I M Perfect lady

Tag: intuition

  • Protected me.

    For six years I have been saying that I have no memory, and I have lied. I have no mind memory, but my body has always had its memory.

    I don’t have actual vivid stories to recount, but I do have the physical reaction within my body’s mass, its nerves and muscles…it knows what I forgot to remember.

    For years I wasn’t pleased with my ‘cold’ body, how it chose not to get close to my parents, how it literally would feel unease in their presence, never the desire to snuggle close or lean in and get into their aurora.

    It was like I wasn’t driving this body, that this body had a life of its own…it craved things and repelled things on its own volition.

    Now with hidden truths and untold stories known, I now am supportive of this living organism that has a beautiful memory, a trusting articulate knowing and isn’t fooled by flimsy masks.

    It never pretended to pretend it always reacted accurately aligning itself to the experiences of its past.

    Me inside was always disappointed in its lack of warmth for my parents, its lack of trust and faith and its inability to recognize and feel their love.

    My body stood strong and resilient to all my longings and childish wishes…it would not give up what it knew.

    It knew my father’s imprint, my mother’s indifference…it never once changed its way, lost its courage or grace.

    It just was…

    An abused body and it knew its source.

    Its memory carried me when I was to blind to see, to wounded to know, It always has protected me…

  • Surprises Me!

    “What is so interesting is that your quilt Lady has no body and your blog is all about the body…” is an insight a woman shared with me about my Art. “I don’t think you even see what you do…”

    I was so shocked and surprised at the way this woman was able to see and understand so clearly my Lady…and I was shocked she put the two together and seen the opposite.

    My lady quilts are all about feelings but there isn’t a body or even a face to be seen on the quilts. In fact it is a challenge to create them minus actually having a body, you make the clothes move like a ghost is wearing them.

    And the blog is totally different; it is all about the body, the mind and the soul…all things missing in the quilts.

    On my way home, I was thinking about the Lady not having a body and it struck me deep within, it is how I lived for so long, just clothes. That within me lay a ghost of me, but not one that was able to express herself.

    How curious or not, that my Ladies still have no body…yet are filled with expression or feelings…free enthusiasm a woman owning her life.

    I love that my blog is the missing body from the quilts and that each stand strong alone, but become greater together, like the blog is the background story or the Lady the pictures in a book.

    How interesting to be the author and the artist and learn about your work from another.

    I love that my work surprises me!

    Smug mug pics 2522

    I can see how this quilt is the emerging awareness!

  • There I was!

     (Awakening Intuition by Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz)

     

    Maintaining the Façade.

     

    When I told you about my brush with death at Brown, I said that the feeling I had was that of my façade falling away, so that nothing stood between me and the world around me and I could sense my complete oneness with the Universe and all its beings.  This, in fact is a very common experience for people who’ve come close to death, whether through illness or accident or some other life-threatening event.  They immediately get in touch with their seventh emotional center.  They suddenly see life in a completely different way. They experience what is known as primary intensity, which means that they feel life in a particularly immediate and intense fashion.  They feel things, hear things, and see things with great clarity.  Nothing separates them from the raw energy of life around them.  No veil obscures the harsh realities of human existence or cloaks the full exhilaration of passion and creativity.  These people have no more façade.

     

    As most of us go about our day-to-day business of living, our façade protects us from the more difficult, less pleasant aspects of the world, and the human beings we share it with, such as all the constant, sometimes necessary hypocrisy that permeates human dealings.  In fact, people who lose their facades find this very difficult to bear; they can’t listen to others tell even little white lies, watch the games we play, or observe their manipulations and machinations without having a strong negative reaction.  While this sort of greater honesty might seem like a good thing, it can actually make life in some ways more difficult and painful, because it sets you apart and can make you seem irritable and antagonistic.

     

    Another consequence of not having a façade is that it also opens you up completely to intuition.  When your façade is removed, nothing stands in the way of your feeling all the world and tapping directly into the pool of intuitive knowledge.  That can be, of course, wonderful. But there’s a danger in losing your façade.  While it means that you can all at once hear or see or feel everything that’s going on, you can go too far into the vulnerable aspect of this and begin to hear everyone’s thoughts and feel everyone’s pain, even literally, in your body.  This can truly be extremely painful. 

     

    Surviving a near-death or life-threatening experience almost invariably changes people.  A woman who comes close to dying from breast cancer but is pulled back by chemotherapy and radiation is changed to a certain degree, forever. Such people commonly make a lot of external changes in their lives as a reflection of this.  They may change their jobs, their relationships, and a lot of other things.  After about four years, a degree of normality returns, some of their façade will come back and they balance their seventh emotional center somewhat better between power and vulnerability, but they never completely lose that connection with the Universe that has been revealed to them……

     

    When I read this part in her book it totally explained how I felt, how I was left standing naked against the world.  And I could literally hear, see and feel way too much.

     

    My husband said that I was like a scared rabbit when we would go out in public, and I literally felt that there was nothing to protect me.  That I could feel the negativity coming at me, the false or insincere messages silently hitting me.

     

    However, I was also extremely affected by nature and its glory, the immense beauty that seeped into me from there.

    I was literally brought to tears each day seeing the sun shining as I stepped out for my walk.

     

    To be open to the wonders of the world at the same time to feel the abrasive negative, left me forever charged, open and feeling, the best and the worst.

     

    The façade I wore for 46 years was ripped off of me in one fell swoop, and left me standing there wide open.  Now I have the explanation from a Medical person. 

     

    When I seemed overly sensitive, overly dramatic, and overly knowing, I was literally that!

     

    Somehow someone’s experience that echo’s your own, makes you feel less weird.

     

    And she is right, I have not lost the connection with the Universe, I still feel utterly connected.  I also can hear, see and feel much much more than ever before, but I have also created more self- power, and less vulnerability.

     

    My new façade or new me is so much more aware and feeling than the old me, and it has been about 4 ½ years so she is right, we do find a new normal.

     

    I am blessed to have had my façade broken for it opened my connection to the Universe, and shown me who I really was.

     

    My façade broke and there I was!