There seems to come a time in each relationship where the titles and names do not matter, where instead lies the meat of the relationship, the giving and the taking, the feelings we feel in the wake of their actions, the way we are treated or the lack thereof, it is like we can finally see what it is we are tasting.
I asked myself if lies was an ingredient in love and could not find one recipe of Love that included lies.
Not the love of parents, friends, lovers or self. Lies and Love don’t match.
I also know that all relationships no matter what kind are subject to renegotiations if and when the ingredients change of one party.
There isn’t a relationship out there, as far as I can see, that holds this sacred space of no negotiation.
To me, all relationships are fluid and are living breathing exchanges between two people, that will change as the individuals in them change, and in fact the relationship is only as good as the weakest one.
The weaker one is the sum total of the relationship, for if the stronger one settles, so goes the relationship down to the lowest denominator.
My experiences with dysfunction is the strong lower themselves to be okay with dropping down to the low level, it is seen as kind and loving and accepting, and to forgive all actions, and call it unconditional love.
Unconditional love to some is allowing all types of negative behaviors to messy up a relationship and you are to love no matter what.
The ingredients of dysfunctional love is that anything goes and all must be forgiven, and relationships are made of steel there is no renegotiation, and you and I are locked behind the wall of our relationship.
The relationship between sister and sister in some is non negotiable.
Between parent and child…
That what started out has to remain, we are locked in forever, like a steel cage within there is no way out, we must forever and a day be held together, withstanding bad behavior for the cause of Relationship.
Two victims behind the relationship cage.
I say, that if one in the cage changes, the other gets to leave if the changes can’t be reversed.
When one changes, the whole relationship changes. It isn’t a cage, but rather the dance within the cage.
Some put high regard on the titles, Mom, sister, daughter, father, and I see the individual behind the title, and I believe that the sister is only as good as her actions in the cage.
Lies are lies no matter whose mouth utters them.
Abuse is abuse no matter whose bodies are delivering it. It is convenient only for the one who is doing the bad behavior to use the trump card sister, to put that out in front of the poor behavior.
Well, in my world I have taken down the cages that held me in and I am free.
I no longer will be victimized or blinded by a title.
Actions are actions, lies are lies, and deceit is deceit.
Setting aside the relationship and seeing you as you, lies are not becoming.
No good can be grown from a lie.
No self worth can be gained from a lie.
No love can be sown from a lie.
In my childhood family they live among the lies and are not even aware that who they are playing with isn’t so, raised in the darkness full of lies, it is their normal. They don’t even know they live a lie for they never lived outside of it. Lies is all they ever knew. They have said and do say, that my parents did the best they could, and they did. But their best is to present one thing to the front while doing something else behind the scenes.
A lie I call it.
Most will not deal with the ‘thing’ behind the scenes; they would rather just play with what is in front, the pretend relationship label. Father, Mother instead of really looking at the actions within the cage.
What happens in the cage is what you have a relationship with.
Action to action is how we dance and relate to each other.
If one says a lie and the other does not see it, the lie still happens, one is just denying it.
It changes the dance from love to love and trust to trust… to lie to love and what they want is for us to continue to trust them while they lie.
How?
What is the point?
Who trusts someone who lies?
I can trust that I will not trust you when you lie.
I trust that I will tell you I don’t believe you.
I will say love doesn’t lie.
I wonder why you lie?
I wonder if you know that our relationship can’t hold what you do?
It almost seems that if you have to lie, you know that if you spoke the truth, that it would change what we have.
Yet sadly the lie does the same thing.
Whether you do something that would jeopardize our relationship or you lie about doing it, it matters not.
You have breeched its integrity, you have changed its value.
As a child, my relationship with both my parents changed at a very young age, the seed of mistrust, conditional love was planted. In order to remain in the relationship, I had to keep their lies.
Keeping lies changes who you are.
Keeping lies of another doesn’t make them better, brighter, loving, happy, kind and compassionate.
Holding a bag full of lies makes you a liar too.
I M Perfect lady 