I M Perfect lady

Tag: hearing

  • Remain Unmoved.

     The gift that the scandal at Penn State is offering is it is encouraging others to stand in the long line of abused children, whether it happened recently or years and years ago.

    The adults who are standing today, are great examples to others that we can't sit down and silently pray that it will go away.  It won't.

    What I find so infuriating is that many will HEAR about abuse, but not believe it.  Which is the biggest problem victims have is being believed.  Imagine, we are not believed.

    What does 'believing' us mean?  What will show us you believe?  What actions are your changing to tell us that you are now 'believing' in the news?

    What I just get so floored by is that people listen, but they don't believe. They hear, but they continue on as if we had not spoken.

    Josh commented on my blog post, "Shattered Dreams" stating that not only did his Uncle abuse his father, he also abused him.  That means that Eric has gone on abusing now for many years.  What will that mean to you all who sit in the pews?  What will happen?  Will you contact the Chairperson of the Board of the First Apostolic Church and DEMAND he not preach?  Will you start to then question many things, or will you hear it and just pass it on as 'their story' their life, and go on unchanged?

    I believe there is active listening where it instills actions and then there is passive listening where it requires nothing of you.

    What I want to impress upon you, that passive listening is the greatest gift to Eric, it will allow him to freely abuse in the third generation.  Imagine that?

    Passive listening is what Joe Paterno did.  Passive listening is what those in Higher Positions did.  Passive listening is how so many boys were abused, while the coach horsed around in the showers.

    I don't know what it will take in your world for you to act upon knowledge, for you to stand up and get 'involved'.  

    What I see most is the courageous abused children, even those who are now adults stepping forth…. and speaking out. How many will be believed?  Just as in the Penn State case, you will draw a side, you will decide who to believe and why….I would be curious to hear the other side.

    Josh is telling you, do you believe him?  Do you dare not act?  For all who will passively read blogs and then go on with life unchanged, you are exactly what is needed for sexual crimes to be committed, again and again and again.  There is a term for you all, accessories to the crime.

    Those who know and remain unmoved.

  • It is ill fitting in their worlds.

    What I discovered in telling my story is that people get lost in their own lives while listening…lost in trying to defend and discern if my story matches theirs.

    It isn’t being told to match yours, it is merely being told…yet while you are busy trying it on for size, you miss what I am saying…you can’t hear me as you are fitting my words into your world and tossing out the ones that don’t fit.

    As the author of this story and the one who experienced my life, I felt the desire to share what I had lived through or more importantly what I had falsely believed in and was putting it down on paper to find my truth. 

    What I had not counted on was that people would try on my truth of for size, to see if it fits their own experiences and then say it isn’t so.

    I wonder if that is how I listen, to see if it fits in my truth, do I hear others, or do I immediately feel threatened by their story if it clashes with mine?

    It leaves me to wonder, what words another could say that would threaten my world…how another’s experience would unravel my world…what could they possibly say that would start a second avalanche?

    I guess I expected questions or folks who were interested in knowing more, but I hadn’t expected others would try on my experiences and call them fake. 

    It is the resistance against what I am saying that feels so out of place. 

    The defense of the Church, the defense of the people, the defense of the family, defense of the siblings…and the defense against their practices of handing their sins over to Jesus, all the while unknowingly discounting my story as they are so busy in their defense.

    This rooting around in their defense drowns out my words and leaves me unheard. 

    It is like talking to someone who is paying attention to something else, and they are.

    They are worried about their worlds.

    I wonder if we all do that?  If we all have our very own sets of truths and protect them while not paying attention to others.

    I just hadn’t considered that in speaking out that the facts and truths of what I discovered would be tried on and then tossed out, if it didn’t match their files.

    Somehow, I naively believed that I would have the ears of listeners, and not truth fittings.

    What I feel most, is that a child who is asked to tell the truth about an abuser would face the same kind of treatment, where their words would not be brought in as sacred truths, but rather items to be tried on for size. 

    A child can discern, as I have, the ears who listen with compassion or the ones who are merely trying on their truth and kicking it to the curb in order to maintain their own lifestyle.

    Perhaps my ears have become more open the more open I am with my own truths.

    I can only gauge others by how they grab my truths and try them on, and then how quickly I am discarded…or received.

    I have been taking this personal, trying to say things more eloquently, softly, with class, trying to make the presentation prettier, kinder, nicer, more convincing and it is all for naught.  For it isn’t my truth with the issue, but their lifestyle…my truth just doesn’t fit in. It is ill fitting in their worlds.

  • A safe place for Me.

    The sentiments, feelings, expressions, emotions of this blog may appear childlike and perhaps unbecoming of a big lady like me, but what I have just realized, is that the healing I am doing isn’t about a big lady, rather that of a little girl.

    The wounds that happened to me, happened as a young child, and what happens then the body grows big, but inside of me I am stunted and remain emotionally immature.

    Expressing my feelings now, about events long ago, sound like I am lost in my past, but what is really going on is that I am healing me in my past and allowing my emotional body to catch up with my big lady body.

    What is also very incredible is that an event today is orchestrated perfectly to heal a part of me that was hurt a long time ago.

    The gifts that I received by my mother leaving a message on my daughter’s phone, is multifaceted.

    Empowering, grieving, to seeing things I failed to notice, nothing happens by mistake.

    Each event that stirs up emotions is here to teach, to bring a part of me back to me.
    Just so you all know the little girl voice is a voice of little girl who had no voice growing up, and I am thrilled beyond words, that I have the opportunity and the vessel for her to heard.

    Whether another soul reads this or not, I am reading it as I write.

    It is an incredible experience to speak as me and to hear me, to feel the sorrow and be the one to comfort, to allow tears to fall that have been repressed for years, to feel after so many years of being afraid to, I am talking to or as the little girl in each post.

    What sacred space this is.

    A safe place for me.

  • Dance Going On Inside!

    Sight challenged isn’t just for those whose physical eyes have technical problems and hearing challenged isn’t for those who can’t hear sounds.

     

    I am thinking there is a much larger Sense Challenge going on, where most are not connected to their own bodies.

     

    It is amazing when you are connected to your senses how much there is to feel, see and hear.

     

    As I did my yoga on the river yesterday my senses were overrun with sensations a feast so large that you can only sample a little at a time.

     

    My eyes were witness to wildlife along the river banks, to the flies dancing on the river, to those buzzing and landing nearby, to clouds slowly making their way across the sky adjusting their formations as they move along, to floating butterflies coming by to see how my poses were going.

     

    My body felt the heat of the noonday sun, the relief of the gentle breeze, the coolness of the water I sipped, to the uneven ground I stepped upon, to the stretching muscles, the concentrated balance, to aches and sharp pains of a body unaligned, to the relaxed breath in between poses.

     

    My ears picked up the concert of birds singing loudly competing with Bikram’s voice, the distant sound of cars, the loud splashes of the beaver delightfully playing, the wind in the leaves…

     

    And behind all of the senses is a feeling of awareness.

     

    It is the awareness that makes the other senses come alive.

     

    Without awareness the whole orchestration of the Universe goes unnoticed.

     

    The more you see the more you see.

    The more you hear the more you hear.

    The more you feel the more you feel.

     

    Our bodies are used to appreciate the Universe and I believe there is a whole other Universe inside of us.

     

    There is an echoing dance going on inside!

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