I M Perfect lady

Tag: our

  • How we were treated.

    I listened to the book, "The Voice of Knowledge" by Janet Mills and Don Miguel Ruiz, and found this part to hit close to home.

    "When we discover that we are not what we believe we are, the foundation of our entire reality begins to collapse. The whole story loses its meaning, and this is very frightening."

    " I was not afraid in the desert that night. But when I recovered, I felt fear because nothing in my story was important any longer and I still had to function in the world. Later, I discovered that I could rewrite the story of my life.  I could recover the structure of what I believed and rebuild it without the lies.  Then life went on as it did before, but the lies no longer ruled my life."  

    What I too recall is that you are left without a place to put your faith, you no longer can support the lies, yet you haven't rebuilt your life without lies.  

    The difference between a structure of lies and a structure of truth is so completely different…

    You may think of 'the lies' having to be big, but the little ones you park your faith behind are equally as devastating to your life…when you believe them.

    I discovered thousands of lies that I had built my life upon.  He writes about two rules to avoid getting caught up in lies.

    "Don't believe yourself and don't believe anybody else – all of the lies that come from the voices of knowledge won't survive your skepticism.  Being skeptical is not about being judgmental; it is not about taking the position that you are more intelligent than others. You just don't believe, and what is true will become obvious. This is very interesting because the truth survives your skepticism even if you don't believe it. That is the beauty of the truth. The truth doesn't need anybody to believe it.  The truth is still the truth whether or not you can believe it.  Can we say the same about lies? No, lies only exist because we believe them.  If we don't believe in lies, they simply disappear." Don Miguel

    Isn't it amazing that by not believing yourself or others, the truth will rise to the surface, for the truth doesn't need anyone to believe it, it just is.

    By removing your faith in what you believe, you are then putting your faith in what you don't believe…but what is.  I am not certain I can articulate this, so I highly recommend reading this book.

    But, in my own life, there were great big lies that I put my faith behind, and those lies had baby lies that I put my faith behind and I didn't allow any of my faith to be used for the truth.

    It seems we are given only so much faith, and if we invest it in lies, it leaves little faith for the truth.

    When I withdrew my faith in the lies…I had ample faith to then put into what was the truth. 

    He further writes, "Many lies enslave us, but only one thing can free us, and it's the truth.  Only truth can set us free from the fear, the drama, and the conflict in our lives.  This is the absolute truth, and I cannot put it more simply than that."

    "The Voice of Knowledge rules your life, and it is a tyrant. If you refuse to obey that voice, it becomes quieter and quieter, and speaks to you less and less until it no longer controls you.  When the voice loses power over you, lies no longer rule your life, and you become authentic again."

    "The Voice of Knowledge is not real.  Before you learn to speak, your brain is like a perfect computer, but without a program.  when you are born you don't know a language.  It takes several years for your brain to mature enough to receive a program. Then the program is introduced to you mainly through your parents, as well as other people around you. They hook your attention and teach you the meaning of words.  You learn to speak, and the program goes inside you little by little by agreement.  You agree, and now you have a program."

    "Well, if you are the computer, then the knowledge is the program.  Everything you know, all of the knowledge in your head, was already in the program before you were born.  I can assure you that none of us ever has an original idea.  Every letter, every word, every concept in your belief system is part of the program, and that program is contaminated with a virus called lies."

    "There's no need to judge the program as good or bad or right or wrong. Even if we don't like the program, nobody is guilty for sharing it with us. It's just the way it is, and it's wonderful because we use the program to create our stories.  But who is running our life?  The program!  The program has a voice, and it's lying to us all the time."

    "How can we know what the truth is when almost everything we have learned is a lie?  How can we recognize what is real in us?  Well, it took some time for me to find out, but I found out. Our emotions are real.  Every emotion that we feel is real, it is the truth, it is.  I discovered that every emotion comes directly from spirit, from our integrity; it is completely authentic."

    "You cannot fake what you feel. You can try to repress your emotions, you can try to justify what you feel or lie about what you feel, but what you feel is authentic.  It is real, and you are feeling it. There is nothing wrong with whatever you feel. There are no good or bad emotions; there is nothing wrong with anger or jealousy or envy. Even if you are feeling hate, it comes from your integrity.  Even if it's sadness or depression that you are suffering, if you feel it, there is always a reason for feeling it."

    "I discovered something very interesting about the human mind, something logical and important to understand. Everything you perceive causes an emotional reaction – everything.  If you perceive beauty, your emotional reaction is wonderful; you feel great.  When you are hurt, your emotional reaction is not so great.  But you perceive not just the outside world; you perceive the virtual world you create in your head.  You perceive not only your feelings, but your knowledge – your own thoughts, judgments, and beliefs. You perceive the voice in your head, and have an emotional reaction to that voice."

    "Now the question is this; What is the voice in your head telling you? How many times has it told you, "God, I'm so stupid, how could I do that? I will never learn!" The voice of knowledge judges you, you perceive the judgment, and you have an emotional reaction.  You feel the shame; you feel the guilt. The emotion is true, but what causes the emotion, which is the judgment that you are stupid, is not true; it's a story.  Again, this is just action-reaction.  What is the action? The action is the perception of your point of view, which means the perception of your own judgment. What is the reaction? Your feelings are the reaction, and you react to lies with emotional poison."

    "Let's see if we can understand this a little better.  Imagine that you have a dog. As you know, the dog is just a dog, and it's a perfect dog, isn't it?  But what happens if you abuse the dog?  What if every time you see the dog, you kick the dog?  Very soon the dog will be afraid.  You can see the emotions coming from the dog.  It is angry; it might try to bite you or run away.  Is there something wrong with the dog's emotions? Does the dog's anger make the dog evil? No, the dog's reaction is just the result of being abused. The emotion is helping the dog to defend itself.  It comes from the dogs integrity."  Don Miguel

    What I love about the way he breaks this down is that we are programmed to believe in lies and taught how to act by how we were treated.  

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  • What we endured.

    From Martha Beck's book, Leaving the Saints
    "All my life, I'd read and reread a thousand religious epigraphs to the effect that "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."  I'd always been told this had to do with joining the true religion, learning the true description of the Holy Trinity, memorizing the true Commandments.  Now, with that gong like tone thrumming through me, it all seemed so much simpler.  The truth I needed to be free was simply the reality of my own life: This is what I feel.  This is what happened to me. To know these small truths was to know myself; to speak them was to connect with my real self, other human beings, and God."
    Martha was told by many people she was not allowed to tell her story of abuse, that the church's reputation was on the line, that her father needed to be held up as a pillar of its community, that many mormon spiritual lives depended upon her silence… except one woman came to her.
    "Martha…I don't believe God would ever ask anyone to endure that sort of thing without talking about it.  No one. No matter what."  Her voice when through me like an arrow, through all the pain and confusion and fear to something at my very center. My body filled up with a kind of resonance, like one of the huge gongs I'd seen in Shinto shrines that make the air throb when they ring.  It shattered my reserve, and as usual, I started crying.  Rosemary just sat there, not a shred of tension or resistance in her presence.  "Was it your father?" she asked, quietly.  I covered my face with my hands to keep myself from falling apart, but it was like trying to protect a sand castle from high tide. "I didn't tell you!" I gasped, when I could speak.  "Where did you hear that?"  She shrugged and tapped her chest. I felt that sense of resonance again, crumbling all the barriers of my mind.
     "You can't tell anyone!" I whispered.  "And I can't tell anyone! Ever! I can't!"  
    "Martha, listen to me."  Rosemary's voice was no louder, but it had taken on a peculiar intensity.  I remember thinking that I should pay close attention. I was right. The next three words Rosemary Douglas spoke changed my life forever.  The moment she said them, I knew that this was the stable patch of earth in the landslide, the single great spiritual truth upon which I could build my life now that all other foundations had proven frail and uncertain. The words weren't God loves you, or Jesus is Lord, or Keep the faith.
    Rosemary put her hand on mine, looked right in my soggy eyes and said, "You are Free."
    We are not free until we can speak our story, to tell of our experiences…and sadly we wait for the permission of those who hurt us.  What a great gift this woman gave her, to say, "I don't believe God would ever ask anyone to endure that sort of thing without talking about it.  No one. No matter what."
    At times this blog feels as if I don't have the right.  But I agree with Rosemary, we must talk about what we endured.

  • I have listened.

    I had a wise voice talk to me, reminding me of the lay of the land or the overview of us all talking on the blogs, and that there is room for everyone.

    Her message struck me as totally on target, and I could see how there are folks who are not ready to say their name, to be ‘out’ here like I am.

    That in order to talk to them, I may have to duck back in and speak in the dark, until they feel okay to meet with me ‘out’ here.

    I had used the term, “being in the closet” and it does sometimes feel that there are not only abused people hiding in there, too afraid to talk about their abuse, but it seems too that there are abusers hiding there as well.

    Meaning under the cloak of secrecy, and for different reasons, they are all hiding who they really are.

    What I failed to appreciate is that while I am trying to yank them out here to be with me, I need to meet them half way. 

    It is not helpful to be forceful.  Our tug-o-war was getting us nowhere.

    While I am yelling louder they are shrinking further back and that isn’t what I wanted this blog to be about.

    I do want it to be a place for all.

    My fear was speaking to the unknown. But you have reasons I can’t know.  And if I want to hear your side, I must allow you to be in the dark.

    The trick here is to speak from our side and not assume the others position.

    If we position each sentence or feeling with the word “I”.

    With you feeling safer in hiding and me feeling safe in full view, we can figure a way to work together. 

    I recall reading in a book about the caterpillar changing into a butterfly, if you force it to leave the cocoon too soon, its wings will be too wet to fly and it will die.

    We all fly in our own time.  I apologize for my loudness and empathic words and shouting about my journey…And me not realizing you will open the door on your journey in the right and perfect time for you.

    I have been told and I have listened…

     

     

  • I have listened.

    I had a wise voice talk to me, reminding me of the lay of the land or the overview of us all talking on the blogs, and that there is room for everyone.

    Her message struck me as totally on target, and I could see how there are folks who are not ready to say their name, to be ‘out’ here like I am.

    That in order to talk to them, I may have to duck back in and speak in the dark, until they feel okay to meet with me ‘out’ here.

    I had used the term, “being in the closet” and it does sometimes feel that there are not only abused people hiding in there, too afraid to talk about their abuse, but it seems too that there are abusers hiding there as well.

    Meaning under the cloak of secrecy, and for different reasons, they are all hiding who they really are.

    What I failed to appreciate is that while I am trying to yank them out here to be with me, I need to meet them half way. 

    It is not helpful to be forceful.  Our tug-o-war was getting us nowhere.

    While I am yelling louder they are shrinking further back and that isn’t what I wanted this blog to be about.

    I do want it to be a place for all.

    My fear was speaking to the unknown. But you have reasons I can’t know.  And if I want to hear your side, I must allow you to be in the dark.

    The trick here is to speak from our side and not assume the others position.

    If we position each sentence or feeling with the word “I”.

    With you feeling safer in hiding and me feeling safe in full view, we can figure a way to work together. 

    I recall reading in a book about the caterpillar changing into a butterfly, if you force it to leave the cocoon too soon, its wings will be too wet to fly and it will die.

    We all fly in our own time.  I apologize for my loudness and empathic words and shouting about my journey…And me not realizing you will open the door on your journey in the right and perfect time for you.

    I have been told and I have listened…