When I fell over the line into a place of feeling good about myself, I then realized I hadn’t ever felt that before, alone.
It was as if I was feeling something about myself I had never felt, just between me and me.
Usually the ‘feeling’ good was a false sense, for it needed somebody or something besides me to help me get there.
This time it was just me.
Co-dependent good feelings are really hard to maintain and harder to believe to the depth of your being, perhaps because you know that half of the feeling good feeling is in the car, the shirt, the body size, the husband, the house, the friend; an outside source, holds half.
So maybe it is fair to say I half way felt good.
And there is a slight but huge difference between feeling good about a body, or feeling a pain free body, and the feeling of feeling good.
I know this may sound confusing, but if you look at how I began yoga to make the pain in my body go away, and by doing that, other side affects happened.
My body began not only to feel different, (no pain) it also felt stronger, leaner, and was now changing shape in a good way, and there was no outside source! I was doing this!
I was working myself, with myself, for myself, by myself, and in the end I found myself being pleased with myself, feeling good about myself, by myself.
I lived for so long feeling good with another, but lost half or more when the other went away, when the task was complete, when the car turned old, when the style faded, as the body lost its shape, I had to always have my eyes searching for the next supply of ‘feeling good’ feelings!
Maintaining a feeling of feeling good seemed hopeless, for it always faded away like the sun falling into the horizon at night, leaving you wanting it to return, until it arose shining upon you again pouring good feelings inside.
Like a spoiled needy child, I was forever seeking ways for others to feed me my feel good feelings, and my appetite was bottomless.
It seems like I was born hungry for feelings of feeling good; I can’t seem to remember a Me that was full of feeling good.
With tears rolling down my cheeks as Bikram sang his song, I knew I wasn’t hungry no more; I was full of feeling good in Me.
I M Perfect lady 