I M Perfect lady

Tag: art

  • In Reverence…

    “You can’t know my world until you are there” 

    Nisargadatta

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    This is my latest Lady quilt, the final touch I added today, a cross that bears the words,

    "The Old Me" 

    As I look upon this quilt, I am filled with feelings of gratitude and reverence for the life I lived, the shoes I wore; my journey and am also filled with pure potential of what is yet to be.

    I find such peace with this image, honoring my pathway to be who I am today.

    I thought of this post which was first posted in September 2010….as I read Step Six. 

     

     

     

  • My Journey So Far

    It was my intention to complete a book that had the evolution of my Lady, which is the star of my quilts.  And I did.  It was very interesting to not only look at each individual quilt, but to tell what it meant to me and my journey. I once again realize how fortunate I am to have this visual trail leading backwards…and forward; to see the process colorfully displayed in fabric and design.

    At times, when looking at them, it is hard to recollect the me that created them, and at other times, I feel it is the same artist.  And perhaps it is the same talent, but a new inspiration behind the hands.

    This book, I did by myself, and had two of my daughters do a glance over to see if the pictures and words were properly placed.  Each did a few tweaks, but all in all, I did it.

    Now, it seems…the journey isn't over, but it continues on. I wonder what my art will show as I venture forward. I wonder what turns my life will take, what hills I have yet to climb, and what surprises still lay ahead.

    I feel now that I am still drawn to create Art Quilts, but the need of therapy has been reduce. There is more air, space and relaxation in and around my quilts.

    Guess I could say this book is my journey so far…

    http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3344484

  • By Feelings.

    I always knew that my quilting was Art Therapy, I just never knew how…it just was. 

    I never sat down and dissected the parts or even looked closely at the process, but rather was focused on the fabric, quilts and design, but not at what was happening behind the scenes if you will or what the overall technique was doing.

    I was processing my pain…while the mind was focused on the quilt, my unconscious was leaking out in the overall picture.

    It was like there were two selves down there quilting.

    The conscious quilter and the unconscious pain.

    My quilts were a barometer of my unconscious pain, my fears and sense of self; as my sense of self worth grew, the Lady in my quilt became more alive and animated. And at times answers to fears were shown to be unfounded.

    What I find so odd is that I felt I was escaping myself by quilting, and yet it was there that I was most prolific.  I wasn't running from me, but towards me.

    My feelings would dictate the scene in the Art and the fabric and design.  I knew I quilted by feelings, I just never looked at what I was feeling or why I chose what fabric I did and why I felt drawn to create a lady engaged in a certain feeling.

    And there were times I would start out with one feeling and then take sudden turn and a completely different quilt would emerge.

    All of this is very amazing looking back at my quilted journey of feelings.

    What I recall most, is the times I felt so out of sorts in real life, so lost in the now and old relationships, and how at home the Lady felt on the quilt…and how she seemed to foretell my feelings, ahead of me being aware I felt that way…perhaps ahead of my mind.

    Guess that is what Art is more about, getting out of your mind and playing with feelings.

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    Photograph by Hannah Jukuri

    A clothesline full of feelings as a woman processes her pain, her life and seeks to find hope for her future.  I was completely turned inside out and quilted from there as well.  These are my insides; my feelings and emotions.  Contrasts, convergences, waves of energy…processing who I wasn't and processing who I was…finding my way by feelings.

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  • Arrived at a New Place

    Well, the day finally arrived. With some trepidation or perhaps curosity in how it would all go, I walked into the Sweet Water Cafe, with a carpet roll of quilts.

    A group of Weavers, were in the process of taking their work down. It reminded me of setting up a craft show.  You arrive with your things, and are given a space and you just work with what you got. 

    The owner of the cafe was so excited with my art, which immediately set me at ease.  

    She was very decisive and knew her space and where she wanted each piece. And she knew her hanging system, which isn't the best, but works. She said that a few folks over her 19 years of having revolving art shows, have made comments to improve her system. Her response, "With great Art, you don't notice," and she said to me, "All they will see is your art."

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    Here is a space near the cash register – Before

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    And with my art.  Her favorite was the Lady in the Hammock.  She said, "I want to be her, I want to be there."  

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    This is overlooking the back, as you walk in the door and that is Ursula. Sorry for my lighting, but you get the idea.  On the left near the windows, three more will hang.

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     This is also near the cash register…my colors seemed to work with her space.

    She had a meeting, and so I left before it was totally done.  In fact, only 6 pieces were up. So who knows how the finished Cafe looked when it was all said and done. But, I took pictures of the before….you can see what the space looks like empty.

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    This wall can hold very large pieces…and I would have my own dowel on them when I dropped them off.  It would speed up the hanging process.  She picked three Lady quilts that will hang on this wall.  And the opposite side, near the windows, will have more…Just hanging them on the backs of the booths, brightened up the place.

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     I was happy to get the "before" shots, and it is best that I wasn't able to get the final After, for that you have to stop in at the Sweet Water Cafe.

    As I was leaving, I reached out my hand in thanks…Ursula says, "I feel I need to give you a hug, for you are leaving part of your self here." And so we did.  I felt good leaving my Lady there. (And she gave me a loaf of their bread…it is delicious)

    It was a very positive experience.  And I love that my Art is now out of the dark basement and being appreciated by others…creating a welcoming atmosphere while they dine.  

    My Art and I…what a journey.  We both have arrived at a new place.

  • All Her Stages!

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    I found the black,white, red border fabric and was very drawn to it.  I then picked a few more that would accent it nicely…and added a few from my stash.  When I completed the stripes, I brought it upstairs and some of the whites were "off whites" and so I set it aside.  

    Then yesterday morning I thought, I will finish it, so what if there are two shades of white…man, my past has many shades…I can use it as if I planned to have different shades.  I then went and added the thin stripes and the flowered border.  I loved it, when I felt it wasn't supposed to match perfectly.

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    As I was working to complete the background, yellow came to me…I knew I had to add yellow, and so I did.  I had it completed this far, when I stepped away from it to do the pricing on the other quilts.

    When I seen the stages of my lady…I knew what I wanted on this quilt….all of them.

    And so I created them this afternoon.  With a few tweaks to the original 3 dresses, and an addition of a few more….here is the completed design.  I still have to machine quilt in the borders, but the composition is done, which is my favorite part. Once the ladies are quilted and complete….My real fun is over.  Then it is just doing the finishing touches.

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    I was pleased with the way it all flowed.  It amazes me how a spark, a thought, a span of time passes, a new slant comes in….and voila, a new Lady quilt is born.

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     I loved the red polkadot fabric.  This was the start…the awakening, the seed of the Lady!

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    And a closer view of the rest…

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    The progression….and the flung back attitude of confidence, strength and knowing. Love her…in all her stages!

  • My Journey in Fabric.

    I had to go and hang up the Storyline quilts….and with a cursory glance to get them in order, I was totally amazed…and this is without their personal one on one time with me.  Wow.  (I know it sounds odd that I, the girl who made them, is a bit late to the game of understanding them…the message goes beyond the workmanship, the colors and the designs.)

    Here are a few highlights.

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    The first quilt is what I created to depict, "dropping the ego" and how you would rise when this happened.  The second quilt was about meditation and it just so happened that the background has a butterfly, a sign of transformation.

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    This third one is titled, "Soul Lost" and standing back, it appears to be a large hand taking or pulling the soul ( moon slice, out of the quagmire…..This I have never seen in the quilt before, it was just a mish mash mess and the halfmoon cresent of gold.

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    The pink one shows one ball untangled from the mess and is floating free…and ironically or not, a person appears on a floating ball in the second. (The second one, I just pulled from going to Marquette this morning.)

    What blows my mind is that these were all made 'randomly' and separately, a confused lady playing in fabric…quilting to find peace away from her upside down world and mental mind.

    Unbelievable, and it is me who chose the fabric, played with color and design…to see the connection and progression these have.  

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    And the little quilt shows the lady arising out the energy….like the whole background is the content of the ball of energy she rode out on.  

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    And to see these two side by each, you can see the size difference as well as her movement and overall energy.

    It will be an amazing process to get these in a book, to find a blog post, or perhaps write from scratch.  There are over twenty at least that will be included.  


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    There are more, but these seemed to be the main line….This collection will be on display at the Strawberry Festival Quilt show in July….the Saturday after the 4th.

    I can't wait to begin to work with this whole line and see my journey in fabric.

  • The Story of Becoming Me

    In reading the comments on the Extoots Blog, I marvel at the secrecy and how they hide their identities…while commenting freely about their religion; either why they stay or why they left.

    It is like they are talking about a government that will harm them IF they are found to be in noncompliance…or plotting to leave is punishable.  

    How is this a free religion when fear is so instilled in grown adults…where they are able to vote, drive and drink…but God forbid they speak up about a religion, so they leave their names out.

    It continues to shock me….but not surprise me. 

    Fear is what keeps them hiding their true identity….like criminals almost.  Or folks on TV, who, out of fear, distort their images and voices.  

    Isn't it odd that fear is the overlying sentiment and not enthusiasm for finding a new pathway, a truer life for themselves…or being so happy within their religion.

    I can respect their wishes, but if they only knew how self defeating it is to hide their truths.  

    By standing up and saying their names and standing with the truth of why they left or why they remain inside is very powerful.  

    It isn't about the religion itself, but the power of being proud of who you are.

    I don't know if it is like this when you leave all churches, but it sure seems that there are many people who are not willing to openly admit that they are no longer members of the FALC church and why….let alone speak it using their real names.

    However, I recall knowing I no longer matched the religion and wondered how I would tell my mother, how I would leave and what it would mean to my children to stop going. Funny, but sad…the reasons had nothing to do about me, but more to do about the folks around me.

    Once the investigation about my father happened, the door swung open easily…I didn't stay for others, I left for me.

    I didn't hesitate.  I didn't hide.  I left with the fullest of understanding, what I was leaving…even if I had no idea where I was going or where I would end up.  It didn't matter what others thought or said.  I followed my inner voice, my guts, my feelings and never, not once, have ever looked back with regret.

    How can I regret being Me?  

    How can I regret my truth?

    What I know for sure, is that you can't know what freedom is, until you have experienced being controlled.

    You could say, that religion brought me to freedom. 

    Just as living in a dysfunctional family brought me to know what love and wholeness was…I had to first learn what it was not.  

    Loving that I don't have to live anonymously!  I love that I get to live fully exposed as Me!  There is no part of me I want to hide…

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    Part of My Story Line Quilts….the story of becoming Me!

  • Quilts….

    Just some pictures I wanted on the blog of the quilts.  I am trying to do a new layout….and wanted to see how the pictures come out.

    I added some yoga figures to this quilt….I think it shows her potential.

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    In Bikram's book, he has the "ultimate pose" and then the regular people pose….My lady is still with the regular folks.

    Another shot of the latest quilt.

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    I added the yellow binding….it gives this a more folk art look.  I like it, but wonder if the yellow takes away….Oh well, this is part of art. 

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  • I will Dance in Mine!

    "I am often surprised and humbled by how quickly in my insecurity I can begin to assume responsibility for all the wrongs and sufferings I see around me.  When thrown off-center, when old patterns return, when feeling exhausted or depressed, I so quickly become the exaggerated cause of all that is not right with the world."  

    "I know I am not alone in this.  Perhaps it is one of the laws of emotional weather; sudden lows result in isolated storms.  It has happened to me enough over the years that I have to acknowledge the power of Negative Self-Centeredness.  We typically think of the ego-centered as being conceited and self-inflated and quite selfish.  But this recurring struggle with exaggerated responsibility has made me realize that more often we are ego-centered with feeling deflated, when feeling shaken from our sense of oneness with things.  In that place of separation, we become darkly self-centered, blaming ourselves for not fixing things or making things right or for letting bad things happen. Underneath these self-recriminations is the grandiose assumption that we have the power, in the first place, to control events that are really beyond any human being's influence."

    "Certainly, we affect each other, and often, but to assume that other people's inner moods hinge on my presence is an egocentric way to keep myself in a cycle of sacrifice and guilt.  Further, to assume that another's condition or way of being in the world hinges on my presence is the beginning of self-oppression and co-dependence.  In extreme moments of negative self-centeredness, we can assume magical proportions of burden, in which we feel acutely responsible for a loved one's illness or misfortune because we weren't good enough or perfect enough."  Mark Nepo

    In the past few days, okay 53 years, I have experienced this negative self-centeredness.  It is truly an awful feeling…feeling responsible for others…I just had not thought of how incredibly "special" I was trying to make myself and then how "unspecial" the other feels…when I take on their responsibilities.

    However I have been getting better at dropping the responsibility and letting others carry themselves.  Yet, there are moments when I do pick them up for a few days and carry them along. And it is true, I do see them as less while I carry them.

    And at first glance, at least to me, it seems harsh to not pick them up…when with my limited knowledge it seems they "Need" me…(even if they have not asked…)

    My body has bore the brunt of this negative self-centeredness and it responds quickly when my mind stirs up another's life…I get a sharp clutching knot in my neck…the strain of mentally being responsible in a life that isn't mine.

    In yoga today, I had a mantra, that I released in different poses, to let go of the tightness of being in control, while clearly not capable of being…"I am responsible just for me!"….or "I am not responsible in other lives."

    If I had to boil down my dysfunction to one pattern that I repeat time and time again, it is this one.  Negative Self Centeredness. 

    Who knew that in jumping into lives I was pushing in ahead them and their God and Universe…wow.

    Hard to justify the two…for at first glance it appears to be 'helpful'…caring even…when I was actually putting them down as I got in front of their God.

    What I do love, is that at the end of the day, and the end of tossing around thoughts in my head, all I am responsible for is Me.

    Today I pushed aside the cape of rescuing someone by being responsible, and focused instead on my Art. Thankfully I have a place I can go that will shove aside the voices urging me to don my cape and get involved. 

    Here is what I did instead of playing God in someone's life today…

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    I love the Ladies dancing to their own beat…For each of us hears life and move in the way we feel best.

    Dance to the feelings of your Life…and I will dance in mine!

     

     

  • A broken Heart can open you up to you.

    I made it to the yoga mat today, the third time in a week.  I was surprised that my yoga was waiting for me, that my poses were pretty much where I left them.  

    I was a little stiff, and a bit wobbly in locking my knee, and my middle had bulked out some, which didn't make that much of a difference.

    Today, when I went into the first floor exercise, and lifted my left leg, the pain in my hip or joint area was very intense.  As in the past, I began asking it what was its source…and when I said the word guilty, immediately I began to sob.

    It felt like I was left feeling guilty for being abused, that I was carrying the guilt and it constricted me, made me curl into myself.  I began doing what David Hawkins suggested, to cancel the guilt beliefs about myself, and breathed in the knowing of innocence.

    As I do the floor exercises my belly button hernia sometimes bothers me, so I was rubbing that and wondering what belief or what message the body was delivering with this bulging of my guts. How did this develop… I asked was it that I was "spilling my guts" and nothing happened.  I then pondered if I hated my guts, if I as disgusted with myself, and again immediately an emotional response.  I acknowledge this wrong belief, feeling the innocent me getting this wrong…and then did the cancelling breathing and adding that I recieved the message from my body, that my belly no longer has to gain my attention.  I will continue to do this in yoga now and see how things improve and change.  

    It is so telling that as children in our innocence we believe things due to the lack of adult supervision and correcting our distorted beliefs, and it becomes something we re-inforce as we unconsciously don't fully embrace ourselves.

    We have to see where our innocence left and then make a correction in order to make changes in our minds.  Our Spirit can recognize the place where we veered off the path of innocence and it too can bring us back.

    What a very healing yoga session…working my body and correcting my mind.

    Then, I went to do a Valentine Quilt, but what came to me was to work on the one Lady Quilt that was a work in progress.

    My Valentine Lady is much more pensive than what I had pictured…perhaps I had to get this one out of the way, and then do one that represents a very much in love with herself Lady.

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    The Hearts say, "Broken – Open" and  "Self – No one" and the bottom one says, "Self Love". 

    I see her as trying to protect herself from heartbreak, and yet her hearts break.  

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    By feeling the loss you can become whole.  Very interesting to me how this lady turned out.  A broken heart can open you up to you.