hold our feelings inside and do so til we explode in various ways.

    Rarely are children allowed to express their feelings after being sexually abused or physically abused.  We experience and then we have no outlet.

    This alone has created an unnatural way of being human. To take in things in silence our of fear of reprisals, is living half way.  This is how the rust builds upon us. And in my experience, only by expressing what has gone unexpressed, do we clear away the layers of film upon us.

    The natural process of Experience in, Feelings out, is disrupted in abuse and this alone is the cause of so much disease and violence…we are out of control, out of order, not able to work correctly.

    The term harboring resentment came to mind.  I didn't know that when we don't express our feelings (release them) we are harboring.  

    I had truckloads of expressions to release, and in the beginning they flowed like a rushing river, tumbling over each other, with volumes raised, they tore out of me…held back so long their force near violent in the outward flow.

    While it had to be shocking and out of character for others to witness this of me, it felt extremely healing to say what I had failed to say…for years.

    I wasn't the most prolific or articulate or kind as the words came rushing out, but I was scraping off the rust of old feelings I hadn't felt.  Some were not so pleasant or kind themselves…and all had to be felt in order to be released.

    Now, it is my intention to not let layers of unexpressed or unfelt emotions pile up upon myself, for it feels heavy and a burden to carry…so whatever I experience, I let my feelings out…I don't like holding on to feelings.  

    Harboring your feelings seems safer when you have been abused…we learn to keep them in order to get along and for sheer survival for some.  

    Abuse teaches us to live only taking in…never in a healthy release.

    I am still learning how to release.  Sometimes it still comes out very fearful or childlike in expression, but to me…it isn't about the delivery, but rather that they get out.  Maybe over time, with enough space and healing, I will be able to release them with a graceful kind and compassionate delivery…and not the hurried careless abandon that often rushes out.

    I will find my natural releasing stance…that isn't totally harboring or rushing abandon…but rather a fearless authenticity, beautiful yet powerful, in control within the flow. 

     

     

     

     

     

  • How we were treated.

    I listened to the book, "The Voice of Knowledge" by Janet Mills and Don Miguel Ruiz, and found this part to hit close to home.

    "When we discover that we are not what we believe we are, the foundation of our entire reality begins to collapse. The whole story loses its meaning, and this is very frightening."

    " I was not afraid in the desert that night. But when I recovered, I felt fear because nothing in my story was important any longer and I still had to function in the world. Later, I discovered that I could rewrite the story of my life.  I could recover the structure of what I believed and rebuild it without the lies.  Then life went on as it did before, but the lies no longer ruled my life."  

    What I too recall is that you are left without a place to put your faith, you no longer can support the lies, yet you haven't rebuilt your life without lies.  

    The difference between a structure of lies and a structure of truth is so completely different…

    You may think of 'the lies' having to be big, but the little ones you park your faith behind are equally as devastating to your life…when you believe them.

    I discovered thousands of lies that I had built my life upon.  He writes about two rules to avoid getting caught up in lies.

    "Don't believe yourself and don't believe anybody else – all of the lies that come from the voices of knowledge won't survive your skepticism.  Being skeptical is not about being judgmental; it is not about taking the position that you are more intelligent than others. You just don't believe, and what is true will become obvious. This is very interesting because the truth survives your skepticism even if you don't believe it. That is the beauty of the truth. The truth doesn't need anybody to believe it.  The truth is still the truth whether or not you can believe it.  Can we say the same about lies? No, lies only exist because we believe them.  If we don't believe in lies, they simply disappear." Don Miguel

    Isn't it amazing that by not believing yourself or others, the truth will rise to the surface, for the truth doesn't need anyone to believe it, it just is.

    By removing your faith in what you believe, you are then putting your faith in what you don't believe…but what is.  I am not certain I can articulate this, so I highly recommend reading this book.

    But, in my own life, there were great big lies that I put my faith behind, and those lies had baby lies that I put my faith behind and I didn't allow any of my faith to be used for the truth.

    It seems we are given only so much faith, and if we invest it in lies, it leaves little faith for the truth.

    When I withdrew my faith in the lies…I had ample faith to then put into what was the truth. 

    He further writes, "Many lies enslave us, but only one thing can free us, and it's the truth.  Only truth can set us free from the fear, the drama, and the conflict in our lives.  This is the absolute truth, and I cannot put it more simply than that."

    "The Voice of Knowledge rules your life, and it is a tyrant. If you refuse to obey that voice, it becomes quieter and quieter, and speaks to you less and less until it no longer controls you.  When the voice loses power over you, lies no longer rule your life, and you become authentic again."

    "The Voice of Knowledge is not real.  Before you learn to speak, your brain is like a perfect computer, but without a program.  when you are born you don't know a language.  It takes several years for your brain to mature enough to receive a program. Then the program is introduced to you mainly through your parents, as well as other people around you. They hook your attention and teach you the meaning of words.  You learn to speak, and the program goes inside you little by little by agreement.  You agree, and now you have a program."

    "Well, if you are the computer, then the knowledge is the program.  Everything you know, all of the knowledge in your head, was already in the program before you were born.  I can assure you that none of us ever has an original idea.  Every letter, every word, every concept in your belief system is part of the program, and that program is contaminated with a virus called lies."

    "There's no need to judge the program as good or bad or right or wrong. Even if we don't like the program, nobody is guilty for sharing it with us. It's just the way it is, and it's wonderful because we use the program to create our stories.  But who is running our life?  The program!  The program has a voice, and it's lying to us all the time."

    "How can we know what the truth is when almost everything we have learned is a lie?  How can we recognize what is real in us?  Well, it took some time for me to find out, but I found out. Our emotions are real.  Every emotion that we feel is real, it is the truth, it is.  I discovered that every emotion comes directly from spirit, from our integrity; it is completely authentic."

    "You cannot fake what you feel. You can try to repress your emotions, you can try to justify what you feel or lie about what you feel, but what you feel is authentic.  It is real, and you are feeling it. There is nothing wrong with whatever you feel. There are no good or bad emotions; there is nothing wrong with anger or jealousy or envy. Even if you are feeling hate, it comes from your integrity.  Even if it's sadness or depression that you are suffering, if you feel it, there is always a reason for feeling it."

    "I discovered something very interesting about the human mind, something logical and important to understand. Everything you perceive causes an emotional reaction – everything.  If you perceive beauty, your emotional reaction is wonderful; you feel great.  When you are hurt, your emotional reaction is not so great.  But you perceive not just the outside world; you perceive the virtual world you create in your head.  You perceive not only your feelings, but your knowledge – your own thoughts, judgments, and beliefs. You perceive the voice in your head, and have an emotional reaction to that voice."

    "Now the question is this; What is the voice in your head telling you? How many times has it told you, "God, I'm so stupid, how could I do that? I will never learn!" The voice of knowledge judges you, you perceive the judgment, and you have an emotional reaction.  You feel the shame; you feel the guilt. The emotion is true, but what causes the emotion, which is the judgment that you are stupid, is not true; it's a story.  Again, this is just action-reaction.  What is the action? The action is the perception of your point of view, which means the perception of your own judgment. What is the reaction? Your feelings are the reaction, and you react to lies with emotional poison."

    "Let's see if we can understand this a little better.  Imagine that you have a dog. As you know, the dog is just a dog, and it's a perfect dog, isn't it?  But what happens if you abuse the dog?  What if every time you see the dog, you kick the dog?  Very soon the dog will be afraid.  You can see the emotions coming from the dog.  It is angry; it might try to bite you or run away.  Is there something wrong with the dog's emotions? Does the dog's anger make the dog evil? No, the dog's reaction is just the result of being abused. The emotion is helping the dog to defend itself.  It comes from the dogs integrity."  Don Miguel

    What I love about the way he breaks this down is that we are programmed to believe in lies and taught how to act by how we were treated.  

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  • Unplugged

    In the confusion between vulnerability and how it felt equal to abuse, I had to look up the definition of abuse.

    "to use wrongly, mistreatment, ill-use, to hurt or injure, improper use, abuse a privilege…"

    And vulnerability was  "exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed either physically or emotionally, susceptible to attack.

    So, it is two sides of the same coin.

    As a child we are innately vulnerable and 'accepted' ill-use and mistreatment due to the lack of alternatives…and even grew to accept this as normal.  Especially when we are treated this way from the folks who 'love' us.  Love then equals mistreatment…we mix love and ill-use of our selves and call it normal.

    We are stuck in the sate of vulnerability with those we 'love'…and those we love feel betrayed when we assert power, for being 'loving' is to be open to attack and ill-treatment.  How dare you shut them out.

    It is a muddled up mess when you believe love hurts and attacks…and in order to gain your power back you must shut the door against those you love.

    The powerless state of vulnerability and being ill-used in this state is that we never know self power.  We are taught to seek power from the powerless. 

    My children had the power to make me mad, etc…and I had to be stronger than them to keep my power…is what I thought.

    However, when I took my power back from my family of origin, I realized that I had been raising children with no power source within themselves.

    What a huge gift it was to give my children their power back and what a relief it was to be free of that power struggle; continual fight and fear of losing power.

    In abusive homes the children are left powerless, taught that love means allowing, acquiescing their rights, their feelings etc, they are always left helpless waiting for the 'powerful' to decide.

    They are lost to their own power source…and learn that power is 'out there' somewhere.  And happiness comes when you find a power source that doesn't hurt you.

    A kind power source…that you can plug into.

    Which is co-dependent.  You are not a self contained power source.

    I literally had a moment in time, where I unplugged everyone from me and me from everyone.  I stood powerless.  I had to find a way to live unplugged.

    It was the beginning of finding my authentic power…which Gary Zukav writes about…read below!

     

  • I fear being closed up.

    "Anything we fear to lose – a home, a car, an attractive body, an agile mind, a deep belief – is a symbol of external power.  What we fear is an increase in our vulnerability.  This results in seeing power as external."  Gary Zukav, Seat of the Soul.

    The sentence about fearing an increase in our vulnerability really struck me.  Somehow I believe all choices boil down to this sentence.

    It isn't the actual change we fear, but the way it will open ourselves up to being vulnerable once again.  And the more you explore and peel back layers of your self, the more wide open you will feel.

    I had to go and look up the definition of Vulnerable. 

    "Susceptible to physical or emotional injury."  I was shocked to read that.  Are you not more susceptible to physical and emotional injury IN an Absive relationship, then if we were out?

    Yet, we fight or resist being vulnerable and in doing so you are more vulnerable while in those relationships, than working your way out.

    Another meaning was, "Open to attack, damage, assailable, vulnerable to critism, exposed."

    Again, it strikes me as not the meaning of vulnerable.  I thought vulnerable was to be wide open and soft.  Yet this meaning seems to be about opening yourself up for attack.

    No wonder no one wants to be vulnerable.

    I can see the two sides of vulnerablitiy.  However, just because you are wide open and exposed, it doesn't mean you will be attacked. To me, exploring the depths of abuse have made me wise to knowing what is abusive and what is not.

    The definitions of vulnerability also seem to come into play as you are trying to leave dysfunction; attacking and critism of your new ways.

    Very interesting to feel the wide scope of being Vulnerable.

    I feel more vulnerable; open, free and exposed and feel that is my greatest strength.  I no longer fear being vulnerable.  I fear being closed up.

  • Agree With the Line.

    I finished listening to the Book "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett while I sewed yesterday afternoon.  

    The CD describes it as such;

    "Three ordinary women are about to take one extraordinary step…

    In 1962 Jackson Mississippi, two African American maids and one white Junior League socialite- seemingly as different from one another as can be, will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk. And why?  Because they are suffocating within the lines that define their town and their times. And sometimes lines are made to be crossed."

    "In pitch-perfect voices, Kathryn Stockett creates three memorable women whose determination to start a movement of their own forever changes a town, and the way women – mother's, daughters, caregivers, friends – view one another.  A deeply moving novel filled with poignancy, humor and hope.  "The Help" is a timeless universal story about the lines we abide by and the ones we don't."

    I had read this book, watched the movie and then listened to it…all three times I was drawn to the courage it takes to step over the line.

    Stepping over the line, isn't done lightly or without great personal risks and consequences, and yet if someone doesn't take a chance, speak out and dare show the wrongness, change doesn't happen.

    Towards the end, the white character muses…"I may not have changed their minds… But at least I no longer agree with them." Speaking about her socialite friends.

    She had broken out of a system that had been put into place long before her birth, one she had grown up in…and dared to explore and see it from all angles.  Willing to see the wrongness of her people…

    It came with a personal cost, she lost friends and love, but gained personal strength and courage.

    I totally understand her dilemma…of stepping over the line, knowing you are stepping out of the life you have…into the unknown.

    Stepping over the line is what has allowed us as a species to evolve…if we all stayed behind the line, no change would occur.

    Once one takes a step, another will follow.

    The lines are drawn often with the mindset or understanding at the time, and progress happens when someone dares to argue with the line.

    I see one very entrenched line that is holding its ground and only a few dare to step over it and walk away…and that is the parental line.

    When you cross this line, your life will change.

    Most parents do not want their lines crossed…especially abusive parents.

    The treatment of the children in these homes is similar to the African Americans…for they are not allowed to have a voice, to speak about how the treatment feels on their end.  They are to serve the family in silence, bowing down to the heads of the households…a second class member…They are lower down on the totem pole, only those up higher can have their say, speak their minds and share how it feels…and enforce it.  Disregarding your vote without an election.

    This is the way of it, the line is not to be crossed…it stays firm until their death.  Their feelings are to be considered at all times…and perhaps even posthumously.

    At no point is a child to go against what the parent feels, thinks and believes, or they will be crossing the line…and stepping out of the family.

    I would love to see a revolution within abusive homes.  Of voiceless, choice-less children walking free.  Marching for the right to stand up. Shedding the cloak of secrecy that keeps their parents reputations clean in the social world…while the child remains in the silent darkness of abuse.  A flipping of the tables…

    Fear is what keeps most from stepping up to the line.

    The fear is as palpital as the ones the maids had. They had lived in fear of the white folks for so long, it never crossed their minds to speak up, even anonymously.

    Some may say, they 'respect' their parents too much to speak out…but respect doesn't keep you silent, fear does.

    Fear of stepping over this invisible line that has been there since you were little.  Fear keeps you on your side of the line…as it always has. 

    In life, there are always lines…and you will define yourself by the ones you abide by and the ones you don't.

    You have to wonder about lines and who they serve and why.

    And depending upon which side of the line you are, that line will represent two drastically different views.

    Look at the line of silence in abuse…see clearly how it divides and makes one a victim.  One of lesser value…and one more powerful.

    Abiding the line, you are agreeing with the imbalance.

    What I too truly love, is that I may not be able to change your mind, but I love that I no longer have to agree with the line.