I M Perfect lady

Tag: night terrors

  • Movement Against Fear Is Empowering

    I awoke from another profound dream and realized that my subconsciousness is healing.

     

    In the dream I am watching/babysitting an elderly couple, both are in bed, but not the same one, each are bickering to each other, clearly at odds.

     

    I am then sitting in a living room that has a glass wall where I can still see them, and I am reading, when suddenly the man is upon me, groping me, with no longer feeble hands, but very strong.  The woman remains sleeping, unaware.

     

    I am able to get free from his grasp and dial 9-1-1 on my phone, while he continues to pursue, and is now very angry with me for calling for help, and seems desperate to get me before ‘help’ arrives.  He also has picked up an object with which to hurt me.

     

    I put objects in his pathway as I am leaving the house, scrambling and telling 9-1-1 the house number of where he is, which angers him more. 

     

    Then I am in my car and the car is slow to start, but does and he is almost to the door handle… and I take off, leaving him grasping at air instead of the door handle of the car.

     

    I escape, successfully and have informed authorities, dream over. 

     

    I awake with a great understanding of what Peter Levine was talking about. 

     

    In the past this I have had a multitude of cat and mouse scenarios played out in my dreams and the dream always ended with me being caught, the end.

     

    Caught and frozen, just the dream ending and me waking up thankful IT being a dream so ‘nothing’ happened and I were saved. 

     

    Saved only because it was a dream, a scary dream or nightmare and I awoke.

     

    In my dream last night, it was the first time I was able to get away and to take the correct moves to do so, instead of freezing.

     

    Freezing and escaping from the scene by going into a dreamland in my mind, “disassociate” or waking up and it is a dream was all I had in the past.

     

    I had no way to escape in reality…until now.

     

    Boundaries, barriers, putting up a fight, standing up are all things a little child doesn’t have.

     

    It is those very items I am reclaiming and my subconscious mind is showing me in a dream I am succeeding.

     

    I awoke from that dream feeling as a heroine and not a victim.

     

    Moveable and not frozen, clearly seeing the cycle of caught and getting free, being restricted and getting away, instead of just knowing one side, frozen.  Frozen in fear.

     

    The freedom to move makes all the difference in the world.

     

    Movement against fear is empowering.

  • Hold Our Stories

    Before I discovered that my father was a pedophile, I had night terrors, where I would wake up FROZEN in terror.  I literally could not move my arms, or even one finger tip, I was flattened onto the bed, exposed, heart racing and almost unable to breathe, there seemed to be a heavy air in the room permeated with fear.

     

    These occurred regularly, but not nightly, and I had no idea what made them happen.

     

    When I was awoken in this state of terror, I knew if I could move one arm or finger and touch my husbands back, I would be okay, but I was literally paralyzed.

     

    It was in the middle of the night, that suddenly I was wide awake, on very high alert, frozen in terror, not knowing if ‘something’ was in the room to fear, or was it dream.  It would catch me unaware.

     

    Maybe it was my body showing me what lay underneath, how it feels to lose the options of fight or flight.

     

    What I find really fascinating is that these night terrors have literally disappeared, I have not had one single one since the day I discovered that the fear I had of my father was justified.

     

    How utterly remarkable the body is in how it maintains this information and how it expresses it perfectly until you get it.

     

    Until you fully understand the journey you both have been on.  For up and until then, my body was the only one who knew, my awareness understood terror, I just didn’t understand the source.

     

    I am in great awe of the wonderful tool we all have to use to navigate our journey of life.

     

    Our bodies hold our stories.