I M Perfect lady

Tag: monsters

  • Returns to being good.

    What a multifaceted catch 22 it is when society is asking that the children of abuse be the ones to stop it. To be the ones to name their perpetrator, to come out of their cages of captivity and walk freely with courage seems insurmountable.

    What it fails to realize is the condition of the conditioned mind and how it has programmed the child or the adult child to bow down to authority, to keep silent and suffer in silence.

    We have been taught by experiences to go it alone and to keep to ourselves our selves, to not expose or share the feelings part of us, but instead walk around with a veneer finish that covers our truths.

    We have lived mostly as the veneer and have not allowed the real self to peep through and now in order to stop the abuse we have to completely reverse this.

    The veneer has to fade to the back and what comes forth is all we have tried to keep hidden. We have to now present to the world the very thing that terrorized us.

    Imagine? We are the ones who stop the monster, we whose power they took, now have to come forward fearlessly.

    And yet, as odd as this seems, as backwards and as upside down, the very step in sharing your wounds is the very thing you need to begin building your strength and courage, it will help define who you are from the base of truth.

    To speak your truth of who you are and what happened to you, who you fear and why, are truthful utterances of your journey in life, your biography and pathology, what has made you you. You then are able to see and feel that IT isn’t you that is bad, but them. You are not the problem, they are.

    And, by having a veneer, also shows the lack of support and caring you had. It literally shows how untreated you are.

    If, you had to ‘hide’ your abuse, it shows that you lived in an abusive home. For if you lived in a loving caring home, the abuse would have been treated, you would have been lovingly cared for and nurtured and the Bad Man/Woman would have been put away as so not to harm another.

    When the bad man/woman is not put away, we are left to feel bad and actually are told to put away our wounds.

    What an odd show and tell it now requires in order to stop more generations, we have to show who the monster is and then our wounded self returns to being good.

  • Out of Control.

    The different responses to the death of a monster intrigue me and set me to wonder who in my life I needed to die?

    Whose death would bring me joy or freedom?

    Is there someone out there holding on to a part of me that is held hostage by their actions?

    No one came to mind.

    Most may think I will send up a resounding cheer upon the death of my father. But his death will be anticlimactic, for I have found my freedom and joy long before his passing.

    He is not holding on to any part of me, I am free and I don’t need him to die. I do not wait for his death.

    I heard on the radio yesterday that there are times when we have to amputate a relationship, to cut it out of our lives in order to live a whole life.

    The relationship suffered a death, I didn’t need him to die, I just needed to kill the relationship.

    I have stopped cold many relationships that impinged upon my own inner peace and wellness. I didn’t need the person to die; I just needed my relationships with them to.

    When we give them the power until death, we gain nothing.

    It is in the speaking up and taking back your life that you will find the power.

    I strongly believe that monsters need to be locked up, be made to stop hurting and killing others, but what I don’t understand is the sense of freedom and joy that rang out.

    The cheers have the markings of a monster themselves, a gleeful energy upon the death of another seems so barbaric and without reverence for the soul that was lost behind the sea of dysfunction and abuse.

    Isn’t there a saying about how we treat the least among us?

    Perhaps I have met and danced with my own inner monster and I have such compassion for the lady who stole my life and lived it out in the only way she knew coming from whence she came.

    I didn’t even cheer when she died, but I cheered when I became free from the madness inside of me.

    I cheer for inner victory.

    I cheer for being able to do this by only killing the monster inside of me, for wrestling with my shadow and winning.

    It is becoming stronger than the monster that peace will be won.

    To me we all have an inner monster to dance with and when you can succeed at winning that one, we will all live in peace and harmony.

    The seeds of a monster live within all of us and you don’t know what will make your monster come alive until you are fully engaged and out of control.