I M Perfect lady

Tag: other

  • With a body or without!

    Spiritual Education
    “Fortunate is the seeker who has not been led away from the straight and narrow path by diversions and popularized attractions. People spend lifetimes searching for authentic teachings and become sidetracked by the seduction of attractive, glamorized aberrations from truth. These turn out to be fictional or romanticized fantasies that attract the naïve person’s inner child. Spiritual fairy tales abound and impress the credulous for whom anything labeled ‘spiritual’ is imbued with a magical glamour. To go through that stage is routine during initial, uncritical enthusiasm and exploration.”

    “ The primary problem initially is the lack of awareness of the difference between the truly spiritual reality and the astral, paranormal, or supernatural domains. To the naïve, these latter alternatives seem amazing and impressive. This is due to the discovery that there are surprisingly more areas of human experience that the strictly physical, emotional, and mental ones. Consequently, a ‘right-on’ psychic reading is indeed impressive to an erstwhile, naïve seeker or novitiate. It is also easy to become sidetracked by the seemingly astonishing wonder of a whole new dimension of possible realities.”

    “The majority of popular best-selling, supposedly spiritual books is actually fictional, and their average level of truth is a calibrated level 190, as are slick appearing ‘spiritual’ magazines that glamorize fallacious fantasies of ‘other dimensions’, and so on. The paradox is that the appeal is to the naïve seeker who has not yet mastered this dimension, much less other fanciful ones.”

    “There are, of course, other dimensions and ultimate realities that are well represented by adepts, trance readers, channelers, psychics, clairvoyants, shamans, magicians, ‘masters’, deceased celebrities, erstwhile astrologers, throwers of Rune stones, and more. To add to the glamour, many of these diversions have large collections of faithful followers and enthusiasts who are impressed and thereby influenced, as well as seduced, by the magical notion of the unseen paranormal. Also popular are ‘ancient secret mysteries’, UFO religions, primitive rites, magic symbols, crystals, incantations, energy manipulation, and spirits from other realms.”

    “Classical spiritual traditions and integrous scripture do not refute the supernatural/paranormal, but warn “not to go there”. The same advice is also prescribed by all true spiritual masters and enlightened teachers. By conscious calibration research, all such ‘entities’ on the ‘other side’ can be calibrated, as well as ‘fallen gurus’ from other eras who succumbed to the illusory gain of power over others by spiritual seduction. (See Lewis, 2001; Partridge, 2003)”

    “The so-called ‘astral circus’ was at its most influential in ancient Mesopotamia. The expertise of the adepts, many of who are still the same as they were in that era, have perfected their skills over long periods of earthly time. Like an experienced expert salesman, they intuitively pick up on a vulnerability or a weakness, especially proneness to glamorization. If such entities were indeed what they claim to be, they would have long ago evolved on to the celestial realms.”

    “There is no lack of integrous, reliable spiritual truth accessible by ordinary means. Thus, the seeking of the extraordinary is a trap for the unwary. An ego that is ‘out of body’ is actually just the same as an ego in a body, except that it now has the mystification of being physically elusive. Exploration of other dimensions can be facilitated and learned by induced and altered states of consciousness. The primary temptation is one of child-like curiosity. On the other hand, there are some entities on the ‘other side’ that calibrate over 200 but they do not have any information that is not available by ordinary means (e.g., be kind to your neighbor).”

    “Supranormal qualities arise as an experiential reality when consciousness levels reach the high 500s as a consequence of the rising kundalini spiritual energy field. These phenomena, classically termed siddhis, are the normal expression of consciousness levels that are beyond linear. The student is advised to be aware that they are not personal and to merely witness the phenomena. By so doing, it will be evident that the phenomena are qualities specific to the spiritual energy itself; they are not personal because they are not controllable by the person. The phenomena, on the other hand, can be impressive as one witnesses the seemingly miraculous events unfold effortlessly. The reason they appear to be miraculous is because of their being witnessed by the linear mind with is limited perception of cause and effect. The unfolding of the seeming miraculous is merely ‘normal’ from a higher perspective.”

    “These paranormal spiritual phenomena are described by mystics and saints of various religious denominations and have been reported throughout the ages. By calibration, ‘sainthood’ represents level 570 and above. The siddhis are indeed somewhat wondrous to behold, and the spiritual energy field may, of its own, transmit to other people so that healings take place in accord with karmic propensities. The ‘miraculous’ is thus not volitional or controllable, nor is it the consequence of any person; thus, there is no ‘person’ who performs miracles. It is instead the consequence of the healing power of the Self.”

    “The siddhis arise of their own and bring about the capacity for psychomentry, clairvoyance, clairaudience, distant vision, and other telepathic types of faculties. They are also unpredictable and evanescent. Some come and go over variable periods of time that may last from weeks to months to a number of years. With forewarning, the student who witnesses and experiences these phenomena can easily dismiss the temptation of ownership and its implied specialness. Integrity and humility preclude claiming ownership of the phenomena and thus being trapped by an illusion. The siddhis are discussed at some length in “Transcending the Levels of Consciousness.”

    David Hawkins – Discovery of the Presence of God

    What I found so disheartening, is that the naïve seeker can fall for the same foolery from the ‘other side’ as well as they can from this side.

    Now, I have no experience of ‘fallen gurus’ from the other side, but I have witnessed the fallen gurus on this side, preying upon the weak and confused, making them more weak and confused.
    I love the line from the Buddha, who says, “If you see a guru along the way, kill him.” Meaning follow no one but your own inner knowing, your own emotional feelings, to set your own compass, to question all things, to seek to be curious, to ask the questions, to look above and below, to be like a child and accept nothing without a question of Why!!!!

    Isn’t it chilling that there are fallen gurus on the other side looking for egos in bodies to gain power over??? Again, whether this is the ultimate truth, I can’t say from experience, but somehow it feels correct.

    Any guru worth his salt will let you keep your own truth, be he with a body or without!

  • I see me

    “Tolerance is another word for indifference.” William Somerset Maugham

    I am not sure you can have tolerance unless you are indifferent.

    Indifferent – without care or interest: showing no care or concern for or interest in somebody or something.

    I am looking at abuse and addictions from the point of the person who is on the receiving end.

    Usually abuse is looked at from the point of the abuser or addictions from the point of the substance.

    We forget to look closely at the person who is getting abused and why they have the tolerance or seem indifferent to the blows and words that are hitting them; it is because they are without care or interest for their self.

    They are indifferent to their own life.

    They show no care or concern for or interest in their own life.

    My question is when did they become so careless?
    When did they let them selves go?
    What happened that they no longer care?

    What I can know in my life is that I don’t even recall a self; I was too little to know I had a self to hang on to, to care about and to care for, and it was gone.

    My self was gone before I even had a chance to know it and know that there was something to protect.

    When a child is raised in an environment where the adults are indifferent to the child’s needs, we then become indifferent to them ourselves.

    Imagine, parents who are indifferent, without care or interest: showing no care or concern for or interest in somebody or something…and that somebody is you.

    We learn indifference.

    How they treat us is how we treat ourselves.

    We learn how to not care or show interest in our selves.

    In fact in order to survive, it is best to not have a self.

    For a self would feel their indifference and we don’t want to feel their indifference.

    It is easier to be without a self, to live in a pretend space, making believe that they care and the only way you can believe that story is to be separated from your self.

    To deny your body, deny your feelings, to not be connected to the self.

    A self who is not there will not feel their indifference…but lke the old saying goes, “If a tree falls and no one is in the forest to hear it, does it still make a noise?”

    In the same manner, if a child isn’t there to feel the indifference, does the indifference still happen?

    If a self is unaware does the indifference still affect them?

    When you are indifferent how can you know indifference?

    I don’t know what was more shocking their indifferences or me not caring for me, for me to see the lack of interest in my own life and wellbeing.

    I was indifferent to my whole life…and had to bring me back to my world, to undo the indifferences and learn how to care.

    In caring I found me.

    I am no longer indifferent… I see me.

  • Until she can find her own.

    The hardest part of being a mom is when your child takes an exit that you didn’t see coming and they seem to disappear from the usual landscape and it leaves you separated.

    And I am not even sure what exit she took, where she is or what her intentions are, just that she has left the lane of what was and is now heading down a road that neither of us are familiar with.

    As I continue to travel down my regular road, off to the side is this other lane of unfamiliar nagging at me, this road from my view is full of potholes and hairpin curves with disappearing drop-offs and my daughter seems blind to all its hazards.

    I am not certain if she is at a wayside unsure or if she is going forward with a full head of steam.

    I am not even sure what is making me uneasier, her being on that road or not knowing if she is sitting down in wonder or going further into its complicated bends.

    Our voices have been silenced. But all that seems to be happening now is a silent movie, where the drama continues, but I can’t hear the words.

    The not knowing is far worse, I believe than knowing.

    In the knowing, I know and can deal.

    It is like her life has slipped from my view.

    This almost seems like the far end of a spectrum, one being you are doing too much in a child’s life, overtaking it and this is the complete opposite, where you are completely taken out.

    In the middle of the spectrum are two people who allow the other their lives, we share and explore and understand their individual journeys.

    I am wondering how to hook our roads back up, how to join them together in a way that honors and gives space, in a way that respects our differences, but allows us to trust each other.

    Is there a way two people can be together on two different roads?

    As women we have lots in common and I am sure it is harder when I have more experience and I have been her superior as her mother for all these years, but is there a bridge that we can stand upon and share our views?

    I will have to let go of my fears and my ‘know it all’ attitude and let her show me the landscape of her new world, I will have to be a visitor to a foreign land.

    It truly feels like two distinct worlds.

    Yet I believe and feel that I have traveled the world she is going into, so it isn’t that foreign to me, perhaps it is only new and exciting to her, she is the foreigner not I.

    What is so perplexing is that you never leave reality, this is an inward journey, you are traveling away from your essential self.

    Away from your morals, your values, your worth, your self esteem, your dreams, your passions, your soul. Into a world of secrets, lies and deceit…heading towards a self that is unfamiliar, foreign.

    It is the road to no you.

    You are being lured down this road by a friendly face that is the façade of negative energies, manipulating you with false promises and pretty lies.

    If she were to travel this road alone, He would be her only guide.

    What I want is to walk with the two of them and give the real story, like Paul Harvey’s ‘the rest of the story’.

    Yet he knows and perhaps she knows too, that I will be the story wrecker, I will unveil the pretty lies and unravel the promises and make them as they are empty.

    So what scares me the most is that my familiar voice will be drowned out by his, that she will tune me out and turn a deaf ear to my words and cling to his.

    Her life in its innocence doesn’t have a voice of her own.

    I am sure she feels the pull between him and I, both of us wanting her. And what I want the most is for her to have a separate voice from both of us, but I don’t feel she has one for her self as yet. I see her as a girl who confused and twisted and wants to have love and attention but it comes with such a price tag, her self worth.

    I can almost understand the twist between what he says and how she feels.

    His promise land is a secret place and it can’t reach the light of day.

    In order for her to travel down his road, she lies to me.

    What I want most is for the lies to stop.

    Lies to herself and lies to me, both are taking a toll on her.

    It is so telling to see what lies can do to your spirit, you can literally see her growing darker.

    The truth will set your Spirit free!

    The two roads I see in my minds eye is the road of lies and the road of truth. One road darkens and leads you away from self and the other will support and Lighten who you are.

    You wonder what makes some travel into the darkness and what makes others travel towards the Light. What decides this and can they make a U-Turn?

    I will do as any good mother or women who see another descending into the darkness will do. I will give her my voice until she can find her own.

  • The Door is Open.

    I listened today to a mother and daughter speaking about a time in their lives where the daughter wanted her freedom to do drugs and the mother wanted her daughter to stop using drugs.

    These opposing desires had them in a battle of the wills.

    Until the mother realized she couldn’t do this anymore and she let her go, allowing her to leave the rehab and set out on her own. She believed that in three weeks the daughter would be back home.

    Three years passed while the daughter went deeper into the drug world, selling her body to buy drugs, being homeless, until she almost died and had a near death experience, did she realize doing drugs wasn’t a good thing.

    What caught my attention was that no matter what the disagreement is, until you both agree, there will be a battle of wills.

    This battle of wills seems to make each person dig deeper and find reasons for their side and tearing up the relationship with each fight.

    I can’t even begin to imagine letting a daughter go to sink deeper into the drug addiction, but I can also see the struggle to keep her out, when everything inside of her screams for drugs and the freedom to do what it is she pleases.

    However, the mother did not allow this behavior to ruin her home; the daughter and her drug habit left her house.

    This exchange I heard this afternoon, shown me that what my daughter and I are going through is mild in a sense, and that the freedom I have given her to make up her own mind is a good thing.

    That she gets to decide what is good for her self.

    While I know my perspective is clear and she knows it, she now has to decide what is good for her, her life, and her future.

    Letting me down is the smallest of affects, for she will have to live with the choices fully just as the daughter who lived with all the things that come with the drugs, my daughter will have to live with all the things that come with a married man; the three kids, and ex-wife and the very beginnings of a divorce.

    My life, my home, my inner peace and happiness are separated.

    I will ‘think’ of her, but not experience her life, she will do that, she will feel the affects of all that comes with this man she has feelings for, he comes with a ton of baggage, all of which will spill into their relationship, but I will not feel it, she will.

    I am willing to let her go.

    Time will tell if the pull to go is strong enough to make her leave…there will be no battle of the wills. The door is open.

    “A woman convinced against her will is of the same opinion still.”

  • My grasp on Reality.

    “People Show you who they are, Believe them,” is a quote by Maya Angelou.

    I thought this was what my daughter needed to hear, when in fact I was talking to myself.

    I awoke to an eerie phone glow coming from the top bunk in the early morning hours, a signature sign that she is still engaged in ‘other woman’ activities.

    “They show you…” screamed out loud in my head.

    I have been twisting and turning this around and around like a rubics cube, trying to get her in one color.

    Who is being betrayed, who is cheating, who is getting lied to and who is doing the lying, what is reality and what is not, and why am I even involved again?

    Whose business is this, whose lesson, what is mine to see and be with and what is hers?

    The intricacies of this are not just plain white, there is a path, a beginning a middle and a predicted future (end).

    What am I failing to see?

    There still seems to be a juxtaposition between ‘other woman and girl in top bunk, but I have to go with reality, so other woman she now is.

    Failing to see this is to go against what is.

    No matter how she arrived at this job, she is fully working it.

    My mother’s greatest failings was not seeing my innocence fade, not seeing the changes that took place in my world, not walking with me as I stumbled affected on the other side.

    While my daughter has been pleading for me to see her an equal, I failed.

    I failed to see her dancing step-to-step, cheek-to-cheek and ear-to-ear, she is now his equal.

    My mother didn’t see my innocence in the act of abuse, but she also didn’t see the affects the abuse had on me.

    It is like she missed the whole thing, like it never happened.

    I wondered who my daughter has been truthful to all along, who she did not have to lie to, hide from or sneak out with, and it is him.

    Her and him have always been wide open, with each other, she has only changed in her previous relations.

    They still are together while she lies.

    Lies to me, in a letter that she wants to change. It is a lie.

    Here I somehow had this flipped around that she was lying to her self, making her self lower etc, when in fact what she is really changing is our relationship.

    She brought in lies, she lowered the level between us.

    It is now up to me to believe or not believe, to see or not see, to hear or not hear, to learn who she is.

    I can see now why parents feel betrayed, for the child lies.

    Why do they have to lie?

    Who are they trying to not hurt and why?

    Why does there have to be hurt and lying?

    I get so confused in this.

    When do people lie and why?

    Why can’t we just do what it is we are doing?

    Why must we stoop to keep it a secret?

    What are secrets and what is there purpose?

    Are there good secrets and bad?

    If we have a secret is it a lie about ourselves?

    Are we with holding a part of ourselves?

    And from whom?

    Is it possible that we are many people to many, or are we just one to all?

    My view of my daughter isn’t sitting at peace in reality.

    She lied to me and is now changing within our relationship? We started out as one thing and now it is turning different from the abuse.

    She is no longer the girl she was.

    She is different.

    When she changes do I have to?

    What do I do with her changing within our relationship, with her lies and odd behaviors?

    What is my response to this?

    I am not able to forbid it, but what do I do with it in my hands?

    In my hands is a daughter that lies.

    Yet what is the lie?

    Is she lying or am I?

    Did I lie to myself believing her words?

    Did I lie to myself when I didn’t want to fully embrace her new role with a married man? Did I lie to myself that she was innocent? When did I start lying too?

    It seems like this affair has us all liars.

    He lies to his wife, she lies to us, we lie to ourselves, why?

    To make it seem okay?

    To agree?

    To support?

    I want to know why I am lying?

    Maybe it feels better to lie, I feel in control, I feel less pain; it feels better to lie than it does to feel the relationship being changed.

    Lies are misleading statements.

    Liar is a deceiver.

    I still do not get why our relationship, the one between her and I has to change with this, I don’t get it.

    Why does she lie to me?

    Why does she try hard to act the same while acting different? Isn’t that what I am doing. Acting like nothing changed between us when it did.

    When I was lost before, when I couldn’t seem to find my way, I clung to reality, clung to actions, and they always showed me who they were, where their minds were, what their thoughts were thinking…

    What I can safely say today, is that her mind, thoughts, feelings and actions are with him.

    And the girl I knew is gone, my images, my view, my experience, my feelings of her have all changed.

    She lied…she wasn’t with him, but now she is, so is she still lying or am I?

    Am I lying that she doesn’t want to be there?

    Is lying a deal breaker?

    Is that her only offense?

    If our hearts and home are open, shouldn’t he be allowed in, can’t we get them out of the cell phones and into reality?

    Open house, open mind, open heart, open door; bring him in to the house in the light of day.

    Can I do this? Can he? Can she? Can We?
    Do we slowly pull this into reality, making it okay.

    What isn’t okay?

    Married man and single girl, I just can’t make that okay, it seems there is a law and morals and values in-between, and do I overlook that?

    How does this fit in our lifestyle within our home?

    Can we bring in this in and become accustomed to it?

    Over time does it fade and blend and not stick out so bad?

    Who will have to change to bring this in?

    Her or my husband and I?

    What an interesting social experiment, I just wish it wasn’t my daughter’s life and mine and my husbands.

    I can see the dynamics, the way the rubics cube works, trying to make one color, one family, one value, one moral, one reality and how it is impossible to fit.

    One of us will lose, the one not in reality.

    Reality wins only but 100% of the time.
    In my experience, there is a bunch of folks living in a land one step removed from reality, and it is I, the lover of reality, the seeker of the truth, that gets left off to one side… me and reality.

    I either gain the world or lose my grasp on reality…

  • How can you lead your life if you follow?

    When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. 

     ~Victor Frankl

     

    The more dramatic of a change you make, it shows just how far off base you were to begin with, and how far apart you were living from your own truth.

     

    I remember writing, “I was so lost, and that I was going to go find myself, I didn’t know who I was or even that I was missing.”

     

    That is how far off base I was, I literally had no idea who I was or even where to start looking for me, nor how to recognize me in my life.

     

    I had so many ideals and beliefs that I followed that had nothing to do with my own experiences. 

     

    I marvel now at how I lived so lost onto myself, but so found in other’s lives, how I disappeared without another.

     

    When you find yourself unable to move unless it is in tandem with another, there is a great possibility you have lost yourself and you don’t even know you are missing!

     

    What is even scarier is to find the persons you have ridden tandem with are frauds, then what?

     

    I was terrified standing there naked without a life of my own.

     

    Dumped off due to the truth that came crashing in, I was left to reconstruct myself at 46.

     

    It was freeing and terrifying at the same time.

     

    I was finally able to make my own choice, and each and every new one I formed, was a layer of the new me.

     

    Little by little, situation by situation, day by day a new me began to emerge. 

     

    I marvel now at the width and breath of life I lived without being aware that I wasn’t there.

     

    No voice, no feelings, no emotions, no awareness of me.

     

    Incredible to live a life without a self!

     

    You literally can live blind and deaf, for you just simply follow.

     

    How can you lead your life if you follow?