I M Perfect lady

Tag: group

  • Dispute the Group

    I have been trying to find a clear picture in order to illustrate the mindset of group mentality and how it feels when you leave and turn independent…

    I was raised in a family of 14, there was no room for individual requests, needs or special treatment, you got what the rest got and that was that, one size fits all.

    I was also raised in a church that also didn’t cater to individual needs, but rather had a way in which we had to adhere to or conform with, it was best to blend in, to look alike and act alike.

    And within these groups were other smaller groups, but rarely was there individuality or separateness or God forbid special uniqueness, we all marched forward as one.

    The sins grouped together like the congregations…all were equal because they belonged to a group.

    Grouping is the way of Groups.  There is comfort in bunches of things.

    Raised to lump things together leads to never looking closely at what is inside the group, but instead you have intent stares at what sticks out.

    The poking stuff, the non conforming things, the things that don’t match or fit together, the odd pieces that don’t belong…these things are pushed away and are made to feel unwelcome, not part of and may even be seen as threatening to the group…and in defense for the sovereignty of the group will be shunned.

    I had to look up the word Sovereignty to make sure it fit what I was trying to say. 

    independence: the right to self-government without interference from outside 

    Oh, it fits perfectly.

    The shunning feels personal when you are the one who is doing things against the beat of the group drum, but what I can see now, is that the shunning is to preserve the groups rights of self government…THEY truly do NOT want INTERFERENCE from the outside.

    Any thought or idea that interferes with its history or traditions…is an enemy of the group.

    It will be seen as interference against the group, seen as a traitor or family wrecker.

    They are so busy defending their group; they fail to notice what their group is made up of.

    My family defended FAMILY, against all enemies foreign or domestic, truthful or not, what matters most is that damn family must stick together, always.  Anyone, sister or daughter, son or brother who stands against it must be shunned…for family matters.  The group.  The group no matter what it is made up of matters, the lump sticks together as a bunch…Even my father’s molesting ways would not tear the bunch apart…And I was actually seen as worse than him for daring to suggest that the family they were hanging so tightly to, was filled with abuse, not love.  Incredible as it seems, the worst sin of all is to dispute the group.

     

  • Right or True

    A new young friend of mine wrote about Normal in her blog (http://www.erinstales.blogspot.com/) and it led me to the point of just because it is normal doesn’t mean it is right.

     

    Somehow we believe that normal equates right, just because most are doing it.

     

    We somehow have fallen into compliance with the majority and forget to have independent thoughts and even worse separate actions, we tend to find comfort in moving in huge numbers and then call it normal.

     

    No matter what the swarm is doing.

     

    Fitting in seems to be the way of it instead of fitting out.

     

    Even if fitting in means you must do something wrong or go against your inner compass.

     

    I love that normal only means the majority…okay, here is the definition from her blog.

     

    nor-mal
    adjective
    1. conforming to the standard or common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural,
    2. serving to establish a standard.

     

    What is standard for cult like religions? What is standard or common for dysfunctional families?  It is this that is their normal, but it doesn’t make it right or healthy or anything.

     

    Somehow normalcy has slipped by us as a character of being good, when in fact it simply means a repetitive behavior, but not the content of it.

     

    When my life was turned upside down and I went in search of normal, it was illusive.  I didn’t know who I was nor could I find a template of normal anywhere, nor perfection. 

     

    Normal changed for each person and in each situation and again, ruled by the majority.

     

    What I had thought were ‘standards’ of my old religion, were just behaviors all succumbed to…but they were lacking of content…or when put to practice fell apart.  Their only strength came from the number of people believing in them, not in the actual belief itself.

     

    I am certain this is true for most things.

    My father is being held up by the volume of people who call him father, but not by his own content.

     

    I am very wary now of what is called normal…for it could be a lens that changes what lies behind.

     

    I am also very happy to say, I am not a ‘normal’ member of my family of origin.

     

    Normal doesn’t make anything right or true.

     

     

  • The Lady and Her Jeep

    I was shocked to learn that I had joined a new group, a group of which I knew nothing about, and still don’t, but feel I will learn as I go.

    As I drove my Jeep across the Bridge in town, an oncoming Jeep spotted me and gave me a friendly wave and smile…I waved back, pondering who was that?

    My second wave was as I was traveling along the highway, a white Wrangler waved and then it dawned on me, all Jeep Wrangler drivers wave at each other.

    Sure enough a dark green one spotted me and he too waved, then more and more.  It is the oddest thing and funny to be part of a group that I didn’t even know about. 

    I wave back, but don’t have a clue what the agenda is of this group…what have I joined?

    I wonder if my yellow light on top or the fact that I drive from the right puts me in a special sub group within the group, if delivering mail is a bonus or a demerit?

    What is the common bond between the Wrangler owners, what character trait or lifestyle would be a common thread?  Do I really fit in?

    It’s an unexpected feature and one that I am not sure how to use or express.

    Perhaps I own a Jeep but I don’t match the persona one usually has when owning one, I landed here by accident. 

    Yet my jeep will look as it has had a lot of fun mud bogging when I return some days off the route.

    It feels like I joined an adventure group unbeknownst to me…and what is scary is this mail route will become an adventure depending up on the weather.

    Again maybe everyone knows but me that by owning a Jeep Wrangler my life will take me on exciting rides.

    Wow…no wonder they smile and wave…’hope you are tough enough to ride’ and I do too! 

    We will see if my spirit matches where this jeep will take me, do I have the right stuff? 

    I am thinking the confident get a jeep, and in my case I need the jeep to be confident…confident I can make it through the rain, sleet and snow and dark of night to deliver the mail. 

    Maybe this group isn’t for the faint of heart…but will make the faint of heart strong. 

    I guess this group is for me. 

    I will rebuild the confidence I lost, the strength that seems fleeting at times, the endurance against all kinds. 

    The Lady and her Jeep.