I M Perfect lady

Tag: balance

  • It is Peaceful

    Chapter 12, Spiritual Partnership.  I love this about the Diamond Scale.

    "My father owned a jewelry store in a small town in Kansas.  Somewhere in his career he acquired an antique diamond scale.  My mother kept it on a shelf of our family room bookcase.  I hardly noticed it until after he passed on.  When I did, I was impressed by its quality and elegance.  The scale itself was enclosed in a handmade glass and mahogany case.  The front panel slid up to allow access to the elegant instrument.  Its simplicity and beauty made it a work of art for me.  Two brass trays, each suspended from an arm poised on a brass column with a fulcrum at the top, balanced one another perfectly. A long needle-thin pointer, attached to the beam from which the trays hung, descended straight down the full length of the column to the base where vertical markings on a small brass plate showed its slightest deviation from center."

    "Below the enclosure was a miniature wooded drawer made with the same care. The drawer contained a small block of wood with small holes of different sizes drilled into it.  In each hole a miniature metal weight , molded into the form of a tiny cylinder with a pharmacy-style knob at the top, fit perfectly.  A delicate pair of tweezers lay beside the block, and were used to place a diamond onto one of the trays and weights onto the other, one at a time, until the needle again pointed directly downward to center. If too many weights were added to bring the trays into balance again, or too few the discrepancy was immediately evident."

    "When both trays were empty, they were level with one another. When a diamond was placed on one tray and its precise weight was placed in the other, they became level again.  Only then, at the point of perfect balance, did the long needle point vertically and precisely downward.  When either tray was above or below the other, the imbalance was obvious.  Perhaps a digital scale could weigh the diamond more precisely, but it would require calibration to insure accuracy.  My father's scale does not have this problem.  The trays are in perfect balance , full or empty, or they are not.  If they are, balance is evident.  If they are not, so it the imbalance."

    "Equality is like that.  It exists or it doesn't.  In order to see if you feel equal with another person, picture yourself on one tray of an imaginary diamond scale that is large enough to hold people, and picture another person on the other tray.  If the trays are level, you are equal. If they are not, you are unequal.  Your weight and the weight of the other person does not affect the positions of the trays as they would on a real scale.  For example, you may discover that when you put a child on the other tray, your tray surprisingly, goes up as the the child weighs more than you, or that when you put someone who is heavier than you on the other tray your tray goes down as though you weigh more."

    "That is because when you feel superior your tray is always higher than the other tray ( you look down on that person). For example, people who feel superior to their children, or to children in general, always find that their tray is higher when a child is placed on the other tray.  These people feel more worthy, important, and valuable than the child (even if they feel that they love the child).  People who feel superior in general (or entitled) live on a tray that is always higher regardless of who is on the other tray (for example, a parent or a colleague).  On the other hand, people who feel inferior (for instance, need to please) find themselves on the lower tray no matter who is on the other tray (even an abusive partner or insensitive employer).  They look up to everyone."

    "The slightest experience of superiority or inferiority upsets the balance, and one tray sinks below or rises above the other.  The scales always shows your balance (equality) or imbalance (inequality). It is your personal scale.  It does not show you the experience of others.  They have their own scales.  What they see on their scales is for them. What you see on your scale is for you."

    "I often discover that my scale is out of balance, no matter how shocked I am at each discovery. The more I explore the frightened parts of my personality, the more I see how superior some of them feel toward women, people who are older, people who are younger, and people who believe, speak or appear differently than I do.  Some of the frightened parts of my personality feel that they have no equal in creation, an extraordinarily arrogant (frightened) and inaccurate perception, but not to them.  It is a jolt to me to find that they are prejudiced in ways that I abhor, but they exist and until I became aware of them, I could not challenge them and they determined my actions."

    "As you become aware of the different parts of your personality, you may discover that your scale is out of balance as frequently as I discovered mine to be, but perhaps in different ways.  For example, you may discover a frightened part of your personality that also feels it has no equal in creation, but in the opposite way – it feels inferior to all of creation.  It does not want to take up space in the world or be seen, and it subordinates itself to everyone and everything. It cannot imagine feeling other than inferior (although, in fact, it actually feels superior to individuals who feel superior!)."

    "Inferiority and superiority are experiences of frightened parts of your personality.  Some situations activate frightened parts of your personality and feel inferior, and others stimulate frightened parts of your personality that feel superior. For example, when you put someone on a pedestal (idolize her) you feel inferior to that person, but when she fails to meet your expectations (this always happens) she falls off the pedestal (you feel superior to her).  The idol and pedestal are your creations. When you see your idol as a person like you, one illusion (you are inferior) disappears and another illusion (you are superior) replaces it.  On the other hand, if you discover that someone you did not consider important (for example a homeless person) can be very helpful to you (he is actually an eccentric billionaire), the reverse happens.  The illusion that you are superior (he does not warrant your attention) is replaced by the illusion that you are inferior (your attention is drawn to him magnetically)."

    "I was wearing work clothes while speaking with a contractor who was helping Linda and me improve our beautiful home when a subcontractor walked up and abruptly interrupted me to speak with the contractor. When the contractor introduced me as the "property owner," his behavior suddenly and dramatically changed.  He turned his full attention toward me, smiled charmingly, and extended his hand. Disregard turned into deference; one frightened part of his personality replaced another when he discovered that I was a potential employer instead of a laborer. He did not think in terms of frightened parts of the personality, but the frightened parts of his personality shaped his perception and behavior first one way and then another."

    "Sometimes when I meet someone who has something I want, or I think can help me get what I want, I find myself engaging that person more than others, being more friendly, more available, and more interested in him or her. The tray I am on goes down, and the tray the person is on goes up.  I feel inferior and I look up to him or her. The opposite also happens.  Sometimes when I meet someone I think cannot help me in any way, I find myself less interested in that person, less available, and more distant in general. The tray I am on goes up, and the tray that person is on goes down.  I look down on him or her.  I feel superior.  In this case, I usually see things about the person that I admire (judge her positively), and in the second case I often see things about the person that I don't like or approve (judge her negatively).  In both cases, I fail to see him or her as a soul."

    "These are experiences of inequality. In other words, they occur only when frightened parts of my personality are active. Frightened parts of the personality assess the external power of others and compare it with their own.  When a frightened part of our personality calculates that it has more power (ability to manipulate and control), you feel safe and valuable (superior), and your tray rises. When it calculates that it has less, you feel threatened and less valuable (inferior), and your tray sinks."

    "Feeling superior or feeling inferior is a message to you that a frightened part of your personality is active and determining your sensations, thoughts, perceptions, and intentions.  Your scale (if your picturing it) reflects this."  Gary Zukav

    What I love about this is that we each have our own inner scale and we can tell how balanced we are by how we feel inside among various people.

    I know that in the past my scales was extremely off.  I was either very superior and vastly inferior, but seldom or rarely was I ever an equal.

    It has taken me many years to balance my inner scales…and there are and will be more situations where I will have to work to find the inner balance.

    Raising my children up to a point where we are equals was huge. And even more so, raising myself up to my parents as an equal even more important.  The tricky part is not to overcompensate and then become superior, but to see them always as equals.

    "There but the grace of God go I…" comes to mind.

    To balance the scales often times I have to back up and take a full life review…and see the similarities of the journey.

    We all weigh the same…we just perceive us as different. 

    I was taught as in church, that we were special, the one and only right way, so that immediately plunge everyone else beneath me.  I was also raised to be inferior to my parents and actually all elders…and then being a victim of abuse, again lower on the scales. 

    All my beliefs were with an imbalanced scale inside of me….and it was projected as normal. I bounced high or low…but never felt on an equal ground.

    I guess a well adjusted person is one whose scale trays are always balanced, no matter what situation or person they find themselves standing with.

    I may not be completely balanced, but I do know that there is a balance and what it feels like to be there…when I am there, it is peaceful.

  • What we sow, we Reap

    As the Justice System continues to fail, we are asked or challenged not to fail reality. 

    The Justice System takes an action and reduces it, like it is a magic maker, like it can take something that was done and undo it a little or a lot, to go easy on the 'first' time offender.  When we can't know that.  It may be the First Time Caught Offender.

    The Justice System we believe is for the victim, that the victim will see her perpetrators 'pay' for what they did, and in the end, nothing happens.  

    We have been told to leave it in the hands of Justice, when the hands of justice are incapable of seeing the crime and staying the course, in fact people have jobs that are based on reducing actions to aggravated assault, in changing a rape to be sentenced like a punch.

    They literally get paid to see that the crime isn't accounted for.

    The Court of the Land is set up to support the offenders, it has them 'innocent' until proven guilty, but does its best to NOT see reality, by reducing and plea bargaining down…in the end it proves them more innocent than guilty.  And while they do this, we the victims remain more guilty and less innocent. We are still damaged no matter what.

    Wouldn't it be nice if the victim could have plea bargained down the crime, to reduce the rape to just a slap on the face?  Wouldn't a slap from a 'friend' hurt just as bad?  We were not given the option then or now.

    I know the parents of the girl and even the parents of one boy, and I am not an objective bystander, for I have great sympathies for the girl…for the one who couldn't reduce her pain to a lesser degree, IT was forced upon her.

    Reality always stands strong in her world.

    What I have learned from walking the walk of Un-Reality that the Justice System guides you on, is that it isn't the final word on these boys or families; the Universe or God balances all slates.

    While the court of the land and those who get paid to turn rape into slaps, feel that they have the power, they have only a surface level power, a false sense of balancing the sheets.

    The Universe pays no never mind to what the court of the land is doing, what the 'Blessings' of the church is doing, the Universe knows the score and can't help but give back to them what they sow.

    We are not responsible for their punishment, it is not our job.

    Each boy has to live with what he did and if he didn't catch the lesson, another one is headed his way.  He may not learn this time, but no worries, his life will teach him in a million ways about what he has done.

    While the father feels rage and wanting to balance the scales, all it would do is add more evil to an already evil situation.  

    What makes more sense to me is to see them for who they are and tell the world.  Act like they are rapists, even if the law wants us to see only aggragated assault, see the rape.  Know that they have energies inside of them that hurts girls.

    We are challenged not to change our minds as the law did.

    We are challenged not to delete away their actions.

    We are challenged to walk in reality and stand with the girl's truth.

    Unlike animals we Force ourselves to not see and not respond to the evil we experienced, to reduce it to a lesser degree and continue on as if nothing has happened.

    What messes most with the psyche and minds of victims IS that life continues on unchanged, when their whole world fell apart.

    We see the law of the land reduce and change and return the boys to a 'normal' life, while clearly their actions are screaming something is wrong with me.

    And there is something wrong with us if we too don't get their message. We too are held responsible for our responses. Are we treating them like hurt people?  Like someone who needs to be removed from society?  Or, will you 'forgive' and see them as normal.

    What another great example of why evil continues on with so many knowing.  There is no one connected to this case that doesn't understand and know that multiple rapes occurred, and yet with money and pleas, and a "No Contest" decree all that happens is 30 days in jail, but AFTER Christmas.

    Did you all know, that "No Contest" means guilty? But there are other added bonus attached…some may be that the Injured Party can't sue for damages etc.

    It is all a word game and exchange of words and sadly the meanings don't follow.  For no matter what you call the action, the action stands unchanged.  You simply can't reduce an action after it already happened.

    Reducing reality is only done in the minds of those who believe it can happen, but it changes nothing in reality. 

    Insanity is believing you can.

    What is so tragic is that the girl gets left with an insane reaction to a real crime.  

    When the law of the land responds this way, what recourse are you left with?

    At some point we will catch on that changing reality with words doesn't work…it isn't supporting the victims, but it works really slick on the offenders.  

    Why do they get a second chance and a clean slate, when she doesn't?  

    She only gets one reality….One Verse of what happened, she isn't allowed to change it.  Nor can we.

    We only can think it different than it was.

    We can each tell a story, but reality moves on unchanged.

    Reality is supported by the power of Universe, never underestimate its balancing sheet, it is impeccable….it is the all seeing and the all knowing.

    All we have to focus on is our own slate…what we sow, we reap.

     

  • I am Way beyond Okay!

    I often wondered if my clarity was clear enough, if my love was loving enough, if my wisdom was wise enough, if I had healed enough to be in a relationship where I didn’t contaminate the other with my old dysfunctional love.

    And in the past few days, I have been given the opportunity to see and feel the affects of who I am and where I was and how much I have changed.

    The greatest gift I have to offer my daughter who was abused by this man, is to see her bathed in a sea of Innocence so bright it hurts your eyes.

    We had a visit her and I last night, and she tried very hard to get me to see her in a new light, a dimmer light, a dark, guilty blaming shaming light, I simply could not go there.

    I tried. I listened and I followed the trail she walked, I looked around and there was no shame, blame or guilt that I could see.

    We even tried role reversal where I could be her and she could be me, and still nothing changed within me, instead she even appeared more innocent.

    She asked if I would speak to “the Man” and I said I wasn’t really interested, I only cared to speak to her.

    She wanted me to see how she carried half of the weight of this encounter, I just couldn’t reach that same percentage, damn, she always came up short.

    I tried.

    I tried to see her as clear as possible and I tried to see her through her own eyes, and still I came up short.

    The scales were simply unbalanced.

    He was married, she was not.
    He had children, she did not.
    He has experience with relationships with the opposite sex, she did not.
    He was her boss and her elder, she was not.

    So we then tried to see if they matched equally in what they each brought to this new friendship.

    She brought a past reputation of killing one chicken when she was near 5 years old when she accidentally dropped a water container on a little chick and he died. And she had written a letter of apology to her father stating her truth and how sorry she was.

    She also had stolen a cookie and ate it. A cookie that was for a bake sale, she took and didn’t pay for it. This had her crying uncontrollably on the top bunk she still sleeps on. Those were the two blackest marks on her reputation that we could find.

    She said she wasn’t perfect, that she has other things she has done. I said great, give me what you have so we can balance this scale.

    I asked if she had a husband I didn’t know about.
    Nope, none.

    I asked if she had a few kids off to the side somewhere, and nope that wasn’t true.

    I asked if she had experience with men that I was unaware of, and nope she had none.

    We searched her and I for things to put on the scale to make it more even, so she could carry equal weight, for this to not be so lopsided, and nothing could we drag up besides one dead chick and a stolen cookie.

    It just seemed incredible that one young lady of 20 years old had so little to add.

    I told her I would give her a few points for each.

    And now lets look at what He brought.

    She said we didn’t need to do that.

    We didn’t.

    What is so strikingly stunning is in this case, there literally is a girl with the past of one accidentally killed chick and one ‘stolen’ cookie standing up against a man who cheated on his wife, who single handedly change her from a chicken killing thief to being seen by our little community into a soiled dove.

    A dove whose wings were clipped before she even had a chance to use them.

    Her Lilly white reputation is laying on the ground in a dirty mess; she simply did not have the experience to match this man.

    Nothing in her past prepared her for this.

    She unwittingly followed where he led.

    It is an unknown as to what would have happened if the wife didn’t find the text he sent to my daughter, asking her if she could talk.
    How far would he have gone?
    How far would she have followed?

    I am so grateful it was stopped when it was.

    That now, added to the list of chicken killing cookie thief, we have a girl who listened to a married man.

    She listened with compassion, with kindness, with trust, while going against what her inside told her.

    And when it was discovered that they were caught, she literally faced the wife, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, woman-to-girl, and said how sorry she was, how she felt, and owned up to her part.

    What more could a mother ask for?

    She faced in truth and felt the weight of her actions and admitted her part, fully owing that and more.

    Being so forthright, so bold to stand in the truth makes her a very poor ‘other woman’.

    In her innocence, she felt that by meeting them with openness and admitting her part, that perhaps, they would give her the same courtesy, it was denied.

    She didn’t get back once again, what she gave to them.

    Instead the wife threw the first ball to smear her reputation, the first glob of mud landed within the hour of my daughter leaving her home.

    Ugly accusations were posted on her facebook wall.

    No matter how kind, how loving, how remorseful, how sorry, how caring, how trusting she is, they fail to see it, and instead of just the husband soiling her, now the wife has joined his team.

    My little girl wanted me to speak to him…oh honey, I have nothing to say to him.

    Silence is the only kindness I can offer.

    My ears are for her.
    My eyes for her.
    My hand for her.

    All I have to give is for her.

    There is no part of me that is interested in what he has to say, what he wants to show me…nothing.

    I will stand with innocence.
    I will walk with my daughter, head held high while they lob dirt upon us, while they label us, and shout unkind things behind our backs, I will continue to walk forward.

    I have no time to give for the reasons they are doing these unkind things, it matters not.

    The only thing that matters in all of this is her.

    Oh, the easy job I have, to be with her innocence.
    How wonderful it is to sit with her and share this spot.

    It matters not rats ass, what ‘others’ say about her, no one can change my mind, weaken my stance, shake my firm ground, I know who my daughter is.

    She is a chicken killing, cookie stealing girl who listened and followed a married man as he walked her down the trail away from her innocent self.

    She has two choices to pick from, a life with him or one without.

    We can’t make the choices for her, all we can do is sit back and let her decide, which home, his or ours makes her feel her brightest.

    Which man in her life, her father or this man make her feel special and loved?

    Which woman, his wife or I, honor her truth?

    The choice seems simple on my side, but I understand how you can get flipped upside down and backwards in abuse.

    So, I am here to be her clarity as my wise brother suggested I do.

    I will listen as she struggles in finding her balance again.

    She knows what she lost inside, she knows she has work to do to get it back, and she has the perfect environment to do this.

    I no longer question my clarity, my wisdom or my love.

    I am way beyond okay!