I M Perfect lady

Tag: natural

  • Hear Their Cries.

    It is that time a year when on my route, I get to see babies in nature.  The ones I particularly love, are the fawns.  They are so wobbly and tiny, and yet expected to cross the roads quickly behind their moms.  I have seen three sets this spring.

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    This little one got confused.  It did not follow the mom, and was making crying noises.  When I got between the baby and his mom, she came back across the road and stood between me and baby.  And she began making distress noises.  I drove off, letting them be in peace.  And, forgetting to get her picture.  You can tell by the size of the "For Sale" sign, how tiny it is.

    Further on the route, on a paved road, I again watched a mom cross the road, and a baby start, hesitate and then go back to the side of the road and lay down.

    So, I slowly drove up and snapped this picture.

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    This is right on the side of the pavement….I am just leaning out of my passenger window.  It can almost hide in the short grass.

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    As I am taking this picture, the mom comes back across the road, but quickly disappears in the trees. I again, leave…knowing I am causing them both stress.

    What amazes me is how attentive the mothers are in nature, and how defensive of their little ones, how they will put themselves in the way of danger to save their child. The natural mother instinct to protect, is alive and well out in the wild.

    What a marvel that without parenting classes they do this so well.  I said to the momma deer that stood and pranced in distress…."Good Mom, you are doing a good job!"

    And then there is the human species, who seem to fail at this in rising numbers.

    I am not sure if our natural mother instincts are disengaged, or do we not recognize danger?  

    In my experience, my body had a warning system fully engaged, but my mind overrode this "fear" signal.  It first of all deleted the molestation pictures or failed to even record them. So, all I had was a beeping body, but nothing else to go on.  My fears of my father seemed groundless and false.

    I was unable to discern danger…for I wanted my mind to agree. 

    As a child, in order to survive, our minds protect us. By not remembering the abuse. And this alone disengages the danger knowing.  We can't survive in childhood, with all of our faculties, IF we know, we are in danger.  Yet, oddly, what we don't feel is safe. We are not if full blown danger, but nor are we relaxed and feeling cared for.

    I have been thinking about what I could contribute to Dial Help as a hand out.  For they handed to me what was abuse.  I am thinking, instead there needs to be a worksheet, that is similar to "You know you're a Redneck, IF…."

    So, it would be, "You know you're a victim, IF…"

    The way the human body and mind work together to help us survive, is the hurdle we need to overcome in order to get back to who we were prior to abuse.

    This mechanism that is automatic, pre-sets us into believing what is not real…and not believing that which IS.

    Our inner sight and knowing is completely backwards.

    It is my belief, that there are many folks just like me in the FALC, who have this psychic blindness. And we are asking the blind to see. How?

     I am not sure I can articulate this accurately, to portray the dilemma any agency will have to flip this around, for they are living in a sea of danger and are unaware.

    The momma deer, knows I am a danger to her child.

    The woman who is married to a pedophile doesn't see the danger.

    What I do believe, though, at least in my experience…is that the child is trying to teach the parent. The child is giving out signals that the parent is missing.

    But what I also know to be true in most cases, is that the parent themselves are abused and their own pain has them so self absorbed, they can't see their children.

    They haven't healed from their own childhoods…so they don't know how to mother naturally, and to know danger.  Unlike animals in nature, we don't know who the predators are.

    And when this is so, the children are left unprotected.  It is open season all year round, and a child has no one to hear their cries.




  • My Natural State.

    What struck me as I wrote about the Unbelievers verses the Believers is that we all breathe air and we all have the same bodies, our only striking differences are what we believe, or the thoughts in our heads.

    I had just heard Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor speaking on Sirius and she made reference to the genetic similarities of humanity that I would love to share.

    (My Stroke of Insight)

    “Biological evolution generally occurs from a stat of lesser complexity to a state of greater complexity. Nature ensures her own efficiency by not reinventing the wheel with every new species she creates. Generally, once nature identifies a pattern in the genetic code that works towards the survival of the creature, like a blossom for nectar transmission, a heart to pump blood, a sweat gland to help regulate body temperature or an eyeball for vision, she tends to build that feature into future permutations of that specific code. By adding a new level of programming on top of an already well-established set of instructions, each new species contains a strong foundation of time-tested DNA sequences. This is one of the simple ways through which nature transmits the experience and wisdom bestowed by ancient life to her progeny.

    Another advantage of this type of build-on-top-of-what-already-works genetic engineering strategy is that very small manipulations of the genetic sequencing can result in major revolutionary transformations. In our genetic profile, believe it or not, scientific evidence indicates that we humans share 99.4% of our total DNA sequences with the chimpazee.

    This does not mean, of course, that humans are direct descendants from our tree-swinging friends, but it does emphasize that the genius of our molecular code is supported by eons of nature’s greatest evolutionary effort. Our human code was not a random act, at least not in its entirety, but rather is better construed as nature’s ever-evolving quest for a body of genetic perfection.

    As members of the same human species, you and I share all but 0.01% (1/100th of 1%) of identical genetic sequences. So biologically, as a species, you and I are virtually identical to one another at the level of our genes (99.9%). Looking around at the diversity within our human race, it is obvious that 0.01% accounts for a significant difference in how we look, think and behave.
    Dr. Jill

    What I find so interesting is that we are so alike yet so different in our responses to life, and what we are taught to believe makes a huge difference in how we live.

    Our bodies have similar genetic make up, yet how these bodies experience life is much more dictated by who raised us and their personal beliefs.

    It is very interesting to me to learn about why you live life the way you live it. I always say, I am perfect coming from whence I came. I simply couldn’t have known no better, being taught what I was taught, either by word or deed.

    I am a perfect rendition of a person who traveled as I traveled.

    What I awoke to in December 2004 was the realization that I had no independent beliefs or even person.

    I thought as one part of a big mind controlled religion, my mind wasn’t mine to own.

    What actually woke up in that moment was the awareness of how little of me was actually mine.

    I told my brother today, all I owned in that moment was my breath.

    All the rest seemed to be tainted from the abuse or the religion, there wasn’t a part of me that was free, but my breath.

    I stayed with my breath. I trusted nature and walked with it, seeking its natural independence. Nature became my teacher in learning how to be me.

    Slowly I am returning to my natural state.

  • Hand and Hand.

    All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

    Somehow I missed the melancholy of change, the loss, the death of one life, in order to be in a new life.

    And felt that I was doing change wrong, for I was sad as I changed.

    Leaving behind myself I had known for 46 years, I grieved losing that part of me, as I embraced a change that would become the new me.

    In the case of divorcing my parents, I had to the let the daughter in me die. There now stands a hole where daughter use to be.

    My daughter role is no more.

    You forget to remember the old you is gone, like a phantom limb it takes awhile to feel the new normal, and there is a grieving period, where sorrow can arise in odd places, unannounced sadness pours out.

    That view of self is unrecognizable for a while, you feel strange to yourself inside, and your movements are awkward for you don’t really know what it is the new you will do.

    Even when change is for the better, for a healthier you, you still have to let go and let die the old you.
    For some reason I kept forcing my thoughts to look towards the good things, and felt like I was a failure when I looked back and grieved.

    Now I know that grieving is a natural part of change.

    And with the overwhelming amount of change I have experienced in the last 5, well almost 6 years, it is no wonder that there has been lots to grieve.

    Who knew change and grieving go hand and hand…

  • 100% Natural

    In the meaning of psychic blindness, “failed to appreciate” is the key point; failing to notice, but more importantly failing to feel, the failure to properly see and feel what is really there.

     

    Those incidents are the time travelers waiting to be noticed and appreciated for their true value.

     

    Riding along hidden from view, suppressed.

     

    I don’t really know about being hypnotized, and being brought backwards subconsciously, but somehow my last few days feel like one long session with the hypnotist.

     

    Yet there is no on else with me, it is my body doing yoga and the affects are being felt inside and brought to surface to be ‘appreciated’.

     

    I am not sure what it means to detoxify a body, what is toxic and how you go about getting it out, but I am feeling that I am doing just that.

     

    And they don’t just go out without me feeling them and appreciating their meanings, their value and significance to me back at that time, a regression of sorts it seems to me.

     

    As a friend is doing this yoga to release chemo drugs, I am getting released from the toxic emotions of abuse.  It almost seems that if they didn’t get released the natural progression is a body in dis ease.

     

    Yoga being used as the instrument in detoxifying this body is simply amazing.  There are no additives, no drugs, it is just me, the mat and Bikram’s voice bending and twisting this body to rid itself of the toxics that have kept me from being 100% natural.

     

    The psychic body, physical body and the abused mind are all being corrected, one posture at a time. The deeper you go into the postures, the more you do the yoga, the more natural you will become.

     

    It is my goal to be 100% natural. 

     

    (day 73)

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Do you know abnormal?

    Thanksgiving is right around the corner and what comes to mind are all the families gathering, and what seems to happen to those of us who are estranged, we feel somewhat stranger than normal.

     

    While most seem to put aside their petty differences, those of us who have major differences are left without an option.

     

    Family squabbles can be hushed for this special day, a joining of hands and hearts, all gathering to give thanks, “for all that we have and that we are all here together”.

     

    Raising us up to a false sense of okay, allowing us to focus on what was working and letting our differences sit on the sides.

     

    As my mother prayed for us to be together and her thanks in gratitude for what she had, she painted a nice picture, and we all helped her paint with our silence and not challenging her ways.

     

    I heard Elizabeth Lesser speak today about normal families, and how she heard that “normal means someone you don’t know well”.

     

    Normal is the picture of the surface; normal is the front that is shown to those we don’t know that well.

     

    So if you like I seem to feel left out of ‘normal’ there is no normal out there!

     

    Each family has its own squabbles, things that can’t be discussed or mentioned.

     

    Now that I have spoken up in my family and mentioned the unmentionables, I see more "not" normal families.

     

    It gives the matriarch of the family peace as she prays to keep her family together, for her children to get along, that there be peace and love, if only from her dreamlike view.

     

    I have spoken to a few children who are unwilling to break their mothers hearts/dreams by mentioning the unmentionable.

     

    Does silence make a family normal? 

     

    Or is it more normal to be not normal!

     

    Silence allows the unmentionables to go unspoken, unacknowledged, but silence doesn’t make them disappear.

     

    In fact their crimes seem to multiply over the years, the pile growing larger spreading beneath the prayers.

     

    What is normal?  

     

        usual: conforming to the usual standard, type, or custom

    – healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally health

    – occurring naturally: maintained or occurring in a natural state

     

    How many natural state families are there?  What is the standard we are to adhere to?

     

    I am thinking ‘normal’ is like perfection, it is a pipe dream, a heaven to aspire to, but impossible to attain, and it mostly leaves you feeling left out and inept at being able to pull it off.

     

    I had to look at the opposite of normal, abnormal.

     

    -not normal, average, typical, or usual; deviating from a standard.

     

    I am not sure I have met one family yet that occurred in a natural state.

     

    I have admired the mamma duck waddle with her fuzzy yellow baby ducks wiggling behind her, quickly leading them away from me (danger).  I marveled at the way she intuitively did this.

     

    What happens in human families? 

     

    How do we get so far off course, where danger lives within our homes, where millions of little girls fall victim to abuse by the hands of their fathers, while their mother prays, “Let’s thank God, for all that we have and that we are all together.”

     

    Abnormal to me are families where silence allows unmentionables to be, where we are taught not to mention the unmentionables, to live in a false place called normal.

     

    Abnormal erodes away the normal children, until they too become abnormal.

     

    How confusing this all gets, to strive to reach a natural state of occurring when abuse seemed more natural than real natural? 

     

    What if we didn’t have a normal spot to stand on, or an island of peace, a section of comfort, and a zone where we could sort out the natural from the natural abnormal?

     

    It seems I was given natural unnatural love. 

     

    My unnatural attention hurt, yet I had to tell myself it was for my own good, that I deserved the hollering for mentioning the unmentionables, for not keeping the family balanced in an unbalanced way.

     

    The cross-eyed way we had to look, while trying to pull off natural!

     

    Normal is abnormal or so it seems to me.

     

    Look around and listen to the undercurrents in families, the pretense and ‘don’t go there’ sentences attached to buttons that will implode and expose the ‘normal’ in the abnormal.

     

    Unless you have been raised in a normal abnormal home, in a state where abnormal occurred always, you will not get this whole post.

     

    My normal was abnormal and even trying to get back to normal would be abnormal, for how can someone who was raised abnormal ever be normal again.

     

    Is there a rebirth? 

    Is there a moment where you get to be a virgin to normal?

    Can you tell your natural state when it occurs?

     

    Maybe more important, do you know abnormal?