I M Perfect lady

Tag: God

  • Silence is upon them.

    I watched this episode about sexual abuse among the amish. “Keep Quiet and Forgive” on PBS.

    https://player.pbs.org/viralplayer/3105356631/

    And there is a book “Behind the Blue Curtain” – by Lizzy Hershberger – which I plan on reading soon.

    “How Great Thou Art” was being sung….leading into stories of young girls and women breaking the silence of their sexual abuse – the beauty and the horror – is the how I feel about religion. The juxtaposition leaves religion with a very sour taste.

    This is just another cult like sect that uses the fundamentals of their religion to keep victims silent – while protecting the males who are criminals.

    When the leaders speak of forgiving the perpetrators – it is a sex trafficking environment where little girls are unprotected.

    I don’t care how many times you sing “How Great Thou Art and how you see Him – etc. If your religion blesses away sexual crimes against children It is NoT a God connection. Period.

    Folks are quick to tell me I am against religion. I am trying to wreck the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, that the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church- and any other religion who allows the perpetrators to sit in their benches. I am against these ones for sure and I don’t believe they would be sanctioned by God or love or kindness.

    The tragedy is the criminal sexual assault on young girls IS that it happens in the midst of ‘god fearing folks’.

    The hymn plays on – in its beauty and behind the scenes little girls are forever changed by the acts of sexual deviant behaviors.

    It is insulting to even call these religions of God. They are more of the devil.

    I feel so deeply about the exposure of these crimes in religions and I would love to see them all implode –

    The women are leading the charge and some men have joined in to see what can be done.

    Some were saying there needs to be a preventive measure put into place – instead of dealing with it after the fact. Now isn’t that a great idea! I am sure the little girls and boys would love to be in a spot where abuse was forbidden.

    This gives me great hope – of more and more silences breaking. That even in the ultra conservative churches, the women are standing up!

    An alternative to silence is upon them.

    I hope there is a movement of women failing their religions and the rules that were forced upon them.

  • Action where it matters.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=1306580,b=facebook

    The link above is by a woman who truly understands how tragedy happens…it isn't about the lack of gun laws, nor is it about there being no religion or God association in schools, it is about the delicate balance of the human mind.

    It is about mental illness.  It is about the fact that it isn't easily treated as it would be to change the laws about guns.  It would be easier to put the Pledge of Allegiance back in the schools, compared to coming face to face with dealing successfully with an imbalanced mental health of a child.

    For some reason, it is easier to not look at mental illness.  Yet we all say, "who in their right mind would do such a thing?"  The key is they are not well.  The are no winners in this. The child who is out of control is equally a tragedy.  

    I can't even begin to imagine living the life of this mother…to have a child whose brilliance is so bright and his darkness so dark.  Who do you love and support? Knowing when you lock up the darkness, his sensitive brilliance is compromised.

    As long as we talk about guns and not the mental illnesses and the lack of support and help for this mother and family, we will be guaranteeing more tragedies to come.  We are not learning our lessons.

    Guns are not the problem. God in schools will not be the answer to the mental illnesses that are plaguing these children.  We need to have clarity on where the real root of with these incidences lay.

    These children and their parents are both screaming for help and we are turning them away for there is no room, no program, no solution…etc. 

    Stop looking at the guns and start looking at these children.

    It seems horrific that prison is the answer…and that we don't see the child behind the gun…until it is far far too late.

    We are smarter than how we act.  It would be like banning cars due to drunk driving.

    What can we learn?  How can we help the boys/girls with mental illness…what can we do to save them from themselves…which in turn will stop these tragedies from happening.

    It isn't that these children are out of control, but we are.  We are literally spending time and words arguing about guns. We are not in control when we believe that guns and the lack of God in schools will stop a child with mental illness from acting out the only way his mind will let him.

    He needs us to get back in control.

    Controlling how we see the problem…

    Humanity as a rule sees what it wants to see and disregards the rest. And the rest, is where the solution lies.

    I get this maddening desperation of the mother….while everyone speaks of guns and the lack of God in schools, she has a child out of control.  

    She knows changing gun laws will not stop her son.

    She knows using the word God in school or adding prayer, will not change her son.

    It is time we all see what she sees…and put action where it matters.

  • Christmas Is Always Within Me

    I have been sitting and looking or feeling Christmas this year and in a much different place.  In the past Christmas came in and swept me up and carried me off…filling me with huge expectations of me and wildly false expectations of others. It seemed the magic of Christmas was about changing my life.

    It was suppose to ease my burdens and replace resentments with love…it was I guess suppose to act like magic.  Where all I had to do was 'wish' and my wishes would be granted.

    If I believed.  And I wanted to believe that magically miracles would happen, and all I had to do was wish them so. That perhaps the right present would bring in happiness…that would stay the whole year through.

    Today, Christmas seems overly garnished on an already peaceful life, that none of the 'stuff' will make my life better…that the purpose of Christmas lost its purpose.

    Tis the season of love…seems odd, when love is always in season.

    My remembering of Jesus and how he lived is not set aside for certain days, but lived, always. 

    His birth represents to me, awareness that we all come from one God, we each are but a wave in the ocean of humanity…created by one God.  We are all equal…no one is more special than the other.

    In the past, when I felt less than, Christmas mattered more.  When I felt that it was Jesus or God's job to save me, make me happy etc, I was left in the place of always wanting. Waiting for the right gift, the right person, the right action, and then like magic, my life would change.

    Now that I realize, that what is bound on earth is bound in Heaven; when I consciously am aware that I am co-creating with God, that nothing happens without my active participation, that I am the center of my Universe, that He can only give back to me what which I send out…I am left without the magic of Christmas on this one special day…for I feel the Christmas magic in me always.

    My love isn't found underneath the tree, it is within me.

    My peace isn't when the right circumstances come together, peace is within me.

    Joy is knowing the meaning of Christmas is always within me.

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  • “Called Out of Darkness,” a Spiritual Confession by Ann Rice

     …was playing in my Mail Jeep today.

    It is a very interesting journey, from being a Catholic, to Atheist to…not sure, not done with the book. 

    It was very interesting to see her viewpoint of religion and really life itself.

    She is about 20 years older than me, for she graduated the year I was born. But she noticed as a child, that the adult didn't like the children, and often times treated them as if they were innately bad. That if the adults were not watching the children would naturally misbehave.  

    She didn't like the way adults treated the children.  Her parents were different, and to them the kids were just other people in the house…and she never even was treated like a girl, but just a person.  So, she didn't have gender self esteem issues.  In fact her parents named her Howard and the kids called their parents by their given name. They didn't know authority in their home.  An interesting way to grow up.

    Imagine the hidden ways in which we lower a child…naturally.

    She said children are told things long before they have a question about things.  What an interesting observation. Imagine if we didn't tell children things, but waited until they asked???

    Her mother was teaching her religion…long before she could even understand the dynamics of it.  She does however recall feelings of awe and wonder about the Saints and Statues etc.  

    Life to me is lived mostly from the Authority viewpoint and imagine how much better we would all be IF we took the child's viewpoint instead?

    Lots of our religion can't be explained to a child, yet a child can tell you all the wonders it sees as they walk through life.

    She has a very unique viewpoint of her life…and herself.  Her novels spoke of her internal spiritual struggle that she failed to realize until later…I know the feeling.

    Listening to her story has provoked many new things to ponder.  I like it when books do that…nothing I love more than to see things from a new angle.

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  • Impeccable.

    There are laws of the Universe that no religion or man can upset, nor can you alter another's karma in any way.

    It isn't that I subscribe to Eastern Philosophy, but the physics of life are no longer a mystery to me.  Each of us gets our very own wheel that is secure and totally our own, no one can penetrate the delicate balance of your life. Its environment is yours to control and you and you alone set in motion how your life will flow.

    There are people who believe that they have the power to change your life, but they don't.  No one can make or break your world, unless you allow them. Then it is you setting in motion an acceptance of allowing them into your environment.

    You are the gatekeeper of your Karma.  The Ultimate voice, the ironclad defense against all things, no one can step in front of you. Your life is set up perfectly perfect with your agreement.  It is simply impossible for it to happen otherwise.

    No one can play and mess up your karma or even enhance it…it is all left up to you.

    Imagine if this were true…if someones words or wishes could change your world, what mayhem would ensue and how your life would spin out of control in beat of a negative thought directed at you.

    My first 46 years was me not knowing that I controlled my karma, that I was the one who believed that my karma was in the hands of others.

    It was an incredible blow to see that I was the common denominator in all of my life, that nothing happened without me being there and consenting.  Nothing.  I was the one who had orchestrated my life.  I was the one with leaking boundaries or none.  I was the one who had acquiesced my life…there was no one who stood in front of me who had more power in my life than me.

    I had lived my first 46 years in darkness willingly.  I had fed that darkness while shutting out the Light.

    My brother's blog, Ripple in the Water, has a song attached, and a line in the song says, "Darkness has a hunger that is insatiable and Light is a call that is hard to hear."

    That line is so rich with content and meaning and clearly defines the lives of so many.  The sheer hunger of the Darkness that is forever wanting to be fed…against the faint call to the light…that is hard to hear.  

    Even harder to hear is what the Light is telling you….against the gnashing of teeth.  You have to be able to stop feeding your negative energies and turn toward the call of Light.

    Some feel that we can 'forgive' and be kind to the bad behaviors of others and it will change them, it can't.

    All it does is keep us engaged in the dark energies and ignoring our inner Light. 

    I find it so comforting to know that there is nothing I can do to change the lives of others.  Nothing.  It is purely up to them.  My only power lies with me.

    The False Gods will have you believe that we are in charge of others karma and lives, that we can make changes that will affect them long term, we can't.  

    No one can create a better life for you.  No one can live a better life for you, or mutter sayings and affirmations and send angels and good things into your world. It is impossible to get ahead of the laws of physics.  

    We each are one verse alone.

    We sing our own songs. We play our own tunes.  

    No one can interject a verse without our permission. 

    All the people who claim to be healers for you are selling you a false cure.  They can't.  They are claiming to own the powers of the Universe/God…impossible.  No one has more energy or power than the other. We are all created equal into a system that is governed by a law of physics.  

    It isn't a human law or religious law or owned and operated by certain groups and beliefs, it can't be regulated or changed or manipulated and all who believe they have power over you are trying to control your karma and do…when you believe them, it leaves you weak and a victim and them more powerful.

    The term, "Thou shall have no other gods before me…" is, in my opinion, telling us that the laws of the Universe is the one true way.

    Your intentions and feelings are sending out messages to the Universe always…without fail.  Each of us gets equal and just attention from the Universe, have no fear…or have fear depending upon what you are sending out.

    "Ask and ye shall recieve…"  

    One other thing, is if you are screaming at others, angry at others, resentful and rageful, directing your language toward someone, the Universe only picks up that energy and delivers it right back to you.

    Karma works whether you believe it or not…it doesnt' wait for your approval, it just is.  What goes out comes back perfectly and exactly…impeccable.

     

     

     

  • What the truth Feels like.

    David Hawkins writes in his book, "Discovery of the Presence of God"…in a discussion about truth or falsehood and Kinesiology…and who is capable of doing the test etc.

    Calibration of Specific Levels

    "The critical point between positive and negative, between true and false, or between that which constructive or destructive, is the calibrated level of 200. Anything above 200, or true, makes the subject go strong; anything below 200, or false allows the arm to go weak."

    "Anything past or present, including images or statements, historical events, or personages, can be tested.  They need not be verbalized."

    "The Kinesiological test cannot be used to foretell the future; otherwise, there are no limits as to what can be asked. Consciousness has no limits on time or space; however, permission may be denied. All current or historical events are available for questioning. The answers are impersonal and do not depend on the belief system of either the tester or the test subject. For example, protoplasm recoils to noxious stimuli and flesh bleeds. Those are the qualities of these test materials and are impersonal.  Consciousness actually knows only truth because only truth has actual existence.  It does not respond to falsehood because falsehood does not have existence in Reality.  It will also not respond accurately to nonintegrous or egotistic questions, such as should one buy a certain stock."

    "Accurately speaking, the kinesiological response is either an "On" response or it is merely "NOT ON".  Like the electrical switch, we say the electricity is "ON" and when we use the term "OFF," we just mean that it is not there.  In reality, there is no such thing as "Off-ness." This is a subtle statement but crucial to the understanding of consciousness." 

    "Consciousness is capable of recognizing only Truth.  It merely falls to respond to falsehood. Similarly, a mirror reflects an image only if there is an object to reflect.  If no object is present to the mirror, there is no reflected image."

    Here is another section that I found extremely interesting….

    "Below consciousness level 200, comprehension is limited by the dominance of Lower Mind, which is capable of recognizing facts but not yet able to  grasp what is meant by the term 'truth' (it confuses res interna with res externa) and that truth has physiological accompaniments which are different from falsehood.  Additionally, truth is intuited as evidence by the use of voice analysis, the study of body language, papillary-responses EEG changes in the brain, fluctuations in breathing, blood pressure, galvanic skin responses, dowsing, and even Huna technique of measuring distance that the aura radiates from the body.  Some people have a very simple technique that utilizes the standing body like a pendulum (fall forward with truth and backward with falsehood)."

    "From a more advanced contextualization, the principles that prevail are that Truth cannot be disproved by falsehood any more than light can be disproved by darkness. The nonlinear is not subject to limitations of the linear.  Truth is of a different paradigm from logic and thus is not 'provable', as that which is provable calibrates only in the 400's.  Consciousness research kinesiology operates at level 600, which is at the interface of the linear and the nonlinear dimensions." David Hawkins

    While these words may be hard to follow and even discern what he has found to be true, we are all walking around with these great kinesiology meters.

    And here is the deal, if you can't discern truth from falsehood, your awareness or consciousness level isn't high enough to do so….you are not able to see what is truth and what is fiction.

    While I have been writing about the differences between what is abuse and then a response that is conducive to healing, what I failed to consider is the facts that a person whose level of consciousness is below 200 isn't even able to see the difference between truth and falsehood, he can see facts, but can't interpret what the facts mean.

    If you sit with this you will understand the space where offenders live…which is they are capable of recognizing facts but not yet able to  grasp what is meant by the term 'truth'.

    It has led to much frustration on my part, that there are folks who are not yet able to grasp what is meant by the term truth.

    It is in this darkness that abuse is perpetrated…and they don't even know it. What good are facts if you can't tell if they are true or not?

    This is the crux of all abusive families.  They don't know what facts are real and what facts arefiction….

    How can you live life if you can't tell which facts are true or not?

    This explains beautifully and tragically the perils of abusive families. It makes total sense…living in a world where you can't tell which facts are real or not, you believe in the wrong thing.

    Not only believe, but trust, love and obey….things that are not even real or have a seed of truth.  I lived in that space for 46 years going against my own kinesiology meter….until I realized that it, my body, knew the truth. It responded by pushing me back from my 'father'.

    Once I saw that truth…that one grain of truth, I continued to ask my body and listen.  I used my body, the truth meter, to then sort through the facts and keep only the ones that were true.

    Who knew that the greatest tool that abuse has is that folks are not able to grasp the meaning of the term TRUTH.

    What I didn't know, is that the truth is not a word or a fact, It is the feelings behind the words….We keep getting hung up on using better words to explain, when in fact some people don't know what the truth feels like.

     

  • Guilt and Judgment

    Yesterday as I rode along my mail route, I listened to The Course of Miracles coming from my Kindle…I have it strapped to the headrest so I can hear it without headphones.

    A jotted down a few things that seared my mind…and then this morning wanted to go back and find the text, but I haven’t been able to find all sections that caught my ear.

    Here is one I found.

    “When you feel guilty, remember that the ego has violated the laws of God, but you have not.  Leave the “sins” of the ego to me. That is what Atonement is for.  But until you change your mind about those whom your ego has hurt, the Atonement cannot release you.  While you feel guilty your ego is in command, because only the ego can experience guilt.” 

    I stopped and wrote that down. “Only the ego can feel guilty” this was an incredible thing to hear for its implications are mountainous.  No one ever has said, “sins of the ego” instead they act like our spirit has sinned and in order to get a clean spirit to heaven you have to get it forgiven. Imagine if you raised a child to understand there is an ego and there is spirit? 

    Imagine learning that there are two ways to view the world, by ego or by spirit…and to know this as a child.

    If only the ego feels guilt, what is religion for?  So when we were made to feel sinful and unworthy who were they talking to??? It has to be the ego, for if the only the ego can experience guilt, they surely were not talking to our spirits.

    I also wrote down, The ego can’t Know, that Knowing is of the Spirit.  The ego can’t know, it perceives and the spirit can’t perceive, it Knows.

    Here is something else I hadn’t considered. 

    “The ego and the spirit do not know each other.  The separated mind cannot maintain the separation except by dissociating. Having done this, it denies all truly natural impulses, not because the ego is a separate thing, but because you want to believe that you are.  The ego is a device for maintaining this belief, but it is still only your decision to use the device that enables and endures ” 

    This makes perfect sense to me, for when I was a fully engaged ego whom I lovingly call “the mental woman” I had zero contact with my Spirit…I love that they don’t know each other. 

    And imagine…the ego is a device use for separation? 

    To me it kept me separated from God and Spirit.

    Then, came a section on Judgment…

    “Have you really considered how many opportunities you have had to gladden yourself, and how many of them you refused?  There is no limit to the power of a Son of God, but he can limit the expression of his power as much as he chooses. Your mind and mine can unite in shining  your ego away, releasing the strength of God into everything you think and do. Do not settle for anything less than this, and refuse to accept anything but this as your goal.  Watch your mind carefully for any beliefs that hinder its accomplishment, and step away from them.  Judge how well you have done this by your own feelings, for this is the one right use of Judgment.  Judgment, like any other defense, can be used to attack or protect; to hurt or heat. The ego should be brought to judgment and found wanting there.  Without your own allegiance, protection and love, the ego cannot exist.  Let it be judged truly and you must withdraw allegiance, protection and love from it.”

    It seems that the church taught us to judge another, but not to judge the ego.  I love that we are to judge how we are doing by how we are feeling.

    Mostly what I listened to yesterday were the differences between the ego and the soul…and it made sense to me. 

    “Any thought system that confuses God and the body must be insane.  Yet this confusion is essential to the ego, which judges only in terms of threat or non-threat to itself.  In one sense the ego’s fear of God is at least logical, since the idea of Him does dispel the ego. But fear of the body, with which the ego identifies so closely, makes no sense at all.  The body is the ego’s home by its own election. It is the only identification with which the ego feels safe, since the body’s vulnerability is its own best argument that you cannot be of God.”

    Imagine, the ego only judges what is a threat or non-threat to itself. It could care less of how this impacts your life or your souls journey.

    It was so beneficial to my peace of mind to listen to the antics of the ego and its needs and how they contrast directly the spirit, and it made perfect sense to me in my experience.

    And when you read this book, depending upon who has a greater control in your world, the spirit or the ego, it will land differently as you read it

    I am not here to try and convince anyone, I am here to share what I heard.  It brought me peace…and it helped me understand the confusion I have with religion, for it seems to me that religion courts the ego with guilt and judgment.

     

      

  • Rob me of being Me.

    Doesn’t it seem like people lose their senses when it comes to love and religion, that they leave their common sense and critical eyes behind, and blindly follow?

     

    How is it that matters of the heart and soul are often sold to snake oil salesmen speaking of a promise land, someday?

     

    The seemingly intelligent folks who fall victim to the fairy tale most religions spin is utterly amazing to me, that we will give up the very insides of us for their cause.

     

    We will give up the right to our bodies, our minds, our hearts and our souls…until all that is left is a shell.

     

    A useless shell, for there is no heart, no soul, and no mind.  We become members along their narrow pathway leading to the promise land.

     

    We sell all our todays, all our feelings within our hearts, all the stirrings of our souls, for Heaven after we die.

     

    What they fail to tell us is we are the walking dead.  That we of our own free will and ourselves is dead.

     

    We have no I.

    We have no me.

    We have no self that is free to live, as it wants.

     

    And grown women give up the rights of their bodies, minds and souls and call this a spiritual experience with God?  How???

     

    It sounds like a very dysfunctional love affair.  Where one has all the power and the other is stripped of all sense of self.

     

    That was my old relationship with God…it was self less.

    Without common sense or my eyes, my ears, my feelings, my intuition, my gut, my instincts, my heart and my soul, my passion, my gratitude.  I was absent; I disappeared in order to love that god.

     

    And that god as far as I can tell is the devil who wanted my soul…a destroyer god, one who stole my free will.

     

    In my experience the God that I now know, the one who orchestrates the stars, the moon, and is intimate with each blade of grass, wants for me more than I can dream myself.

     

    He isn’t here to rob me of being Me.

     

  • The Responsibility lies within you.

    In the past week, I have heard two different ladies tell me that God wants them to be kind to people who are not kind to them…that being kind to unkind people is pleasing to God.

     

    Both say, it isn’t what they would do, but they truly feel this is what God wants them to do.  So to please God they act differently than how they feel.

     

    They put on a God Smilely Face, when inside they are feeling quite the opposite and believe this is what God wants them to do.  God likes them to be fake.

     

    I find this very interesting and quite unsettling that they, when they find themselves in a spot of where their real feelings would have them move away, that they instead put on a smile and blame it on God.  He wants me to do this…

     

    What kind of God is that, I asked?  I am sorry, but the God I know, would not want me to be fake nor have me be with folks who are unkind… For Him.

     

    To which I am met with silence.

     

    Oddly enough by blaming God and ‘acting’ in a manner you assume he appreciates, leaves you without having to make a tough choice.

     

    It leaves you not having to move, nor speaking up or presenting your inner truths.

     

    In fact Martha Beck in this months O Magazine, wrote about the problem with asking “What would Love do”…for many of us have the wrong definition of love.

     

    I would say the same of God.  What would God do, usually is what you feel is your highest option.

     

    And if your highest option is to be fake, I am uncertain who you are.

     

    Again, it leaves me wordless and shaking my head…to hear these adult women having to be false, to be unable to walk their own truths, to present their own feelings and move away.

     

    They stay to please God. 

     

    In fact one lady told me this was the meaning of ‘unconditional love’ to remain kind no matter what.

     

    I told her I have found that this is the meaning of abuse.

     

    That if you are unable to make a choice, to turn around, to leave, to speak your truths …you remain a victim.

     

    And the God I know would not want me to be without free will.

     

    It is easier to blame God and plaster on fake kindness than it is for them to face them and say what they truly feel.

     

    Instead of holding God responsible for your acting inauthentic, the responsibility lies within you.

     

     

  • Same Piece.

    Last night I viewed lots of different Art, and it seemed each Artist had a message or feeling of energy that came through the piece.

     

    The art piece said more about the artist than the art.

     

    It is like the art is an inner imprint of how the artist feels; a coded message from within.

     

    Some artists are so exact in realistic portrayals; their perfection is displayed as judgment or even a God like imitation, their gift is replicating, being able to mirror the landscapes.

     

    There was Art that made you stop and think, wondering about the message or dichotomy it presented…a confused thinker sorting out his thoughts, making you pause and wonder.

     

    Perhaps our attraction to Art equals the way we are attracted to certain people, and repelled away from others.

     

    Somehow I separated the Artist from the Art not really believing that the Art told the truth about the Artist’s life.  I believed you could paint a pretty picture while having a tortured soul.

     

    Yet you can tell a lot about a person in their Art, which is why I feel many are unable to do art, for they fear displaying their self.

     

    The same goes for writing 3 pages a day, the deeper unconscious fear keeps them safe behind the excuses of no time, nothing to write, I know me, done the work, am okay with who I am.

     

    It’s the voices of fear to be seen in public without the layers and layers of coverings… like a painting draped with cloth so the picture lies hidden underneath.

     

    To drop the cloth and stand exposed seems it would be fearful and it is actually the opposite, with nothing to hide, you have nothing to hide, and you are free to be.

     

    Perhaps the fear lies in not matching another painting nearby or being as colorful or as dramatic or as calm and serene. 

     

    Yet imagine a gallery  with walls and walls all displaying the exact same piece.