I M Perfect lady

Tag: conscious parenting

  • Be Free

    "Letting go of your attachment to your vision of parenthood and your desire to write your children's future is the hardest psychic death to endure. It demands that you drop all prior agendas and enter a state of pure release and surrender. It asks that you forgo your fantasies of who you thought your child would be and instead respond to the actual child in front of you." Dr. Shefali Tsabary

    This works in reverse in how we see or don't see our parents…as well as how we see or don't see our children.  

    Sometimes it seems that our dreams of people are meeting their dreams of us.  Neither are willing to endure the psychic death, which would endanger our relationships (Dreams of each other).

    Imagine meeting the actual person compared to our vision of who they are?

    Imagine further being able to be who you are and not have to worry about whether you are 'fitting into their dream'?

    I have seen this both ways.

    I have been the dreamer for my children and I have killed my dreams for them…my only desire is for them to be happy doing what they want to do.  If I am upset with what they do, it isn't their problem it is mine.  More of my psychic ideas have to die.

    I also have been a dream girl in so many dreams and then their nightmare when I stopped pleasing them.  I have felt the disappointment from them when I no longer cared about their dreams of me.  When I stopped worrying about how being me impacted their dreams of me.

    Life was incredibly hard and prison like when I was dancing for their dreams.

    It left me completely out of my own desires.

    The girl/woman I was for 46 years was held in place by what they needed me to be.

    Who I am today, is a free woman.  

    I wasn't set free by them…for if they had their way, I would return to the fold and be the old me.

    In springing myself free from my parent's dreams…it released my children. For as I saw myself locked into my mother's needs…I could see how my needs locked up my children.

    Many parents may believe that their dreams, beliefs and desire to have their children 'in the faith' that they hold dear…is kind.  It isn't.  You are separating your child from their spirit and merging them into you.  Making them in your image. Like you are God also.

    I didn't have this book but I did what she is suggesting. I became conscious.

    Conscious of my prison…and the prison I was building for my children. 

    The legacy of dysfunction…

    Freedom is love.

    When there is a battle of wills, it is our spirits trying to be free.  

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Real Person

    This truly would change the world…"The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

    In the first few pages…

    "Many of us don't consider how the way we parent affects our children, which might cause us to change our approach.  Does the method especially include listening to your child's spirit? Would we be willing to change the way we interact with our child if it became clear that what we are doing isn't working?"

    "Each of us imagines we are being the best parent we can be, and most of us are indeed good people who feel great love for our children.  It certainly isn't our lack of love that we impose our will on our children. Rather, it stems from a lack of consciousness. The reality is that many of us are unaware of the dynamics that exist in the relationship we have with our children."

    "None of us likes to think of ourselves as unconscious.  On the contrary, its a concept we tend to balk at.  So defensive are many of us that, let someone say a word about our parenting style, and we are instantly triggered. However, when we begin to be aware, we redesign the dynamic we share with our children."

    "Our children pay a heavy price when we lack consciousness. Overindulged, overmedicated, and over-labeled many of them are unhappy. This is because coming from unconsciousness ourselves, we bequeath to them our own unresolved needs, unmet expectations, and frustrated dreams. Despite our best intentions, we enslave them to the emotional inheritance we received from our parents, binding them to the debilitating legacy of ancestors past. The nature of unconsciouness is that, until it's metabolized, it will seep through generation after generation. Only through awareness can the cycle of pain that swirls in families end."

    "To Connect With Your Children, First Connect With Yourself."  

    "Until we understand exactly how we have been operating in an unconscious mode, we tend to resist opening ourselves to an approach to parenting that rests on entirely different ideals from those we may have relied on until now."

    "Traditional parenthood has been exercised in a manner that's hierarchical. The parent governs from the top down.  After all, isn't the child our "lesser," to be transformed by us as the more knowledgeable party? Because children are smaller and don't know as much as we do, we pressume we are entitled to control them. Indeed, we are so used to the kind of family in which the parent exercises control, it perhaps doesn't even occur to us that this arrangement might not be good for either our children or ourselves."

    "On the parent's side of the equation, the problem with the traditional approach to parenting is that it rigidifies the ego with its delusions of power.  Since our children are so innocent and ready to be influenced by us, the tend to offer little reistance when we impose our ego on them – a situation that holds potential for the ego to become stronger."

    "If you want to enter into a state of pure connection with your child, you can achieve this by setting aside any sense of superiority. By not hiding behind an egoic image, you will be able to engage your child as a real person like yourself." Dr. Shefali

    Just imagine the difference it would make in the lives of children and parents to be aware and conscious and to separate ourselves into real people?

    I know, that my parenting changed drastically when I discovered how disconnected I was with myself.  How much I needed my children to fulfill my needs and how I had parented so unconscious…as unconscious as I was myself.

    I would highly recommend this book, for its goal is to erase the dysfunction unconsciousness breeds.  Some may think that sexual abuse was the biggest factor in creating dysfunction in our home, but its overriding system was unconscious parenting.

    Just the fact that the FALC awards parents who can create mini selves with their children, when you can have them all conform to your beliefs, shows the model of NOT seeing the child and its spirit.

    It would horrify the loving parents of many religions to know they are actually shutting out the spirit of their child when they impose their expectations upon their child. 

    Instead of many religions igniting the spirit, they are separating the child from who they were born to be.

    I can't express adequately the powerful change I experienced when I understood these two drastically different ways of parenting….unconscious to conscious.

    When parents change the way they parent…we will see beautiful expressions of spirits being born…instead of the continual seeping of dysfunction from one generation to the next.  The sheer volume of pain unconscious parents create would stop…if they first connected to their own pain….their self.

    Our generation is the start of this paradigm shift.

    Just to be aware we do not have the right to douse the spirit of a real person.