Tag: others

  • Inner Level of Truth

    While I thought that we all see life from different angles, I had thought it was from the level of our experience, but it may be more from the level of our awareness. 

    David Hawkins writes a neat example of how we see the world.  

    "Imagine a "bum" on a street corner: In an upscale neighborhood stands an old man in tattered clothes, alone and leaning against the corner of an elegant brownstone. Look at him from the perspective of various levels of consciousness, and note the inconsistency in how he appears to different people and viewpoints.

    "From the bottom of the scale, at a level of 20, (Shame), the bum is seen to be dirty, disgusting, and disgraceful.  

    From the level 30 (Guilt) he'd be blamed for his condition: He deserves what he gets; he's probably a lazy welfare cheat.

    At the level 50 (Hopelessness), his plight would appear desperate, a damning piece of evidence to prove that society can't do anything about homelessness.

    At the level 75 (Grief), the old man looks tragic, friendless, and forlorn.

    At a Conscious level of 100 (Fear), we might see the bum as threatening, a social menace; perhaps we should call the police before he commits some crime.

    At 125 (Desire), he represents a frustrating problem – why doesn't somebody do something.

    At 150 (Anger), the old man might look like he could be violent; or, on the other hand, one could be furious that such horrible conditions exist in our country today.

    At 175 (Pride) he could be seen as an embarrassment or as lacking the self-respect to better  himself.

    At 200 (Courage), we might be motivated to wonder if there is a local homeless shelter – all he needs is a job and a place to live.

    At 250 (Neutrality), the bum looks okay, maybe even interesting.  "Live and let Live," we might say – after all, he's not hurting anyone.

    At 310 (Willingness), we might decide to go down and see what we can do to cheer up that fellow on the corner; maybe we'd be motivated to volunteer some time at the local shelter.

    At 350 (Acceptance), the man on the corner appears intriguing; He probably has an interesting story to tell; he's where he is for reasons we may never understand. 

    At 400 (Reason), he's a symptom of the current economic and social malaise, or perhaps a good subject for in-depth psychological study.

    At the higher levels, the old man begins to look not only interesting, but friendly – and then lovable. Perhaps we'd then be able to see that he was, in fact, one who had transcended social limits and gone free a joyful old guy with the wisdom of age in his face and the serenity that comes from indifference to material things.

    At 600 (Peace) he's revealed as our own self in a temporary expression.

    When approached, the bum's response to these different levels of consciousness would vary with them.  With some, he'd feel secure – with others, frightened or dejected.  Some would make him angry, others would delight him; some he'd avoid, others he'd greet with pleasure.   (And so it's said that we meet what we mirror.)

    So much for the manner in which our level of consciousness – that is, the world we encounter as passive observers – decides what we see. It's true that we'll react to things in a fashion predicated by the level that we perceive them from, that is to say, external events may define conditions, but they don't determine the conscious level of human response.  " David Hawkins

    What I failed to take into consideration, along with the truth, is that we all see what we see depending upon our level of awareness.  It isn't so much that the truth has different shades, but that we do.

    We have darker shades of viewing life and you see how you feel or by your level of being.

    I have learned that who I am to others, way depends on how they see themselves…and really their total understanding not only of self, but life and the Universe too.

    I have felt many differing viewpoints of me…and how I was so wrongly perceived. 

    Just as this bum, I am a lady and they bring their own definition of me to me, and it is colored by their own self awareness.  The lower the level, the worse of a person I become.

    This has freed me to be me…and to make choices based on what I felt was the best for my soul.

    What is also interesting, or at least it bears noting.  It seems that the choices that are good for the soul, are not so good for the pride/ego person.  

    My old choices that helped me thrive in the lower levels are now extremely unappetizing to me now.  It is like you lose the taste for old habits…the magnetism loses its attraction to you

    What is also very cool, is that no one but you can change the level of your consciousness, its energy field is derived by your thought patterns and beliefs.  What you believe…is your level of consciousness.  

    David Hawkins writes about making a leap in awareness.

    "On our scale of consciousness, there are two critical points that allow for major advancement.  The first is at 200, the initial level of empowerment; Here, the willingness to stop blaming and accept responsibility for one's own actions, feelings, and beliefs arises – as long as cause and responsibility are projected outside of oneself, one will remain in the powerless mode of victimhood. The second is at the 500 level, which is reached by accepting love and nonjudgmental forgiveness as a lifestyle, excercising unconditional kindnes to all persons, things and events without exception.  (In 12-step recovery groups, it's said that there are no justified resentments -even if somebody "did you wrong." you're still free to choose your response and let resentment go.)  Once one makes this commitment, he begins to experience a different, more benign world as his perceptions evolve."  David

    Beauty indeed is in the eye of the beholder…You simply can't see that which you are not aware of within you…the less of your self you know and undertand, the less of me you understand and know.

    The more I have learned about me, the broader I view the world…the world is seen from our inner level of truth.

  • To Be Fearless.

    Inside of me resides the shadows of a very mental woman; she lurks in the background of my life.  I have worked very hard to keep her back there and not let her come roaring to the front wreaking all havoc.

     

    When my children make choices that are not my choices, or what I would like for them, she is BEGGING loudly to get involved.

     

    She would love nothing more than to toss a few choice words around, belittle, berate, and demean them.  She loves to rant and rave and direct others to do things to make her happy or feel safe or right or in control… she is the queen of all bitches.

     

    My mind gets crammed full of what her desires are, she eclipses my present moment like a very dark cloud, her wants and desires are mostly her fears and they rain down within me.

     

    I have to wrestle inside of me to shut her up.  To not weaken and let her have her way in my world, for when she does, it doesn’t come out sounding sweet nor does it fall gently upon my children.

     

    For almost 7 years now, I have fought to gain a foothold in front of her, to shut my mouth and keep her inside, to face my fears of abandonment alone, to not let escape even one sentence of hers.

     

    If she speaks, it is only to control others for her own happiness; she steals their lives and makes them her own.

     

    My hardest walk ever is to be silent, to give my viewpoint and then let go.  To release each and every person, related or not, into their lives, no matter how their choices make me feel.

     

    If my happiness is found by their choices, I am dependent upon them for my happiness.

     

    It can’t matter a bit if I am sad, devastated, lonely, or unhappy.  My state of being is about me, not them.

     

    If they make choices with a gauge on how it makes me feel, I am teaching them to be a co-dependent, and that their choices should NOT hurt others or make others feel bad.

     

    That is how I raised my children until they were in their teens, and now I am teaching them the opposite. To do what they want, no matter how it makes me feel.

     

    Instead their decisions have to be what they want and they are to be gauged by their own happiness not mine.

     

    And the way I am teaching this is to let them make choices that fill me with fear, trepidation, anxiety, loss, etc.  I have to let them learn who people are by themselves.  I am unable to forbid them; I have to let them go.

     

    My childhood home reflected the ways of the church, that our lives were not our own to live.  Our lives had to please and conform to another’s happiness or fall into the category of what a good Christian does and what a good child does.

     

     

    When I sit with the thoughts still about how many are unable to move independently, I greatly understand, for I too used to live this way.  Frozen unable to move for the fear of wrath to go against the mainstream of how we were raised.

     

    Unable to go against them for we are seen as bad and we fear that if we are bad enough, they will push us out and away.

     

    How binding to live this way. To be too afraid to move knowing it is going against the ideals of people in charge.

     

    As you sit, you teach your children to sit.

    As you act to please others, you teach your children to give up their lives.

     

    I know how hard it is to find a voice and use it that doesn’t match what others want or need. 

     

    But the only way I began to live free of the mental woman inside of me was to go against all that I was raised to be.

     

    To say and do things that make others unhappy for my own peace of mind, for doing what was right for me.

    To speak of things I used to be silent about.

     

    It wasn’t that I wasn’t afraid.  I was terrified, but I did it anyway.  Being fearless is knowing you are afraid, but doing it anyway.

     

    As I see so many silently sitting and knowing…I wonder when they will decide independently, that now is the time to be fearless.

     

  • My own Little Plot

    It is hard to believe that I lived a life without a self that I had disappeared from my life and had not even noticed it, for I left my life before I had a life.

     

    Without knowing I got a life of my own, I spent all my time in other people’s business, leaving my own life quite vacant.

     

    I simply didn’t live a separated life.

     

    The biggest part of myself was lived in the midst of other people’s world, what I meant to them, how I made them feel, I was an interchangeable part to them.

     

    I was a piece of them.

     

    When I latched on to a person who needed me, I came alive.

     

    Set me alone…I had no value.

     

    Having zero value by myself left me very much dependent upon others, hence the word co-dependent, for my sense of self.

     

    Finding a self that stood alone was near impossible.

    I had no definition if the words sister, mother, daughter, wife, friend were not around.

     

    Who was I to myself?

     

    I wasn’t as good a friend to me as I was to my friends, nor did I mother myself as wonderful as I tried to mother my children, nor was a good partner to myself as I was to my husband.

     

    In the end all my efforts outside of myself left me completely empty…for I ignored my self while taking care of others.

     

    Imagine 46 years with nothing to show for my self.

     

    My self had lived silently still while I toiled in people’s lives.

     

    It is like weeding and tending a garden that you are unable to eat from, leaving you starving while they enjoy the crop you took care of.

     

    Slaving over their fields while my own was over run from neglect.

     

    What freedom came when I understood we are all gardeners of our own lives, that each of us can plant the kinds of things we love, and pull up and out the things that prick us.

     

    I love my life now that I see it as my own little plot!

     

  • Selfishly I Respectfully Do Not Care!

    “I respectfully do not care!” is a new quote I heard from Martha Beck as she spoke today on the Lisa Oz radio show.

    People have told her (Martha) that in order to promote and sell books and to keep her selling herself she needs to be on facebook, twitter and the like, but doing so has made her sick, physically sick with shingles.

    She found that she can talk with her daughter, and if her daughter feels her mom says something profound, her daughter will post it online.

    Martha has total trust in her body and she was getting physically sick doing what others wanted her to do, but what wasn’t natural or feeling right for her.

    When she says, “I respectfully do not care,” it means I respect what you are saying, it’s not for me.

    I love that.

    She is following and listening to her body.

    This may be my second favorite quote from her and it validates that you heard the request, but don’t care.

    Don’t care if all are doing this, me and my body are not okay with it,

    “I respectfully do not care” almost sounds like what I tell my children. I respectfully do not care if all the kids are doing it you are not. (when the other kids parents didn’t care and we had different rules.)

    This phrase actually gives you the freedom to be an individual, to follow the signals of your body, to listen to the inner knowing, to care more about yourself than others.

    Selfishly I respectfully do not care!

  • Life Unfolds.

    Well, I quit the yoga challenge. It became more about the numbers and less about me, somehow I got lost behind the counting, the doing and forgot about me.

    The me that needs the yoga, my body, mind and soul. I forgot to view this from me; instead I was outside of me doing the yoga.

    It was a step ahead of me and I was nowhere in yoga.

    I have taken a few days off, to cleanse myself from the doing of a challenge to get back into being a lady whose body loves yoga.

    Whose body needs the yoga to feel flexible and strong, whose mind opens and breathes, and my life has a balance with yoga.

    It is about me and yoga, not yoga and me.

    This is true in all levels of my life.

    I am not sure if I can explain this correctly, but in the past all that I did created who I was, without doing I was nothing.

    I was defined daily by what I did, the doings created me.

    What I have now discovered is if I do something for reasons that are not birthed within me, I am lost from my life and in some foreign land most likely called your business.

    I believe that when my daughter’s life was in crisis, I hopped out of mine and into hers and it way threw off my balance. And during this time the yoga challenge beckoned me daily to join it, no matter my inner state of being.

    One thing led to another and it led me away from me.

    I had fallen out of my life.

    Now I am gathering me back to me.
    Letting my daughter have her life, her choices, her responsibilities and at the same time refocusing on regaining the balance within me.

    I know that my body and my day run better when I take the time at the top of the morning and breathe and work my body.

    I know that I feel best when I stay in my life and live from the inside out.

    I will selfishly bring me to my life and I will selfishly bring me to yoga.

    I arrive and life unfolds.

  • Best Valentine!

    On Happy Valentine’s Day, be the one to care for your heart; speak its truth and follow its desire, revel in its uniqueness, be grateful for its strength, celebrate its joys and find all that bring it life.

    Our hearts are our business, no one can tend to them better than us, we are the ones who know what makes them sing and twirl with happiness and what plummets them down to the depths of hell, what makes them giggle with sheer joy and fill them with lightness, be a great caretaker of your own heart.

    Take your heart on a wild adventure, show it something it loves, let it breath in Love, Peace and Joy, do something that it longs for, listen to its subtle and not so subtle wishes. Or say what it needs to say, feel what it needs to feel, allow its truth to shine forth.

    On Valentine’s Day others offer to us how much they love and appreciate us, but we too can celebrate this day by giving ourselves our hearts desire.

    Be your own best Valentine!

  • Window in Self Love

    Sitting here this morning with a visual of a scorecard and its shocking totals are prompting me to shut a door, close a window, and separate myself from those racking up the score.

    It wouldn’t be so bad if the game was close to a tie but the numbers in the Perpetrator column are 100 and the Little Girls Zero.

    This game started with my parents and continues on to the second generation, they have taken over the scorecard and adding their marks.

    Each of us carries our own scorecard and then a collective one for those we travel with, and we write upon who we are by where our hash marks go.

    Our actions are our hash marks, no words are needed, its an actions only game of life.

    I had 40 years of filling the column up with support for the Perp and his wife, I worked, lifted, carried, toiled, struggled, adding to their columns.

    They had my full undying support, my confidence, my faith, and what I called love back then…they had all of me, and I had zero.

    Zero was all I felt and all I was worth.

    My only worth came from filling up another’s column.

    It was up to me to build them up, cheer them up, help them up, make them up, hold them up, Anything to keep them from falling down.

    I was worth something If I could keep them from falling down. Like a juggler of bad behaviors, I kept trying harder the more they fell down.

    Sadly all the beefing up of their columns couldn’t make them into what I needed them to be, and in the end they fell exactly as they were, nothing changed.

    We just can’t know that we are not our brother’s keeper, we can’t make or break their lives by our actions, our actions and our scorecard is our life.

    Each of us accumulates scores by what we do.

    My actions have drastically changed, I no longer lift a finger to add anything or take away anything from another’s scorecard, I only make marks on my own.

    Don’t worry folks, I know what you feel about me, I know the sharp edges of self righteous labels you are sticking on me, the tags of uncaring, cold, heartless, mental, unstable, distant, sickening, all the names float towards me when we communicate, I get it, I receive fully your intentions and your feelings, and this is why I am shutting the window, closing the door, for I am not willing to take it anymore.

    You won, the game is over.
    I quit.

    You can’t keep racking up the scores against me If I am no longer in the game…

    My wellness, healing, happiness, peace, love and joy falter as each time I feel these energies coming towards me, it is self-abuse to keep the window open.

    I shut the window in self love.

  • Perfections of Me.

    I think trying to define love is like trying to define our unique personalities; we all have a love definition, which we formed through our experiences in life.

     

    Love for me is on the inside and is more about me, where before it was an outside need and all about you.

     

    There has been a total switch in my definition of love.

     

    Before I felt love by what others brought me, I was empty of love unless and until another showed me some love. 

     

    I was empty and I would do almost anything to get some love.  I was a people pleaser to fill my container called love. 

     

    Now I feel love from the inside out.

    I am full of love inside.

     

    Love of me and all the different layers, stages and ages that make up me.

     

    I sit with great compassion and empathy of my journey to love me.

     

    It has taken many years to look at me, all the nooks and crannies, the dark side and the light, to see all the facets of myself and to become friendly with them or at least meet them with understanding, little by little trusting and loving me.

     

    I am sure there are still parts of myself I haven’t explored, even sections of my past that lay buried, yet with each new lesson returns another aspect of my self that was long ago sacrificed.

     

    Sacrificed for another’s love, another’s happiness, another’s dream.

     

    Each sacrifice took away a part of me.

    Until there was nothing left for me to love.

     

    I will no longer sacrifice my feelings for you, my happiness for yours, or my truths for yours.

     

    Love without sacrifice means loving myself enough to move away…

     

    To steer clear of things that hurt me then and now, to speak my truths, to be honest with my feelings, to protect my happiness and my dreams.

     

    Love is the freedom to be myself.

    Love loves my imperfections until they become my perfections of me.