I M Perfect lady

Tag: aware

  • Free will is outside of the Program.

    "The structure of the human mind has been likened to a computer in that the mind's basic structure is akin to the hardware and its content to the software.  The mind has limited control over the content of the programming; thus, the human is simultaneously accountable and responsible yet innocent."  David Hawkins.

    "The mind has limited control over the content of the programming"…Most of us fail to understand the power of the program that is running inside of our heads.  How it sees for us and has us living a life from its base and that we have very very little free will.

    Our free will is all within the program, but you do not have a choice outside of what is offered there.  It isn't even possible to consider a choice that the program doesn't have.  Our limits are our parents limits.  It is near impossible to reach beyond the confines while in the confines.  The program has a list to choose from, a limited list, we can only select from the list.

    What I believe happened to me, is that my whole program crashed.  I for some reason was able to see the program and then reality.  And how the two did not match.  It is a rare opportunity to see outside of the program.

    My 'mental breakdown' was actually falling out of the program.

    I was the computer and could see the program….instead of believing the program was me.  

    How I was able to see the truth outside of the program, I can't know, or how that happened, but it did…And I believed IT over the long running program.

    Once you see that the mind/program can be wrong, you lose faith in your head.

    My head had stories that didn't match reality.  My head had definitions that didn't match reality.  I saw and felt and experienced first hand how out of sync my mind was with reality.  

    Once you know you have a defunct operating system running your life, you are aware you have a program operating.  

    My 'natural' reflexes were actual reflexes of the program…but not of truth.

    The program seemed to be built to ward off the truth and reality instead of walking hand in hand with it.  And my life was built upon the program and not of my truth or the truth alone.

    For seven years now I have been finding threads of the program, beliefs and thoughts that eclipse my spirit.  

    When the program is running a part of my life, I feel out of control now, and am.  The program is driving me and I follow.

    Hard to articulate this to folks who have never, not once stepped out of their program, it makes perfect sense to me since I experienced first hand how off the mark it was.

    I had believed that I was a program and that the program was of high morals and values, to come and find out it was filled with abuse and lies.

    While it was extremely difficult to see the program in its fully glory, it was the only thing that would have gotten me out.  I am not sure if there was one thread of truth within the whole thing, for if I had the correct word, I had the wrong definition.  Or the right definition but had it placed upon the wrong person or relationship.  There always seemed to be one thing that made the whole thing wrong.

    Very interesting to investigate your self, your program and place it facing the truth to see where you and reality match.

    It seems to me, that unless something huge happens in reality that our program can't handle, we will get left idling along behind the program, content that it is spot on.

    Perhaps restless now and again, or a bit resentful, but not with enough volume to send us completely out.  Life's little bumps are something that the program can handle.  

    We can live with mild to moderate stress with spikes of rage and not get tossed out of the program.  The moments of great tragedy or crisis are the situations that are set up to toss you out…

    I can't know what those are or what programs are running, but what I can seem to tell is where you are compared to reality.

    I can see the justifiable lies of the program, you call you.

    In dysfunctional homes, the justifiable lies are what holds the family together.  Its the glue and the rose colored glasses that keeps you from leaving.

    It isn't the truth of there being love and kindness there, but the lies that it is there.  And while under the power of the program, you can't tell truth from fiction.

    The program is living your life…and calling it a loving family.

    I see folks asleep behind the program…living life unaware;  Not being aware they are accountable and responsible for choices they are making within the program…for there is no part of them that can reach for a new choice outside of the program..that choice is unavailable to them.

    Free will isn't a choice that they have to pick from.

    Free will is outside of the program.

     

     

     

     

  • Alive but unaware!

    What an incredible ride, what an awe-inspiring journey, I feel an immense amount of gratitude to be given the opportunity to live beyond the bubble, to find a life outside of denial.

     

    Unless and until you have been totally snowed under by a false belief, where you and reality are an ocean apart, you will not understand the enormity of dissolving denial.

     

    First of all you are the one standing neck deep in denial, and it is from there that you have to dig yourself out, not knowing what is real; your denial or reality. 

     

    When I began this journey, when my bubble burst, I thought my reality changed, when in actuality it was my denial that had sprung a leak or collapsed, leaving me without protection.

     

    My husband said that I was like a scared rabbit, and I was.  I had no place to hide, to run to or escape, all I saw was the harsh reality in front of me.

     

    Actions that I had previously denied stood enormously obvious!  I had no choice now but to see and to feel what each action felt like.

     

    Living with all your nerves exposed, with no shield to protect you, a turtle without its shell.

     

    What I believe is while you are in denial; you deny your emotions a life.  You can’t feel them.  They don’t exist in the bubble, for that is why we built the bubble to escape feelings; they were far to terrifying to feel.

     

    Emotionally immature is how we get left. 

     

    We left our emotions behind and our bodies grew. 

     

    Emotionally stunted we live awkwardly in this world.

     

    The picture I now have, the overview and the application of denial, the land that we build and live in, leaves me in utter disbelief.

     

    Abuse while hurtful to the physical body, is nothing compared to being sentenced into the land of denial.

     

    What I am now seeing is that some get a life sentence and some 40 plus years. 

     

    I do not know what makes the denial bubble burst, how some have a stronger bubble than others, but denial is built from the inside out and I am thinking that it is the only way out.

     

    The one who built it is the one who takes it down.

     

    I sit in awe, I sit in gratitude, I sit in reality bubble-less.

     

    The definition of denial, refusal to acknowledge existence of something: a refusal to believe in something or admit that something exists.

     

    What we have to admit to is the bubble we live in and not the reality that has always been there.

     

    What we ultimately deny is our self.

     

    Alive but unaware, that is denial!