I M Perfect lady

Tag: mental-health

  • That is Me.

    I listened to a podcast, about exploring the rising trend about going No Contact with your Family.

    I have been No Contact with my family now for over 20 years, which seems almost surreal. A brother was the last contact I lost – about 10 years ago.

    It was good to hear others experiences. And, it affirmed a few things.

    One being how the old way – of respecting your parents – for their role – rather for how the relationship was between you – is over.

    The new way is now about the relationship. How do two people engage with each other. We no longer put the role before the way the relationship feels inside.

    This makes so much more sense – and I feel that both sides would gain so much – if the relationship was healthy.

    We are no longer expected to stay in toxic relationships no matter who they are with. There is a huge amount of freedom knowing you can do the No Contact route.

    Another part was when a hospice nurse spoke about parents who were dying and how they wanted the estranged child to call. The feelings the hospice nurse had was that it was about control – that the parent believed since they were dying the child would acquiesce.

    The nurse felt it was a selfish act.

    This was how I felt and it is good to be affirmed with that choice. She even said that even though the child didn’t want to speak to the dying parent, most wanted to be called upon the death.

    The nurse saying something about how terrible it would be to find out on Facebook. Which is exactly how I did.

    The podcast also showed how there are many reasons for children to have no contact with their parents and siblings. As well as parents who put up boundaries against children.

    Mostly, it is about how we feel inside when we are with our families. How they see us, hear us and understand. Just as in any relationship we have, it is best when they are healthy. When we can be ourself and be loved unconditionally.

    I think this trend of No Contact, will make better parents – ones who are less about the role they play and more about the content of their relationships. It will help them see their child as unique individuals.

    One young girl said how much better her insides feel now that she has no contact – she feels so free and happy in her life.

    That is me.

    You can listen to Oprah’s podcast to hear more.

  • Signs of Change.

    In the past 21 years I have been waiting for the sexual abuse to start coming to light. For the flood gates to open and for victims to start standing up and speaking out. For victims to rally one another and expose their abusers. (Victims in the First Apostolic Lutheran Church.)

    And, even more for those who hear the words of the victims to start hearing them.

    Not only listening but to also start taking action steps needed. To not care more for the religion or the reputation of the abuser and his family.

    But to care more about ending this systemic violence against children.

    It seems at least in the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church the darkness is being pierced by voices of victims. Older victims whose Statute of Limitations has passed – as well as those who still can press charges.

    What is so sad is that there are many decades between these girls. Decades of these abusers getting away with it. Decades of preachers knowing and doing nothing; but forgiving.

    I am hopeful the more who stand up, the many who will follow. There is more support today than there was even 21 years ago.

    So called by standers, have to stop standing by – and instead start doing whatever is possible to support the victims.

    To stop supporting the church, the preachers and even going against family if need be.

    As the victims speak out – there also needs others to be willing to listen and sit in the truth and more, be able to take actions.

    I always figured that things would happen in time. Not in my time – but for the truth to erupt when it was time.

    My heart and soul feel that the speaking up and exposing the abusers is contagious- I want it to be uncomfortable for those who do nothing.

    And for those who are willing to go up against the old paradigms to be cheered and supported.

    Twenty-one years ago began the seeds of estrangement. I was unwilling and unable to be with folks who were more comfortable in the darkness.

    I still find it hard to believe that I am the one on the outside looking in – that my family of origin has remained intact.

    While being outside of the family and without a religion, I have found inner peace, love and joy.

    It is my hope that the new victims coming forth are treated more kindly than I was. And that they have the support of many. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to be supported by your mother and siblings.

    Twenty-one years later – and somethings are showing signs of change.

    May all victims start to live their lives with artful abandon and be who they were born to be – before the abuse happened.