I M Perfect lady

Tag: dreams

  • Follow an Impulse Fearlessly.

    “Every day we slaughter our finest impulses.  That is why we get heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognizes them as our own, as the tender shoots, which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty.  Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths.  We all derive from the same source.  There is no mystery about the origin of things.  We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, to discover what is already there.” 

     ~Henry Miller, Sexus

     

    Slaughtering our finest impulses…is what leads us to not doing what we feel inside.

     

    What stops us? 

     

    I am learning to follow the impulse, to listen to the voice inside, whether it be to steer away from things or to be drawn towards them.

     

    Our lives are lived from the tiny impulses that happen as we move along each day.

     

    Impulses to take a new path, to speak to a new friend, to call an old one, to send a card, to make a call, to say words we fear, to try a new idea, a new hobby; all are sparked by an impulse within.

     

    It isn’t so much that we don’t have impulses, but fear quickly comes between the impulse and us halting it from happening.

     

    To follow the lead of the impulse fearlessly, knowing you are in fear, but to feel the excitement of doing something new, daring to express or share a part of you that needs to be voiced, to be a playmate with the impulse. 

     

    Be a willing playmate, stop sitting on the sidelines of your life…get up and follow an impulse fearlessly. 

     

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  • Letting It Go!

    Acceptance and I are staring at each other; it dangles both pain and freedom.  I see the two sides and feel caught in between, stuck standing still.

     

    I see with big lady intellect and with little girl dreams, I feel the struggles between them.

     

    The lady’s wise words and focus on actions fall on the little girl’s deaf ears. 

     

    Or perhaps I don’t want to be the one to end the little girls dreams, to crash and burn her long wait, to give her nothing but acceptance.

     

    Acceptance, hollow, empty, cold and unloving.

     

    Can I break my little girls heart?  Is it my only heart?

     

    Acceptance shatters all dreams.

    Acceptance makes daddy’s monsters forever.

    Acceptance makes moms cold and distant, always.

    Acceptance hurts in reality.

     

    I always thought what I feared most was my mental lady, instead what I feared the most was the shattered spirit of the hopeful dreaming little girl.

     

    To live empty, hollow, forsaken, alone, cold and hurt a girl with broken dreams.

    Is it possible to separate the little girl from her dreams, to untangle the loveless dream and set her free?

     

    To let the dream go, like a flyaway balloon…

     

    But keep the little girl spirit, her optimism, and her dreaming quality?

     

    My little girl survived holding on to that dream.

     

    And now her survival depends on her letting it go!

     

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    I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. 

     ~Mother Teresa

  • The Girl She Was Meant To Be.

    I found myself seeing myself but with my old perception and then with my new perception could see my old self.

     

    It is like looking in a two-way mirror seeing your self on both sides. 

     

    Amazing to see such contrasts between the two.

     

    It dawned on me that I am a crazy, daring, bold lady, a woman of courage who tossed aside 46 years of rules and regulations to follow her own truth. 

     

    I am in awe of the distance between these two women, and they both are Me.

     

    The lady I used to be didn’t break rules, she followed along obediently even if she didn’t want to, people pleasing was her full time job, and choice making wasn’t her strong suit, her sense of self was gotten from the multitude of labels she covered her self with.

     

    My new lady tossed out all the rulebooks, and set out on her own, using her own body as her guide, for the first time ever.

     

    I remember stating, “It was like I was going to find myself, I didn’t know who I was or even that I was missing.”

     

    And it was the truth.

     

    I left my old me and I walked away, for the old me was a combination of other peoples ideas of me, their needs of me, their wishes of me, I was a me of their dreams, but not of my own.

     

    The old me was built up for reasons that had little or nothing to do with me.  Even if I didn’t know who I was, I knew for sure who I wasn’t.

     

    A child molester once said, “I changed who she would have been,” and he is right.

     

    A little girl who has been molested loses her way, her passions, and her spirit. 

     

    Her life is only about surviving.

     

    In this two-way mirror on my journey I see how the same courage she had to survive, she used to set herself free. 

     

    From the wide view I see a fearlessly bold lady who has taken her life back.  Who will no longer just survive, but she will live.

     

    She will live her own dreams, have her own ideas, make her own wishes and suit her own needs.

     

    Self lovingly at last, she is free to be the girl she was meant to be.

     

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  • My Dream Begins.

    I feel different in my head.  I see myself differently, my future is unclear, and my sense of who I am seems to be shaky at best.

     

    I have always known who I was and felt like an apathetic passenger in life.  But something changed.  Where before my future seemed to be locked in, like a set of railroad tracks without an exit, it no longer looks that way. 

     

    Instead it seems that life is waiting for me to decide what it is I want to do. 

     

    Shocking.

     

    It is like when I see myself doing yoga and then see the changes, somehow this too can happen in life itself.

     

    I make a choice in the morning to do yoga, and each time I do that, I am changing me inside and out.  I move and it moves!

     

    I have the choice to play in my Art, to write, to learn something new, but I have to be the one to move.

     

    A new class will not arrive in my living room, new quilt designs do not come crawling into my work area, and I have to be the one to move first.

     

    Before I think I thought, that life would offer to me the opportunity.  Now I know that I have to first express the feeling of wanting it. 

     

    I wanted to take care of my body better, and I knew by looking at its neglect that it would require something from me.  Yet, once I began doing this and have continued, it is giving more back to me than I am giving it. 

     

    The more time we spend on taking care of this body the more life it will give us back. 

     

    The healthier it is the more it is alive, the more aliveness, the more energy, the more energy the more we feel free to dream, the more we dream, the more life will open up, the more it opens up the more possibilities arise, as possibilities come, along comes the fearless trying, bringing us further and further into our dream!

     

    I can feel the avalanche of life’s possibilities; the sparks dreams are made of, the energy that ignites and explodes and how it all happens.

     

    When I move my dream begins. 

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