I M Perfect lady

Tag: answers

  • There is a way out.

    While I was learning how to live with my work changes, it came to me, that we can come to peace with things by not doing anything, but perhaps just thinking differently or by looking at someone who has it worse and then sitting back and feeling better, but not actually correcting anything in our own lives.

    That I could actually numb myself to my own life by focusing on someone less fortunate, bypassing my own feelings by being falsely elevated from their lack or worse off situation.

    While it is true, that there are many more lives in worse shape than mine, mine is the only place I live and feel.

    When I talk myself into being okay in my life without making changes, but rather by picking someone who is suffering more, what I am really doing is giving myself the license to not be responsible for my own happiness.

    On one hand I can feel better that someone is worse off and on the other hand, I can ‘blame’ my work for not being able to do this or that.

    I am in a helpless life…and if I keep focusing on what others are doing, the less I focus on what I can do.

    In life things flow in and out, grow and expand as well as shrink and lessen, it is all fluid and if we stand staunchly unchanging, we are victims of life.

    What happens instead is when life changes and we change, we are moving with the flow of life, bending and allowing answering its call.
    Adjustments are needed, not just witnessing of other folks suffering or being in a rougher situation.

    We literally have to make exchanges.

    If you fail to make the exchange, you then allow life to make it for you.

    What is the saying, “when God closes a door he opens a window”…I am thinking we have to find the window; otherwise we sit in a room feeling like there is no way out.

    Knowing that a window is possible, that it will take some creativity and changes on my end, I focus not on the closed door, but turn towards the window.

    The key is to find the window, to turn and look around, seeking answers instead of sitting down helplessly staring at the closed door.

    The closed door will not open and the answers are not to keep banging on the door with angry fists, you have to instead escape through the window rendering the closed door powerless.

    It seems many of us will not change on our own, we need to have doors banged shut in order for us to look for a new insight, or to escape an old routine, to leave old pathways for new adventures, to get out of old jobs where our learning has stopped.

    Some see the closed doors as punishment from the Universe, yet in my experience it was for my own good that the door remained closed and that I had to change in order to move and grow.

    In my experience there are no rooms without windows…for each time a door does close, there is a way out.

  • Free to be you.

    At the end of Dr. Jill Bolte’s book, “My Stroke of Insight”, she writes what she needed the most to heal, and I too would like to share what was most beneficial to me as I made my way out of the legacy of dysfunction.

    When you wake up and find that you lived in denial for 46 years, you are smack dab in the middle of a pretend life and you need to begin finding truths everywhere and living truth.

    Here are some things in no particular order…

    The book, “Loving What is” by Byron Katie helped me embrace the idea of acceptance and how it is much easier to walk with reality and to separate whose business is whose. My lines of responsibility blurred and I was lost in other people’s lives and absent from my own.

    “Be Here Now” by Eckhart Tolle helped me live in this moment while unraveling the past. Showed me how to not deny but to embrace the moment right here and all that it delivered.

    Martha Beck’s book “Leaving the Saints” showed me the way abuse blinds you and how the family situation and religion has a great impact on how you then go forward, abused and confused.

    My brother’s ears listened, his eyes sought the truth like I, and his hand reached forward in healing always. Together we bravely walked deeply into what we had experienced to find where we lost ourselves, felt the pain or discovered the things we missed, clues that led us to our self. It greatly helps to have one family member in a dysfunctional family that wants to get out as bad as you, that wants to end the legacy in their life. His understanding of dysfunction as well as his desire to be free was the perfect companion on my journey. His willingness to bravely let go of family in dysfunction to be whole gave me strength.

    My husband bravely walking with me in the unknown, of me and the future, of allowing me space to figure it out, of hearing the truth and not fighting it. He made no demands for me to Not change, nor did he make demands on how I should be, he simply stood by and let me find me. We both had no idea if when I healed if there would be a we. Love is letting go and being free. We found a love that has no strings, you be you and I be me kinda love. His freedom was key.

    Friends. Well, I lost some old friends and old family members who were unable to bear the new me and my new found truths, and I am way okay in letting them go, for I don’t want to make them believe that which they don’t.

    New friends arrived, deeper, wiser, more understanding and caring, they match my new me.

    Playing in Art was my saving grace, a place where I still could play with colors designs in fabric, creating and letting go of the heaviness of dysfunction, there I felt free to be. My Art carried messages to me, like letters from the Universe, showing me I was on the right path and that I would be okay.

    I M Perfect Lady blog, is a key component as well, it has be a sacred space for me to bring my truths, to lay them on the white sheet and to dissect each morsel and to find answers. While I often hoped it would help another person, I have selfishly gained the most. It has beautifully displayed all aspects of me, the broken wounded little girl, the mental survival woman, and the sprouts of the real me. I grew to love this imperfect me and know that each part is perfectly me! There is no part you could take out, for each part hold up a section of my life, each part has a hand in making me me!

    What we need the most is freedom and for others to hold the space of our innocence until we can find our way back.

    We need to use reality like Braille watching all actions as they brilliantly say what words can try to cover; we need to have narrow vision staying with the evidence of actions.

    As we tear down our life of denial, we need to build a life in reality, we need to build up our strength, add wholeness to support what we want to become, while saying good bye to the things that kept us down.

    We need to find the stamina to go against old beliefs and life patterns.

    We need the courage to face all we turned away from.

    We need to reconnect to our bodies and yoga is a spectacular way to join, the mind, body and soul.

    Mostly we need the space to be free.

    Abuse steals our power; we need to become powerful again from the inside out.

    Abuse steals our love; we need to become loving of self.

    Abuse steals our faith; we need to become faithful to self.

    Abuse steals our trust; we need to learn how to trust our judgment, our value, our morals again.

    Denial or dysfunction or abuse has us living from the outside in, where we will please other before self.
    We have to turn ourselves inside out and begin living from inside. Listening to our quiet inner voice, and following our feelings inside.

    Mostly become one. Separated from the leagues and groups and piles of folks that wanted us to be something for them. We need to become a sovereign nation of one. One wave in the Ocean of the Universe.

    What is great about victims is that they bring love, trust and faith and give it to another. In order to heal, they now need to use all those great gifts to heal themselves, to now treat thy self, turn inward.

    All my strengths I had for helping others, I used to help me. I became my biggest cheerleader, my strongest friend; I learned to love my self.

    It is like having the wounded heal the wounded.
    The ultimate healing, I who was broken healed myself.

    The blind learning to see.
    The deaf learning to hear.
    The dumb wanting to know.

    The desire begins with you.

    “Ask and yea shall receive.”

    Seeks the answers of who you are and you will move into being you.

    It all begins in wanting to know the truth.

    The truth shall set you free.

    Free to be you.

  • Listen…

    The 20 most important questions we should be asking ourselves is the theme of Martha Beck’s column in The O Magazine for February.

    There are many great questions, but I love this one.

    “Is this what I want to be doing?” This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you are doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you’d prefer. Thus begins the revolution.” Martha

    Most often I hear what people don’t want to be doing while they are doing it.

    We call it complaining or whining.

    Yet what we fail to Hear is the actual words.

    Maybe it isn’t so much in asking the question, but listening to your voice or complaints, whether they are spoken out loud or silent behind, as begrudgingly does that which you don’t want to do.

    And I love her first question.

    What questions should I be asking myself? At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn’t. Without this question, you wouldn’t ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently. Martha

    Both of these questions can be life changing if you ask the questions with integrity and listen to your body and how you feel and then be courageous enough to actually follow through.

    Ask a bunch of questions today and listen…

  • Resolve who I am.

    It is New Year’s Eve, the day we all sit down and look at the balance sheets of life, pour over our faults and choose one or two that we feel must go, and then declare to everyone we will no longer do those things.

    How many of us take the time to really sit with the affect, the trouble spot and see where it came from, why it was formed?

    What we call bad habits are usually coverings over some pain.

    They are the lids that keep us from feeling the feelings too severe to feel.

    Usually what happens is we just exchange habits, we seldom delve deeply into what lays beneath, to dive below and feel the pain.

    As I approach this New Year, instead of making resolutions to get rid of bad habits, I want to explore beneath the habits.

    The definition of resolution is the process of resolving something.

    The act of answering, solving…

    Perhaps if we looked at the coming year as the year of the answers, we will look at each day differently; we look to be enlightened about our behaviors, instead of running from them.

    Vowing that we will sit down in the middle of our habit and sort through it looking for answers.

    It is my belief that beneath the habit lays our true self.

    My resolution is to resolve who I am.