I M Perfect lady

Tag: happiness

  • My own Little Plot

    It is hard to believe that I lived a life without a self that I had disappeared from my life and had not even noticed it, for I left my life before I had a life.

     

    Without knowing I got a life of my own, I spent all my time in other people’s business, leaving my own life quite vacant.

     

    I simply didn’t live a separated life.

     

    The biggest part of myself was lived in the midst of other people’s world, what I meant to them, how I made them feel, I was an interchangeable part to them.

     

    I was a piece of them.

     

    When I latched on to a person who needed me, I came alive.

     

    Set me alone…I had no value.

     

    Having zero value by myself left me very much dependent upon others, hence the word co-dependent, for my sense of self.

     

    Finding a self that stood alone was near impossible.

    I had no definition if the words sister, mother, daughter, wife, friend were not around.

     

    Who was I to myself?

     

    I wasn’t as good a friend to me as I was to my friends, nor did I mother myself as wonderful as I tried to mother my children, nor was a good partner to myself as I was to my husband.

     

    In the end all my efforts outside of myself left me completely empty…for I ignored my self while taking care of others.

     

    Imagine 46 years with nothing to show for my self.

     

    My self had lived silently still while I toiled in people’s lives.

     

    It is like weeding and tending a garden that you are unable to eat from, leaving you starving while they enjoy the crop you took care of.

     

    Slaving over their fields while my own was over run from neglect.

     

    What freedom came when I understood we are all gardeners of our own lives, that each of us can plant the kinds of things we love, and pull up and out the things that prick us.

     

    I love my life now that I see it as my own little plot!

     

  • In the Land of Falsehood.

    In David Hawkin’s book “Truth vs Falsehood” he writes,

    “The Reality of Freedom and Happiness.”“Just as all that is destructive has a common source, so do freedom, success, health and peace have a common source, which is that of spiritual truth and integrity.”

    “ Everyone is potentially free to be free. It is merely a matter of choice to follow the pathway to truth to the degree that one can discover it as identifiable, knowable, and confirmable. Instead of envying or hating success, the truly successful imitate it, copy it, identify with it, and develop the patterns. To take responsibility for one’s own actions and their consequences is, it itself, extremely powerful and almost instantly raises one’s calibrated level of consciousness to over 200.”

    Above 200 – Levels of Truth
    Below 200 – Levels of Falsehood

    “An extremely valuable insight that is learned by all spiritually evolved persons in the course of their development is seeing ones own personal consciousness as the decisive influence that determines all that occurs in one’s life.”

    “Another operative principle, whose recognition results in greater aspects for positionalities, is that the mind either consciously or unconsciously tends to manifest that which is held in mind. It is very helpful to see that, in reality chocolate is not the enemy of vanilla but represents only a contrasting option. It is also well to recognize the infantile ego that secretly hides within is extremely needy, constantly hoping for praise and input, and is obsessed with being “right” as well as nursing “wrongs,” “grievances,” injustices and grudges. It takes little reflection to see that the ego gets much energy and benefit from negative postionalities, and that spiritual evolution is accelerated greatly by the willingness to forego these dubious payoffs in return for real gains.”

    Pathway to Freedom and Happiness

    “The steps out of failure, unhappiness, frustration, lack, want, anger, and depression are deceptively simple. Life is a voyage comparable to being out at sea in which a shift of one degree on the ships compass will determine by the end of the trip whether or not one is hundreds of miles off course. The strongest too, which already exists within, is the spiritual will itself, which when firmly set, will face and take on any obstacle. It is this spiritual will that determines the success of the venture. From subjective experience, as well as many years of clinical practice, spiritual education, and research, it is confirmed that the spiritual will is the primordial rudder that determines not only this lifetime but classically termed karma (cal 1,000)”

    “By one simple decision, the impossible becomes possible because the lead sinkers that were attached to the cork have been released and now the cork effortlessly rises because of the density and power of the field. Thus, one can let go of the egoistic illusion that spiritual progress is difficult and that one has to do it all alone. On the contrary, illusions of lack disappear and powerful energies now help to sustain one’s progress, which is now accompanied by the pleasure of increased self esteem, and the world magically begins to appear to be a friendly and helpful place. The brains neurochemistry changes in a positive direction, and like a butterfly out of a cocoon, the etheric brain springs forth as a consequence of the onset of the flow of spiritual (i.e. kundalini) energy, and the experience of life and the self in the world transform.”

    “ It will be discovered that the ego consists of interlocking building blocks and that to move even one unsettles the whole pile which then begins to fall of its own gravity. Even a seemingly small effort can have very major effects, and one discovers that just a simple smile can totally change one’s life. The many thousands of people who follow self-improvement and spiritual pathways confirm the reality of this discovery.”

    “Following is a list of “winner” attitudes, all of which are quite simple to choose and have extremely long-term benefits. Life lived in the energy field of a calibration level over 200 is quite different from life lived from the conscious level of 180.

    Available 265
    Balanced 305
    Benign 225
    Calm 250
    Considerate 295
    Content 255
    Cordial 255
    Dependable 250
    Diligent 210
    Diplomatic 210
    Easy going 210
    Equitable 365
    Ethical 305
    Fair 305
    Faithful 365
    Firm 245
    Flexible 245
    Friendly 280
    Genuine 255
    Glad 335
    Happy 395
    Hard Work 200
    Healthy 360
    Helpful 220
    Honest 200
    Honorable 255
    Humane 260
    Humility 270
    Idealistic 295
    Kind 220
    David Hawkins

    What I found so affirming is that your Spiritual Will is the motivator and that by changing just one little thing, your ship will sail in a new direction, especially over time. And you are the one who can go inside and dig down and find the will you want and by standing by it, life will change.

    The other thing that I love is that just by owing your responsibility and accepting the consequences of your actions you rise to the level of truth. For when you blame anything outside of yourself, it registers Falsehood and is below the level of 200.

    Now, these numbers don’t mean as much as the words or implication of the numbers. That your life will change when you become responsible for it, you will see that your action delivered to you its consequence. So instead of blaming the consequence, get ahead of it by changing the action. The falsehood is that it is someone else responsibility for your happiness.

    And what is wildly exciting and filled with freedom is that it all begins with you. Just as Gandhi stated, “you are the change you are waiting for.”

    What I see is that your own truths when faced in a responsible manner automatically raises your happiness level, while in our heads it seems that it will lower it.

    We believe that if we show our truths, expose the reality of our lives, all hell will break lose, but in fact the opposite happens, heaven appears.

    I didn’t even know there was a number system out there that could calibrate the truth of things, but how curious it is that the higher the number the better you feel or in my case, I headed out and steered my world by feelings.

    I simply stopped doing things that didn’t feel good or that had terrible consequences to me feeling good.

    Some things seem at face value easy to do and harmless, but if you look at how it sits with your integrity it is huge.

    The greater tragedy in this business of Truth vs Falsehood is the application of my old religions tool of ‘blessing away the sins’ when in fact it is removing the truth from our lives.

    I see that religion as preaching falsehood and I know that many within there would be in shock and awe of my blaspheming.

    Yet, it is only when you have been on the receiving end of them disregarding the actions of a pedophile, that you can see the application of this.

    Instead of all preaching and singing halting when a pedophile is in their mix, they stay the party line and bless his sins away.

    How they believe they are heading in the direction of Heaven is beyond me…for it seems that just to arrive at the level of truth you have to take responsibility and their consequences, until then you live in the land of falsehood.

  • Rapture is felt.

    Today everyone is talking about “The Rapture” and my brother and I wondered about its meaning, the word itself.

    Rapture.

    1. overwhelming happiness: a euphoric transcendent state in which somebody is overwhelmed by happiness or delight and unaware of anything else
    2. mystical transportation: a mystical experience in which somebody believes he or she is transported into the spiritual realm, sometimes applied to the second coming of Jesus Christ, when true believers are expected to rise up to join him in heaven
    3. state of great happiness or enthusiasm: a state of great happiness or enthusiasm about something, or words and gestures that express this

    Perhaps we can all have a moment of rapture, if you can find something that brings you overwhelming happiness and delight and become unaware of anything else, just immerse yourself in an activity that you forget all things.

    For me, it can be in nature or quilting or even reading a really good book, it can be small moments when you are totally present with someone, where only the two of you exist and times slips away.

    While some may call this the end of the world, perhaps it is the beginning, the moment in time where only rapture is felt.

  • I Play Where I am Happy!

    “It’s easier to love a happy me,” is a comment I made and it seems profound in a very simplistic way.

     

    How can you love yourself if you are unhappy?

     

    What I found by writing is that unhappiness is wanting what is impossible to have.

     

    If you are not happy with what you have, you can’t love what you are.

     

    My happiness came when I discovered that there was no chance in getting what I wanted for me, that I had to accept what I was.

     

    I wanted me to be a not abused girl.

     

    I didn’t want to own the abuse and all what the abuse did to me, nor any of the characters attached to the abuse, or the church’s line of forgiveness.

     

    The list went on and on, and nothing on the list was pleasing to me; a full menu of things I didn’t like.

     

    When there was no hope or a pray in heaven that my reality could/would/should change, I found happiness.

     

    It was either be okay with my lot in life, or be unhappy.

     

    It is easy to be happy with a nice pair of shoes or jeans that fit you well, but try and put on reality when it seems too sordid to tell and be happy in that.

     

    But it hurts more to be forever waiting and wanting what is impossible to have.

     

    For some reason it is better to accept what is possible than to get left seeking the impossible.

     

     

    I made friends with what was possible.

     

    I learned mostly I had possibilities.

     

    “When God shuts a door, he opens a window” I believe is a phrase many use.

     

    Instead of sitting by the closed door, I went to the window and had the courage to find a way to be happy.

     

    By turning my attention and desires away from the closed door, I was presented with a million opportunities to be happy. 

     

    They would never be the choices behind the closed door, they were all different and I was delighted and surprised to find they made me happy.

     

    In the window of opportunities I began to see a new life, a new way, a new me, a new normal was being born.

     

    There is simply nothing I can do to change my past or all the characters who played there, but I can now decide how I play today.

     

    I play where I am happy!

     

  • Unhappiness wants what is impossible to get.

    “Happiness is a function of accepting what is.”

         ~Werner Erhard

     

    I received a message from an old friend, and he was worried about me being happy, that he was sorry I felt so badly towards my mother, he hoped I would get over it and let go, he also wished me the best and a little peace.

     

    It is hard to explain how I can be happy away from my mother/father/family.

     

    What I have written about most is what was wrong with our relationship, not what was good. 

     

    Ask any divorced women if she is happier away from her ex or in his presence, and that is how a child feels who finally is able to exit a bad family relationship, no matter what age.

     

    My peace inside comes from knowing I have put up boundaries, where I will not be hurt again.

     

    My happiness is by accepting who they are and not expecting something else.

     

    I am not sitting waiting for what they are unable to give.

     

    I had to let go of my image or idea of a father and have accepted that he is sick and is a pedophile; he is unable to be a dad.  Happiness is no longer wanting what he isn’t able to give.  Happiness comes in letting go of the Hallmark picture, and instead seeing what I have.

     

    I had to let go of my thoughts of who my mother was, and had to replace them with reality.

     

    Peace comes in knowing there is nothing I can do to change who they are, but rather change how I react.

     

    Even though much of my writings are struggles to figure out all the nuances of abuse, the traces and hooks that have me mixed up inside, each time I unravel a new strand I am more peaceful.

     

    Writing is my therapy, it allows me to work out what I fail to see, what part of me is still confused, lost and unsure. 

     

    What part of me is still in the illusion of a loving family.

     

    I am not happy until I have full disclosure of what is.

     

    Happiness is being at one with reality.

     

    Unhappiness wants what is impossible to get.

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Signature of the Universe.

    "It is possible to live happily in the here and now. So many conditions of happiness are available—more than enough for you to be happy right now. You don't have to run into the future in order to get more." ~  Thich Nhat Hanh

     

     

    Martha Beck asked us, “ To List 20 times when something great happened to you without you having to do much. It puts you in the abundance zone. Feels great, too!”

     

    I can start with seeing a great sunrise, the way the clouds arrange themselves so that when the sun shines upon them they give off a real cool color and glow, to how the river flows and swirls rolling merrily on its way without me pushing or cajoling it along, to the way the grass is changing from dull winter brown to emerald green, to the smell that sheets have when they come in from the clothesline, to the warmth of the dog laying on your toes, to the sunshine warming your shoulders in mid afternoon, to the Easter Lillies being brought from afar to your local store which are now in your home, for all of this I did nothing.

     

    No thing is asked of me, it is simply presented for me to appreciate, and even if I don’t stop along the way to smell the roses, they will offer up to the air a sweet perfume, for that is what they do, unasked they freely express themselves.

     

    Perhaps a better list, is to list the things you did alone, totally alone without help from anyone or anything. 

     

    What do you alone accomplish?

    When are you totally separated from the whole, floating outside of the planet, untouching what the Universe is singing.

     

    I would say try and find a time in each day where you are totally disconnected and floating free of the matrix called the Universe. 

     

    It seems we have constant reminders of the great presence, from the singing of the birds to the gentle breeze, to a friend arriving or sending us a message, it all seems so perfectly orchestrated for me, a huge production working in harmony filling the spaces, so no matter where I look I see a sign.

     

    The signature of the Universe!

     

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