It has been 10 days since my brother and I shared any communication, no emails, no texts, and certainly not a phone call, in silence our relationship is on pause since our last phone conversation.
The silence isn’t pregnant, or full of potential hurtfulness, but rather a soft silence, a silence that is healing and one that we both respect and participate in, but I still miss him.
While he has been sitting in silence, meditating, and being still, as well as doing selfishly for others, I am doing the opposite.
I am working more, crunching more and more into the space of a day, instead of keeping spaces of stillness and peace.
I miss the quiet times, the space allowed to sit and stare at the fire in the fireplace, the pondering of fabrics, colors and design, I miss just doing as I feel, instead of feeling forced into moving.
Delivering mail we are always fighting with time. This is the first job ever that I had where I feel time is fleeting and the job too large to squeeze in.
I have been doing two routes this past week, one allows us a ride in the country, so at least I get to view nature and find breathing space, the other in town feels really confusing.
I wonder how it feels for him to step out of the time/space continuum and just be.
I know now that I prefer the slower pace, the Artist way.
Tomorrow he will call when his silence has broken, I am wondering if he broke the spell his mind has had on him, did he break through to be more present, settling down the racing mind.
While he experienced the racing mind, I have been racing time and reality. My slower meditative, contemplative mind is slammed into a hurry up reality.
How will he like being back in his life again? To once again join the human race.
Isn’t it funny we call it the human race?
What are us humans racing for?
Is there a prize? Is there a goal?
Will those who race faster win this one?
What is the purpose of this race?
Who gets to decide how fast we run, where we run, and if we run?
What if we just sit?
What if we take ourselves out of the race and walk?
What if we slow down and enjoy the scenery along the way?
My whole life used to be living to get somewhere, now I am somewhere living.
I am here now.
I am sitting by my fireplace typing, I hear the fire crackling, and have a slight focus on time, but for now I sip my tea and put my thoughts on paper.
Time is always present, but I am too. We both jostle each other to grab this moment, more and more I win.
I am ahead of time.
I M Perfect lady 